The Virus Of Doubt

Harry didn't know exactly how he got there. He didn't even know where exactly he was. His mind was so foggy. He just knew that this black sofa on which he was seated belonged neither to Snape's office nor to the infirmary. Now he sat there, his knees pulled close as he stared at the opposite wall, a wall full of books.

Professor Snape had vanished from his sight, but returned immediately with a steaming goblet in his hand. He held it out to Harry, but the boy didn't notice at first.

"Drink that!" Severus said finally.

Harry blinked a few times until he focused at the goblet. "What is it?"

"Hot chocolate with calming draught," Severus explained.

"Calming draught?" Harry frowned "Do I really need that?"

"It will make you feel better."

Doubtfully Harry looked at his Professor. How will I ever feel better? he wondered. But finally he loosened his grip on his pulled up legs with one hand and took the goblet. He sniffed at it and then took a small sip. It tasted delicious. Welcoming warmth ran down his throat and when it reached Harry's stomach, the warm sensation spread out through Harry's whole body.

Finally Harry's loosened his grip on his legs completely and let them slide down the sofa. Now holding the goblet with both of his hands Harry looked back at Professor Snape. "Thanks," he whispered.

Severus nodded, unsure what to say next. How could he tell the boy the truth? How could he explain to the boy that he had just gotten a glimpse of a bodiless wizard?

Harry stared again at the bookshelves opposite him, trying to clear his mind.

"I don't understand," he whispered after some time. "I don't understand why I saw the murder of the unicorn. Why I had all this feelings. I nearly believed that they were mine; that it was me who killed it. Did Voldemort take possession of my body while I was sleeping? And when he did, how was that possible? And am I cursed now with a half life? I think Firenze said something like that."

"First of all, Harry, you did not kill the unicorn. Also, you were not possessed by the Dark Lord; you somehow saw through his eyes."

Harry frowned. "Is that a normal thing for wizards? I mean, seeing through someone else's eyes?"

"It's not a common thing, but a spell makes it possible," Severus hedged.

"So did I activate that spell unconsciously?" Harry wanted to know.

"I don't think so. But I'm sure it happened unconsciously because I can't imagine that the Dark Lord wanted a witness."

Harry nodded as he took in the information and then fell silent for a while. After some thinking he asked again. "Is there a way to protect myself from that spell, whatever it is?"

"Looking into someone else's mind is called Legilimency. It's advanced magic. There are not many wizards who can perform that magical art."

"Is it a Dark Art?" Harry asked, worried.

Severus looked very serious. "Well, that depends on how you use it. If you break into someone's mind without permission, then it's wrong and could be considered Dark. But sometimes it can be useful. For example, if you can't remember a specific event, a legilimens can sometimes help you."

"So Voldemort-"

"Please, Harry! Don't call him by his name!" Severus hissed. It was hard enough to hear Dumbledore calling the Dark Lord by his name; he nearly couldn't stand it when Harry said it. The boy was so young and didn't know what it meant when he said the name, the name so full of horrid memories.

Harry frowned but accepted Professor Snape's request.

"Okay, so You-Know-Who, he broke into my mind? But I thought he died after he tried to kill me all those years ago. I mean, okay, I saw something down in the forest, but it was… like a ghost. He was… well, I don't know, but he was definitely not human. Do you think, he was really able to perform a spell?"

"As I said already: I don't think it was anybody's intention. It happened. I haven't heard about anything like this before, but it's the only possible explanation. You had a vision from the Dark Lord. But I really can't imagine how it was possible."

Harry wasn't happy with this answer. He looked down into the goblet. His hands rotated the mug with the rest of his cocoa absentmindedly.

"You asked me if there is a way to protect yourself from this spell." Severus broke the growing silence.

Harry's head shot up again. Hopefully he looked at his professor.

"Well, it's also very hard to learn, but you can protect yourself from Legilimency with Occlumency. That is the art of closing your mind and shielding it from intruders," Severus explained.

"Can I learn it?" the boy wanted to know.

"I think it's best if we wait. If it happens again, then I think you will have to learn it, but for now we should wait. You are just at the beginning of your education."

Harry nodded and went silent once more, staring at the contents of the goblet in his hand. Severus watched Harry. The boy was so small and yet he looked so old, so plagued with problems, like an adult.

Finally Harry sighed. "Do you think this happened because of my scar?"

Severus jerked out of his musings. He considered carefully what he should tell the boy, but he couldn't see why he should not stick to the truth. "Well… I really don't know. I suspect nobody will know for sure. Your scar is something unique as nobody else survived the killing curse. It is quite possible that it is a kind of link to the Dark Lord. But if this is the case, I'm not sure if Occlumency will help."

Harry closed his eyes. Professor Snape just told him what he already feared: that there would be no way to block Voldemort out.

"I wish I could remove it," he whispered and felt for the roughness on his forehead which formed his scar.

