A/N: Ahh so we have arrived! I hope I did it justice! Thanks to everyone who reviewed- you guys make my day! You astound me! As always to PisceanPal23- thanks for your help!
I wish I owned Twilight- at least I can write stories and make Edward do MY bidding! *evil smile* ENJOY!
Future Plans
I was completely shocked by her statement. I had nothing good that I wanted to say, so I chose to say nothing at all. Knowing that, regardless of what arguments I raised, she was determined to see this through. With a resolute look at her, I swung her into my arms and leapt from her window.
"All right then. Up you go." If she missed the anger that leaked into my words I would have been surprised. I could barely contain myself. I had no idea who she thought she was, pulling something like this.
Once she was settled, I took off. It surprised me, the feeling of rightness that stole over us. For this small frame of time, everything felt right, almost normal. There was the familiar warmth of her body on my back, the small puffs of air on my neck as she rested her chin on my shoulder. I could feel the thud of her heart against my back and her arms wound around me, holding me tight. For a second, all pain and anger and grief was suspended. Instead we were surrounded by love and purity and wholeness. The night wrapped us in its embrace and the cool air caressed us as I ran past the trees and shrubs.
Suddenly I felt her lips upon my neck. It was soft and gentle. It was the first affectionate gesture she made since we got back. It allowed a tiny flicker of hope to flare. For the first time, in many months, I felt optimistic that everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you. Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"
Her laughter rang out into the night, it was an amazing sound. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."
"I'll earn your trust back somehow. If it's my final act." I desired to have her trust. It was essential. We couldn't build a solid foundation to our relationship if we didn't have trust. I knew that now, I learned it the hard way.
"I trust you. It's me I don't trust."
That confused me, so I questioned her, "Explain that, please." Not knowing how long this would take, I slowed to a fast walk as the house wasn't too far way. I wanted Bella to have every opportunity to express herself and to have me listen. I haven't given her many chances to do that and I vowed to correct that.
"Well, I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you." I watched as she struggled to fine the words to express her feelings. But more than that, I heard her. This was a classic example of her feeling inadequate around me, like she found herself lacking. In the past I would simply disregard her as being silly. But I could see it weighed heavily on her mind.
Stopping all together I moved her to stand in front me, but I kept her within my arms. It would take a force of nature to make me release her. I cradled her tight, needing to feel her.
"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that." How could she not see that she owned me? Everything I am, everything I have is hers. If only I could articulate how Marcus saw us, that intricate web and the strings that bound us to each other. Even after months apart, they were numerable and glowed so brightly. Seeing that, there was no doubt in my mind that she was mine and I was hers.
"You never did tell me…" I broke off, not sure if I wanted to go down this road.
"What?"
"What your greatest problem is." I tried to keep my voice steady, but inside I was a mess.
"I'll give you one guess," she stated and then gently touched the end of my nose. Suddenly my worst fear had come true.
"I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." I had hurt her so much. I was beginning to worry that the damage was irreparable.
Bella had the gall to roll her eyes at me. "The worst the Volturi could do is kill me." My eyes narrowed, silently asking her to explain herself.
"You can leave me," she softly explained. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."
The truth I saw in her words cut me deep. To know that she would prefer death over ever having to lose me was too much. Pain ripped through me and I was unable to school my face to keep her from noticing.
"Don't," she whispered soothingly as she reached for my face. "Don't be sad."
I tried to smile, but even I could feel that it did not show. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you." I searched her eyes, trying to see if she could see my truth. "Time, I supposed, will be the way to convince you."
She brightened considerably, "Okay."
It was easy to see that she was trying to placate me. Deep down I knew she wasn't convinced of anything that I had told her. Whether she felt this was all a dream or was unable to begin to believe me, I was uncertain. All I knew for sure was that Bella did not believe me. That was devastating to me.
"So- since your staying. Can I have my stuff back?" It was obvious that she was trying to change the subject and make it light between us. But the look of innocence she tried to play actually made me laugh.
