My parents...oh god they don't even pass as parents! They're like five year olds!
Why ,oh god, why me!
To put the pretense that Bella and I are happy we slept in the same room, needless to say I took the floor with a sigh but Bella would have none of that, she made me sleep in the bed with her. Her body was warm against mine, I liked this.
"I want chocolate...peanuts and mayo!" she mumbled, I looked on in amusement, her chestnut curls sprawled across the pillows and some on my shirt, she radiated warmth, god damn she smelt good to.
Get a grip Edward!
Look at those cherry like lips...oh so kissable... and those petite hands and those eyes....great now I have a problem...a big one at that!
She rolled a top of me and let out the softest moan... shit, that went straight to my loins!
"NO DADDY DON'T SHOOT HIM!" she yelled hiding her face in my chest.
"Don't shoot who?" I whispered and she sighed.
"Don't shoot Edward...I like him a lot Daddy, he makes me feel happy"
she had fists of my shirt. "I think I love him dad" she sighed. My heart soared...she loves me, she loves me...well subconscious Bella loves me. Oh well same thing.
"Babies need dad's Charlie...if you shoot him I won't forgive you" she muttered draping her body protectively over mine.
"I love you too" I kissed her cheek, bitter sweet moment right there.
"I hope our baby gets his green eyes" she mumbled into my chest, "and that unruly bronze hair of his that sticks out in every direction," I smiled at the thought of a little baby with emerald green eyes and bronze colored hair.
On second thoughts I want a little girl, a splitting image of Bella, now that would be a sight.
My mind wondered to the Mini Bella in her teen years and me having to chase teenage boys off our front porch, I almost cringed when mini Bella gave me the famous death glare.
"BANG, BANG BOOGIE!" Carlisle yelled running into our room, with the widest smile, Bella jumped and fell off the bed, I looked down at her and at my dad, and he gave me a sheepish smile.
"My, look at the time...got to go" he ran away in a flash.
I stood up and helped Bella up, her cheeks engorged red.
"Oh god...i didn't fall asleep on top of you did i?" I laughed at the absurdity of the question. After all it's not uncommon for supposes to sleep on top of you...right?
"You rolled on top of me but hey I'm cool with it," I laughed, "are you alright?"
Bella checked herself twice and nodded.
"Yep," she smiled brightly.
"Good, grab a shower and come down stairs, love you" I kissed her cheek and ran after dad, that man is about to pay.
"Hey...E.D-" I ran past him without a second glance.
"FINE BE LIKE THAT!" I heard him yell, I let out a breathy chuckle. I continued pace to the kitchen, Mum was at the stove and she pointed at the pantry, I smirked victoriously.

"Ma, have you seen Dad?"
"No I haven't" she said in monotone giving me a sly wink.
"Alright, I'll check the garage then" I smiled picking up the jug of orange juice; I swung the pantry door open and poured the orange juice all over Carlisle who stood there shocked. He regained some composure turned to Esme with a scowl.
"You told him!" Esme shrugged with a smile.
"Do not say a word...Not one little word" I growled, Carlisle smirked and sprinted toward the stairs.
"Oh come-" I chased after him but he hide behind Bella, I stopped dead in my tracks, she wore stone washed jeans and a smurfs shirt, he hair mussed... SEXY!
"Morning," she laughed looking at dad with an amused smile. "Fight your own battles Mr Cullen," she stepped aside and I tackled my dad to the ground.

"TRAITOR!" he yelled and Bella laughed shaking her head.
"Revenge is bitter sweet, Mr..."
"Carlisle, dear, just call me Carlisle" he managed to get out breathless while I stood up with a self satisfied smile.
"Right...well I need to make a phone call so ...ugh ...you guys should be ready soon because the plane leaves in" she glanced at the clock and turned paler, "in another four hours."
A sly smile crept onto my dad's face...not good, I tried to run to Bella or warn her.

"Move!"

