Kira: Lyn? Lyn, where are you? This place is so-so familiar...
Lyn: It seems rather dark and cold... and wet to me.
Kira: And sexy...very sexy...WAIT! Could this be?
Lyn: Could this be what? AA? Possibly... that would explain why it' dark, cold, wet, and why I don't recall being here... but sexy?
Kira: Lyn, this is-we're in- A FANFICTION CONVO! D:
Lyn: WHAT? But-how-who-when? This isn't possible! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
Kira: I- I wrote, Lyn, I wrote! Yes, too many moons passed and not one of them had the glorious yaoi that I needed to sustain my fangirl soul and thus, I returned! I have come back to fanfiction! I have come back to make it mine!
Lyn: ...So this is all your fault we're here... Wait... Why am I here? WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME BACK TO THIS FORSAKEN PLACE OF SEXY TIME?
Kira: ...so your fans could mercilessly beat you until you finish your stories...and because I didn't want to come back alone! D:
Lyn: You have brought upon my hell because you wished not to be alone? Well then... I have nothing left to say except... ON WITH THE STORY.
Itachi had become a rather simple man. He would wake up in the morning, comb his obnoxiously long hair, feed his pet fish Kisame (A/N: YES, I did it, I made him a pet fish! D: Get over it!), and then wake up Sasuke. Now, Itachi had once been a part of a fierce organization of assassins, ubeknownst to his dear little brother, but nothing had quite prepared him for the sight that greeted him as he went on his merry way to harrass Sasuke into conciousness.
There, on the bed, laid Itachi's little brother holding another young boy. And they were naked. Stark. Fucking. Naked.
However, being an Uchiha and thusly an owner of the look-how-cool-I-can-be-under-pressure gene, Itachi merely smirked at the sight. The two younger boys shifted a bit but didn't awaken. Itachi cleared his throat loudly, not so much to prompt the two to get up but rather out of the sudden smell of post-sex that had reached him. Sasuke blinked lazily.
"Itachi?" Sasuke asked.
"...you're late for school..." Itachi replied.
Sasuke suddenly looked down at the sleeping blonde in his arms and then looked at Itachi. He blushed a little at being caught.
"Ah, my dear little brother, you've defiled and been defiled I see." Itachi sighed, suddenly breaking from the family's stereotypical cool demeanor.
Sasuke's grip tightened around the slumbering Naruto as he sent daggers to Itachi with his glare.
"He might hear you!" Sasuke growled quietly.
Itachi had seemed to magically obtain a party hat and party blower in the moment that Sasuke blinked and with a straight face asked, "Then I'm assuming now is not the time to celebrate?"
Sasuke shook his head violently.
"Let him sleep, Itachi," Sasuke threatened and then softened, "He's- beautiful when he sleeps, isn't he?"
Itachi paused and looked at the two boys. He'd never seen his little brother look at anyone the way that he was looking at Naruto.
"So, you love him now, do you?"
Sasuke looked up at his brother and instead of the usual "none of your damn business" remarks, he smiled. Itachi smiled back and quietly backed out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"They're nothing like us, Kyubbi," Itachi whispered up to ceiling before walking off, "...I miss you."
Back in Sasuke's bedroom, Sasuke nuzzled into Naruto and he drifted back to sleep, deciding that whatever awaited him in the outside world wasn't nearly as important as what was in his arms now.
"You two are a couple of bitches."
Sai stood in the Naruto and company's kitchen, his stature sending out a vibe so strong and angry that the word hate didn't seem to do it justice.
Lyn and Kira however, were in the middle of making breakfast and chose to ignore the pale and angry little man's vibes.
"I said something to the two of you!" Sai yelled as his fist banged into the wall.
Lyn turned away from cooking bacon and put a hand on her hip.
"I'll ask you kindly not to destroy our home." she said.
Sai approached Lyn and had his face a mere centimeter from hers.
"It's not your home. People like you don't have homes."
Before Lyn could react, Kira, abandoning the waffles, stepped in and put a hand on Sai's shoulder.
"No, Sai, we're not those kind of people anymore."
