A/N: Hello Everyone! I have to say, you all surprised me with how much you liked the slightly violent Edward at the end. Poor Edward, he is coming unhinged. Thank you to my wonderful beta PisceanPal23 who rocks my world with her help! To all those thst reviewed...I am humbled. Thank you for your kind words and inspiration, it means a lot. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
As always, I do not own Twilight, but I do own a dog- but dont tell him that!
A Hero Falls
I stormed into the Dallas airport and skidded to a halt at the ticket counter. For some reason my phone would not make the purchase online and I was left to hope I could get on the next flight which the website told me was in forty five minutes.
"Welcome to Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport, how may I be of service to you?" The bored attendant at the counter barely looked at me as she delivered her highly routine and boring lines.
"The first flight to Rio, please." I watched as her fingers flew over her keyboard.
"The next one is leaving in three hours. Would you like me to book you a seat?"
"I thought there was one leaving in forty five minutes." My exasperated tone finally made her look up. My, my, he is a hottie. I would fly to Rio with him anytime. The coy, but over-zealous smile made my stomach turn. However, if a little dazzling could get me on the flight leaving in mere minutes, I was not opposed to using her eagerness to good use.
Leaning in close, I whispered to her, "I really would like to be on the next flight if you could arrange it for me. I would be extremely grateful for your help." I exhaled slightly and gave her a timid smile. That always seemed to work on my love; she had accused me of doing this on purpose numerous times against her. I smiled even more at the memory.
Her eyes glazed over and her breathing turned ragged. Slowly she began to type the flight information in, yet I could already see what the answer would be; no seat available.
"I am sorry sir; there are no seats available on that flight. I can book you on the next one, First Class."
Without another word I gave her my card and within a few minutes I had my ticket in hand and I was clearing security. I entered into the First Class lounge and fell into the nearest chair. I was worried about the next few hours and how I was going to fill the time. Before I could think through the ramifications of my actions, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed.
"Edward, how are you?" The calm voice of my pixie of a sister was soothing beyond words. "It's nice to hear from you."
"Hey Alice." Suddenly, words escaped me. What did I want to say, or more importantly, what should I say to her?
"I'm in Dallas," I blurted out. "I tracked Victoria down here and got information that she's headed to Rio. That's where I'm going as well. My flight leaves in a few hours." The words erupted from me in a violent burst. I was sure that Alice was well aware of where I was, but I hated the idea of silence between us.
"How is everyone doing? What have you been up to?" Desperate longing for any news of my family left me stunned. I hated that I was away from them, but I hated the necessity of it all even more. I closed my eyes in silent resignation of my impossible dilemma.
I listen with rapt attention as Alice filled me on the comings and goings of my family. There were the classes that Carlisle was teaching and liking more than he thought, the historical house Esme was in the middle of renovating. I was a bit saddened to learn that Emmett and Rosalie were gone on another honeymoon. A small part of me wondered if they left because of me and the mess I left behind. However, I was unwilling to discover the true reasons for their departure from the family and Alice was kind enough to keep it from me. Lastly she talked about the philosophy classes Jasper was taking and how much he enjoyed them. I knew most of this information from a conversation I had with Esme a few months ago, but I did not care. It also didn't escape my attention that she did not mention what she had been up to.
"What about you little sis, what trouble have you been causing?" I tried to interject humor into my voice, but it felt off. There has been nothing funny about my life the last few months so I was hard pressed to be in a laughing mood.
The silence on the other end was deafening. I knew that I left things in an awful way between us and I knew that I would have to work hard to gain her trust and affection back, but I was hoping that she would throw me a life line. I have no doubt she knew what an emotional mess I had been from time to time. All I wanted to hear was that she was ok. Was that too much to ask?
A soft sigh escaped before she finally spoke, "I have been researching my past and found out quite a lot." Her voice was soft and sad which meant the things she found were not good.