It was time for another confession. "Your things were never gone. I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets- they're all under your floorboards."
"Really?"
The pleasure I saw her eyes at my confession made some of the hurt dissipate. A true smile graced her lips and her eyes held that familiar shine. I nodded at her question.
"I think," she stated slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time."
"What did you know?" I was confused about where this was heading.
She had a thoughtful look and it intrigued me. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing voices."
What? Did I hear her correctly? "Voices?"
"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."
I simply stared at her. If she thinks she was going to use that flimsy excuse she better think twice. I got nothing but time on my side. "I've got time." Try again, love.
"It's pretty pathetic," she hedged. I continued to look at her.
"Do you remember what Alice said about the extreme sports?"
What did this have to do with anything? "You jumped off a cliff for fun." I made sure my tone voiced my displeasure.
"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle-"
"Motorcycle?" I wasn't sure how I remained calm, but I was sure my face was beyond furious.
"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."
"No."
"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt do much- it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt."
She turned thoughtful and I was stunned into silence. "And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clear was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."
I didn't know what to think or say… there was just too much. Here words revealed so much to me, but I was stuck on her putting her life in danger.
"You…were…risking you life…to hear-"
"Shh," she interrupted. "Hold on a second. I think I am having an epiphany here."
While she had her breakthrough, I was trying not to break down. To hear what she did, all in the name of hearing my voice, to listen to her tell me it was too painful to think about me- it was too much. I wanted to rage and cry, to scream and whisper words of comfort to her. Hearing about the depths of her pain and despair nearly did me in. It was only because I could see and feel her in front of me that I was able to hang onto my sanity.
A few minutes had passed and she was still deep in thought when she let out an excited, "Oh!"
"Bella?" I was getting a little impatient.
"Ok. Okay. I see."
"Your epiphany?" My patience had run out, she needed to start explaining.
"You love me." I was stunned momentarily by the conviction and sincerity of her words. Was it possible that she was starting to believe me?
I couldn't help but smile at her, "Truly, I do."
I could see her blossom right before my eyes. There were spots of color on her cheeks; her eyes were brimming with love and passion. Her entire body relaxed and almost melted. It was like she was being reborn. The absolute joy and happiness that radiated out of her intoxicated me. Without thinking, I grabbed her face with both of my hands and kissed her.
That kiss told her of my love, of our love, how we could build it back up to make it strong, to make us stronger. From her I felt relief, contentment, understanding and the hint of forgiveness. It was sweet and tender; it made me felt whole all over again. Knowing she needed to breathed I pulled back but only enough to rest our foreheads against each other. Both of us were panting, me from passion, Bella from lack of oxygen.
"You were better at it that I was, you know." She gave me a glimpse into her suffering, I would do the same.
"Better at what?" She was still slightly out of breath.
"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family- I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me."
Memories of those dark days flooded me and briefly I was back there. I could feel the echoes of the loss and pain that consumed me. But it was then that I realized how we both suffered. We both paid a horrible price for my mistakes.
"It was much more pathetic that hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."
I sensed her relief and it pleased me. We could both, in a way, understand the other's pain. We learned the hard way that being apart didn't work. We could be so much more together.
"I only heard one voice," she reminded me with a hint of a smile on her lips.
I hugged her closer and laughed at her adorableness. Slowly we made our way to the house.
"I'm just humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say." They all knew my take on Bella's humanity and my aversion to her being changed.
"This affects them now, too." Her concern for my family was admirable but misplaced. Hasn't she learned that we are all capable of taking care of ourselves? I gave her statement a shrug.
Silently we entered into the house. It felt good to be back and a sense of peace and comfort washed over me. This is the place I would always call home. I turned lights on as we went through the house. I could hear my family upstairs engaging in their various nighttime activities. But since we entered the house, there were waiting to see if they were needed.