Carlisle enveloped her in a hug smearing orange juice all over her clothes.
Bella stood motionlessly and let out a frustrated sigh. She looked down at her clothes, Carlisle smiled warmly.
"Dude seriously?" her face puckered up in annoyance.
"Sorry," Carlisle tried to look remorseful but it didn't work.
"I bet you are BUDDY!" she stomped up the stairs.
"Dad!" I sighed shaking my head, "now she probably wants to leave me...why do you guys always do this?...wait don't answer that."
"Just some family fun, son" he shrugged looking at my disappointed face.
"I really am sorry son."
Esme gave him 'the glare' Carlisle winced.
"WHIPPED!" Emmett sang, Esme turned 'the glare' to Emmett who cowered into the wall.
"Sorry for your father's behaviour...as for your brother...well he was born like that" Esme sighed shaking her head. "Go get changed Carlie," Esme snickered, Carlisle pouted and walked upstairs.
"Breakfast is ready" Esme smiled. We all sat down, Carlisle came in and quietly sat down, beside him was a velvet box, I eyed it with suspicion.
Another prank?

Everyone was preoccupied with breakfast when I noticed Bella, standing behind
Carlisle with honey whip cream in either hands and a cherry hanging from her mouth, I looked on without muttering a word in completely amusement, she dumped the bottle of honey all over
Carlisle, then squirted neatly some whipped cream over the honey and put the cherry in the middle, she put down the can and jar beside Carlisle before walking around the table and sitting opposite him.
"Pay back is a **...huh Dad?" she smirked, oh I love this woman.

Carlisle face was puckered in confusion as honey dripped from his forehead into his cereal. Emmett's boisterous laughter filled the air.

"Wow" amusement etched into his face. "Thanks daughter, she passes" Carlisle announced, Esme grinned, Emmett whopped loudly, I sat rigidly, Bella looked confused.
"This was a test?" she turned to me.
"I'm sorry, they always do this," I tried to explain their behavior.
Carlisle pushed the box toward her.
"What another test?" she bit back making us all flinch.
"Bella..we..." Bella held her hand up silencing Carlisle.
"I get it...okay...funny ha ha" Bella stood up to leave but I grasped her

hand.

"I'm sorry..." I sighed.
"So what do you do this to everyone of his girlfriends? Or just me?"
"Every one of them" Carlisle spoke calmly. "It's just we need to know
you'll stick around..."
"You mean you need to check if I'm a gold digging, mousy, play-a-long kind of woman" Bella gritted her teeth. "I'm sorry you couldn't just ask me if I'm after your son's money," she turned on her heel to leave, but I stopped her.
"Bella, please stop...they actually do act like that about half the time...the past day was just intensified, they're only worried...I've made bad choices where women are concerned," I sighed regretting the whole thing, I should have stopped them.
"You mean after Tanya, stole all of mum's jewels and her engagement ring," Emmett gritted, I sighed, Bella looked at me confirmation and I nodded.

"They find it hard to trust women I bring home...not that I can blame them..."

"That's not all she did, she said that our parents are like five year-olds and should be institutionalized, Esme wanted to kill her on the spot," Emmett looked about ready to kill.
"Remember the time she 'accidentally' spilled wine all over Ma's wedding dress," Emmett hissed, Esme looked pained, I looked down in shame.
"Oh," was all Bella said. "I guess it's forgivable, considering all you've been through thanks to Edward's choice in women...But next time I appreciate if you just ask" she looked calm and smiled genuinely, Esme and Carlisle looked ecstatic. But underneath I could tell she was still pissed...heck i would be too. Her chocolaty brown orbs were molten, everyone else went back to lunch satisfied. I'll talk to her when I get her alone.
"Thank you." They both grinned. "Welcome to the Cullen family...warning
we do have moments of childishness," Emmett grinned.
"That's yours now," Carlisle nodded to the box, I picked it up and gave it to her.
"Don't argue, just accept it," I whispered wrapping my arms around her waist, she carefully opened it. Inside the Cullen crest, in the form of a locket was nestled into the navy blue velvet on a gold twisted chain. I took it off, Bella side pulling her hair up for me to latch it on.
Esme and Carlisle looked at it with pride.
"It's perfect."
"One more thing- I hate presents...i loathe them" Bella sighed.
Carlisle and Esme exchanged astonished looks.
"That's going to have to change" Esme warned with mirth, Bella groaned and relaxed into me.
"I hate all of you."
"You love us!" Emmett sang.
"Sure," she rolled her eyes.

