There are two things Naruto would always remember for the rest of his life. The first would be the appearance of Saber. His god, his idol, his father, his brother, his friend, and his Servant. He could close his eyes and still see that Titan standing in the moonlight prepared to defend him. His white hair reflecting the moonlight while his darkened skin seemed to eat the light. His red clothes wafting lightly in the breeze with a sword of light and dark in his hands.
The other, Sakura has a mean right hook.
Her punch at Ichiraku knocked him out cold.
From there, he began to dream. It was the temple, Rider was aging, slowly, but steadily. Over the course of the years, the sisters increased their teasing tenfold.
Naruto found himself taking notes about the various pranks they came up with. They were more like the goddesses of pranks rather than of beauty. Naruto almost found himself a religion...until they cut Rider's hair. It wasn't much, but Rider went bat-shit crazy. The entire temple, from it's elaborate arches to it's pristine statues were demolished within an hour.
'Note to self, never harm her hair.' Naruto thought in wonder and horror.
Yet, the pranks were the least of Rider's problems. It was her eyes.
At first, people were caught in a trance upon seeing them. This deteriorated over the years. The began to suffocate upon seeing her. Then they started dying.
Finally, Rider's eyes caused anyone she saw to turn to stone. She was devastated. She was a gently soul, but she was doomed to kill anyone but her sisters.
The two older ones conspired, and finally came up with a brilliant idea, a blindfold...
...
The dream shifts.
It's Illya's mansion. Saber, Rin, Ria, and Archer were running as fast as they could out of the house. Which is to say, Rin was running, Ria was leaning on Saber, and Archer was the rearguard.
"Leaving so soon?" Illya called behind them. Illya was at the top of the stairs, and so was Berserker. Naruto felt his hair rise at the sight of the monster again. Last time he had seen Berserker, he had nearly cleaved Saber in two. As he looked at Berserker's massive weapon, he noticed something. It was the same weapon as the one Saber used on the bridge.
"Archer,"Rin said in a quiet voice. "Distract him for a while then retreat.
"I could do that Rin," Archer said in a normal voice. "But would you be offended if I killed him instead?"
Everyone looked at him in surprise at his boast...except Berserker of course. That one hasn't a coherent thought in his head left.
"Archer," Rin said a bit louder, a part of her confidence restored. "Fine, go and kill him already."
Illya looks pissed. How dare a measly Archer think he is on the same level as Berserker, the strongest Servant possible.
Rin and Ria begin to flee, but Saber pauses a moment.
"Emiya Shirou," Archer calls out. "You don't have the ability to defeat anyone. All you can do is imagine it. If you cannot win against your opponent, imagine something that can, you do not need external enemies... the only one to defeat is yourself, if you can't beat them in the real world, imagine something that will, that is your strength" With that, Archer charges forward as Saber goes with Rin and Ria.
Ria is still exhausted, she can barely walk. Saber suddenly picks her up bridal style.
"S-Shriou" Ria said embarrassed. "Put me down."
"What are you talking about? You can't run at the moment." Saber counters. He dashes forward keeping up with Rin despite the fact that he is laden with Ria.
Behind them, a cataclysmic battle rages in the tower. Explosions and roars echo through the night.
….
Saber has been running for hours. His entire body is screaming for him to stop. His vision is blurry, his head is pounding. His lungs are burning, and his heart is all but read yt give out. But still, Saber keeps running with Ria in his arms. They need to get as far away as possible, lest Berserker catch up. An hour ago, Rin began crying as her last command seal has faded.
Archer is now dead.
Dead in the line of duty holding Berserker off for as long as he could.
"Fool," Rin says weakly, "What was all that about you able to kill him?" Naruto watched as she shed a few tears for her fallen Servant and found himself empathizing with her. If Saber were to die, he wasn't sure if he could go on himself. The bond between Master and Servant grows deeper than most relationships.
Though, Naruto was still on the fence about Rider.
….
Saber trips and goes down to his knees, he's finally unable to fight exhaustion off. Yet, he still hold on to Ria tightly. He will protect her with his own life. Never mind that Servants are supposed to battle while the Masters are supposed to fall back.
"That's more than enough Shirou." Ria says kindly. She is impressed by Shirou's stamina and will. Anyone else would have given in to their body's demands a long time ago. Saber ignores Ria and stands up again.
"Shirou, you can't keep this up." Ria worries. If this keeps up, Saber will die of a heart attack.
"Bring her there." Rin says pointing to an abandoned house. No, house would be a compliment. Its more like a shack. The windows are smashed, the walls are covered in mold and vines. Part of the roof is missing, and it gives off a sense of dread.