"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I called out to them in a normal tone. In a flash my father was standing next to Bella who startled a little. It would take some time for her to get used to how we move again.
"Welcome back, Bella." The joy in his voice was unmistakable. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"
She gave him a nod, "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."
She looked at me, but I was focused on my father. Is there something wrong? Is everything okay?
I gave him a small nod and he then turned back to Bella. "Of course. Why don't we talk in the other room?"
He led us from the living room to the dining room. He also turned lights on as he went. Flashes of the night I told my family I was leaving dotted my brain. I tried to tune them out, but they still played. They were reminders of my horrible transgressions. It didn't surprise me that Carlisle led us to the dining room. It had been where most of the major decisions had been discussed and decided upon.
Carlisle held out the chair at the head of the table. I heard my mother as she followed us, along with the remainder of my family. I sat down next to her and my father sat on her other side. As everyone else filed in they sat down.
I looked at Alice who was beaming with anticipation. I tried to see what she knew but she was blocking me by interpreting the Magna Carta into Italian. Everyone else had an expectant look and were questioning me in their thoughts as to what Bella wanted to talk about. Once we were all seated, Carlisle gave her the floor.
"The floor is yours."
I kept my eyes trained on her. I could easily see she was nervous and in a show of understanding, I clasped her hand under the table. While I may not have agreed with what she was doing, I was going to give her the freedom to speak her mind.
"Well," she began hesitantly, "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"
"Everything," she chimed.
I did not miss the knowing glance she gave my sister, "And on the way?"
"That, too." I could see that while Alice mentioned the promise she made to get up out of Italy, she also clued the family onto Victoria and her possible plans involving Bella.
"Good," sighed Bella. "Then we're all on the same page." She took a few minutes to gather her thoughts and then plowed forward. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing- something to avoid."
She looked sad and concerned and I hated that she felt the need to bear this responsibility.
"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked at every member of my family, most of which were still a bit confused as to where this was all heading. Me, I couldn't help but grimace when she finally looked at me. This was so unnecessary.
"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not." Esme made to refute what Bella was saying, but she held her off with a finger. "Please let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote."
I was slowly losing my patience and my ability to stay calm. How could she do this? Her mortality was too important to be decided upon by a vote. She still could not comprehend the enormity of her decision. I was trying to be objective. See it through her eyes. So in all honesty I could see that she was doing this out of a sense of concern for my family. I just didn't agree with it.
"If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them come here."
The idea of her going to Italy alone was unacceptable. She had to know I would do everything in my power to stop her. A low growl began in my chest, but it didn't faze Bella in the least.
"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."
She turned to Carlisle to have him begin and I couldn't stay silent anymore. The anger that was simmering was threatening to boil over, I had to try and put an end to this craziness.
"Just a minute." She glared at me and I gently squeezed her hand hoping she would allow me this chance to speak. I needed to let her know there was no rush, no hurry when it came to the Volturi.
"I have something to add before we vote." Of course Bella sighed. "About the danger Bella's referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious."
I could see that I had everyone's attention and I wasn't above using that to my advantage. I leaned on the table.
"You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I couldn't help but smile at what I figure was a pretty smart move. One of the Volturi's greatest weakness, at least in my opinion was their reliance on their gifts.
"Which was?" I could see that Alice was a bit perturbed by my confidence. I knew she was Bella's greatest supporter when it came to Bella becoming a vampire.
"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I looked at her to see if she did and I was greeted with a shudder. I would take that as a yes.
"He finds people- that's his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker- a tracker thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the …flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances."
I paused to make sure that everyone was following me and it appeared that they were.
"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I trailed off to see if Bella would figure out where I was going.
"You think he won't be able to find me," she concluded flatly.
The smile refused to be suppressed. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."
"And how does that solve anything?"
"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"
Nice thinking, Edward. Emmett's praise felt good. Looking over at him, he had wide smile and I gave him one right back.
Of course, Bella was still flustered, "But they can find you."
