Author's Note: Thanks for all the feedback. And special thanks to ghostflowers.x, Zyy, Redglade, RayneEthelWolf, Jokerine, WeebleCat, and Lightan117 for reviewing! Time for the next installment!
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to BioWare. I own nothing!
Garrus had had some awkward shuttle rides in his time, but this one took the cake. He crossed his arms and nervously rubbed his taloned toes against the inside of his boot. Shepard sat across from him, her face as frozen as Horizon's colonists had been just minutes ago. She stared out the window, her green eyes focusing on the fading structures of the now half-empty colony. She looked calm, but his visor revealed her elevated heart rate. I should say something, he thought. But what? His mandibles clicked against his teeth and he opened his mouth to speak.
Shepard cut him off. "Well, it could have gone worse." She forced a small smile and rolled her shoulders, but didn't look at him.
"Certainly could have gone worse!" Mordin exclaimed, his large eyes bright. "Personally thought the mission was quite a success. Saved half the colony. Pleased with armor upgrade. Wasn't entirely sure how it would react. Glad to have tested it in person… And survive, of course." He let out a small cough, which everyone onboard the Normandy had figured out was the doctor's version of nervous laughter.
Garrus rolled his eyes and leaned forward. "Kaidan's an idiot, Shepard."
"He stood by what he believes in. Can't fault him for that," Shepard replied, the tone of her voice saying otherwise.
"Watch me," Garrus growled. It wasn't like the Commander to give in so easily. She always has handled Alenko with, what's that human saying? Kid gloves?
The professor looked back and forth between the two. He noted how they were sitting almost in the exact same position: arms crossed, guarded. Shepard's lack of blinking and eye contact also pointed to concealment. And Officer Vakarian's incessant rubbing of his talons against his armor to create friction in an attempt to remain calm told Solus that the turian was holding something back as well. Kaidan Alenko. The alliance soldier. Part of Shepard's former crew? They embraced on Horizon. Common behavior among acquainted humans, but he mentioned, "love." A serious relationship perhaps? Mordin's mind reeled with the possibilities, while Garrus and Shepard continued their silent stalemate.
"Did not realize Kaidan Alenko was a potential crewmate. The Illusive Man had a dossier on him?" Mordin finally asked.
Shepard looked away from the window. "No, but he was a part of the original Normandy. I had hoped he would join us." She sounded more tired than usual.
"Hates Cerberus. More than some aliens. Thought I was brought to test armor, but perhaps you hoped to quell doubts with alien squad?" The salarian's tone was not one of offense, but genuine curiosity.
Garrus tipped his head slightly, impressed. Although seemingly uninterested in having a relationship, Mordin was much better at reading other species than he was.
Shepard nodded. "The primary reason was to test the armor, but I had hoped Garrus and your presence would help persuade Kaidan." She turned towards the window, settling back into her previous position. "I was wrong."
"He's. An. Idiot," Garrus repeated, his double voice punctuating each word with more venom than a human could ever muster.
Shepard sent him a warning glance. The conversation was over. Garrus huffed in annoyance, but remained silent for the rest of the ride back to the Normandy.
When they finally made it back to the ship, Shepard pushed past both of them, muttering to EDI that she would be in her quarters and did not want to be disturbed. Garrus waited in the cargo hold until the elevator doors shut. It had been hard enough to stay quiet on the shuttle. He didn't want to test his anger in an even smaller area. Elevators rides seem to be a place to share… I don't think Shepard would appreciate that right now.
Mordin had stayed behind as well, pretending to review a datapad. Once Shepard was out of earshot, he cleared his throat and said, "For what it's worth, Kaidan Alenko seemed to possess above average intelligence for a human, but prejudice often hinders capable minds."
Garrus shook his head and began walking towards the exit. "I stand by my original statement. I've known the idiot longer than you, doctor. If he can't see that Shepard isn't the same thing as Cerberus then he isn't fit to be on this crew."
"Agreed," Mordin whispered.
...
Shepard collapsed on her bed, not even bothering to remove her armor. She had tried to remain as strong as possible during the conversation on Horizon, but Kaidan's words had cut deep. Traitor, she thought. He called me a traitor. A sudden pressure constricted around her heart and she took a deep breath. The conversation continued to replay in her head.
You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me.
She closed her eyes. He had looked at her so differently. She had grown used to turning around and seeing his adoring puppy eyes following behind her. She was used to him listening to her orders, even over the Alliance. How could one word, "Cerberus," destroy that loyalty and turn him against her? After everything they had been through – Stealing the Normandy, Ash's death… Ilos. One word and she was no longer Commander Shepard, but a traitor.
