Chapter 7

AN: Sorry I am late on the go with this chapter, folks. Hubby took me on a little getaway for a surprise this weekend, with no internet and no phone. It was awesome, but I didn't have time to inform you guys of my leaving. Sorry about that! Thanks as always for the reviews...I hurried up and put this out, so it hasn't been edited. Please forgive my mistakes...Now here we go!...

AN2: None of these products really exist, although honestly, the names of the real ones similar in nature are worse.

Derek glanced up at the clock and felt the fluttering of butterflies in his stomach in nervous anticipation. He shook his head in disbelief at what he was feeling; he hadn't had butterflies about anything in a very long time. In fact, he hadn't ever been a clock watcher before.

It was definitely a bizarre feeling, one of a very dual nature. On one hand, he was looking forward to spending a night with Penelope, teasing her about whatever kinky item she might have in her bag of goodies. The way she'd blushed so beautifully, and the way that she'd been straight up innocently curious about some of the more wicked items in the bag, had been indelibly etched in his mind. It had warmed him and made him smile.

On the other hand, after last night, he'd barely been able to sit in his car for the long drive home. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time his dick had been that hard. He was damned miserable, even after taking care of business in the shower.

He sighed. It would be worth it to help Penelope. He'd be blue, but it would be so worth it.

At that moment, Penelope popped her head in the doorway. "Ready to go?"

At the sight of her, his cock leaped to attention in his pants, answering for him. It was obviously ready to go.

Damn.

He blanched internally, hoping to God this wouldn't be a Pavlov's dog reaction every time he saw her now. That would be a damned inconvenience, considering she was his best friend, he worked with her, and she saw her multiple times daily.

Willing himself to calm down, he smiled at her. "Hell, yes. Let's go."

"You think this would be tasty on toast?" he said, his lips quivering on the verge of a smirk. He was holding up a tube of Bangin' Berry Lubricating Jelly, while at the same time wiggling his eyebrows.

She couldn't help but grin at him, great multitasker that he was.

They were having a blast with all the erotic ointments, powders, and creams they found in the bag. Most of the names were ridiculous, although very to the point. There was no way anyone could doubt what this stuff was for.

"Probably would be as tasty as this one," she replied, holding up a tube of Go Bananas Erection Enhancer.

He frowned in curiosity at that one. "Let me see that…"

"No, no," she said, holding it away from him. "Mine."

"I just want to know how it can enhance my erection," he said, not bothering to hide his smirk.

"Here; I'll read it," she replied. She cleared her throat and held the tube. "Bring out the ape in him by smoothing this banana flavored lotion on his banana…"

She paused and arched a brow at him."Very clever, aren't they?"

He snorted. "Very."

"The lotion creates a numbing sensation, which makes him last longer than it takes a green banana to ripen." She looked up at him. "Interested?"

"Baby Girl…"I'm not an early shooter. No trigger problems here, I can assure you that," he answered with offended arrogance.

She hid a smirk. Men were so sensitive about these things.

"Okaaay….I'll find a different one." She shuffled into the pile and found one that made her grin. "Oooh! How about this one?" She held up a jar of Pecker Pepper.

He started to hoot in laughter. "What the…?"

"The capsaicin in this gel provides a fantastic heat and tingling, bringing sensations"-

"Yeah, the sensation my dick is on fire," he interrupted, looking aghast. "Are they nuts? Ouch!"

"Chicken," she responded, putting the little jar aside.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, his eyebrow arched at her in challenge. "And you would want to try Minty Muffin?"

She looked at him, feeling wary. "What is that?"

He cleared his throat in a similar achedemical fashion like she had, and began reading. "This double strength menthol cream stimulates the clit, making the love button in your love muffin electric."

She winced. "Double strength?"

"Hey, turnabout is fair play," he said nonchalantly. "If I get a burning dick, you get a burning pussy."