"And I can take care of myself." She had to know that I would think of everything, especially if it was in the name of keeping her safe and human.
Emmett's laugh broke the tension between us, "Excellent plan, my brother." We fist pumped each other. He saw the beauty in my plan; it felt nice to have him on my side.
"No," spat Rosalie.
"Absolutely not," exclaimed Bella.
"Nice," Jasper voiced.
"Idiots," muttered Alice.
Edward, that sounds dangerous. I looked over at Esme and she was glaring at me.
Besides me, Bella got a determined look on her face and took charge again. "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."
She pinned me with her stare and addressed me first. "Do you want me to join your family?"
Internally I scoffed at her. Nice try, Bella. She chose her words with care but I wasn't biting. "Not that way. You're staying human." It was like she knew that would be my answer. She simply nodded and turned away.
She looked at my pixie of a sister. "Alice?"
"Yes," came her firm reply. It's going to happen, one way or another, Edward.
"Jasper?" His reply I was less certain about, but I hoped he would side with me.
"Yes," was his response. Both Bella and I looked surprised by his response. It would be easier for me, Edward. I don't want to ever have the chance to hurt her. What? This can't be right?
Before I could process that, Bella had moved on. "Rosalie?"
I heard the hesitation in Rose's mind, and I was surprised by what she was thinking. "No." It was soft but firm. It was shocking but not surprising that she was on my side about this. It must have been no surprise to Bella for she didn't say anything and made a move to move one when Rose stopped her.
"Let me explain. I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me." My entire family knew the pain she felt over her transformation, but Emmett bore the brunt of it. She would give it all up, even him, for a chance to be human.
Bella nodded at Rose's words and moved over to Em.
"Hell, yes! We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." As always, he was full of enthusiasm and mirth, even when discussing someone's mortality. However, I was getting more irate as the votes tallied up. Did no one in this family understand and even respect my views on this? What about my other option? I was flabbergasted.
Bella obviously did not like the idea of Emmett itching for a fight of any kind. She turned to look at my mother. It was then that I realized this was not going to go my way. Feeling of betrayal and hurt slowly crept in. Suddenly, the knowledge that this was no longer an issue between Bella and me became apparent. My entire family knew how I felt about Bella becoming a vampire. Yet, here they were, one by one, going against me.
"Yes, of course Bella. I already think of you as part of my family." Esme words were gentle and kind. She meant every single one of them. To her, Bella was a dearly loved child. She caught my eye and addressed me. You need to see this as something she wants, Edward. She wants to be with you.
I couldn't acknowledge her because I was riveted on Carlisle's face and thoughts. I was livid, instantly. He knew how I felt. I poured my heart out to him, all my fears and concerns. He was the one person that I thought would stick by me on this, no matter our ideological differences.
Edward, please. You have to see it from my point of view. I can't lose you. You are my son.
"Edward," he said gently. Try to understand. I thought that was pretty low, had he even considered my thoughts.
"No," I nearly growled at him. If it wasn't for the fact that Bella was here, things would have gotten ugly by now. As it was, I was barely holding onto my sanity and my anger by a very thin thread.
"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." I couldn't believe it. Words escaped me and I just needed to get out of here before I blew. I dropped Bella's hand and pushed away from the table. As I stormed out, I heard Carlisle's sigh.
"I guess you know my vote."
"Thanks," came Bella's reply. Then I lost it. My entire family, with the exception of Rosalie had gone against me. I figured that Alice and maybe even Esme to a point, but the others really surprised me. Just thinking about it all, fueled my rage and I pulled the flat screen off the wall and threw it out the window.
None of the understood, they did not comprehend the pain and the grief that consumed me at the idea of Bella as a vampire. They were not privy to the sometimes overwhelming desire I had for just that to happen. But it was too much, it was asking for too much from Bella. There had to be a better way. I wanted there to be one.
