And the things that keep us apart
Keep me alive
And the things that keep me alive
Keep me alone
...
Naruto finds himself staring at her, in hidden spaces of time that he makes sure no one sees. He has long since memorized the soft, pale planes of her face. Interwoven with pockets of hardened innocence and unearthly kindness. He thinks she is beautiful every day, and is grateful he somehow never tells her.
Naruto knows he and Sakura-chan fit together perfectly. Like two pastels, they fit. He knows it makes sense too, they've been together for as long as he can remember, she is a steady thing in his life, always there, anchoring him by the pads of his feet to the very soil of the Earth. He knows he loves her enough, has loved her for longer than enough. He knows he would treat her better than anyone else.
Naruto also knows that everyone pities him for it, because pretty little Sakura will never be with stupid obnoxious Naruto. No she has long since been someone else's. They all know, but will never bring it up, except maybe Shikamaru when he catches him sometimes with something in Naruto's eyes, and looks at him like he knows. And he supposes Shikamaru does know, because Shikamaru knows everything. Naruto knows this too, knows that Sakura will never love him, after all this time he really would be stupid not to. He also knows this will never stop him.
...
When Sakura looks at Sasuke after he comes back in a way she has never looked at Naruto he cant help but hate him. As much as he can't help but feel whole once again. Sakura will always love Sasuke, Naruto will always love Sakura, and Sasuke will always love himself.
_._
In between training and lunches at Ichirakus, and slow mendings of what the three of them once were Naruto notices Sakura becoming happy once again. In a way she never was when it was just him. It could only ever be Sasuke for her, and Naruto hates her for it. Hates that he can't stop loving her.
_._
Naruto is not as stupid as everyone thinks. He understands that Hinata-chan loves him, not the way he loves Sakura, no, never the way he loves Sakura, but enough to risk her life for him. And he thinks if he can't make himself happy, he may as well make her happy, because she reminds him of himself. So he kisses her one night, in a dark alley, long and hard and tries to convey that though it will never be enough he will give her everything he can. He feels rather than sees her face reddening like a tomato, it feels like molten lava against his cheeks. It is not until after that he notices the cherries she was holding, now scattered and bruised and splattered and staining the cold asphalt beneath their feet. She looks at him with wonder in her face. Naruto tries to forget the aching in his heart.
It is not a week later when he sees Sakura and Sasuke together, and is ashamed with the realization that they must have waited for him because they must have pitied him too. And he has never hated himself any less.
Naruto gives Hinata everything he can, as he had promised, it is his way of the ninja after all. He always holds her hand, and goes straight to her when he comes back from missions bloody and bruised, and makes love to her soft and slow and looks straight into her eyes, and silently hopes she doesn't see what is really behind them.
Naruto has noticed that since he has been with Hinata Sakura-chan no longer sees him as much, though he realizes she must be occupied having everything she ever wanted with Sasuke. And when he walks towards her apartment one night after a difficult mission he swears to himself it is only because she is the best healer in all of Konoha and for nothing else. The moan that rips through his ears and the silent night and the red eyes he sees glaring into his make him run. Faster than he thought possible with four broken ribs and a torn patella, but he sees red and the kyuubi's lungs are more than enough.
Deep in the middle of the forest he promises himself he will force himself to forget her. The part of his heart that will always be hers shatters, and Naruto is left with only half of one, dimming and weak in his chest.
The next day Sakura doesn't come to training and Sasuke takes him by surprise when he tells Kakashi that no he will not be sparring Sai but Naruto instead. Naruto is by no means surprised, and is anxious for an outlet this quiet rage inside him he can't seem to dispel. Sasuke holds nothing back, as does Naruto, and though they are ripping each other apart and this was only meant to be a simple spar Kakashi stands back because he sees the redness in Sasuke's eyes and the furrow of Naruto's brow, and he understands there are some things that aren't meant to be interfered with.
Far from ear shot Naruto asks Sasuke what is wrong because his accidental stumble into his and Sakura's late night rendezvous could never have angered him this much.
"Your name." Sasuke snarls.
Naruto looks at him with confusion, and barely dodges the kunai Sasuke tries to slash across his throat and finds himself pinned beneath swirling red eyes.
"She screamed your name."
Naruto swears the entire world has gone silent in that moment, and a profound sense of dawning comes into his face.
"Not mine." Sasuke whispers vehemently with a death grip on his throat and the last thing he sees before everything is blackness is red.
Naruto wakes up in the same place hours later, disorientated and sore, but with a quiet hope he hasn't known for longer than he can remember. So he finds her.
