So here's the next chapter. It is a bit longer than usual but some things are explained here. I'm glad some are frustrated with Ashley; she deserves it in this story. The conversations from the past are in italics. Thanks to the people who review, it always helps my writing….So please review and Enjoy

She grips my hand and leads me over to the bed and I follow her actions by sitting down across from her. I don't really know how to tell the story that I've kept secret for so long. "I don't know where to start"

"Start from the beginning Ash, when we first met, then stopped talking to now." She says it softly while rubbing light circles on the palm of my hand.

I brace myself for what I'm about to say, because no matter how hard I try it still hurts…I hold her hand tightly and tell her the story that will hopefully make sense of everything."I met Katie a bit after we had first met. And that's the main reason I wasn't talking to you as much. It wasn't necessarily that she was a better friend than you or I liked her more it was just different, she was just different. She was older and more mature, I don't know. Spencer, when I met her I wasn't really sure how I felt about girls and I tried not to show it but there was always this war raging inside my head….girls…guys. Is it ok to like a girl, what is it like? And I know that's no excuse for me just dropping you like that. But she seemed to see right through me. After a few days she realized that I was on the fence about my sexuality. She used to talk to me about it all the time; she would help me and give me advice. Whenever I was afraid of what I was feeling I would go to her, because usually she knew exactly how to handle it. And I guess somewhere in that i just got too caught up in her. She would tell me that she loved me, and she would call me sweetie and baby. She would hug me and I don't know, the way she acted was just different from how I was with my other friends, we became really close. I had never felt that way with anyone else. And then one day she asked me out. I was nervous and I definitely wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but she promised that we would go slowly and I could finally have some kind of a relationship with a girl. So I said yes because I really did love her, I loved her more than anything at the time. She was telling the truth when she said we would take it slow, we went on dates but she never pressured me to do anything. We got to know each other even more and we had a really strong bond, at least I thought we did. Slowly I started to feel more comfortable around her, and then one night she asked me to come back to her place, I remember it so clearly."

We were standing outside her car when she broke the silence with the question "Ash, come over tonight"

I was shocked, and blushing. I looked anywhere but her face trying to hide my nerves. "I don't know"

Her voice was kind and soothing "It'll be fine baby I promise, no worries"

We made our way back to her house, and we were both sitting on her bed she was gently stroking my leg, when she suddenly said looking right into my eyes.

"You know I love you Ash"

I honestly thought I had heard wrong, I must have. "You w-what"

But then she said it again and my heart felt like it had grown 3 sizes "I love you"
Finally I got to confess to her what I had been feeling for a long time "I love you too"

She slowly started to kiss up my neck and to my jaw.

"We should do it baby girl"

I was worried, really worried, it would be my first time. "Katie I don't know….I'm not ready."

"It's ok baby, we'll go slow and you'll love it, like I love you, there's nothing to worry about." The tone of her voice, something just made me feel safe, and I knew I could trust her so we took that next step.

"With that she started to take of my shirt, and we did it. I had finally done it with a girl, and it was so special to me, I definitely wasn't great but it was my first time with anyone actually. A couple of days later I went over to Katie's house and what I saw that day….it was heart breaking. She and about 10 friends were sitting around a TV, and at first I didn't know what they were doing, but it seemed like they were watching something and laughing. I walked in closer to get a better look, and I realized they were watching my first time, my special moment. They were watching everything that happened between me and Katie that, night, and they were laughing. They laughed at how inexperienced I was, and how slow I was, and then they congratulated her. They congratulated her for winning the bet, for accomplishing the ultimate goal, for getting a virgin. And I think my heart actually broke right then and there, I didn't cry, because I couldn't. I just couldn't feel anything, and then Katie caught my eyes and she stopped laughing. She quickly got up and tried to come up to me but I ran out the door, I couldn't take her right then, actually after that I never wanted to see her face again. She caught up with me outside her house, before I had the chance to leave.

She sounded upset, but then again that might have been some kind of act "Ash you weren't supposed to see that"

I was on the verge of tears but I didn't want her to see me like that. "Don't call me Ash, don't ever call me that Katie"

She was looking downs at the ground with her hands in her pockets "Look I'm so sorry"

It all just felt so fake, everything we had been through "Yeah so am I, I'm sorry that it took so long for you to get in my pants and win the stupid bet."

Then she looked up into my eyes, she had blue eyes, a little like yours Spencer. And she took my hand in hers, I felt sick. "Ashley look it did start out as a bet but by the end it was way more than just that, you mean more than some stupid bet."

I didn't want to hear her apologies "You recorded it"

"I'm sorr-"

Tears were slowly making their way down my face and by then I just couldn't do it anymore. I had to tell her exactly how I felt. "You recorded us together, doing one of the most private things in the world. I meant everything I ever said to you, and you didn't mean a thing. I hate you, I absolutely hate you. "

To my surprise there were tears making their way down her face too, and when she said my name she sounded so desperate. "Ashley"

"I hate you because I loved you and I thought you loved me too, but I was wrong. I was stupid. I left my friends so I could hang out with you because I thought you would be the one who was always there for me, but I was so wrong it's sad. I have got to go."

But before I had the chance to walk away I heard her shout "I love you Ashley Davies more than anything."

"And with that I left. She tried to call me, and I didn't talk to her. That was the only time I had ever ignored one of her calls or texts. I did love her, I really did."

She was gripping my hand hard by now and her blue eyes met mine with so many emotions in between "Ashley what the fuck…why didn't you tell your parents, why didn't you tell me? I was there Ash and you never told me."

I continued my tale trying to just make her understand "I couldn't tell my mom. She was a hard core catholic as some would put it and I just didn't need any more pain, not at the moment. I couldn't take someone else leaving me. And I didn't want to tell you Spencer I was ashamed of what happened. I felt like some kind of stupid little girl, who got involved in something way over her head. I felt like a moron, and I still do."

She got closer and looked around for a moment. Then she asked the question I suppose had been bothering her for a while "Ashley I could have helped you more I was ready to, but what happened that day of the kiss. Why did you leave me?"

It was a simple question so I gave her my simplest answer "Because I'm an idiot. I'm just hopeless. Spencer I was terrified of how I was feeling when you kissed me. It was like Katie over again, and I know that you aren't her but I just couldn't deal. You made me feel like she did. I had so many nightmares that made me relive what happened with Katie. I really, really liked you, but I was so terrified of what would happen and that's why I left. I acted like I hated you, because I needed it to be true. I thought maybe if everyone else thought I hated you then so would I. And then I humiliated you, I'm not proud of what I did Spencer, but I needed you to leave me. I needed you to hate every bit of me, because that's what I deserved from you. You didn't need to always be there trying to help put together the broken girl I was, you deserved more than that. After everything that happened I did build walls. I kept everyone away from me because I didn't want anyone to be able to hurt me like Katie did. And I know that I keep using her as an excuse for all my actions, and that's not enough. It's not a good enough reason to justify what I did, and I am sorry."