Vaguely I heard Bella as she thanked everyone for voting with her. It felt like my chest was being squeezed in a vice, I couldn't breathe. This was all spinning wildly out of control and I had no recourse to bring it back under my control. IN the recesses of my fuzzy mind, Carlisle was pleading for me to understand, but I blocked him. It was simply too much betrayal, too much hurt.
Somehow through the fast coursing emotions and thoughts, I heard Bella ask Alice where she wanted to change her. WHAT? She wanted to do it now? Was she insane? Without a second thought I raced back into the room.
"No! No! NO!" I couldn't contain the fury. I stopped in front of Bella, eyes blazing. "Are you insane?" I had to ask, there could be no other reason. "Have you utterly lost your mind?" I couldn't help but shout, I was beyond scared and angry.
Even when Bella cringed and threw her hands over her ears, I couldn't find it in me to care.
"Um, Bella. I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need time to prepare…" I could hear the uncertainty in Alice's voice. But of course Bella was obvious to it.
"You promised." She had the nerve to glare at my sister. I knew all too well the 'promise' Alice made. But even Alice knew she wasn't equipped to handle biting Bella.
"I know, but…" pleaded Alice. "Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you." Edward, please believe me. I wouldn't do it if I felt I would hurt her. You have to know that. Strangely, I did and it was the only comforting thought I had.
"You can do it. I trust you." This time I did not hold back the snarl that rumbled in my chest. Even Alice looked panicky at Bella's misplaced sense of trust. Of course, Bella was determined to make things happen sooner rather than later.
"Carlisle?" No, not this way. I grabbed her face and held out my hand to Carlisle. Of course, he ignored it and chose to answer her.
"I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control." Over my pile of ashes would I allow my father to change her.
"Sounds good," replied Bella. I had to say something, just to stop this madness.
"Hold on. It doesn't have to be now." I glared at Bella, daring her to contradict me.
"There's no reason for it not to be now."
"I can think of a few." I several hundred and if need be, I'd list them all.
"Of course you can. Now let go of me." I did as she asked and folded my arms across my chest. We were going to sort this out right now.
"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."
"All three of them," she retorted. Fine, she wanted to play that way. I'll pull out every stop I could think of.
"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house." I said all this while looking into my father's eyes. He knew that there was no good reason to act now. He knew, as well as the rest of us, that if we acted now, we would have to leave. Moving with a newborn was not easy. I could see that Carlisle knew I had a point.
"That's a reasonable request, Bella." Whether he was saying that because he was trying to get back in my good graces or he actually believed it, I didn't care. The reason mattered not, just that I could prolong this asinine idea that Bella had. I needed time.
We all watched as Bella mulled over my words and Carlisle's agreement to them. She had to know that she couldn't force one of us to change her. Her only choice right now would be to back down. I held my breath, hoping that she would do just that.
"I'll consider it," was her resigned reply. With those words, I relaxed and I exhaled.
"I should probably take you home. Just in case Charlie wakes up early." I feared the longer we stayed, the more likely something else would happen. We had enough drama over the last few days, we didn't need any more.
Unmoved by my attempts at getting her out of the house, she pinned Carlisle with a steady gaze. "After graduation?"
"You have my word." We will talk later, Edward. I refused to acknowledge him or the promise he just made. Satisfied to get Carlisle's agreement, she turned towards me with a smile on her face.
"Okay. You can take me home."
Without another word being said, I ushered her out the back not wanting to see the mess I made. Once outside I threw her upon my back and we took off. I could feel her joy and it made me sick. The whole way back to her house, I spent thinking. There had to be something I could say or offer her that would make her change her mind.
I was surprised that she let the trip to her house pass in silence, but she could always read me. She knew I would need to process all that happened. She may even be expecting me to talk her out of it. What I needed to figure out is what she wanted more than becoming a vampire. So the whole run back to her place, I put myself in her shoes. By the time we were back in her room, I had several possible ideas, I just wasn't sure if she would go for it.