"Do you want to talk about it? I have some time before my flight leaves." I could do this for her, it would be a small gesture to start making up for all the times I had screwed up when it came to my sister.
A few more seconds passed before she launched into her tale. I listened as she talked about the asylum where she was admitted. She went on to say she found a death certificate and how her supposed date of death was one and the same as her asylum admittance. She had found living relatives and that she has a niece. But underneath it all, I heard the sadness and the confusion in her words. She was no closer to understanding what led to her being abandoned by her parents. I knew words could do little to console her so I said the only thing I thought would matter to her.
"You will always be my sister and I will always love you."
"Thanks. I will let everyone know that you called. We are going out hunting tonight. Before I go, you will have about four hours of darkness when you land to search then it will be sunny for the next few days."
"Thanks for looking out for me. I don't always deserve you doing that for me."
"No, you don't, but it won't stop me from looking. Talk to you soon. Miss you."
"Miss you, as well. All of you." With that the phone clicked off and I was left alone all over again. Not knowing what to do to fill the time, I went to the bathroom to change clothes and went in search for some new ones. I hoped that Alice would see and it would make her happy to see me in designer clothes once again.
With a little more than an hour to kill, I pulled out my phone to map the shore area of Rio. I wanted my search to be just as methodical as all my previous searches. I was narrowing down on Victoria and I was determined that she not escape me again. Shortly after I finished mapping the shores of Rio, I was called to board my flight. Now my biggest worry is what I would do for the next eleven hours.
I was lucky that the first couple of films were action ones and I could get lost in the blood and guts of it all. Afterwards most of the passengers settled in for the night to sleep away the rest of the flight and I was alone with my thoughts. I feigned sleep mostly to keep the female flight attendants from attending to me. Their thoughts were bordering on the grossly obscene and it made me ache for my angel. So, I closed my eyes instead and thought back to the summer, I pulled out a harmless memory, one that would allow me to spend time not only with my family but my angel as well.
"Edward, Emmett's going to say something if he sees me in this thing!" Her voice was soft, concerned and desperate. I looked over the navy one piece bathing suit Alice had gotten for her for today. It shimmered in the filtered sunlight as we stood in the kitchen. I wanted to tell her how stunning she looked in it, but I knew that would not help matters.
"He won't say a thing, I promise." I stared intently at her as I raised my hand to softly stroke her cheek. I listened as her heart sputtered and beat out a furious pace. I smiled slightly at her reaction.
"Fine, you win. But nothing good will come out of me wearing this suit." She mumbled but I had no trouble hearing her. Giving her the crooked smile I knew she loved, I watched what was left of her resolve crumble away. We gathered our belongings and walked outside to my waiting family.
It was the Fourth of July and we were headed to a part of the river that was perfect for lounging and swimming. This was the first time Bella had joined our family in this activity and she was a little self-conscious. In a matter of seconds I had her on my back and our bags hung from my arms as we all sprinted into the forest. We arrived after running for about fifteen minutes. I placed her on the ground and once I knew she was steady, I set out to lay out our items. Seconds later there were several blankets for lying on, several fluffy towels waited for the swimmers and a radio was playing in the background. Esme was busy taking drinks from the cooler we had brought and handed one to Bella.
I sat down on one of the blankets and motioned for her to sit next to me. We watched my siblings s they ran into the water and began a furious water battle. It was a warm day and it was forecasted to get hotter and even a bit muggy. It was heaven to have Bella sit so close to me and not worrying about her getting to cold. I pulled out the sunscreen and began to apply it to her back. I remembered the first time Bella spent all day in the sun with me and the sunburn she received. Her skin was hot to the touch for close to a week. Of course she took every chance she got to snuggle up, but I was a bit angry at myself for forgetting how easily her skin could burn.
The day was perfect. Bella ate a picnic lunch and even ventured out in the water with me. It took some time, but Bella eventually relaxed in the water enough that I could be playful. The sound of her laughter as I swam below her and grabbed her only to dart away was music to my ears. I held her as we swam, and relished in the closeness of her body.