The three of them enter the building.
"Place her on the bed," Rin orders. Saber complies and stands back a bit. Rin placed her hand under her chin and the other on her elbow as she begins to think. She paces a bit and says, "I guess there's no other way."
Rin gets on the bed with Ria.
"R-Rin?" Ria stammers and blushes
"There's no other option Saber. You're going to need more Prana if we're to defeat Berserker." Rin says while blushing
Rin kisses Ria and places her hands on Ria's chest. "Everything's ready," Rin says nervously.
Saber is lost. He has no idea what's happening, so Rin explains about Prana transfer.
Both Naruto and Saber are blushing ferociously.
Naruto is then force to watch Saber's very first Sexual, er...Prana Transfer Experience. Now, for a healthy teenage of say...sixteen/seventeen and up, they whole thing would be an enjoyable experience. For a twelve year old that hasn't even entered puberty...more like torture.
Naruto swears he will never look at Sexy-no-Jutsu the same way again.
So Naruto dreams, dreams of hell...or heaven.
Depending on who you ask.
Uchiha Compound
The sight of Naruto out cold in front of Ichiraku had scared Shirou like few things could.
Naruto had the biggest black eye the world had ever seen and it looked like he had been beaten up severely. Off to the side, he saw Rider giggling quietly at the sight of the Master.
"What happened?" Shirou demanded.
Ayame came out of Ichiraku with a ladle and glared death at Saber. "What were you thinking? How dare you let that skank do those things with him?" Ayame pointed her ladle at Rider when she said skank.
Shirou bent down and examined his Master. Other than severe bruising, there seemed to be no sign of damage. No broken bones, no puckering of the flesh, no abnormalities whatsoever. Other than the bruises of course.
"What happened?" Shirou asked again adding a bit of an edge to his voice.
Ayame, rather than backing away surged forward and glared right back at him. "What are you teaching him Saber? She comes in here strutting in like a cat and asks him to have sex with her. How could you let that tramp be near him."
'Sex? Wait...ah! That.' Shirou pieced together the information and tried to smile reassuringly. "She's just joking. She's never let him near her."
Rider strutted up and asked indignantly, "Oh? What makes you so sure?"
Shirou glanced at her and said, "Perseus. Shinji...dare I go on?"
Saber was rewarded with a glare of hate, or what would have been one if he could see her eyes. The thing about Medusa, she can glare lasers. Granted, lasers that turn people to stone instead of just killing, but still...
Shirou smiled. "Don't bother, you won't unleash them at me." He said indicating her eyes.
Ayame took the opportunity to try to hit him with the ladle, only for him to block it.
Shirou looked over at Ayame, "Don't worry. Rider has had too many bad relationships to do that to any man willingly." Shirou could hear Rider's fists clench.
Of course, Fate and the universe then conspired against him. Ayame then strode forward and clasped Rider's hands. "You poor thing," Ayame said, "You've had it rough haven't you?" Rider nodded slightly. Ayame then proceeded to hug Rider, "There, there. It's alright, we don't tolerate that sort of thing here. You know, Naruto is just like you. He was always setting off pranks as a release. Everyone was so cruel to him as well."
Shirou was once again dumbfounded by the female mind. One minute, they were mortal enemies. The next, they were friends. Now, Ayame was also glaring at him, like it was his fault for the actions of others. Shirou took the cue and left with the unconscious Naruto and took him home. He'd have to find out about what happened later. Laying Naruto down in his bed, Shirou left the room and headed for the underground room.
Shirou examined the feel of the room. Honestly, he was amazed at how well the room held all the magic in and let none of it escape. He couldn't sense any of the magic until he entered the room. It had to be a bounded field of sorts, but it was one of the most advance ones he had ever seen. Most of them could be detected by him within a half a mile, but this one was undetectable until one entered it.
By the feel of it, the room was at a small fraction of what it had held when he last talked to Rin. The mirror still had the strange symbols and circles on it. Shirou examined the marking but was unable to identify what school or origin of the marks. The whole thing was too alien and too different from what he had seen of other magi.
*Sigh* "I guess she won't be able to contact me yet."Shirou suppressed a shudder, "The longer we hold off on whatever we were talking about, the worse it will be."
Rin's workshop
Rin looked forlorn over the broken mirror. She and Luvia had tried a second time to use it, but ended up causing the mirror to crack According to the old bastard, they had missed the dispersal pentagram built into the apex of the mirror. Without that, the mirror broke down after it's second use. Four months of work, research, and experimentation down the drain. Not to mention millions of dollars from the Endelfelt accounts.