I paced the entire length of her room, letting the ideas spill into my head and arrange them into something that resembled a decent plan. Of course, Bella watched this with frustration and a bit of apprehension.
"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work."
"Shh. I'm thinking."
That displeased her, because she collapsed on her bed and threw her quilt over her head. Well, that was not what I wanted to see. In a flash I was beside her on the bed and I pulled the covers off her face.
"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now…tell me something." Here goes nothing.
"What?" she hedged.
"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be." I needed her to let something loose that I could use. I had a few ideas, and I was hoping she'd prove me right.
"You," was her automatic reply.
I shook my head, "Something you don't already have." I was hers, unequivocally.
I saw the gears turn as she thought through her answer. I knew whatever she said could be the possible bargaining chip I could use.
A few moments later she haltingly answered. "I would want…Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me." Hmm, I had thought that may be something she wanted. Now, to see how bad she wanted it.
She watched me, thinking that her declaration would send me into another rage, but it was just the opposite. It gave me something to hold over her. Let's see if I'm right.
"What would you be willing to trade for that?"
Her surprised look was priceless and she answered without thinking, "Anything." Ah, so this was something she wanted. Gotchya, my love.
Smiling I offered, "Five years."
Schooling my features, I had to try hard not to laugh at the look of horror that fell onto her face at my suggestion. "You said anything," I reminded her, dangling that carrot.
"Yes, but…you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human- for me, at least. So, anything but that."
I wasn't surprised by her refusal of that much time. Plus, she knew me. I would try and find a way out of it. But I wasn't giving up just yet.
"Three years?"
"No!"
"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I could see that my question struck a nerve. She wanted this bad. I could see the determination in her eyes and then the way she tried to square her shoulders as if she was preparing to enter battle. It was adorable.
"Six months?" The fact that she asked it as a question showed me she knew I wasn't going to go for it. My eyes rolled before I realized.
"Not good enough."
"One year, then. That's my limit." She was trying to stand firm, I admired her for that.
"At least give me two."
Shaking her head, "No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I." Ahh, we are back to the whole age thing, once again. I understood her objection to it; I just didn't agree with it.
I could see that haggling about time wasn't going to be the way to go. So instead, I thought about what I wanted. What would I want to have happen before I gave her what she wanted most in this world? Would she be willing to give me what I wanted, especially if it was the one thing I wanted most? Taking a deep breath, there was only one way to find out.
"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one- then you'll just have to meet one condition."
"Condition? What condition?" she was nervous, and rightly so, I was about to turn the tables on her.
Making sure I had her attention, I looked deep in her eyes and said the words I longed to say since Rio.
"Marry me first."
She paused for several seconds, and then deflated my desires in one swoop. "Okay. What's the punch line?"
I sighed, "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."
"Edward, please be serious."
"I am one hundred percent serious." I let her see the desire and passion in my eyes. I wanted this and I wanted it bad. Marrying her would show everyone that she was mine. But more than that, it would bind us in a way that nothing else could.
"Oh, c'mon," she pleaded. "I'm only eighteen."
"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."
Bella looked away from me and back out the window we just came through. Through the reflection I could see that she was upset. Her eyes were guarded; her mouth a grim line and I could feel the tension rolling off of her. Never would I have suspected she would react this way to my proposal.
"Look," she began, still facing away from me, "marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."
"Interesting choice of words." I tried to make light of it all, but she was deeply troubled.
"You know what I mean." I wasn't sure that I did, but I wanted to figure it out.
"Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment." I mean she does want to be a vampire- that was a never ending commitment. Marriage was just another we could add onto it.
"That's not it exactly. I'm…afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."
So, was she more worried about what her parents would think? I did not understand her hesitation. "Because she's rather you become one of the eternal damned than get married." I laughed at my joke, hoping to draw out her true fears and concerns.
"You think you're joking." Now I knew she wasn't serious. There was a deeper reason. But at least I had my condition. The fact that we were discussing this whole marriage idea showed me that she really wanted me to change her, but she wasn't ready to give in to my demands, yet.