Sai pulled away from the intense glare that Lyn was returning and looked at Kira. Her eyes looked sad but her face was smiling. Sai looked at Kira, unsure.
"What does that mean?"
"Sai," Kira took a deep breath, "Lyn and I- well, we're no longer assasins."
"What?" Sai was shocked, "But resignation is-"
"Death," Lyn finished icily, "We weren't really fans of that option."
Kira took her place beside Lyn and the three looked at one another.
"So-?"
"We blew up the base of operations, last night." Kira answered, "The organization won't recover from that kind of blow. Our sector is over."
"No one will ever find us." Lyn added.
Sai took a step back and and grinned.
"My sector will. I know what you are, who you are, and where you are. What should keep me from capturing you now?"
Kira took a step towards Sai and gently wrapped her warm arms around him. Sai motioned to remove her but Lyn glared him down.
"Sai," she said quietly, "You love him, don't you?"
Sai looked down at the redhead. She buried her face in his chest and held him tight. He nodded his head.
"So do we."
"...Sasuke?"
Naruto had woken up gently. He marveled at the toned and pale arm that laid across his torso. His hand traced the muscles softly before resting ontop of the other boy's hand.
Then the reality of it hit him.
"S-Sasuke!"
Sasuke shifted to prop himself up.
"What?"
Naruto looked at himself and then Sasuke. Then himself. Then Sasuke.
"N-n-naked-" Naruto stuttered.
"Naruto?"
"NAKED!" Naruto shouted
Sasuke looked confused as Naruto panicked.
"Oh my- we didn't- did we? We couldn't have! But we're- were-"
Sasuke titled his head to the side as he examined the anxiety filled boy.
"Naked?" Sasuke offered.
"Yes! Naked!" Naruto shouted, "Oh, god!"
Sasuke pulled farther away from Naruto and stared down at the sheets. He stared at the chaotic covers and the stains of their respective seeds. He felt the pain of a hangover poking at his temples as Naruto continued to rant.
'Right. We were drunk.' Sasuke thought bitterly.
"More than the stars, huh?" Sasuke thought aloud.
Naruto broke from his rant and looked at Sasuke. His panic dropped and he suddenly became concerned. Naruto put a hand on Sasuke's.
"Sasuke?-"
Sasuke pulled away violently. His face was hidden behind his hair. Naruto wanted to reach up and tuck the overgrown bangs behind Sasuke's ear but he didn't dare move. The tension and silence froze him.
"Gomenesai," Sasuke said before throwing the covers off and rushing into his bathroom. The door locked behind him.
Naruto sat in Sasuke's bed. He wanted to go after him. He was only a few feet away, just behind a door but Naruto couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, the blonde slid out from the bed and slowly dressed himself. Before leaving, he turned and looked at the bathroom door one last time.
"Fuck the both of you." Sai said coldy as he threw Kira away from him, "You dishonor the assasin."
Lyn was quick to aid Kira, catching her before she hit the wall.
"You think you know so much about him, don't you? You think you care? You think a few months of being here makes a bond? I care more about him than anybody." Sai said harshly.
Lyn looked up and glared at him.
"That wasn't the fucking question, now was it?"
Sai's fists clenched.
"The question she asked, was 'do you love him'?" Lyn corrected angrily.
"Of course." Sai answered.
"Liar," Kira whispered.
Lyn and Sai both looked at her, suprised at the interjection. She stood up slowly, gently pushing away Lyn's help. Kira's gazed remained aimed at the floor as she wiped the blood from her lip.
"Liar," she repeated.
Sai was getting irritated at the redhead.
"Oh, so I'm the-"
"LIAR!" Kira screamed and looked at him.
Kira stood in a fight stance as the rage began to expel from her.
"If you loved him you wouldn't be an assassin! All your fucking notions of honor are wrong! Living in secret isn't honorable! Lying to the ones you love isn't honorable! Killing people for a living isn't goddamn honorable! Lyn and I walked away from our positions because we found people that we care about! People other than ourselves! We found a fucking home and you know what the honorable thing to do is? To stay with the ones you love and protect the home you have! So fuck you, Sai!"