But the real fun came later at night. The entire family settled on the roof of the house as Jasper and Emmett arranged the elaborate fireworks set up. Each year the two of them worked long and hard to create a spectacular show. This year they incorporated music. I snuggled with Bella on the blanket we were sitting on. Most of my family was sitting higher on the roof of the main part of the house. I took Bella to the relatively flat surface of the porch roof. I was nervous enough having her up here, there was no way I would place her on the steeper slope.
The quiet of the night was broken by the soft strains of music and as it got louder the show truly began. The sky was alight in brilliant reds, oranges and yellows. The crackle and the bang of the fireworks were in perfect timing to the music. I watched as Bella's eye delighted in the show before us. The wonderment and awe she exuded made me love her all that much more. I could hear the music swell and knew the grand finale was next. I held her closer and we watched the end of a fantastic show. The entire family applauded Jazz and Em and they took their bows with huge smiles plastered on their faces.
Once down from the roof, Emmett lumbered over to Bella and swung her up, "Did ya like the show?"
"It was spectacular, Emmett. You guys are fantastic. But then, you guys can do anything and do it well."
"Well, it's either go big or go home, Bells." The infectious attitude of Emmett drew a breathtaking smile from Bella. Slowly we all walked over to a fire that Carlisle had started and spent the rest of the night talking and laughing. Bella got Emmett and Jasper to sing and danced with me under the stars. She fell asleep in my arms and that is where I held her for hours afterwards.
The sudden jolt of turbulence jolted me from my memory. For a few agonizing seconds I swore it felt as if I could feel her in my arms again. That night, Esme finally had to remind me to bring her upstairs where she would be more comfortable. I loved the trust and tranquility she possessed when she would sleep in my arms. It was one of a million little things I missed about being with her. Intense and acute longing swept through me, leaving me breathless.
As the plane continued onward and the miles between us grew, I had never felt more conflicted and more alone than I did right now. For the first time in months the selfish side of me squeaked that I should go check on her. Just as quickly I slammed the door on that voice and verbally reprimanded myself for entertaining the idea. I had a job to finish and nothing was going to deter me from it.
An hour later and the plane landed and I was out the airport in a flash, heading straight for the coast line. My first search focused on the southern coast. Heeding Alice's warning of only a few hours of night left, I searched from Rio to Sao Paulo. There was no sign of Victoria, but I was far from willing to give up. My plan was to search the entire Brazilian coastline if I needed to. I did not want to take a chance that I missed her because she did not directly head to Rio. On my way back I hunted where I was lucky; I found a jaguar. The blood was rich and I found I liked it immensely; it was similar to the mountain lions I preferred back home. I took down a marsh deer that crossed my path and I was fully sated once again.
I decided to stay in a hotel. It would allow me to clean up and stay among the crowds. I wanted to monitor the thoughts around me in case Victoria made an appearance. I was lucky that one of the better hotels had a room open and took it without another thought. Once cleaned up, I entered the business center and used one of the computers to search the area for anything suspicious, anything I could attribute to Victoria being in the area. Hours later and I had found nothing and I hung my head in disappointment. I wasn't sure how long I had stayed there before a timid voice broke through.
"You look sad, are you ok?" She asked in halting English. I looked up to see a young girl; she had to be no more than sixteen years old. But that was not what had me speechless; no it was the fact that she had deep brown eyes and long brown hair. In flawless Portuguese I stammered, "W-What?"
A small giggle escaped before she slapped her hand over her mouth. I was unsure what she found so funny and her only thought was that I looked sad and cute. Maybe it was my uncharacteristic stutter that she found humorous.
"Forgive me; I did not expect you to speak the language. That is why I laughed. Are you ok?" Her question was soft and her thoughts showed nothing but concern for me.