Bella's jaw almost dropped when we walked into first class.

"What?"

"I hate it when you spend unnecessary amounts of money on me!" She hissed.
"I know, but this was a must. Economy is way too dangerous...many people would recognize us," I shrugged.
"Oh."
Esme sat to Bella's left and started up a conversation with her.
"What were you studying?"
"Literature...English Major" she smiled softly.
"What do you and Carlisle do for a living?" she asked softly, Esme sent me a disapproving look.
"You didn't tell her what we did for a living? For shame Edward. I own a designer label," she smiled.
"I work in the NICU, head of the maternity ward basically," Carlisle shrugged looking at Emmett and I with smiles, Esme's eyes shone with happiness with a hue of sadness.
"Is there a story behind that?"
"Yeah, but that's for another day dear" Esme grinned, Bella nodded.
"Well, for one day then Mr Cullen."
"Now child how many times do I have to say either Dad or Carlisle" he rolled his eyes.
"Sorry...Mr...Carl...Dad?" she looked straight ahead, Carlisle shook
silently in laughter.
"Call me mum" Esme laughed, Bella flushed.
"Yes ma'am...i mean mum."
"And you can call me Emmett" he sang...again horribly.
"Nah just call him dumbo!" Carlisle laughed, Bella's soft chuckles resonated in the air, her smile was enough to bring a man to his knees but her laughter had the most hypnotizing affect on me.
Emmett cried like a beached whale, Esme lightly whacked Carlisle's arm.
*sighs* Family.
"So sweetheart what do you parents do for a living?" she asked ignoring Emmett's wails, he stopped and looked at Bella with intrigue. Weird, weird man. How are we related again?
"My father is the Chief at the local police station and my mother teachers
elementary, her classes alternate every year" Bella smile softly.
"SO what are your future plans?" Esme asked.
"Well after this year is over I plan to go back to College and finishing off my degree," Bella shrugged, Esme laughed.
"Honey I meant in the grandchildren department."
Bella and I both blanched...we really need to talk about the...uh...baby thing sooner rather than later.
"Uh...I Was...Hoping eh..." Bella looked at me for help, my eyes were probably bigger than sauce pans.
"Mum we want to wait until we've finished our degrees...or at least until Bella finishes hers...but if it happens it happens," I tried to sound light and unaffected...FAIL.
"Oh dear Carlisle did you hear that....they haven't started procreating yet!" oh good lord...their back...i repeat three year old Esme has returned...god have mercy on us.
"Esme dear, focus your baby making thoughts on to your older son...not the younger one" Carlisle shook his head. Thank you dad!
"But he's not married," she rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"True. But with Em's track record I'm surprised he hasn't got children popping up from all sorts places...especially Milan," Carlisle chuckled, Emmett blanched and almost looked...scared?
"Shut up dad! My sex life is not up for discussion, especially not in front of my little sister" he blushed...he actually blushed.
"Aw he blushes like a school girl!" I laughed, Bella smirked.
"Oh so it's all dandy for you to pass up comments on Edward and my sexual relationship to your parents but it's not alright for your father to pass up comments on yours! I'm surprised there's not a huge overly sized baby sitting in some apartment with his hand down the woman's shirt" Bella chuckled.

"Maybe even twins...just like Emmett!" I suggested, Emmett's face turned to pure horror.

"I can barely handle me...let alone two mini me's!" he screamed, the passengers looked at Emmett with scowls.
"Sorry," he whispered, he eyed the escape door.
"Not happening douche!" A hand collided with the back of my head softly.
"Ow."

"Language!" Bella scolded
"Oh look honey, she's beginning to act like you too!" Carlisle mocked
with bright emerald colored orbs. Esme laughed cheerily.
"So cute" Esme smiled, Emmett made gagging noises.
"Go look for your illegitimate children!" Bella snapped, Emmett shut up.
"Bella!" Emmett looked horrified.
"Oh Emmett so naive" I snickered.

