It has certainly been a while. The more reviews I get the faster I will update...promise. Also thanks to all who read the story, it makes me very happy :) Please enjoy!
"Forgive me father for I have loved"
I shouldn't have to be forgiven right? It's love, it's beautiful, it's totally awesome… but I feel like I need to be forgiven. I shouldn't feel this way.
"I don't believe I understand "He doesn't. I can tell. He sounds truly confused. I don't care though, I just need to leave. I need to think.
"Yea you and the rest of the world" It's kinda true you know? I just feel like nobody understands. I want them to understand, I want my mom to understand. I'm afraid to tell her. I am so afraid, but lying to her is just making everything worse. I feel horrible when I try and avoid the whole who do you like conversation…because she is my mom and I should be able to tell her anything and everything. I should be able to say mom I think I'm totally falling for this girl and I'm scared mom. I'm so scared of being hurt just like before, but I feel like it must be worth it, love must be worth it. Then again she doesn't know about what happened with Katie and right now she is the last person I ever want to find out.
I am now going to go sit on one of those bench things and think and pray and think. I'll pray for courage because that's what I need right now. I wish it would be like the wizard of Oz I could just go ask for some courage. The lion was totally the shit man. Hey somebody is tapping on my shoulder and I highly doubt that it is Dorothy. "Look I don't need any more weird looks and whatever you are planning on calling me you can just go- "
"Ashley" Hmm that voice.
"Spencer?" what the heck is she doing back here?
"I can stop calling you names but looking at you weird is kind of a natural reaction….to your weirdness" She thinks she is soo funny. And I would care if I didn't think she was too. She is laughing, it's fun to watch her laugh at her own bad jokes you know? Well maybe you don't know, but I do. She laughs and it's quiet and soft and the sound kind of tickles your ears. Sometimes it even looks like her eyes are laughing. It's cute.
Awww she really is cute….but what is she doing here? "Hey what are you doing back so soon I thought-"
"I had some unfinished business here, and it was kind of important" she sounds like she might be in the mafia. I should watch out… I might be that unfinished business. OH God…I must be going crazy.
"Oh really what might that be" she smelly really nice. Like vanilla. But not like how those crappy scent things smell. More like home. Yeah it smells like home and safety and sweetness. Like every bad feeling ever is gone, just the scent of a really cozy place.
"Who would be the better question"Very interesting Spencer Carlin.
"Oooh then who?" What can I say I am very curious? It might just be me but I think she is stepping closer to me…what the hell? Oh shit am I allowed to think that in church.
And now she has stepped in close her breath sweeping over my ear, her sweet voice slowly trailing.
"She's 5'6 maybe, gorgeous black hair blue eyes you might know her" As she pulls away I notice the small smile playing at her lips, just waiting to break through. I also happen to notice the odd stares from some people. Eh fuck them.
"Cute"
"As much as like talking to you about fake girlfriends I do or do not have I must say I am very worried." I would love to say that her light tone made that phrase all a joke but I could see the look in her eyes. It was telling me she was serious.
"What? Why?" I don't like it when Spencer is worried. And who knows maybe something really bad happened. And then she won't be happy anymore and that couldn't be good.
"Ashley, Ashley, Ashley…..you may not have noticed but you are in a church. " She said it really slow…like she thinks I am stupid. I wonder if she knows who she is talking too exactly.
And now I take her hands in mine and frantically look all around the place. "Oh my gosh no wayyyy. I must have gotten lost trying to find the pride parade. Mrs. Do you think you could help me find it?" She deserves it, she's a jerk…a heart stopping adorable jerk….but still.
"Ha-Ha. Seriously why are you, the devil spawn herself here? "She didn't let go of my hands, instead she gently started rubbing patterns onto them. Her soft touch instantly soothing me, as much as possible at the moment.
I look down at our hands and I remember. I remember what I said to that priest. I remember how I felt when my mother asked me who I liked and I couldn't tell her, couldn't even think of telling her. I remembered how the first time Spencer and I started really talking again I couldn't get my heart to calm down. I remembered feeling like I was doing something wrong. I remembered it all "To think "
"About what" I could hear it in her voice. She understood it was serious, she understood that I really was thinking and hard. And I could hear under her melodic voice that she was worried about me, maybe even us.
"Stuff" I shouldn't tell her… she doesn't need to know.
"What kind of stuff" She's pushing. She knows it. I know it. I don't like it when people push me. It makes me want to push back. Then I look up into those eyes that I love so much. And I don't just see the crystal blue of the ocean I see concern. I don't want to push anymore.
"Annoying stuff" It is annoying, very, very annoying.
"Let's go for a walk "
"ADD much" I try to say it lightly, try to distract her. But I can tell from the way she keeps looking over me, holding my hands tight as if I'm about to break…she's not going to drop it.
She says it real soft, a whisper that seems to just float away "Well you aren't going to tell me here and now but I thought maybe you would if we went for a walk"
I want to tell her. And I think I actually need to tell her. "After you"
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...just kidding if you are happy though please review and clap your hands if you want but not at the same time. If you are sad feel free to review and tell me how much I suck. Thanks :P