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"Are you brave enough to get your answer?'

I should have said no. I should have told her I wasn't ready, I was terrified. I should have gotten up and walked away just like the last time we kissed, but something was different. Something stopped me. Maybe it was the way her hand gently, cautiously held mine- like it was the only thing keeping her on this earth, maybe it was the way her earnest blue eyes watched me intently waiting for any sign to back off, give me room, simply let me breath, maybe it was the way her angelic lips quirked into a nervous, shy sort of smile, maybe it was the way I lover her. I don't know what it was, and I don't think I ever truly will. But in that moment I realized I would never be ready. I don't think anyone could truly be ready for the phenomenon that is Spencer Carlin. I wanted that kiss. I needed it- we needed it.

As I began to lean in I noticed that mischievous glint in the corner of Spencer's eye and I saw her lips tug upward- the beginning of one of her heart breaking smiles. As she came in closer her smell was all around me, comforting me, supporting me, helping me breath. It is cinnamon and warmth and home swirling about. As her warm breath washed over my face, my eyes softly shut on their own accord. And as her lips gently, cautiously met mine it wasn't aggressive, too passionate, or some kind of battle for control. It was promising, hopeful, free, absolutely heart wrenching. When her careful lips slowly began to move against mine, gruelingly slow, I could feel it. The fear began to bubble up in the pit of my stomach like a wild fire- but she's water, she's life, my god she could be all I need. It didn't last long, it didn't need to- it couldn't. Slowly we each began to pull away, breathing quickly. I watched as Spencer anxiously bit her lip before resting her forehead lightly against mine. As I looked into her eyes, her whirlwind, almost magical eyes I knew she could be it. It was so real. But that's what I saw with Katie, that's what I felt with her- and that wasn't too real, at all, I needed to run. But with her skin warmly against mine, her breath softly sweeping my face, her eyes tearing into mine, I couldn't budge. There was no way I could physically move. So I used words, I used words to try and escape it all like I had so many times before.

As my eyes shut close, my words came out shaky- pathetic."Tell me that I mean nothing to you."

Her hand tightly clutched mine and it almost made me feel safe. Her voice filled with wonder, and so much conviction."You mean the world to me Ashley Davies."

I drew back from her and let my eyes steadily open only to find her gazing back at me. My voice is anything but calm, anything but normal. I need her to tell me- I need her to understand. "Tell me that you hate me."

At those words she let loose a small smile that tugged at my heart. She slowly came up to me, her eyes never leaving mine and left a feather light kiss on my neck, lingering a moment more than necessary, the skin beneath burning at her touch. Her hand traveled the length of my cheek and her eyes raged. Her voice was quiet, but confident. She knew that I needed this, she always seems to know. "I adore you with everything I have."

I took her hand in mine, playing with each of her fingers, my voice was small, my god it was so small. And all I could do was look at her hands. It's sad really, all I could to was look at her hands intertwined with mine because that image, well it meant the world to me at that moment. "Tell me that you'll leave me- it's just a matter of time."

She took my hand and slowly brought the inside of my wrist up to her lips, leaving a small kiss as reassurance. I don't know how, but I found the strength to look into those eyes, those eyes that could never let me forget the way she makes me feel. Her voice was sweet, music to my ears. "Why would I ever leave your side, there's no place I'd rather be."

I let my eyes wander, land on everything else besides her and when they came back to her bewitching face I could see the concern etched on. It was barely a whisper- but something I needed to say, something I just had to know. "Tell me that it will be okay, we'll be okay."

She took a moment, barely even a second before sporting a confident grin and giving a secure nod. Her voice was honest- pure- painfully raw. And when she said those words, I know she meant them, I know she believed them. I just wasn't sure if I did. I wasn't sure if I could just yet. I wasn't sure if I could let myself. "We will. We'll be just fine. I promise you."

I stood up from the bed taking a few unsuccessful calming steps. A shaky hand ran through my hair and my voice sounded tired, frightened, unsure. It sounded like the wreck that I really am. "Spence"

Her voice was soothing, melodic, simple. Such a simple message, from such a seemingly simple girl, and my god did that simple message startle me. "Don t be scared Ashley"

I turned around and simply stared at her for a few short seconds. I let my arms cross over my chest and my head fall a bit. My voice sounded...defensive...yes that's exactly what is sounded like. "Who says I'm scared?"

She stood up and looked at me, really looked at me. You know what I mean? It was one of those times where she looked at me and I felt like she was tearing apart my soul, searching the deepest depths of my mind and my heart. And I don't think I've ever felt so alive- so vulnerable. Her voice was quiet, concise- tell tale. "You're eyes. Your eyes say it all."

And since it seems she had already invaded my soul, I let it all out. I ranted and I rambled and I paced and I think I might just be shaking. I'm saying it too fast, I'm saying it the wrong way, but I'm saying it and I suppose that's what truly matters, my heart is telling me that's what really matters. "I want you, my god I want you so bad it hurts. But I've built all these walls and I've tried so hard to protect my heart, and you just look, you just look at me and they start to crumble."

"I'm not going to hurt you, it's okay to let them fall Ashley, to let me in."

I didn't mean for my shoulders to tremble the way they did. I didn't mean for my voice to come out so shaky, so broken. I didn't mean to let that simple tear slide down my check. Honest, I didn't. I didn't mean for so much to happen. But that voice, and those eyes, and that love...that love that's suffocating me and freeing me and saving me. I didn't mean for it to happen, not at all,but it did. Should I take it back. Should I apologize for it, or maybe let it be. "I'm trying its just-"

Her delicate hand landed on my shoulder giving it a slight squeeze. Her voice took on that concerned tone, that heavy tone, that urgent sort of tone. "Hey, Ashley are you okay?"