"Yes, I am sad and tired. I should retire to my room." Without saying goodbye, I fled to my room where I collapsed onto one of the beds. My breathing was suddenly labored and I felt an aching sadness creeping into my heart. It was uncanny the similarities that young girl had to my angel, she had the same deep eyes and colored hair. I wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. I left Forks to leave her behind. Now it seems everywhere I look I see her; Ellie, Sophia, and now the girl downstairs. I wanted to scream, rage, scream some more and cry at the injustice of it all. Instead, I sat on the bed and I shook. If it was possible for vampire to have an anxiety attack, I was having one.
How the day went from early morning to twilight, I was unaware. But the creeping darkness outside my window alerted to me and it was time again to go search for Victoria. This time I took to the northern shores. I ran half way up the shore before I turned around to head back. There was no trace of Victoria anywhere. Feelings of failure and despair slinked ever closer to the surface of my brain. I was so sure that once I got to Rio that it would be quick and easy to find her. Once again I was horribly wrong and arrogant. I tugged on my hair in frustration as I ran back to the hotel.
Once inside I saw the same girl from the day before. She was talking to an older woman. She did not look happy. For some inexplicable reason, I was drawn to her. I slowly came up behind them and I could hear their conversation.
"I don't want to be hear all morning momma. There is nothing to do!" the girl's voice was exasperated and resigned.
"Marta, I am sorry. But for now you need to come here before school. I don't like it any more than you. Why don't you sit and work on school work." The tone in her voice left little room for Marta to argue. With much grumblings, Marta stomped over to one of the computer desks and threw her bag down with a loud smack.
I chuckled at her expression. A deep scowl was etched across her face and her thoughts were a jumbled mess. From what I could make out, coming in the morning with her mother was part of a punishment. She was caught sneaking out of her house a few days ago and her mother could no longer trust her. Her mother worked the front desk so she was able to keep an eye on her before school. I continued to walk closer to her. On an impulse I sat down at a computer desk a few feet from her. While part of my mind was focused on searching for any clues that Victoria was here, I stared at Marta. It was easy to see when I was calm and not taken by surprise, that it was only her outward appearance that resembled my angel.
Marta's face still held the slight chubbiness of youth. Her lips were not nearly as full and her hair was a darker brown with no red highlights. He nose was slightly larger and her face was more oval. But those eyes, they were deep brown and endless. For a brief moment, I felt as if I was looking at her. It was both exhilarating and disheartening all at once. Not wanting to be caught staring I gave my complete attention to the computer screen in front of me, which sadly held little in the way of useful information. My head fell into my hands.
He looks so sad. I wonder if he will talk to me or run away again? Her thoughts were nothing but concern for me. I found it endearing and it reminded me of my angel. I gripped my head tighter, trying to stop memories from flooding my head.
"Hey, again. Care to talk?" Her voice was soft and gentle. I looked up and her smile was sweet and kind.
"I don't think I would be all that pleasant to talk to." Even to my ears I could hear the sadness. Some unknown emotion flitted across her face, I tried to read her thoughts, but all she was thinking was how sad I looked. She sat down in the chair closest to me. Through her eyes I saw how I looked. My hair was in more disarray than normal; my clothes were wrinkled and disheveled, even worn in some areas. My shoulders were hunched, my face looked haggard, but it was my eyes that shocked me, they were flat and dull. Even with them being a brownish gold, they looked haunted; there was no shine in them at all.
It was not surprising; my life and reason for existing were thousands of miles away and on a different continent. I knew that I was nothing without her, but to see how it affected my physically was startling. But it was the price I was willing to pay, my suffering and needs meant nothing if she wasn't safe and human. With a mental shake, I looked at the young girl in front of me.
She had diverted her eyes as I appraised myself. But now she turned to look at me and she smiled again. I tried to give one in return, it turned out wrong.
"My name is Marta." She blurted it out when the silence turned pressing.