It is with a great hatred to whoever controlled the cosmic universe that they should find such great amusement in his life that they should make it so the one person he found her with was Hinata-chan. Naruto stops in front of them quietly, unsure of what to say, when Sakura looks at him with tears in her eyes and runs off, dropping the basket of fruit she was holding with a dull thud. He stares at Hinata, torn and unprepared and guilty and so utterly incapable.
She only smiles and touches his cheek, "Go, Naruto-kun."
"Hinata-" He starts.
"You gave me everything you could Naruto-kun."
"Hinata-chan-" He tries again.
"That was all I wanted, and I'm grateful. It would be selfish of me to ask for anymore." She placates him.
"You selfish?" Naruto manages to splutter out, shaking his head.
The woman in front of him laughs softly.
"Hurry, before you miss her Naruto-kun."
Naruto notes the determination in her eyes and the stubborn set of her jaw and realizes she is serious.
"Thank you Hina-chan," He says with a grin that could have split the world and gives her one last kiss on the cheek, "Thank you." And he runs off to find her. Naruto will never realize that seeing him happy was all Hinata wanted.
He turns to see onyx eyes staring into his own and heads towards where she left.
"Sakura-chan!" He screams when he sees a flash of pink at the outskirts of their village, their home.
"Get away from me!" She sobs out.
She is growing tired and Naruto has always had better stamina, and so he catches up to her.
"Stop!" He shouts and tackles her to the ground when her arm is finally within reach. He tries to ignore the way his heart leaps in his chest and keeps a firm grip on her hands, drawing them above her head and pinning her beneath him. He will not let her go anymore.
His cerulean eyes bore into her bottle-green ones and he wonders at how they seem to go on forever.
" Get off me you idiot," She whispers with tears still streaming down her porcelain face.
"No Sakura-chan, I won't." He tells her, and means it. He isn't sure he understands anything, but he wants to try.
"Why are you crying?" He tries, which only brings on a fresh batch of tears.
"Because I'm a stupid whore and an awful person!" She shouts back at him, with eyes shut tight.
"Sakura-chan," He whispers, more confused than anything.
"Naruto you don't understand anything," She finally opens her eyes to look back into his hurt ones.
"Is this about teme?" Naruto asks softly.
"No! It isn't about Sasuke! It's about you baka!" She screams at him.
"Me?" He reiterates in confusion.
"Yes you!" She huffs, and Naruto wonders at the fact that she hasn't pushed him off of her with her inhuman strength just yet.
"Why me?"
Sakura remains silent and he waits a long handful of endless moments before deciding to ask again
"Sakura-chan-"
"Because I love you," Sakura mutters so softly he must have imagined it but his heart stops anyways, and he can only stare at her with utter disbelief.
"What...what about Sasuke?" He manages.
"What about Hinata?" She spits back at him.
Suddenly everything is too much and he gets up from over her to lean against the bark the tree next to her because he no longer has the energy to hold himself up. He covers his tanned face with his hands, sudden realization dawning on him.
Everything falls into place like shattered glass. The way she stared at Sasuke was the way she looked at Kakashi or Tsunade or Ino, and never him because she didn't see him as only a friend. She went to Sasuke after he became a couple with Hinata-chan not because of pity, but jealousy,and she avoided him afterwards because she was hurt.
Suddenly a great anger boils within him.
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" He shouts at her. He had hated himself and loved her for so long in secret and given up so many times. He'd held back and endured and screamed and wanted her for so so so long.
"I..." Sakura stares at him, a little surprised and a little sad, but never scared. Not of him.
"How long?"
"Since he left." She whispers quietly and takes tentative steps toward him.
He snaps his head up to look at her face, disbelief flooding through him once again in oceans and skies and floods.
"I-I didn't think you saw me as anything other than a friend anymore." She speaks quickly.
"Eight years?"
She nods.
"Eight years is nothing Sakura-chan." He chuckles humorlessly and she stops dead in her tracks.
"I've loved you for twelve," He tells her and closes the space between them himself. Naruto tilts her chin up to look at him and he grins as he kisses her.
And as he does he feels a thousand sunbursts exploding just beneath his skin, and a thousand more when she threads her fingers in his hair and presses him closer. A shudder of breath escapes him at that and he still can't quite believe it's happening but he feels her small form wrapped up in his arms and he feels her tears on her lips become his own. And twelve years is a long time but he'd gladly wait another twelve to kiss her again, but feeling her push her lips against his the moment he pulls away for breath he realizes he doesn't have to.
.
.
.