What do romantic vampires do? Neck!

Jack and Ianto arrived back at the Hub from a council liaison meeting. Myfanwy flew overhead with a welcoming screech, drawing Jack's eye to the conference room as Ianto helped him off with his coat. He nodded towards the room where a flickering light showed, "I thought everyone else had gone home?"

Ianto shrugged as he hung up the coat, "I know Tosh and Gwen planned on using that discount the Spa gave us for sorting out their Weevil problem."

Jack gave a bark of laughter, "That lent a new dimension to a seaweed wrap!"

He followed Ianto over to the coffee machine. "You know we should book ourselves a massage." He leaned against the counter watching Ianto's efficient technique. A light blush crept over Ianto's cheeks. "Only if you promise to behave – properly." Ianto had started to add explanations of what type of behaviour he was expecting. Jack was quite adept at interpreting being asked to behave as permission to do whatever he wanted. After all without conditions behaviour could be naughty or nice (though Ianto found it usually ended up as quite or even amazingly good.)

Ianto finished making the coffee, placing three mugs on a tray. "Owen sometimes watches DVD's on the plasma screen. Says the definition and sound is better than he gets at his apartment." He picked up the tray and Jack followed him across the Hub and up to the conference room.

Jack opened the door and Ianto passed through, panting could be heard from the screen. Raising his head from checking the tray Ianto glanced at the screen. "Whoa!" He tilted his head to the right, the better to see the action on the screen. Jack whistled under his breath and did the same, trying to make sense of the anatomy.

"You know that guy's technique sucks, Owen," he said.

"Yes very funny, Harkness, less of the puns please. When did you two get back?" He picked up a mug without taking his eyes from the screen. "This is a classic I'll have you know."

Jack glanced at Ianto, and raised his eyebrows.

"No I mean it Owen, he's missing out on so many ways to give her a good time. Where's the touching, the sensuality? Why does he look like he's trying to pass his driving test?"

"I do not need a film critique from you thank you. If you don't like it, don't watch."

"When Yan and I…"

"Oh God, now I need brain bleach!" Owen put his head in his hands.

"You can happily watch sex between two people who don't give a damn about each other but you can't stand to hear about two of your friends making love? I'll never understand the 21st century."

Ianto had contemplated quietly retreating from the room, porn was really not his thing, but he stopped,startled when he heard Jack call what they did making love. He found himself staring at Jack. "When did they move from shagging to making love?"He wondered. Ianto missed Owen's reply, only to be startled out of his reverie by the increasing noise coming from the woman on the screen. He found himself mesmerised by her facial contortions.

"Fake!" he and Jack spoke at the same time.

Owen finally gave up and turned to look at them. Before he could speak Jack picked up his mug and took a sip.

"Oh, Ianto, this is even better than usual. New blend?"

"Single estate actually, from Kenya. Fairtrade organic, shade grown."

"Mmm, come on, let's leave Owen to his make believe and go and enjoy this in peace." He ushered Ianto out of the room in front of him. He turned back in the doorway. "Of course Owen there's another reason to be careful about what porn you watch."

"And what might that be, Harkness?"

"There's no Fairtrade guarantee for the sex industry in the 21st Century."

Thank you to CJH4ever who has been reviewing these fics. Also to all those who have put this on alerts (live dangerously and review too -I'm not a monster and promise not to bite, unless you ask real nice!.) I hope you are enjoying the stories! Reviews will ensure my new year gets off to a happy start!

May I wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Succesful 2010.