"I can imagine," Severus agreed.

After that there was a long silence. Harry finished his now cold chocolate and handed the goblet back to Professor Snape, who just swished with his wand and the goblet vanished.

"Professor?" Harry suddenly asked again.

"Yes?"

"Volde – I mean, You-Know-Who – he's after the stone, isn't he?"

"You think so?" Severus returned the question.

"Well, yes. I mean… I think he has help from inside of Hogwarts. If the stone can make him live forever, he won't have a problem with the half-life-curse he got from killing the unicorn. The half of never-ending is still very long." Harry scratched the back of his head.

Severus was a bit amused to see this boy thinking like a Slytherin.

"I suspect you are right in both of your assumptions."

"Do you know who is helping You-Know-Who?" Harry wanted to know.

"I have my own assumptions," Severus said cryptically.

"What are we going to do, to prevent him from stealing the stone?"

Now Severus grew very stern. "We? There is no 'we' in this case. Don't concern yourself with it. The stone is not your business."

"But it is!" Harry argued. Forgetting Snape's request he went on. "If Voldemort gets the stone, than it will be my business. He'll be after me!"

At first Severus glared at the boy but then he reconsidered Harry's words and he had to admit to himself that Harry had a point. It was strange. Again Severus acknowledged to himself that Harry was speaking like an adult.

Irritated, Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose, thinking hard about what to say next. Then he fixed Harry with his gaze.

"Harry, listen! You have to believe me, that stone is absolutely safe. Nobody will be able to steal it."

"How can you be so sure?" Harry countered.

"The headmaster, the other professors, and I are on guard, along with Hagrid's three-headed pet whom you have already met."

Harry shuddered at the memory of Fluffy.

"Harry, you have to promise me not to go after the stone on your own."

The boy looked tortured and didn't answer.

"I promise we can talk about the stone and your concerns as often as you wish. If you learn something, or want to know something you may come to my office. Is that okay with you?" Severus asked.

"You mean it?" Harry asked, uncertain.

"Yes. I want to know if you are concerned about something. You are not alone any longer," Severus assured him.

"Okay, I promise. I promise not to look for the stone on my own."

"And you promise to come to my office if you think the stone won't be safe any longer?"

"Yes, I promise." Harry agreed and then a shy smile flitted over his face.

-oxo-

It was late as Harry went back to the common room, and even later when Harry, Ron and Hermione went to bed.

When Harry had walked into his common room, his friends were waiting for him. Hermione filled Ron in on the events in the forest and the three of them talked about what to do, now that they knew that it was Voldemort who wanted the stone and what would happen if he got it. Hermione tried to reassure Harry that as long Dumbledore was there, nobody would try to harm Harry.

It was nearly midnight; Ron was already sleeping, leaning heavily against Harry's shoulder snoring slightly, as Hermione mentioned to Harry her concerns about something else. "Harry?"

"Hmm…?" Harry was staring at the fire and didn't bother to look at his friend.

"You know, Professor Snape was acting strange today. He looked like he was really worried about you. You should have seen him as he tried to find you."

The corners of his mouth twitched slightly upwards, but Harry still did not look at the girl.

"Well, I was surprised. After this incident you didn't notice anybody, except Snape," Hermione went on.

Harry's smile faded again. He turned around and looked bemused. "What do you mean?"

"You just reacted to his calling your name. I called you before but you didn't move."

"I can't really remember any of it," Harry admitted.

"Well, it was strange. Neither you nor Professor Snape seemed to be bothered by the presence of each other, not like in lessons. You even looked relieved to see Professor Snape. I don't get it. So… what's going on between the two of you?" Hermione demanded.

Harry scratched the back of his head and his cheeks turned red. "Nothing is going on."

"Oh, come on, Harry. It's me you are talking to. Why is Professor Snape pretending that he hates you and then is worried to death about your welfare? And why are you always defending Professor Snape? He insults you in the middle of his class but you are just smiling to yourself, never getting angry. And after every incident he calls you to his office. Why? What is happening there? You know, he is not our head of house."

"What do you think is happening?" Harry asked, curious and worried at the same time. He didn't know why, but he had gotten used to the idea that nobody knew, about Snape's guardianship of him, and he wanted to keep it a secret.

Hermione took two deep breaths, "Harry, please be honest. Professor Snape is not hurting you in any way, is he?"

"No!" Harry replied surprised at the question.

"Well…" suddenly Hermione looked uneasy, "and he is not doing anything he should not do, is he?"

Harry eyes grew larger. "No! We are just talking, Hermione. Just talking!"

"I'm sorry. But I had to ask. I was so shocked in the forest and then I was surprised to see the two of you so close. You looked at Snape like he was just the person you wanted to see. And the two of you shared some information only you two knew, something about a dream."

Harry looked down at his fingers. "You didn't consider the option that Snape was just worried about me, because he wanted to protect me, because he may be my guardian?" he asked in a low voice.