Kira ran towards Sai and sent a right hook straight to his jaw.
"You stupid son of a bitch!"she began crying as she pinned him down and beat him, "You could have had a home! You could have had a family! That's why you lost him! You fucking!- fucking!-"
Lyn ran and restrained Kira's arms.
"Enough, Kira! That's enough..." Lyn soothed her.
Kira fought the restraint for a few moments but soon her body went weak as she sobbed. The tears landed on Sai's face, which was sore from the punches. Sai slowly slid out from under Kira and lifted his upper body. He looked down at the crying girl and then at Lyn, who refused to return his gaze. He stared at the door for a few moments before completely removing himself.
"You're right, I don't love him," Sai said as he put a hand on the door, "Not the way that you or you, or Sasuke, or anyone else can. I could never be his family, or his lover. But I'll do the one thing I can do."
Lyn had knelt down and put her arms around Kira to console her as she looked up at Sai.
"What's that?" she asked.
"He's the brother of a dead assasin, Lyn, you should know that they'd try to find him. Sasuke is the brother of an assasin in hiding. You two, you were smart in blowing up your base but eventually, they'll try to track you too."
"We know," Lyn said.
Sai turned around and approached them and then knelt down in front of Kira. He tapped her shoulder and prompted her to show her face. Sai smiled at her as she revealed herself.
"I would have liked to have been your family," Sai said to her and gave her a kiss on the top of her head, "I would have liked it very much," he repeated looking at Lyn, "I'm going to protect him. I'm going to protect his way of life. That's how I love him."
Sai rose up and approached the door.
"I'm going to protect you too. Take care of him, onee-chans...take care."
The morning light was blinding as he opened the door and it flooded in on the two ex assassins. The girls blinked and when they opened their eyes, Sai was gone.
Naruto walked along the road to his house. He stared at his hand, tracing the lines of his palm with his index finger. The bright morning sun made his clothes feel hot. He sighed.
'Sasuke...Sasuke, what have we done? ...why did you run from me like that? ...were you embarrassed? I was. So much. So quickly. Sasuke...I slept with Sasuke...'
"Naruto?" a voice called out.
Naruto's head snapped up and looked around for the source. A finger poked his shoulder and he turned around abruptly. It was Sakura.
"Naruto, are you all right?" she asked.
Naruto paused, not sure how to asnwer.
"Well? Are you?" Sakura asked again.
"...I don't know." Naruto finally concluded.
Half an hour later, a shocked Sakura sat across from Naruto in her kitchen after hearing all the wonders of his recent boy love adventures. She was suddenly very happy that she was a lesbian.
'Lesbian? Well, I guess so, huh.' she thought to herself.
'Hell's fucking yeah! Woot! Pussy!' Inner Sakura cheered.
"Naruto," Sakura began, "Love is weird."
"I know," Naruto interrupted.
Sakura pouted at him angrily.
"Let me finish!" she said with a plam slam on her kitchen table, "Love, is weird. Very weird. I mean, I spent most of my life up to this point chasing after someone with no interest in me. I did things that were mean and I treated everyone like they were dispensible and insignificant in the pursuit of him. And that was just a crush."
Naruto nodded as he sipped at the tea that Sakura had provided him.
"And then, to top it off, I was blinded to someone who really cared about me. Come to think of it, two someones that really cared about me. Ino, well, I think she loves me and I think I'm starting to love her too. And Naruto, I know your crush on me is over, but you still care, don't you?"
Naruto nodded and smiled.
"You see? It's like, parallel or something. Yeah! Your gay-niverse parallels my lesbiverse! I'm you and you're me! Ino's Sasuke and Sasuke is Ino! Wait- then who's the you to me in your world?"
Naruto had stopped nodding all together and looked at Sakura with a blank face.
"...gay-niverse?" he managed to ask.
Sakura sighed, and got out a piece of paper and some crayons. She began drawing a diagram with pink representing herself, purple representing Ino, orange representing Naruto, and blue representing Sasuke. All were very poor stick figures.