Not that Luvia cared for the loss of the money. In fact, she was already ordering more materials to build her own mirror. The fact that Shirou was still out there somewhere, probably doing something reckless, stupid, and heroic was enough for her. Yet, it seemed that the accounts could not afford to be used for Rin to build her own mirror for her room.
'Bitch,' Rin thought then moved on. She was too busy trying to figure out the basics of traveling worlds. Just yesterday, she had actually cut a small hole in space. From there, she saw another of her selves packing for a trip to Fuyuki city.
Rin smiled at the exchange the two had. Her other self, though years younger than her had accepted the fact that Rin was from another world with ease. Granted, the other one was also an apprentice to Zelretch herself, but was years behind Rin. Apparently, as punishment for blowing up a classroom and injuring students, she had to go to Fuyuki city to collect class cards. Rin was unsure if she should laugh or scream that the cards had the power to transfer the skills of Servants into a magus.
Rin did find herself laughing at the sight of a talking winged wand. "Ahahahahaha, what is that?" Rin laughed indicating the and.
'I," the stick said with pride, "am the Kaleidostick Ruby. I posses the power to Prism Trace any information to my contractor all the knowledge of their alternate selves."
Rin grabbed a paperweight and threw it through the hole in space missing the wand, but hitting her alternate self. "Now you listen to me you jumped up stick." Rin's face was a terror to behold. "My knowledge was gained through blood, sweat, tears, and-"
"Love," the winged stick interrupted. "I know all too well Tohsaka Rin, survivor of the Fifth Holy Grail war."
Rin's eyes narrowed, she had always hated that title.
"Every bit of your knowledge flows through me to your other self temporarily. Too bad she doesn't posses the drive you do. Though she does have a crush on this world's Emiya Shirou." Ruby said as it dodged several blasts of Gandr at it.
"So everything I worked on goes to her? No effort on her part?" Rin said glaring at her unconscious alternate.
Ruby shook its 'head' "It requires effort, especially since there are countless world's Rin exists in. To take all the information you have would require more effort than she is capable of at this time. Possibly for all time." Ruby pointed a wing at Rin. "You, who have seen death and danger like few ever have now posses more drive, ambition, and power than almost any other of your alternates. Hence why you never received me. You never needed me."
Rin felt a bit of pride swell up in her chest. "So, only a few others have more power?"
Ruby seemed to be mulling something over. "Yes...but you seem to have done the most by yourself." Ruby fluttered around a bit in a sort of pacing. "In fact, I'd say that only two have more power, and one is a Dead Apostle while another is the student of the one you call Caster."
Rin shuddered, she had a feeling that she would try to kill those alternates if she ever met them.
She watched as the portal between worlds was closing.
"Oh dear, it seems that our time together has come to a close. So long Tohsaka Rin, may we meet again." Ruby called out.
Rin looked at the now empty space and smiled. 'In another time, I would have offended to know that I was not the best.' But now, she could have been last place if she could be with him again. She looked at the pendant around her neck. The arrowhead shaped ruby reflected the light around the room. 'Good luck there my alternate. Find your Emiya, and don't let anyone steal him.'
"So, I see that you have had your first experience with your alternates." Zelretch said.
Rin looked behind her and saw her master was smiling. "Good evening master."
"Yes, very good indeed. I think I'll need to step up your training if you can open a window sized portal for communication. So tell me, how did you figure it out?"
Rin pulled out a small sheet of paper she had copied from the book. "This gave me the hint. To think, the mirror was only a training tool to learn how to talk between worlds."
The Grand Marshall of the Magi was smiling. "Indeed, I think you will soon be ready to learn how to travel between world yourself...that is of course after you give me a complete written report on how you did this."
Rin smiled, 'Just a little longer Shirou. Don't you dare die on me again.'
Naruto's house
Naruto woke up with something between a hangover and getting run over by a truck pounding in his head. "Ow," Naruto thought putting a hand on his head. "Sakura hits way too hard for her own good."
"Maybe, but I'd put more blame on Rider's joke," Saber said beside him.
"Gah!" Naruto yelped. "S-saber?"
"Good morning Naruto." Saber said pointing out the window. Dawn was coming. "I'm impressed, most people would have kept sleeping past the sunrise."
Naruto would have normally pointed out that saber would have woken him anyway, but the dream last night...
Shirou watched as Naruto was blushing ferociously. "Hmm? What is it Naruto?"
Naruto shook his head. "N-nothing."
Shirou narrowed his eyes. "Tell me Naruto. What did you see? Was it Rider's past?"
Naruto leaped onto the lifeline, "Yeah, Rider's sisters were crazy. Don't ever cut her hair Saber. I order it."