"It's nice to meet you Marta. My name is Edward." She smiled brightly at my attempt to talk to her. Sensing that she was going to ask why I looked so sad, I deflected her attention elsewhere. Motioning to her book bag I inquired "Looks like you were doing some school work. How is it going?"
With a dramatic eye roll, she vented about her mom, school and what she thought was a ridiculous amount of home work. It was easy to listen to her and she required little input from me to keep talking. It helped to pass the time for me. But all too soon her mother was headed her way to see her off to school. Once again, I was alone and feeling miserable.
That was the pathetic pattern of the next couple of days. I would go and search for Victoria at night feeling more and more like a failure. I could find no trace of her and instead of feeling angry; I was more depressed and resigned. I would come back to the hotel and talk to Marta in the mornings. The days would find me huddled in my hotel room, trying desperately to keep the memories at bay, which was becoming harder and harder to do.
*FLASH*
Bella and I were at the meadow on a sunny and warm day. She is curled next to me as I read to her. I gently ran my hands through her hair as she traced random patterns on my arms.
*FLASH*
It was my birthday and she had arranged for us to have the house to ourselves, it is peaceful and quiet. Her gift to me was a charcoal drawing of herself that she had someone draw. She had it framed in a simple black frame. The picture was stunning. We hung it in my room that night and spent the rest of the night cuddled on the couch. It was the best birthday ever.
By the third night I just settled on just searching Rio. I was convinced that she went ashore somewhere other than Rio and I figured I would just look for her scent in the city. The morning came and I was waiting for Marta to come. I came to look forward to our talks. She was full of life and a vitality I had not come across in a while. Her mind was quick and smart, but she was still very much a teenage girl. Just yesterday she was telling me about some boys her friend had met and wanted Marta to meet them. Her eyes were all full of light and laughter when she talked about it.
I hated being in the hotel, I felt as if I was taking up space. So I checked out later that day and I found myself following Marta and her mother to their neighborhood. They lived in a slightly poorer area with many tenements scattered throughout. There were several that looked abandoned and I picked one that was close to Marta's home. I scaled the outside and silently climbed into the lone window in the attic. It was dusty, stale smelling and full of rodents, it was perfect for a vampire. The sun had set an hour ago so I crept back out to the city and resumed my search for Victoria.
I was vaguely aware that I was not giving it my full attention. There was no predetermined search pattern or a methodical plotting of the best areas to search. Instead, I was more aimlessly roaming the streets. Even my senses were unfocused. My mind wandered from thought to thought and then I had to block them out as the noise became too much. My eyes rarely scanned the immediate vicinity, instead they mainly focused down. I was not diligently sniffing the air looking for the telltale scent that would tell me Victoria was in the area.
Instead, my hands were fisted in the pockets of my pants, one of which housed her note. The protective plastic bag was long forgotten. I needed the physical connection of that note. It was my last connection to her and I needed to keep it close.
Before the night was over I found myself wondering back to Marta's. I watched as she played with a younger brother, her laugh was spilling out into the street. I found comfort in watching this example of everyday life and humanity. My thoughts strayed to a tiny town and the angel that lived there and wishing that she was also reveling in her humanity. That she was laughing and smiling, taking each day and finding the potential. It was all that I asked of her. As the lights went out at Marta's I left to continue roaming the city streets. I had no idea where I was going I was just putting one foot in front of the others. My mind was a tangled mess of emotions, thoughts and emptiness. I lacked the normal drive and desire to find Victoria, but without having any other purpose, I kept putting some effort into the search.
Long before the sun rose I found myself back in the attic. The swirling, chaotic emotions were threatening to break free; the panic was building in my chest. I curled into a ball as I tried to keep the tremors at bay. Frantically I pulled at my hair as the grief and longing consumed me. I had held it back for so long; I no longer had the mental fortitude to stop it. But along with the feelings came the memories.