I ignored that rogue tear and I tried my hardest to stabilize myself, my voice, my mind. I shut my eyes tight and my jaw clenched almost painfully. I give the answer that I have given so many times before. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

Sarcasm, oh how I hate it when its used against me. But that's what her voice holds, disbelief, absolute disbelief. That's okay sometimes I really can't believe myself either. "Really? You're really going to lie to me right now?"

I let my eyes open and I see her starring back at me, her head slightly tilted, vivid eyes calmly searching. What is she searching for, the truth, the answer, a way to help. I wish I could help her find them, I do. I wish I could help myself find them. My shoulders drop on their own accord and I let out a tired breath even I didn't know I was holding. "Fine is how I want to be"

It's soft, not too pushing, just enough. Open up, open up, I can practically hear her scream through those words. "But its not how you are."

Thanks for letting me know, I wasn't aware. I shake my head. At myself, at the situation, at life I guess. It's no big deal- so why can't I seem to get through it all. Why does it seem to keep piling up on top of me. "I'm just nervous, its no big deal."

But she doesn't believe that, not for a second, I can tell by the way her eyes won't leave me for the slightest moment, I can tell by the way her voice is so gentle it makes me want to cry. And I guess, somehow I knew she wouldn't. "It's a big deal to me. Come on what are you nervous about?"

"I shouldn't be, I know I shouldn't be. It's just I'm falling, im falling and I'm scared that I wont be able to stop myself."

She nodded her head , looking at the ground, in what I suppose was understanding. Then she looked up, her sneaky eyes shining, giving me her reasonable response. "Well that's okay, because I'll always be there to catch you."

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face if I tried. But you know what I wouldn't want to. And looking at her there, slightly leaning against the wall, smiling, hoping, caring I couldn't help the words that seemed to jump out of my mouth. "You're sweet."

She graced me with a small shrug and one of her oh so witty comments, that I've come to love more and more everyday. "I try."

I let a tiny laugh run wild around the room, I mean Spencer Carlin can be quite funny at times."Oh yes I can tell. But really, do you think it could work, we could work?"

"Well I like you a lot, I do. And if im not mistaken you like me too. Am I correct?" She made it seem so easy, and maybe just maybe it was that easy. Together we could make it that simple.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes."Yes I happen to like you very much" I wasn't supposed to say the next bit- but it just slipped right out of my mouth."too much."

"There's never too much, besides We trust each other. I know I can talk to you about anything and well of course you can talk to me about what ever you need to. You've let me in and I understand how big that is for you. I know you Ash. I'm not saying that it will be the easiest thing in the world, but I want it, you know- I want us and if you want it too I think that's enough to get things started."

"I don't think you have any idea how much I want this."

"Well then Ashley Davies, it seems we have something great, something that will only get better."

"You drive me crazy you know that?" And she does, she really does. The things she says, the way she looks at me, the little things she does. My god it sends my heart, my mind into over drive. Crazy, that's exactly what she makes me- and I don't think I'd have it any other way.

The shaking of her head was accompanied by a tiny giggle that seemed to light up the room, clear it out a bit. "No I wasn't aware"

That's crazy, she's always aware. "Well I just wanted you to know-"

There was a knock on the door and the sound made us both jump, brought us back to the real world in a way, we shared a look before a voice was heard."Can I come in?" Ah yes my mom, now I am most definitely back in the real world.

"Yeah of course mom, come on in." With that the door opened and she took a step forward, not really coming into the room. And for some reason I was glad, so glad that she didn't walk into my room.

"I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay up here and say I'm back from work. But it seems everything is alright so I'm gonna go" She gave a quick smile and wave before gently closing the door behind her. I faintly heard her as she walked down the staircase.

Jesus, shes just standing there starring at me, through me. Her voice is quite blunt to be honest. "You look guilty."

A slight shrug is all I can offer "I feel guilty". I feel like crap would be a better way of saying it.

It's a bit harsh, a bit strong- something Spencer doesn't usually do. I can see it in those eyes, she means it- "Don't"

"I need to tell her." And I do, I really do because its eating away at me, lying to my own mother like that

She gives a slight nod and pushes off the wall taking a step toward me. "You do, but you have time, plenty of time. And when the time comes I'll help you figure out how to tell her."

That makes sense, that makes tons of sense. And I want to believe that, I do. But I just can't help the biting feeling in my stomach and the gnawing at my heart."I don't know I just feel like im doing her wrong all the time when I lie to her about this kind of stuff."

She lazily wrapped her arms around my waist, effectively cutting off all my brain power for the moment. "Perhaps, but you'd be doing yourself wrong if you tell her before you're ready."

"Such wise words, for such a loser." Yes, I know, I am extremely immature. What can I say- it's the first thing that came to mind.

"You didn't seem to think I was such a loser when you kissed me before." She actually stuck her tongue out at me...That was also quite immature. What a strange pair we are.

"I have absolutely nothing to say"

An infectious smile breaks out across the face that I have come to adore oh so much. Her voice eager, teasing- she practically shouts "Well that's a first. THANK GOD!"

I couldn't help the gasp that left my lips at her words. That's Spence for you. With that playful look in her eyes, and a solid smirk in place she took off running. That crazy girl ran right out of my room. And I chased her. I chased her and I couldn't help thinking I wouldn't mind chasing a girl like Spencer Carlin every once in a while. But who knows what will happen when I catch her, that's the real surprise.

I hope you enjoyed it. So did you like the way the chapter was written, what happened between Spencer and Ashley? Review and let me know, if you have the time and the energy :D