Shirou smiled slightly and bowed dramatically, "As you command, my Master. Now, what about me?"
Naruto's face was now pure red. "N-nothing. Nope, not a thing."
Shirou sighed, "Naruto, either you tell me, or no ramen this week."
Naruto sighed, Saber would do just that. Naruto had once argued that a servant was supposed to obey, to which Saber countered with, "A Servant is responsible for protecting his Master. In this case, I am protecting you from a terribly unhealthy food, known as ramen." Despite Naruto's descriptions of how ramen was the king of foods, Saber had won that argument. Naruto now knew that Saber had the ultimate trump card over him unless Naruto used the command seals.
"Okay, I dreamed that you escaped Berserker and fled into the forest." Naruto said, hoping that it would be enough for Saber.
Instead, Saber's eyes grew more focused. "And?"
Naruto knew he was doomed, "I kind of saw you transfer Prana to Ria" Naruto squeaked from the look in Saber's eyes. It wasn't rage, but it was still scary.
"Naruto, the word you're looking for is sex." Saber said bluntly. Inwardly he sighed, it was going one awkward day, luckily, tomorrow would be much more interesting. "What do you know about it?"
Naruto stammered, "N-not much."
Shirou sighed louder, "Do you know about pregnancy?"
Naruto was now lost. "You mean about how new kids come? Why do you ask?" Something in him was telling him to run away, but Naruto knew he could never outrun Saber when he got serious.
"Do you know how that works?" Shirou asked and groaned when he saw Naruto shake his head. "Fine, it would appear, that we need to have 'The Talk'"
Now, there is nothing more awkward, embarrassing, or mind numbing as The Talk, as any teenager could tell you. Naruto understood that perverts liked looking at naked women, but the concept of sex and pregnancy was unknown to him before this. For the next hour, Naruto had to listen to what would be the worst things to have to hear as a child.
"And that concludes The Talk," Saber said, "Any questions?"
Naruto shook his head, "No, no, no. I think I got it." Wishing he could forget everything he had just heard.
"Good, tell anyone else what you saw last night, and I'll ban you from ramen for life." Shirou warned.
Naruto nodded, but he knew he'd remember that dream for a long time to come.
Shirou was unaware of it, but Naruto would use it as a sort of guide when he eventually had his first experience years later.
Shirou sighed and indicated for Naruto to wait in the kitchen for breakfast. Naruto couldn't look Saber in the eye from embarrassment for the duration of the meal. Sasuke soon joined them, as well as the rest of Team Kakashi. It was becoming a running joke that only the Hokage's orders or Saber's cooking could get Kakashi to come on time to something.
"Everyone, I want to to pack lightly for tomorrow" Saber said quietly.
"Why's that? A mission?" Naruto asked eagerly
"Sort of." Shirou said, not going into detail.
"What's going on?" Kakashi asked curiously.
"I'll explain later." Shirou said, "Today, I want the three of them to pack and rest up for tomorrow. No training, no missions, just rest and relaxation. After breakfast, I need you to come with me Kakashi. We've got plans to finalize."
Kakashi was curious to what Saber was planning, but agreed to let the team off for the day.
"No missions?" Naruto asked, devastated that there was little to do today.
"And no training," Shirou said, "It's important."
The three genin saw he was serious. While the thought of no training struck them as odd, they had no idea what was in store for them.
Rider opted to watch over the three genin while Saber and Kakashi went off to discuss the plans.
"All right Saber, what's this about?" Kakashi asked suspiciously
"Where I come from, there are several elite groups that go through something referred to as hell week." Shirou said. "It is over a hundred hours of physical testing of the harshest sort that tests and pushes a person to the limits."
Kakashi blinked, it sounded like what the Anbu had to endure. "Um, why do you want to do this?"
Shirou smiled, "I need to see if they are ready for the chunin exams."
Kakashi glared, "It is my decision whether the three of them are ready or not."
Shirou smiled right back, "I could...oh, knock them all out before the time limit."
Kakashi clenched his fists, "Oh, are you unconvinced that they can't handle it? You saw what they did in the Wave country."
Shirou snorted, "All I saw was them train themselves for facing one opponent. They knew the enemy and were able to come up with a way to counter his abilities. More than anything, they were lucky."
Shirou pointed a finger at Kakashi, "If you plan on sending them to a test to see if they are worthy, then I need to prepare them for the exam. They are not ready."
"Why? What makes you say that?" Kakashi asked angrily.
Shirou held up a hand and began counting fingers. "One, Sasuke is still too new to his abilities. While he can see the outcome of actions a half a second ahead, he is still to raw at using it. He has a few fire jutsus and displays a bit of ingenuity, but he rarely uses them. His hand seals take too long, his weapons, while accurate lack polish. And above all is his focus. He still sees his brother in his eyes instead of the enemy in front of him."