"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to battering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" She had to see the irony of it all. Shaking my head I continued, "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then-" I trailed off, wanting to see what she would say.
"Well, what if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?" Really, Bella, calling my bluff? I bit back a laugh, but smiled brightly.
"Sure. I'll get my car." I moved towards the window.
"Dammit," she muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."
I had her now. "No deal. I like this condition." I continued to smile at her; the joy I felt was evident.
"Fine," she replied nonchalantly, "I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."
She was pouting and trying to wheedle her way out of it. Again, I called her bluff. "If that's what you really want." I gave her a noncommittal shrug. It was plainly evident that she wanted me to change her. I knew it from the second she uttered it. Now that we talked about it, she would think about. Now that there was the possibility that I would change her, she will be unable to forget about it.
"You're impossible," she moaned. "A monster." Again, she proved how much she wanted this.
Laughing, "Is that why you won't marry me?" She let out another moan and I leaned in for another persuasive attempt. "Please, Bella?" I stared at her intently, showing her how much the idea of being married to her meant to me.
For a few seconds she forgot to breathe as my scent washed over her, ruining her ability to concentrate and think clearly. She shook her head, attempting to gather her wits about her.
"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?"
"No! No rings!" she shouted. That of course woke her father.
"Now you've done it," I whispered. We both heard his bed creak and him moving around.
"Oops."
"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave." I didn't relish the idea, but I knew we would have to be separated at some time. I heard her heart stop for the smallest of seconds. Knowing she wasn't ready for us to be separated, I offered a suggestion. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"
"No," she whispered, relieved. "Stay. Please."
I gave her the smile I knew she loved best and disappeared into her closest. Seconds later, Charlie came in. Through the small crack in the opening, I saw the determined look on her father's face. He had several things on his mind and he was determined to get them out.
"Morning, Dad."
"Oh, hey Bella. I didn't know you were awake." He knew, but he was hoping that she was only talking in her sleep. He did not relish the discussion that he knew he needed to have with her.
"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." Bella moved to get ready when Charlie stopped her.
"Hold on." He turned on the lights and looked his daughter. "Let's talk for a minute first." She needs to explain what her running off was all about.
Bella's face scrunched up in an adorable grimace. She was about to take the heat for my mistakes. Part of me wanted to go out and deflect it, put it back on me. But, I knew Charlie seeing me wouldn't help matters.
"You know you're in trouble," he reminded her.
"Yeah, I know," she replied sounding contrite.
"I just about went crazy these last few days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were trouble." I wanted to snort at that comment. I knew what Jacob was trying to plant a seed of contention with Charlie.
"You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when- or it- you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" He didn't have the words to encompass the fear that he felt. In his mind I could see the state of mind he last saw her in and for a brief moment while she was gone he thought she had hurt herself. He took a deep breath and tried to gather his terrifying thoughts.
"Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?" I could see the challenge in his eyes. Looking over at Bella I didn't miss the way her eyes narrowed at Charlie veiled threat.
She sat straight up and pulled the covers closer, looking right at Charlie she answered. "Because I won't go."
"Now just one minute, young lady-"
"Look, Dad," she interrupted. "I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too- but that won't make me go to Florida."
As Bella spoke, Charlie became more confused and flustered. Bella was taking the words right out of his mouth, leaving him with little to stand on. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"
Pure panic crossed Bella's face. "There was…an emergency." Come on, Bella. You got to lie better than that. If I knew she would hear me, I would have whispered something better to her. Even Charlie pinned her with a knowing look. Bella realized that she needed to come up with something more specific than she offered.
"I don't know what to tell you, Dad," she began. "It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand." She looked at Charlie to see that he wasn't buying it. Need more Bella, nothing you have told me will save you from grounding.
"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" One look at Charlie and I could see he knew nothing about her cliff diving activities. It took Bella a fraction of a second to figure that out as well.
