The only way to impress a lady, Rolf had long since decided, was to make oneself seem so incomparably perfect that they had no choice but to fall in love with him. The mouse smoothed over his grey fur, squinted through a swollen eye, checked his breath, swapped outfits because the blue vest looked better than the green one, debated throwing on a cloak, decided against it, straightened his whiskers, sniffed his pits, applied deodorant and fixed his posture. Deciding he was ready, Rolf left the mirror behind and went for a stroll.

Today was the day. Today, Sybil would say 'yes'- because why wouldn't she? He had made Shoesock Grove famous, brought in over half her customers and was an all around celebrity. Anybeast with half a brain would say 'yes', or 'okay', or even an 'aye'. And Sybil definitely had a brain.

"A brain as big and green and bright as her eyes," Rolf sighed wistfully. The mouse frowned and brought a paw to his face. "Alright, the only organ you're gonna mention is the one she plays in choir."

"You could mention all the organs you've crushed in your long and epic career of destroying beasts!" suggested the insolent little gremlin that lived, metaphorically, on his shoulder.

"I don't think she'd like a graphic description," Rolf muttered, picking a flower from a passing rose bush. "Especially since it's usually my insides getting turned to soup."

"Could talk about all the organs you want to crush."

"All of Ralph's. The one in his skull that he never uses, the slimy ones in his oversized gut, the tiny one between his legs."

Rolf turned to his shoulder gremlin and grimaced. "None of this is good advice. I'm trying to impress her, not convince her I'm a member of the Cannibal Club."

"And for your first anniversary," the shoulder devil went on, oblivious. "You can give her Ralph's nosering."

Deciding that the company of the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind were not suitable company for one attempting to express romantic feelings, Rolf brushed the imp (which looked a lot like Kew-Kew for those wondering) off of his shoulder and filled his mind instead with the endlessly rehearsed script had been working on for the past five years.

It was Sunday, which meant that Shoesock was practically a ghost town. Sybil would be up of course, because she was always up. And there would be no witnesses. If she gave a painful 'no' or a heart-wrenching 'sorry, not interested', or an instant death in the form of 'ew', he would be able to save face and maintain some form dignity.

"Sybil," he cried, falling to his knee and thrusting the rose outwards. "I've been meaning to say this since we first met, but your smile knocks me out faster than Ralph's fist ever could! Everytime I'm punched in the face I think of you, a-a-and I get punched a lot- like really, I think my eye's permanently swollen at this point!- er, anyways. I was wonderingifyou'dallowmetotakeyououttodinnersometime?" he gave the empty street his most charming smile.

"Hell yeah!" the local slob, a drunkard rat that went by Benjamin (that everyone called Slapslob instead) thrust his fist into the air, belched crudely and fell back into his slumber.

Rolf sighed, got back to his footpaws and made the rest of his journey in silence. A set of jingling bells told him he had arrived at Sockwarmer Hall and the rapid increase in his heartbeat told him that Sybil was nearby.

"Morning," she called, stifling a yawn and working intently on wiping her countertop clean.

She's yawning... She's tired... I shouldn't disturb her... I... I should... "G-g-good morning." Rolf choked out. It was now or never. He had been planning this for five seasons. He couldn't wait any longer. He had to tell her. He thrust the rose outwards, his fist clamped so tightly to it's thorny stem that it hurt his fingers. He made to his knees but found they were shaking too much for him to control.

At the sound of his voice Sybil looked up and smiled. "Oh, has our champion brought me a rose?"

The mouse's courage, what little of it he had anyways, failed him. Without another word he bolted. Out the Named Tavern, past Stinkslob, into his home and under the bed.

"I failed," he whined, in a voice somewhere between a squeak and a whimper. "She shouldn't have called me a champion."

"You told her you were one," the shoulder gremlin returned with avengeance.

"But I'm not!"

"She doesn't know that."

"But I can't lie to her."

"You already have. A lot."

"To impress her! She would never say yes to the real me."

"But you don't know that."

"Yes I do. Noone wants to marry Ralph's buttcushion."

"Then keep lying. She'll never find out."

"But I don't want to lie to her! And what if she finds out? She'll hate me for lying!"

"Then tell her the truth!"

"But then she'll hate me for lying!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Okay fine, sorry, yes that was a bad argument."

Footnote: Part of a scrapped (hence why you find this here) collaboration project with One-Eye the Wildcat, Casterway and myself, because we all submitted a Duelist to MOV and we thought it would be fun to see what would happen if they all met up. That didn't end up going anywhere sadly because it was kind of a spur of the moment idea to begin with, which means that when the initial hype died down we didn't actually have a story as awesome as we thought it was and also because real life is a pain in the butt and things like this happen sometimes.

Reading this is weird now that, in my mind, Rolf goes everywhere with Kew-Kew (at least story-wise). It's bizarre seeing him 'on his own' like this so to speak. I thought him trying to impress a girl was fun, but in the end it's something of a rehash of the Plomplemoof Arc and I really don't think anyone wants to see another one of those. And Rolf has already (kinda) got Ralph anyways so who needs Sybil, amiright? I also feel like the opening lines sets up Rolf as far too much of a jerk for my liking. While he does lie a lot Rolf, as I imagine him and write him now- his original app notwithstanding- is overall a pretty good person so I don't think he'd try and manipulate anyone into a relationship with him.

I guess it's just fun in general to see how a character evolves as you work on them? I think Rolf in his app was very selfish and kind of mean, and this chapter definetly reflects that but- that's not quite who Rolf is anymore if that makes sense.