"Two, Sakura only knows basic academy moves and a slight increase in skills from my sparring practices. If you want her to be ready, she will need to improve her skill set tremendously. Her brain work will only get so far against a stronger opponent. She also hesitates when Sasuke is in danger and loses all concentration. Her form is sloppy and her endurance is minimum."
"Three, Naruto has the ability to become a one man army, but fights in a singular mindset. He needs to work on fighting in formations and in groups to use his strengths to their best. In addition, his fighting style, while unpredictable lacks in defensive moves. He relies on causing chaos and controlling the field of battle."
"Four, other than tree walking and water walking, they have learned nothing new in the way of jutsus. All this time, you have worked on their control, but neglected everything else. They can't be stealthy enough to lay ambushes, they have limited abilities to make traps, they can't even sneak up on someone silently. They are ninja's in name only. At best, they are foot soldiers that will die in the meat grinders"
"Finally, their teamwork while tolerable in the heat of combat is abysmal when there are no apparent dangers, the teamwork falls apart. Sasuke become solitary and brooding. Sakura watches Sasuke and ignores Naruto, though she is getting better at not acting like a fangirl. And Naruto antagonizes both of them. That's fine if they never planned on leaving the village, but hostile territory is no place for that kind of behavior."
Kakashi was blown away by Saber's analysis, he was right, dead-right... but it still hurt his pride. "So, how would hell week help them?"
"I will break them." Shirou said. "Then I will rebuild them into something more."
Shirou pointed at Kakashi. "I need you to work on their jutsus. They need as many as you can cram down their throats in between the other bits of training. In addition, I need you to request the use of training ground forty four."
"What! But that's-" Kakashi started to say
"The Forest of Death, I know. It's the perfect place to push one to the limits." Shirou said, "Don't worry, there will be several jonin as well as you, me and Rider with them at all times. No-one will die, they'll just wish they were dead."
Kakashi sighed, Saber made good points. Looking at them now, his team really wasn't ready for the exams, but he wanted to reward them for their work in the Wave country. "I understand, I will fill out the forms and have the grounds reserved. But how long?"
"Three weeks," Shirou said, "That gives them several days to recover before the exams."
Kakashi nodded, "What will you do?"
"Now? I'm going to recruit more trainers. I'll be in charge of weapons during the training, but we'll have to figure out who will be in charge with the rest of the trainers. Meet me in the main square at noon."
Kakashi nodded and was about to take of when-
"Kakashi, don't be late, or I'm putting wasabi in all your food for a week." Shirou warned
Kakashi considered it and agreed that Saber would indeed do that to him. "Understood."
Shirou then headed off for the next person on his list. Last night, he had gone through the personnel profiles and found several people he needed for this to work. His first stop was a tea shop that was well known for their dango. It was there he met his next trainer to be.
"Mitarashi Anko." Saber said, "I have a proposition for you."
Anko was taken aback by Saber's arrival. She knew who he was, hell, everyone knew who he was. How many young people with white hair, brown skin, gray eyes, wearing red were there in the world?
"What might that be Saber?" she asked intrigued by his looks. He was cute to look at.
"First, it would be rude of me to talk business without food." Shirou said, with that, he told the owner that he would buy Anko two sets of dango.
"You sure know how to butter up a lady." Anko said as she ate the dango.
"I'll make it even better." Shirou knew that she had a strange training style according to the files. She was also the most familiar with the Forest of Death and considered it her second home. "I want you to whip up several genin into shape for three weeks for the coming exams."
Anko smiled evilly, "Oh, you don't want that, you want them alive after all."
Shirou smiled back, "No holding back, I need them ready for the exam and am willing to let you handle the survival aspect of their training. You and several other trainers will be responsible for training them in the Forest of Death." Shirou leaned in and whispered, "Feel free to let them bleed a little. Builds character."
That did it, Anko was sold. Three weeks to torture...er...train several brats no holds barred on survival. This was going to be too much fun to miss. "I'm in." Anko said.
"Good, meet me in the main square at noon to meet the other trainers. Oh, and I'm cooking lunch." Shirou said. Anko smiled, she had heard tales of Saber's skill in cooking. Anko took her time to enjoy the free dango smiling evilly while thinking of all the fun things she could do to screw with...er...teach the kids.
The next on the list almost ran straight into him. "Oh, pardon me Yuhi Kurenai. Off to meet your team at the grounds?"
Kurenai eyed Saber suspiciously, "Yes, why do you care?"