Soon enough we touched base at Forks. Meeting the Wife's parents is not easy...especially with my parents tagging along...death looks inviting now.
Leaving the terminal for new arrivals...let's say it was a feat for me.
"Son you have to move" Carlisle grinned, odd how his own son's demise is comical to him.
"Shame on you!"
"Edward he won't kill you," he sighed having enough. Bella, Emmett and Esme went to grab our bags while Carlisle and I went to relieve ourselves...Obviously dad knew something was up after I went straight for the cubical instead of the urinal.
Dad took the toilet next to me, I paced back and forth in the small space provided.

"You didn't hear him on the phone!...God I'm glad I wasn't there in person, he sounded defiant to kill me" I sighed, my hands raking through my messy hair.
"Son, now is not the time to be throwing a BF."
"BF?" What the hell is the old man on about?
"Bitch fit son...Jeezes keep up with the time!"
"Oh I'm sorry..." I snapped, "but keeping up with the time is clearly not on my mind at the moment...I'm thinking about my impending death at the hands of my wife's, father hands....so forgive me if I'm not up to date with today's acronyms...How the hell did you pass the examination for doctors?" I asked warily.
"My secret" his laughter hung to the stuffy air. I walked out and found Carlisle standing near the door way.
"Dad be serious...Bella's dad owns a GUN...can you imagine the
conversation transpiring? This is how I see it...
'Good evening Mr Swan,' he'll load up the gun and aim it,
'I...Uh...married...you daughter' and then he turns to me with the gun.
'did you, now?'
'yes sir'

'Why?'

'Trick question? I attempt to smile and he cocks the gun,

Don't play with me young man'

'Sorry Sir, I married your daughter accidently after a one night stand in Paris...Bit I really do love her.....
And then he SHOOTS ME! Do you need more explanation as to why I'm hesitant?"

"No that was pretty straight forward" he said coolly.

"DAD!"

"Edward breathe. Your mother, brother, wife and myself will not let him shoot you...for crying out loud give the man some credit Edward and stop being dramatic...it's not becoming for grown men" Carlisle rolled his eyes.
"Plus if you shoot Bella's dad before he shoots you Emmett and I can sing 'who shot the sheriff'" Carlisle laughed, I groaned. He can't be serious for more than five minutes at a time. I think I'm adopted.
"Come on Edward" Carlisle dragged me out the door, I clung to the door frame for dear life.
"Please don't make me go...pretty please!" I begged.
"This is like that time Esme and I told you we were all going up to visit Nana Cullen!" Carlisle laughed, "Come one Edward." He dragged me out to Emmett, Esme and Bella.
"Jeezes bro...you look like hell."
"Shut up" I growled, pulling out my passport. We all walked out and caught a cab. I worked on my breathing and a polite conversation exercises, Bella rested her head on my shoulder, Carlisle and Esme were sightseeing, Emmett was on his phone.
"I won't let him shoot you Edward, chill" Bella whispered into my shoulder and I relaxed a little.
"Ha...yeah I know" I sighed.
"Stop over thinking," she smiled rubbing circles on my hand. Odd how comforting it felt. Another odd thing is how close we've gotten over the past two days...interesting.

"We're here" the cab driver announced, we all got out while I paid the cab driver.
"Bella!" A petite woman ran out, she had honey blonde hair and blue eyes like Jasper, she hugged Bella tightly. "My baby girl, you've grown."
"Yeah mum," she rolled her eyes. "Mum this is Esme and Carlisle, Edward and Emmett's parents...and Emmett is that large burly thing" she smiled.
"Nice to meet you" Esme walked forward hugging Renee, Carlisle shook hands with Renee, Emmett hugged Renee, the look on Renee's face was priceless, laughable, if Charlie wasn't sizing me up.
"MUMMY!" Emmett sang.
"Can't...breathe..."
"EMMETT!" Esme scolded, Emmett put her down sheepishly.
"Uh..do you do steroids?" Bella's mother asked, Bella groaned.
"Oh god."
"No! All Nat-U-Ral!" Emmett sang...need I repeat it? He's horrible.
"Right...well come inside!" Renee shook her head as if to dispel certain thoughts and opened the door for my family.
Everyone went in while Bella and I got the luggage. I looked at the house. I wasn't big, it looked rather snug and homey. I trailed behind Bella, looking inside it was rather small, but it had personality, the walls were covered to an inch of its life, with family photos paintings.