*FLASH*
We were sitting at my piano. She was listening as I played Esme's song, her lullaby, Claire de Lune and any other requests. The look upon her face as I played was always one of awe and astonishment. She found joy in playing and I found joy in her joy. When I was done she sat on my lap and I taught her chopsticks. She laughed the entire time.
*FLASH*
I was watching her play chess with Jasper. Her face set in fierce concentration. I could see that she was in trouble and was running the risk of being checkmated in less than 5 moves. I wanted to desperately to help her. Sensing my frustration, her small hand reached over to cover mine. "Let me learn Edward." Both Jasper and Emmett chuckled.
I missed her, so very much. I was beginning to feel as if my search for Victoria was over, that I had lost her. Feelings of worthlessness and disgust at my inability to do a simple task, coupled with the fear that she was not as safe as I would like and I was awash in hopelessness. I brought her note to my face and in vain I tried to find some trace of her scent. All I found were the scents of ink and the cotton of the paper. Irrational fear that I was losing all that I had left of her crippled me. I placed it reverently on my chest, trying desperately to hold her close to me.
The next night found me once again roaming the city with no goal in mind. All around me there was noise and it furiously pounded inside my mind. I was working overtime to keep it all out; it was too much for my overly stimulated brain. Like a lifeline, her note was held tightly in my fist. The need to keep her close overrode any need to preserve what little physical mementoes I had remaining. My fingers caressed the paper as to remind me that it was real and that she is as well.
Wanting to feel useful I walked to Marta's house. She was with her mother in the kitchen washing dishes and they smiling. It was such simplicity. For so long in my existence I longed for simplicity. Instead I was granted monotony and boredom. Then she breezed into my life and I found peace and a sense of tranquility. It was simplicity and it was perfect. I slid down the wall of Marta's house and listened in on their nightly routine.
*FLASH*
Alice had arranged another 'sleepover' and I watched as Bella performed her nightly routine. She took her shower and applied lotion to her slightly damp skin. She brushed her teeth and sat on my couch as she brushed her hair. Silently I sat down beside her and took the brush from her hands and gently brushed her hair. The scent of strawberries was heavy in the air and only got stronger with each stroke of the brush. When it was smooth I carefully braided her hair. "You braided my hair?" she asked softly in amazement. Shrugging I replied, "I had Alice teach me." Her kiss of thanks warmed my chest inside and out.
A tightness that I had never felt constricted painfully on my chest. I drew in deep gulps of air as I felt suffocated. No matter what I did or how hard I tried to breathe, the tightness never abated. I pulled myself upright and stumbled towards my attic. Once there I sunk to my knees and let the panic overtake me.
*FLASH*
I walk into the living room to find that Bella was sitting on Emmett's legs and Alice was holding his feet steady while Bella painted them blinding neon pink. After the shock of seeing such a bizarre sight I begin to laugh, loudly. "What is going on in here?"
"Emmett lost a bet to me and this is his punishment." Bella's beaming smile was breathtaking.
Turning towards Emmett, "What did you bet her?"
"That she wouldn't be able to put thirty marshmallows in her mouth. But she cheated!" His voice was loud and obstinate.
A loud giggle made me turn towards Bella, "No, I did not cheat. It's not MY fault you did not specify the size of the marshmallows." She pointed to the bag of mini marshmallows and winked at me.
"She got ya Em, fair and square." I had never loved her more.
*FLASH*
It was a rainy Saturday afternoon and we were alone at her house. After a few movies, Bella decided she wanted to make cookies and I wanted to help. Together we mixed, measured and scooped out cookie dough. I was concentrating on spacing the cookies on the baking sheet when suddenly Bella through flour at me. The twinkle in her eye made me smile. Not wanting to be outdone, I flung a spoonful of dough and it landed on the side of her face with a loud splatter. In seconds a mini food fight broke out. We were both caught up in it, I failed to notice that Charlie was home and he walked into a huge mess in the kitchen. It took us a few hours to clean it up and we only ended up with a dozen cookies.