"I need you to train several genin for three weeks in preparation for the chunin exams." Shirou said, "I'm gathering several jonin to act as trainers for their three week intense training course."
Kurenai thought about it. Her own team was ready for the exams, but this seemed like a good opportunity. "All right, I'll agree on one condition."
"You want your team to join up as well." Saber said, "It's one of the reasons I asked, mistress of illusion."
Kurenai blinked and smiled, "I haven't heard of that one in a while."
Shirou smiled, "Word gets around. Meet me at the main square at noon to meet the others. Tell your team to pack lightly for tomorrow, but don't tell them why."
Kurenai nodded, only to see him dash off into the distance. Kurenai shrugged and went off to tell her students to pack.
The next trainer was no problem to locate. One only had to cock ones ears to the wind and listen for screams of "Lee" and "Gai-sensei".
Shirou dashed towards his next trainer to be. He stopped in a clearing and gazed once more into the bright artificial sunset while Gai and his mini-clone hugged.
Gai looked up from his embrace, tears streaming down his face, "The power of hard work will overcome any genius."
Shirou clapped his hands, "I agree heartily. "
"Saber!" Tenten yelled,. "What are you doing here?"
Shirou pointed at Gai, "I'm here to recruit your teacher."
Gai's tears instantly dried up. "What do you mean?"
Shirou explained about the three weeks of training for the fourth time today, though, like Kurenai, he held off on telling about training area forty four as the site. Gai agreed provided his own team could join in. He had also planned on his team entering the exams. Shirou bowed to the four of them and headed off for the last person on his list.
According to the files, Sarutobi Asuma was once a member of the elite Twelve Guardians group.
Shirou figured a man who had been in such a prestigious group would have undergone intense training and testing methods to enter. He would need Asuma's experience to ensure that the training was successful. He found the man in a beef pot restaurant.
"Sarutobi Asuma?" Shirou asked looking at his team. He recognized Choji from his encounters at Ichiraku, and he thought he had seen the other boy with him sometimes. Shikamaru if memory served him.
'Who wants to know?" Asuka asked before turning around. "Ah, Saber. I wondered if you would ask me to join."
Shirou raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
Asuma smiled, "Kurenai came and told me already about her invitation, and I figured that you were recruiting all the genin that passed this year."
Shirou shrugged, "How much do you know?"
Asuma flicked his cigarette in the ashtray, "Something about three weeks of training for the chunin exams. I'm in, as long as my team is in as well."
"Training? That's troublesome." Shikamaru said.
"What will we need?" Ino asked. If it was going to be several weeks straight, she would need to pack her essentials. Her shampoo, conditioner, a nice dress to impress Sasuke on the off hours. She had no idea what hell week was, but would soon regret ever hearing about it.
"Pack lightly," Shirou said. "Two sets of clothes, toothbrush. You know, the stuff for an overnight sleepover in the woods. Leave any extraneous things behind. We're not going that far."
Asuma stood up and followed Saber to the counter. Shirou graciously paid for the meal the team had eaten and lead Asuma off to the main square. Anko, Kurenai, and Gai were already waiting for them at ten till noon.
"Hello," Shirou called out. "Good to see you guys again."
"Saber," Anko said dangerously, "Why did you not tell me about Kurenai and the others joining us?"
Shirou smiled, "You agreed to train some genin. I never said how many."
Anko grumbled a bit till Saber leaned next to her ear. "I'll treat you to all you can eat dango after the training is complete."
"Deal," Anko said cheerfully. Saber knew how to spoil a girl. Plenty of victims...er...students to play with and all you can eat dango. Looking at him, he wasn't a bad catch. Anko was sure that he was great in the sack the way his body was built. She contined to look him over admiring his body.
Shirou felt a shudder crawl up his spine as she looked him over. 'I feel like a mouse being looked at by a snake.'
Shirou looked over at the clock it was two minutes till noon.
"Make yourself comfortable," Asuma said to Kurenai, "Kakashi is never on time for anything less than an S rank mission of the Hokage's orders."
Shirou smiled, "Your information is out of date."
Asuma scoffed, "No way, he's never on time."
"I bet you he'll be on time in this instance." Shirou said.
Anko laughed, "Yeah right, I bet you a thousand ryo he'll be late."
Shirou smiled, 'Perfect' "You're on. Anyone else?"
"I'm sorry, my rival, but my other rival is always late to this things." Gai said.
Shirou smiled and wave a thousand ryo note in his hands. "Put your money where your mouth is."
Asuma smiled and held out his own note. "You're on."