"Wow...it's.."

"I know..it's small."
"No I mean it's homey...it's love-" And then I saw the gun cabinet...and it was open...oh god. Bella patted my arm.
"Don't worry he won't shoot, he does it for intimidation purposes." I hid in the closet when Bella turned around. Thank god for closets, the door opened. Bella stood in front of me with a small smile.
"Come on, I won't let him hurt you," she grinned and took me out of the closet, I sighed complying. I'm screwed.
"Uh...well its working wonders...at least the intimidation part" I swallowed after spotting out Charlie. Charlie was seated in the lounges, my family already seated talking animatedly with Renee, Charlie...was...a...polishing....a freaking gun!
All the blood rushed out of my face... Oh boy.
Renee stood up and hugged me.
"Edward!" She sang.
"Hello Mrs Swan."
"Oh please you make me feel old, just call me Renee, that's Charlie over there," i kind of figured it was Charlie...I mean the gun is a dead freaking give away...i wanted to voice but thought it better if I didn't.

"Hello Sir." I looked at him, he grunted.
"So you're the jackass that married my baby girl!" Charlie looked at me with murder in his eyes.
"Yes Sir" I nodded.
"And what makes you worthy of her hand in marriage?" He asked flatly stroking the butt of the gun, I swallowed loudly.
"Uh"
"Charlie quit it!" Bella sighed.
"Bella!" he whined.
"Dad come on, it takes two to get married."
"And it takes two to get horizontal. If you know what I mean!" Emmett sang, Charlie's face turned bright red, his hand twitched on the gun.
"Thanks Emmett" Bella snapped.
"YOU!"
"Dad come on, I'm married and if you shoot him so god help me Charlie William Swan...I will not forgive you" Bella growled, Charlie sighed defeated and put the gun on the floor. Everyone including myself looked at
Bella oddly; did she just have another outburst?
"WHAT!" she screeched, everyone flinched.
"Sorry" they all muttered.
"Now that was hot" Emmett laughed, Charlie's hand twitched toward the gun. Emmett looked unaffected by that.
"Right."
"So we should get to know one another," Renee smiled, everyone got talking and Charlie promised me a talk tomorrow...god help me.

"So Bella...children?" Renee asked eagerly nudging my arm, Charlie choked on the beer.
"What children?" Bella looked scared.
"Them...children...comical Mum!" Emmett laughed, "They've hardly had any sex," Emmett laughed, Charlie choked on the beer a second time, this time his hand reached for the gun, but Renee kicked it away.
"How the hell do you know!" We both screamed.
"Jeeesh...because I just do..." Emmett rolled his eyes.
"Perv!" Bella spat out.
"What ever honey!" Emmett laughed.
"So Children..." Renee prodded again, Bella and I ignored the question shoot daggers at Emmett.
Everyone was quiet waiting for us to answer..Bella and I sat rigidly on the
seat...interrogation much?
"HA COMICAL...THEY CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT!" Emmett laughed falling off the chair. Charlie relaxed into the chair wearing a huge grin.

"Huge baby in Milan" Bella snickered, Emmett winced.
"So how long have you guys been dating?" Charlie asked casually.
"Eh..."
"Three months!" Bella spluttered, sending me a pleading look.
"Yeah three months."
"ONLY THREE MONTHS!" Charlie yelled standing up.
"Dad chill. It's longer than you and Mum knew each other" she smirked, he blanched.
"Bella" he warned.
"They got married after a one night stand..."
Oh the irony. Emmett spluttered in laughter, Esme and Carlisle were more
composed, although Dad's eyes were sparkling with laughter.

This has to be the longest weakened of my life...no exaggeration.

Hiya,

Sorry for the long wait for the chapter. Latops dead and i've been using the library in my frees. Don't hold your breathe for a quick update...sorry guys i wish i could say otherwise but i porbably wont be able to post up again until i get my laptop back.

Thanks for all the reviews! Tell me anything you want and I'll read like a faithful person lmao.

Should Emmett end up with Rose or someone else?

Thanks to Jenn who looked over the chapter before it went up!

Thanks guys!

Love Ace!