"I guess didn't tell you about that. It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidently made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to… L.A., to explain in person." She tried to shrug it all off.
"Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella? " Charlie questioned her, horrified.
"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push lids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing." I barely contained my fury at the casual way that Bella tried to play off the whole cliff diving incident.
Charlie feeling satisfied with Bella's explanation, turned his attention to his next biggest issue. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway? All this time, he just left you dangling without a word-" I could sense his outrage and it was focused at me.
"Another misunderstanding."
An angry flush colored Charlie's face, "So is he back then?"
"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are."
Charlie was not pleased to hear this. I need to keep him away from her. He can't have another chance at hurting Bella, again. I won't let it get that far.
"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again." I found it hard to disagree with what he was saying. But I had made a vow, regardless of how worthy or unworthy I felt, I was with Bella until she told me otherwise.
"Fine," came Bella's retort. It took Charlie by surprise. He didn't think she would agree with him, but I knew that wasn't what she meant.
"Oh. I thought you were going to be difficult." He let out a big breath.
"I am," replied Bella, shooting daggers at him. "I mean, 'Fine, I'll move out.'" I could sense the honesty in her words. Part of me was warmed that she was choosing me over her father. But I also knew that if she was determined to become a vampire, she had limited time with her father and she shouldn't waste it.
Charlie response to Bella's threat was concerning. I don't think he was breathing and his face began to turn colors. I worried that I would have to rush out of the closet and perform CPR. Bella sensing her father's distress, tried to soften her words.
"Dad, I don't want to move out. I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?" I would be lying if I didn't admit that my heart swelled at her words. I could hear the love she had for me.
"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay." He barely kept his voice from whining.
"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." The conviction in her words made me smile and wordlessly I mouthed back to her, I love you, too. I knew she wouldn't see it, but I knew she could feel it.
"Not under my roof," retorted Charlie.
Letting go a frustrated sigh, Bella tried to placate. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight- or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."
"Bella-"
"Think it over," she insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower." Charlie was incensed at Bella's dismissal, but he was too flustered to say anything. The talk didn't go the way he had planned at all. He left trying to figure out how he lost control of the situation.
The second Charlie was over the threshold, I was in the rocking chair. My eyes were glued onto Bella who was busy watching Charlie leave with a bemused expression. She threw the quilt off her and looked over at me.
"Sorry about that," she whispered.
"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse. Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."
"Don't worry about it." She got up and began to gather her things for her shower. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She tried to fake concern, but I saw the faint hint of a smile.
"You'd move in with a house full of vampire?" The idea was slightly appealing, but I didn't let her know that.
"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…if Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?" She let loose a brilliant smile, but I didn't let it sway me.
"So eager for eternal damnation." A flame of anger rose deep inside of me at her casual disregard for her humanity.
"You know you don't really believe that."
"Oh, don't I?" Anger leaked into my words.
"No, you don't." She was so sure of what she was saying. But she was wrong; we had talked about this subject numerous times.
"If you really believe that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't- you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right. There's hope in you, after all." She gave me such a hopeful smile, one that was filled with honesty and an innate truth.
I had nothing to say. I did say that, but what did I mean? Did I truly believe at that time that I was granted entrance into heaven? There was so much happening; I would have to think about what was going through my mind at that time.
"So, let's both just be hopeful, all right? Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."
My world felt off kilter, like another one of my epiphanies was threatening to break free. Looking at the absolute hope that shone in Bella's eyes, I was speechless. I could only think of one word to tell her. Cradling her face in my hands, I stared into her eyes. "Forever."
Looking back at me with as much love as I had ever seen in her eyes, "That's all I'm asking for." Gently she pressed her lips to mine, sealing our vow of love.
A/N: Aww.. did ya like? So we are so close... the next chapter will be an extra one I wrote... Please review and I'll give a hint about the extra chapter! Come guys, BLOW MY EMAIL UP!