Kurenai agreed with Asuma's sentiments and bet that Kakashi would be late. As new as she was at being a jonin, Kakashi was infamous for his habits. Even Gai bet that Kakashi would be late.
Shirou smiled and looked at the clock. It was almost noon. 'If you're late, I'm putting in wasabi in your food for a month.'
"Achoo" Kakashi sneezed.
Shirou looked behind him and smiled. Kakashi was here at noon on the dot. "Cutting it close there Kakashi."
"Gah," the other jonins choked.
"It seems I didn't run into any black cats today." Kakashi said smiling.
Shirou looked back at the others held out his hand and said, "Pay up."
The others grumbled and pulled out the money. Shirou was pleased. He had now just made up the money he spent this morning recruiting. "Right, everyone follow me to the compound, and we'll talk business.
The six of them headed off for the compound. Shirou served them tea and began cooking lunch.
"So," Asuma asked, "What are the plans for the training?"
Shirou answered, "Basically it will be three weeks of nonstop training. The first week will consist of nonstop training with only about two to four hours of sleep allowed per day. The second and third week will consist of a regimen of jutsu training and physical improvement."
Asuma leaned back a bit, "The first week sounds like Anbu training. It seems too hard for them at this time."
Anko shook her head, "No way, better to get them through that kind of training now. That way, they can breeze through the exams."
Kurenai looked over at Anko, "Aren't you going to be a proctor for the test? Why are you helping us?"
Anko smiled, "Not only is handsome here giving me all the dango I want, he knows that I am the only one in the village that knows forty four like the back of my hand."
Kurenai coughed, "Forty four? The Forest of Death?"
Asuma glared over at Saber, "What are you thinking? Chunin can die out there. They haven't a chance."
Shirou pointed at each of them. "You want them to be chunin? Then you need to have them train in a dangerous location. Between us six and Rider, they will be fine. In the meantime, we can work on removing their flaws, strengthen their weaknesses, and hone their strengths."
Asuma and Kurenai stood up to leave, "You're crazy."
Shirou shrugged, "If you leave, you reduce the chance that the other will live. Not to mention, when they finish the training, all of our genin will have earned the right to be chunin, test or no test."
Asuma thought it over then nodded, "Fine, you've made your point. We can't coddle them if we want them to succeed."
"Asuma!" Kurenai said, shocked that he would agree to this madness.
"Face it Nai," Anko said, "They're going to have to enter the forest in the test anyway. It's tradition. Might as well get them used to my home now before the test."
Kurenai sighed, "Yeah, Anko, you're right. I shouldn't even consider letting them enter if I have reservations now."
"Good," Shirou said as he placed the food in front of them. "Now that we've agreed to do this, lets eat then plan the whole thing."
"What did you have in mind Saber?" Kakashi asked picking up his chopsticks.
"I had planned on you Kakashi being in charge of the ninjutsu for the training. Gai would be in charge of taijutsu. Kurenai would be in charge of genjutsu. Anko would be in charge of survival and concealment. Asuma would be in charge of formations and group fighting. I also figured he would be the head of the whole training."
The other nodded for a second, the assignments were sensible.
"Hey, wait a minute handsome." Anko said, "What will you be doing?"
Shirou smiled. "Me? I'll be the terror. Same with Rider."
...
The others looked blank, "Terror?"
Shirou nodded, "Imagine if you will, you're tired, you just spent sixteen hours training harder than ever before. You want to go to sleep, but someone keeps shaking chains in the night. Suddenly, you're under attack. Monsters rampage through the camp scattering you and your teams. You have nowhere to run, you can only fight the monsters before they kill you. That's what we'll be."
Anko blinked, then smiled. "Hey now handsome. Why can't we join in?" she said so while licking her lips... he was beginning to think she might be related to Rider somehow.
Shirou pointed at them all. "I don't want them to think it's you. I want them to think it's a monster they've never seen before. Trust me, when you see the two of us, you'll get it." Shirou smiled, "That is if you don't run away yourself." Shirou looked serious.
"Rider and I will be constantly attacking them in their blind sides and out of range. They'll know there are enemies about, but they can't do anything about it. It will foster comrade as they suffer and plan divine retribution."
Anko puts down her chopsticks and walks over to Saber. She leans down and kisses his cheek. "You, are the most devious, malicious, cunning man I have ever met."
Shirou smiled at her lightly, "I'm also taken." Anko continued to smile anyway.
"All the better. The hunt's no fun if you don't run." she said seductively. Shirou felt something crawl up his back. 'A mouse before a snake. It's more accurate than I thought.' Shirou mused.
Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma all chuckled.