She remembered Garrus's words both on Horizon and in the shuttle. Damn it, Kaidan, you're so focused on Cerberus you're ignoring the real threat. Kaidan had ignored him completely. Shepard had suspected something happened between the two after her death, but now she was certain of it. He didn't even so much as nod to Garrus. She had been so focused on his embrace that she hadn't noticed it at the time. The hug alone should have told her things were not going to go well. It was awkward… forced. She remembered telling Kelly that there were times when she felt like the past two years had never happened – that hug was the most painful reminder that it had.
The searing hot emotion of rage began to burn at the edges of her mind. He had acted like she'd been alive all this time. Like she had abandoned him. Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?
"I was dead!" Shepard yelled and threw a pillow across her cabin. She began to rip off pieces of her armor. Her anger was suffocating and she needed the ship's cool air against her body to calm down. How could he say that me? How could he not see that this is about the reapers – not Cerberus! Hell, Garrus, a turian, was able to look past that fact and just see that it was me asking for his help.
Down to her black bodysuit, Shepard was able to breath again. She thought about taking a shower, but decided against it. I shouldn't be up here for too long. People will talk. Quickly she changed into her Cerberus uniform, rolling up the sleeves of the three-toned shirt. Heading for the door she could feel the hologram of Kaidan staring at her, but she refused to look at it.
…
"You have unread messages at your private terminal," Kelly chimed, more bubbly than usual, as soon as Shepard stepped out of the elevator. The commander nodded, making her way towards her computer.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kelly biting her lip. "I saw the reports on Horizon, commander," she said. "What you did was amazing."
Shepard smiled slightly. Kelly's flattery was sometimes off-putting, but it had become a rare consistency in her life aboard the Normandy. "The report mentioned Kaidan Alenko was there…" The yeoman paused, apprehensive. "How did that go?"
So they were listening over the comm. Shepard thought, not surprised. Joker was always listening in on missions. Of course, the romantic yeoman would want to eavesdrop on her reunion with Kaidan. I hope they didn't make popcorn and invite the whole crew.
"It was good to see him," Shepard replied. It was a vague answer, but she hardly thought the CIC was a proper place to have this conversation.
"Do you have strong feelings for him?" Kelly practically blurted out.
Shepard exhaled, annoyed, pushing away from her console. They were supposed to be fighting reapers, not chatting like schoolgirls. "What we had together is in the past now." Her voice was low, a sign for Chambers to drop it.
"I'm sorry," the yeoman said, quickly. Kelly's brows drew together and her eyes gleamed with pity, which only made Shepard more frustrated. Lack of privacy and gossip were natural parts of a spacer life, but that didn't mean she had to enjoy it.
"Parting ways with someone so close is never easy." Kelly moved past the navigational map, attempting to place a hand on Shepard's shoulder, but the commander politely put her hand up to stop.
"You just get over it." She had meant it to sound lighthearted, but she could tell that Chambers was taken aback.
"I understand," Kelly replied and moved back to her station.
And now she thinks you're a robot… A robot who needs more counseling, Shepard scolded herself. She sighed and said as nicely as she could, "I'm going to check in with Joker."
Kelly nodded, but kept her eyes averted. Sensitivity was another, albeit small, reminder that this was not the original Normandy. Shepard made a mental note to have a drink with the yeoman later… in the mess hall, of course. She could never quite tell what Kelly's intentions were and alcohol always made ambiguous situations worse.
As she walked towards the helm, she heard Joker and EDI's usual banter. Ever since Kasumi compared them to an old married couple, Shepard couldn't get that picture out of her head. EDI didn't have a face, but the commander had begun seeing an attractive blonde in a red dress when she heard the computer's voice. I seem to recall Joker liking blondes… The two quieted down when they heard her approach. Joker turned around slowly. He hadn't even said anything and he was already blushing. Let's get this over with, Shepard inwardly groaned.
"Hey commander, it's uh… pretty crazy the people you can run into out here, huh?" Joker said.
Shepard shifted her weight to one leg. Not his best.
"I mean it was probably a set-up or something but it was still good to see Kaidan – Staff-Commander Alenko," he corrected himself. "Wasn't it?"
No smartass remark. Even Joker is worried… This is worse than I thought, Shepard thought.
"Yeah we talked." Shepard shrugged. "It was nice, but things have changed. We let it go." For the first time that day, she actually sounded like she believed what she said.
Joker's shoulders relaxed and he grinned. "Oh good, cause I was not looking forward to your mood if that went bad. There's a reason I don't date crew, commander."
And there it is. Shepard smiled; glad to see things back to normal. "I'm sure you wouldn't jump Miranda or Kelly if they gave you the chance."
"Jumping is not advisable for someone with Mr. Moreau's condition, commander," EDI cut in.