When awareness found me once again, it was dark outside. I stared at the dingy window, trying to determine if I wanted to go outside. Half of me argued what the point would be. I would not find Victoria, I would never find her. The other part refused to give into failure, that I had promised I would make this world safe for her. I owed it to her. It was that part that won out. I have said it before and I will say it again: I would do anything for her, suffer any hurt, and drag my unwilling body to the ends of the earth all in the hopes of making her safe. She owned me heart, body, and mind, and if I still possessed a soul, she would have owned that as well.
I found myself once again meandering aimlessly. What was I looking for, what was I doing out here? Prolonging the inevitable; your failure at keeping her safe. I wanted to argue with that side, but really, why bother, it was true. Fear and panic flooded my veins. Needing to feel something that was real, I reached for her note. By now it was beyond crumbled, I had gripped it tightly too many times in the past few weeks. The edges were worn and the creases from where I have unfolded it were deep. I kept it in my hand, needing proof that she was real.
Hours later found me wondering through the forest that touched the city. I wasn't hungry and I had no real need to be here but it was where my feet took me. The rain which was soft just moments ago was gaining in momentum. The thick canopy of the trees kept me sheltered, but I did not care. Lightning streaked across the sky and thunder shook the earth and fell to my knees.
In here, where it was dark except the occasional flash of lightning, I saw the metaphor of my life. I lived in darkness, and then came my own personal storm. She was bright and quick and just as beautiful. But like all storms, they eventually end and now I found myself in the darkness. But now I saw the darkness for what it was; fear, desolation, pain and damnation. The rain drops of this storm did not bath me in warmth; they only melded with the coldness of my skin. But her storm, it was warmth and light and calming. It was everything about her that made me come alive, her smile, laugh, her touch, her heart, her kisses and her love. They cocooned me with such tenderness that I wanted to weep.
It was here, months later and alone in the Brazilian forest, when I fully comprehended the damage I inflicted with my lies in September. I knew they were lies then, but now I could see the damage they could do. I ripped the away the comforting blanket of our love. I tarnished it with the lies that fell from my lips. No matter the cost to me to think them and to say them, she had to hear them.
The sudden pain that ripped through made me scream out. Was there anything left for the pain to eat away at? I felt full of holes and the space that held my dead heart was useless, rendered to ashes already. So why did it feel as if it was breaking into a million pieces? I pounded the ground in frustration. I raged against everything and nothing all at once.
The need to escape was overwhelming. I was suffocating, everything was pressing in closer and I felt caged in. So I ran. I pushed myself up from the ground hard and fast. The rain poured through the trees making me feel as if I was in my own bubble and I hated it. I did not want to feel closed in- or was it closed off? Either way, I wanted to feel free and so I continued to run.
It could have been minutes later or hours even, I was not sure, when I smelled something familiar and my body froze instantly. It was the distinct smell of vampire and more than one. But even more interesting there was the smell of human and it was vaguely familiar. I gave no thought to why I headed in the direction of those scents, I just did. For as long as I will live, I wished I had run in the other direction.
Silently I crept closer to where the smells were coming from. They were in a small clearing and there was a small fire going. I spotted the two vampires easily. The fire glinting off their skin gave them an almost ethereal appearance. I could not make out human from here; they had their back to me. The rain was masking my scent and I was cautious where I stepped. A group of thick ferns close to the clearing was a perfect spot to observe the group. I flashed quickly and silently to the fern and as I reached them the quiet of the night was broken by a scream. It was a scream of pain and death.
Through the ferns I watched as both vampires held the human in their arms and bent over the body. From my hiding place I could hear the sucking of their mouths and the rushing of the blood. It was then that I noticed there was another human, a female and she was dead. The body was covered in multiple and vicious bite marks. I averted my eyes back to the horrific scene in front of me. It was then that they had turned and I saw the face of their meal.