"Saber my rival, I must admit my defeat to you this day." Gai said in his nice guy pose. Shirou was still amazed how white Gai's teeth were. They always seemed to sparkle.
"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. I'm still taken." Shirou said.
The meal winded down and the other eventually left Saber to clean up the dishes. Feeling it come towards him, he caught the kunai without even looking. He held it up and saw that there was a note attached to it.
Saber
You'd better keep your promise about the dango or I'll feed you to my snakes.
Anko
Shirou noticed that there was a lipstick mark on the note as well. 'Oh boy,' Shirou thought. This was not good. Anko reminded him of Tohno Akiha during a full moon. Way too much lust and bloodlust mixed together in a seductive concoction.
Shirou looked at the clock and figured that Naruto wouldn't be home for several hours. It seemed like a good time to visit Hanabi. He stepped outside, only to hold back from screaming at what he saw.
Naruto Found himself adrift. For the past several months, he had spent his days training and going on missions. Now, both of them were denied to him today. Naruto had to think of what to do to keep himself occupied.
'Play with Konohamaru? Maybe. Visit Iruka? No, I did that yesterday.' Naruto sighed, it was hard to think up of something to do these days. Naruto thought back to the academy. Back then he had spent his whole day training how to be a ninja and become Hokage. The only breaks he took were when...
Naruto smiled, it had been too long for the village. Too peaceful without any form of chaos.
'We'll just have to work on that now won't we?' Naruto thought. Too long had the village been without it's number one prankster. And now, he had brand new skills to work on with his pranks.
Rider followed along silently in spirit form watching her master go to work. At first, Naruto was content to use smoke bombs and flash bangs to amuse himself. But then, Rider saw something happen. Her master began using the pranks as distractions for others. The whole thing was amusing her to no end.
She watched as packages had their labels removed and replaced by others. Dog food replaced restaurant supplies. Clothing stores had a sudden influx of squirrels and cats inside their shops. Food stores found their canned goods were without labels.
Protests rang across the village as their lives were sent into chaos. Rider watched as jonin and chunin as well as some masked men tried to catch her master only to find their quarry was nothing more than a clone. Rider watched as Naruto turned himself into a knife and had a clone pass him off to another before the clone was caught. Dozens of Naruto clones left trails of silly string, whoopie cushions, and stink bombs in their wake.
Yet, these ones were only a distraction for the true prank occurring. While everyone looked on the ground for her Master, they failed to look up. Upon the cliffs, Rider saw several clones turn into animals and carry brushes up the cliff walls. No-one paid any notice to the animals until it was too late. Rider watched in amusement as they began painting in bright colors the words I'M BACK over one of the statue's heads. Another had the words KING OF PRANKS on it. The other two were painted to look like they were sticking out their tongues and had cross eyes and big mustaches.
Rider had to keep her side from exploding when she saw the grand finale. Over fifty clones kicked a giant banner over the side of the cliff declaring today as NATIONAL PRACTICAL JOKE DAY. Homes everywhere had hand drawn then copies posters of Naruto in a Hokage's outfit with the words 'Believe it' in the craziest places. Refrigerators, tv screens people were watching mere moments ago, on top of seats recently vacated, and even one in the jonin's lounge. How that got there none could tell. Rider suddenly felt a massive killing intent aimed at her master. Rider prepared to defend him, when she saw the origin.
...
It was Saber, and he looked pissed. He quietly walked up to his hiding master and whispered, "Turn into a knife, now." Naruto gulped and did as ordered. Saber gave Rider a glare before he set off for the Forest of Death. It seemed that his master had too much energy to spare. Taking the transformed master, he set off with Rider in tow snickering behind him.
The next day, the other other genins, their instructors, and Anko found Naruto tied up to a pole in front of area Forty Four.
Everyone found themselves laughing at Naruto's plight. Naruto was wearing a pink shirt and pants, clown sized pink shoes with a large cotton ball on his butt. He had a crown of bark and bunny ears on his head. Naruto's face was covered with marker giving him whiskers and a bunny nose. He had a sign on his chest saying ALL HAIL THE KING OF PRANKS.
Rather than the king of pranks, he looked to the world like the king of giant pink bunnies.
"Help me." Naruto whimpered pitifully.
From the forest two voices cackled.
Author's note:
Wow, I should put polls up more often. I've never gotten this many reviews for a chapter before. It seems clear to me who Archer will be. Lord knows, the choice is popular.
Oh, yes. Before I forget, let me know what you thought of the cameo with Ruby and fate/kaleido Rin. Should there be more? Or never again? Let me know.
I'd like to thank L33t Horo as my beta and hope to have another chapter out in a few days.
Read and review please.
(No I don't own either franchise.)