…
Shepard spent the next hour or so answering questions from the nosier members of the crew, namely Kasumi. Despite her previous difficulties with Kelly, Shepard felt much more comfortable opening up to the master thief. She knew Kasumi was still grieving over Keiji and was looking for any distraction she could find. If her comparably small relationship issues with Kaidan provided that distraction then Shepard was happy to help.
Miranda had also stopped to chat, but their exchange was much more clinical. It was obvious her XO was back into "Lazarus-Mode" and seemed equally amused and annoyed when Shepard reassured her that her "science project" was still going to win first prize in the fair.
Finally she reached her original destination: the forward battery. Kaidan being angry she could deal with, but Shepard felt oddly anxious about being on Garrus's bad side. He had better sense than Kaidan. It was something she had always known, but never said to either of them. It was the reason Garrus came on every mission and Kaidan only on some. Shepard chose favorites. She never tried to hide that fact. But just because she had a romantic relationship with the biotic didn't mean he was the best choice for missions. Kaidan was naïve and idealistic. He couldn't make the hard decisions. Like taking money and equipment from Cerberus if it means saving colonists from the Collectors.
Also Garrus could take her in hand-to-hand combat. She chuckled, mimicking his talons with her thumb, pointer, and middle fingers. The door slid open and Garrus suddenly stood before her, his arms crossed and head tilted to the side.
"Commander, do I even want to know what you are doing?"
Shepard jerked her hands behind her back and laughed. "No…"
She looked up at him. It was strange how often she forgot just how tall he was. His pupils shrank as he focused on her. She could tell he was trying to read her expression, but her antics would have been silly to a fellow human, much less a turian. "Got a minute to talk?"
She expected some excuse, but he merely stepped back, letting her inside. Well he's still pissed, but at least he's willing to talk. "How long did you know I was out there?"
"Long enough to wonder why you weren't coming in to bothering me," Garrus teased. He leaned against his work console. It was almost unnerving to see him so relaxed. Lately he was always itching to get back to work. She knew he hadn't finished calibrations on the new cannons. She shifted back and forth on her feet uncomfortably before sitting down next to his workstation.
For a few moments, the only sounds in the room were the hum of the battery and Garrus and Shepard's soft breathing. He was looking at the door, but she knew he was studying her through the corner of his eye – his visor picking up all her vitals. She made sure to keep her breathing level. She didn't want this to be dramatic. Neither of them liked that sort of thing. She wished she had taken the time to study turian body language. She had never told him, but the first week or so on the Normandy, she had thought he was always pissed off at her. Later she realized that's just the way his faceplates looked. She had learned to notice his version of a smile or scowl – the extremes. But the subtle emotions were still a challenge. Liara had told her once to focus on the mandibles. Like a cat's ears, they were the easiest way to read a turian's mood. Garrus's were currently flat against his jaw. Not a good sign.
"I lied to you on the shuttle," Shepard said, her voice even. "I wanted to apologize for that."
Garrus couldn't stop his neck from snapping towards her. "I never thought I'd see the day when the great Commander Shepard-"
"Garrus…" She interrupted, her voice playfully wary. "Don't look so damned pleased with yourself."
"Alright, alright." His mandibles flared, which was a turian smile. She returned the gesture, and placed her hands on her knees to stand. "As long as I hear you say it."
"Say what?"
"That Kaidan's an idiot."
Shepard scoffed, but the grin never left her face. "You can't be serious."
Garrus leaned against the door, furthering the challenge by blocking her only exit. "I'm afraid I'm quite serious, commander. Otherwise I will have to walk around the ship looking so 'damned pleased with myself,' that you will never question turian pride again."
"Ah, turian pride," Shepard said, throwing her hands in the air. "How could I forget?"
"Not sure. Turian egos are very large."
Shepard's eyes widened and she pressed her lips together to keep from giggling. Garrus's faceplates deepened, obviously confused at the sudden loss of control over the conversation. He understood a fraction of a second later and stuttered, "I- I mean. Well they are. Damn it Shepard, just say the idiot is an idiot so I can get back to work."
Shepard smirked and took a step closer to him. Garrus craned his head back slightly as the distance between them grew smaller. Shepard was unpredictable. If she was preparing to send a kick to his fringe, he wanted to be ready. As her hand reached out, he began to move towards a fighting stance, and was stunned when she merely patted him on his chest plate. "The idiot is an idiot," she whispered, then sauntered out the door.
The skin beneath where she touched his armor tingled, his mind still in fight mode. Garrus watched her leave until the doors whooshed shut, then returned to his calibrations.
Author's Note: Thanks for waiting for this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! Picking up Tali in the next chapter probably. Thanks for reading and please review!