"See? Sasuke always loved you but you had a crush on me. Ino always loved me, and you always cared about me but I had a crush on Sasuke. So in your diagram, who was it that cared about you, who had a crush on you that you were blind to?"
Naruto paused to think, Sakura had scribbled a figure in black crayon as she waited, putting a question mark above its poor and misshapen head.
"C'mon, Naruto! You're going to screw up my whole theory if you can't think of someone!" Sakura sighed.
"Sai!" Naruto shouted suddenly.
Sakura jumped back, a little afraid.
"Uh, yeah, I just sighed." (A/N: Yup, I made that joke. D:)
"No, no, my friend, Sai!" Naruto shouted, "...Sai! I have to apologize to him!"
Naruto began running out the door as Sakura called after him.
"Wait, where are you going!"
"To fix-" Naruto shouted as he took off, "the GAY-NIVERSE!"
Sasuke was still sitting on his bathroom floor. He was still naked. He was cold and he, the great, cold, and callous Sasuke, was crying.
Sasuke felt like a fool. Sasuke, most likely the smartest boy in the whole village, felt like a damn fool.
'Why would he love me? Why would I even think that -that stupid display of drunken affection meant he loved me? ...I'm just a dick. I took advantage of him. I'm a dick.'
"I'M A FUCKING DICK!" Sasuke shouted as he kicked the wall across from him.
"Well I should hope you're a 'fucking' dick," Itachi said from the other side of the door, "If you aren't then you're just one that pisses on everything and that' not nearly as fun."
Sasuke kicked the wall again and buried his head in his arms.
"Go away, Itachi!"
Itachi pawed at the door.
"Oh, come on, little brother, tell me what happened."
"Screw off!" Sasuke yelled.
Itachi sighed as he slid down the door and sat on the floor.
"Sasuke, you know that I loved Kyubbi, right?" Itachi asked.
Sasuke didn't reply, instead he further buried his head as he sulked.
"And I know you know that Kyubbi is Naruto's brother, I've told you that."
Sasuke didn't want to hear this. He didn't care about his brother or his brother's deceased boyfriend. He only cared about the look on Naruto's face this morning and the hurt.
"So," Itachi continued, "Don't you understand how much it kills me to see you and Naruto together?"
Sasuke's head shot up but Itachi just picked at his nails.
"I mean, you two are nothing like Kyubbi and I. Your relationship is nothing like ours was. Not that yours is less, just different. But you look so much like the two of us. It's like staring into a mirror. I miss him, Sasuke. I miss him everyday of my life. Every moment that I breath. Everytime I blink. I know you love Naruto but you've become so selfish. All you ever do is pity yourself, you know that?"
Sasuke pulled himself closer to the door. He put his ear against it.
"Sasuke, I lost my Kyubbi because he was selfish. That's how he died. If it wasn't for you, little brother, I'd have been left with nothing. But Naruto doesn't have a little brother, does he? He never had anybody but you. One day, I'll be gone, Sasuke, and then you won't have anybody but him. So stop being selfish. He needs you to guide him and you need him to hold on."
Itachi got up from the door and took a few steps forward when the door unlocked. Sasuke emerged, stone faced and wiping his tears away. He stepped towards his brother, looking as ill tempered as ever and then embraced him. Itachi smiled and patted his head.
Then he took another glance at his brother.
"Sasuke...maybe you should have put on some underwear first."
Lyn: -stares at Kira- What are you doing?
Kira: -lying on her back with her legs bent and against her torso- ...the upside-down seahorse?
Lyn: ...The upside-down seahorse is a sex postion... who are you having sex with?
Kira: ... O.o ...RUN JEFFERY RUN! BEFORE SHE SEES YOU!
Lyn: Kira, obviously I know Jeffery is there since you just screamed out his name. Plus he's a cold, how can I see him?
Kira: Cold? What the- Oh! Right! Jeffery the Cold! Yeah...that's who that was.
Lyn: ...
Kira: ...-hangs head- I'm a slut.
Lyn: At least your clothed.
Kira: Clothed? Oh! So that's what these things are -pulls at clothes- Do they come off? They're uncomfortable...
Lyn: D: JA NE