My stomach heaved and I ripped up several ferns in frustration and agony. I watched as the life was slowly being drained from Marta's body. Her eyes which once held such life and joy were now dull and full of pain. In my mourning for her I made too much noise and both eyes of the vampires found me. They threw her drained body to the ground. My eyes riveted to the sight. My mind was numb; I could not think or even process the sight before me.
"Sorry. If we knew you were there, we would have saved you some." His foot gave the lifeless body of Marta a nudge. Anger hot and furious coursed through me. How dare they treat her body so carelessly? She was just a young girl with her life in front of her. Our conversation from a few days ago replayed and that is when I knew these where the older boys her friend wanted her to meet. This wasn't supposed to be the end of her life; it couldn't be. But now all I could think about was her mother who was waiting for her to come back and she never would.
"Move away from her body, now." The command was forceful and full of threats. Seeing that there was nothing left to her that they needed, they fled the area. With care, I gathered Marta and her friend. I needed to make sure that she got back to her mother, that both of them did. As I walked, I thought back to all the times that she talked to me. She was friendly and kind. She knew I was sad, but also knew I did not want to talk. So she was just there for me and I found a slice of peace with her. So how did I fail her? Why was unable to keep her safe? I had failed her just as I had failed my angel. They both touched my life and I had hurt them both.
At the edge of the forest, I laid them both down. I knew I should make it seem like they were attacked by an animal, but I could not bring myself to cause her body further harm. The best I could do was to erase the look of horror etched on her face. I smoothed out her face and closed her eyes.
"I am so sorry Marta. You deserved so much more than this." I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and made my way to my attic. I changed out of my wet and bloody clothes and sank down on the floor. In futility I tried to figure out how I could save her, how I could have done her better. When the agony of those thoughts was not enough to make me suffer I added thoughts of my angel. The multitude of ways that I had failed her and hurt her danced in my head. Feeling that familiar ache of anxiety I searched my pockets for what had become my security blanket. Realizing I had changed clothes I searched the pockets only to come up empty. I scrambled to my bag and threw everything out. I searched every pocket several times and I came up empty.
Fear, pure and intense, flooded my every pore. That piece of paper was my lifeline; it was the very sanity I relied upon when nothing else could hold me. I closed my eyes to pinpoint the last time I held it. I remembered having it in my hands as I walked. Then the epiphany, it was still in my hands when I was in the forest and when I pounded the wet ground in frustration only to push up from the ground to run. In my mind I could see that I flattened my hand to push up. My only tie to her was lying on the ground, and with all the rain, it was more than likely completely destroyed.
Guilt, failure and sadness erupted from me. I paced the small attic as I pulled on my hair. How could I be so careless? That note was everything to me and I treated it like it meant nothing. Suddenly trying to hold everything back was no longer an option. My failures and insecurities were lining themselves back up. They played endlessly and I knew I could no longer hold them back, I didn't want to anymore. I slumped down and let it consume me.
I pulled my phone out and pulled up the only picture I had of her that I downloaded. I wanted to tell her how sorry that I was unable to be worthy of her. I wanted to gaze upon her and tell her how sorry I was for every hurt and pain and disappointment I laid at her feet. I had learned just how unworthy I was of her and it ripped me apart to acknowledge it.
I could feel the numbness pulling at me and for the first time since the cave, I welcomed it. I was not strong enough to bear the weight of my pain. I was a coward and I knew it. As I prepared to shut down my phone I noticed the date. I stilled. The irony was not lost on me and it only served as further proof that I could never do right by my angel. I threw the phone and watched as it smashed into thousands of pieces, but the date was still burned into my mind. I opened myself to the pain and grief and let it all rush forth. As the blackness of my mind took over two things were ever present; Bella and that today was Valentine's Day.
A/N: I know.. I know.. I am cruel. While Bella is getting conversation hearts from Jacob, Edward is falling apart. Its all part of my master plan. Please review- I answer all signed ones and give teasers for the next chapter. I do a happy dance everytime my email tells me I have a review..sooo make me dance!