Penelope felt her cheeks heat immediately. All evening, through dinner, and even through the first part of the pile, she was able to handle this conversation. She was certain she was going to be fine and be able to look at this like they were researching anything...

But hearing Derek mention clit and dick and finally pussy was too much for her sensibilities to take.

"Ummm…"

"Hey," he said not even looking at her. He was too busy digging in the pile to retrieve another tube. "What do you think of this? It's a nipple and lip balm."

Her cheeks had mellowed by the time he looked back at her. She was grateful for that. She watched as he cracked the tube open.

"Hey!" she said. "I have to pay for that."

He put his fingertip in it, spread it on his lips, and made a loud smacking noise. "Strawberry. Not bad. Wanna try?"

She watched as he held it out to her, an enticing grin on his lips, but she still hesitated.

"Oh, come on," he said, nudging her with his elbow. "We gotta try some of this stuff."

That brought back the pink to her cheeks. Oh, she wanted to try it all right! Last night, she was sorely tempted to try the dildo with the hopping rabbit. She was horny as hell, and still regretfully single, but she hadn't turned off of Hopeful Street onto Desperation Row yet.

Then again, sometimes she simply needed to call a spade a spade...

She reached for the jar, and put her fingertip in it.

"I did the lips; you try it on the nipples," he added with an eyebrow waggle.

"Not with you here," she replied, giving him a look again, and smearing the balm on her lips. It wasn't bad.

He pouted. "What fun is that?"

She laughed. "You already cost me fourteen dollars for that stuff, don't make me madder at you."

"Oh, no," he said, reaching into his back pocket. He withdrew his wallet. "I'll buy that."

"Derek"-

"In fact," he interrupted. "I will be your first five hundred dollar show. You and I will buy some stuff and road test it."

"What!"

He rolled his eyes and pulled a face at her. "Not together. Privately, of course."

"I know," she said, pouting.

Sighing heavily, he tossed the jar on the pile. "Baby Girl, lighten up. You are really no fun."

She thought about it for a second. He was right. She was being no fun, and a kind of a... prude.

Since when was Penelope Garcia a prude?

So, she was stuck selling sex toys. She wasn't stuck being a hooker or some other awful thing. She needed to get off her pity pot and lighten up about this stuff. Beside, if she were being completely honest, she was downright curious about some of this stuff. When else would she get a chance to sample these things? The last lovers she'd had hadn't been very creative in the sack. She could do this, broaden her horizons, have a whole lotta fun, and come like she'd never come before.

"Okay, Hot Stuff," she said, tossing him the jar of Pecker Pepper with a teasing grin. "Now you can be a literal hot stuff."

He chuckled. "Okay, I'll try it, but I don't think I need it."

"Why?"

"Honestly?" he said, and she noticed he started to blush.

She nodded.

He sighed and chuckled again. "Woman, I have been so damned hot and horny since we started looking at all this stuff, cold showers are not cutting it. I don't think I need anything to make me any hotter."

She gave him a knowing grin. "I could kinda tell; you've been very antsy, sweet cheeks."

"Oh, and you haven't been turned on at all?" he archly asked. "Thinking of all the fun you could have with this stuff?"

Willing her cheeks not to heat, she answered honestly, "To take the words from you…hell, yes."

They both laughed together for a moment, smiling at each other like they normally did when they were together, but then...that awkward silence returned. She couldn't help but think about him, a very willing partner, right there...

Watching him, she saw that Derek's dark eyes were a shade darker, his smile a shade more seductive, and at that moment Penelope realized…

They were playing with fire.

"I should really head to bed," she announced, standing up quickly, and then she realized what she'd said. "I didn't…I mean… Oh, man!"

His smile was gentle as he placed his finger across her lips. "Hush, sweetie. I know what you meant. It's late. I'd better be going."

Reaching for the Pecker Pepper and a few other creams, he gathered them in one arm, and stood. They walked to the door together and he reached to caress her cheek with his free hand. "See you at work tomorrow."

She nodded. "Goodnight, Derek."

"Night, baby."