"He's your guardian?" Now it was Hermione who looked shocked. "But… how? Why? I don't understand?"

"Snape isn't that bad. Like you said before, he's just pretending. He never told me why his reputation was that important to be kept up, but I accepted it. He's been nice to me since my first detention. He taught me the Lumos charm and he asked me to tell him whatever bothers me. In one of my detentions after the incident with Fluffy we talked about my home life at the Dursleys and well… he promised me to help me out of there, because they are really mean to me. And so he ended up as my guardian. And that's why I also told him about the dream last night. I dreamed about the unicorn, which means I got a vision of the unicorn killed by Voldemort."

Hermione's mouth fell, "You dreamed of You-Know-Who? And you still walked into the forest? You should have gone to the headmaster!"

"I didn't know it was Voldemort," Harry answered, "I dreamed I was killing the unicorn. I freaked out a bit and thought it meant I would become a dark wizard, so I talked to Snape. He assured me that my dream didn't mean that. After the incident in the forest, I learned that I got a vision, a vision from Voldemort."

"So you are talking to Professor Snape about private things?" Hermione asked.

"He is okay, really!" Harry tried to convince his friend.

"I hope for your sake that you're right. But please be careful. Professor Snape is a Slytherin. And Slytherins are talented in pretending. Let's hope Snape isn't just pretending to be your friend."

"Why are you saying that?" Harry asked, offended.

"Because I'm worried about you. I saw Professor Snape at the Quidditch Match, and I saw how he treats you in class, but I don't know anything about this side of Snape you are talking about."

"But Professor Dumbledore would not give guardianship to Snape, if he thought Snape would hurt me," Harry said.

"You didn't hear Professor Snape as he yelled at Hagrid. He called the headmaster an old fool. What if he got guardianship of you by pretending to have your best interests at heart?"

Harry looked hurt. "I can't believe you're saying that. You said he was worried about my welfare, didn't you? And now, you accuse him of just pretending everything?"

"Oh, Harry. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I'm just trying to get it all straight in my mind."

"You want the whole picture? I'll give it to you: Professor Snape really cares about me. In public he pretends he hates me, because he is living up to his reputation. I don't know exactly why, but I don't mind either. In private he is a total different man. At the Quidditch match he saved my life, as he tried to break the curse that got my broom bucking. We both believe Professor Quirrel may have something to do with it. My scar sometime hurts in DADA class, and it also burned painfully when I had this vision. So I believe he is the one helping Voldemort to get the stone. Snape asked me not to interfere. And that is all you need to know. Happy now?" Harry asked impatiently.

Hermione hung her head. "Harry, I'm sorry. But I was just concerned."

"It's okay. Guess a brilliant mind as yours can't stand not knowing what's going on."

Now the girl looked up again, half-smiling. "I'm not that brilliant. Sorry about my suggestions."

"It's okay. I'm not angry anymore. I'm lucky you are no blabbermouth, in the end the whole school would believe that Snape and I are in love." Harry chuckled.

Hermione cast Harry a serious look. "I would never gossip about somebody, even if you did fall in love with someone."

Now Harry smiled. "I know. You are a good friend. As is Ron, but I still ask you, not to tell Ron about Snape being my guardian."

"I won't. It's up to you to tell him that, whenever you think he should know," Hermione promised then she stifled a yawn. "Guess I will go to bed. Goodnight, Harry!"

"G'night," Harry yawned too and then he pulled the sleeping form of Ron to his feet.

"Wa? S' time to stand up?" Ron slurred drowsily.

"No, it's time to get you into bed!" Harry said, dragging his friend up the stairs.

"Why don'we jus' fly?" Ron babbled incoherently.

"Our brooms are in our dorm. So we have to get them," Harry said, amused by his friend's half-awake state.

"Oh, good. 'Cause I don' wanna walk all the way up there. Why is it so dark anyway?"

"Because it's night."

"Yeah, 'night. Wanna sleep!"

"Here you go!" Harry said and helped Ron into his bed. "Goodnight, Ron!"

"'Night!" Ron mumbled and was out again.

Harry shook his head. Then got himself ready for bed and was out the minute his head hit his pillow.

-oxo-

By the time the exams started nobody wasted a thought about the stone or Fluffy or about Voldemort. Just Harry was reminded every now and then that there was something going on, as his scar tingled more often.

Harry clung to the fact that nobody knew how to get past Fluffy and therefore hoped everything would be fine. He thought about going to Professor Snape, but he knew already what his guardian would say. Believe me, the stone is absolutely safe. Nobody will be able to steal it.

Harry didn't know why Snape was so sure about that, but for now he just trusted him in this regard.

But at the end of the exams, Harry started worrying again. What was Voldemort doing? Harry got the feeling he had missed something.

"Harry, what's wrong? You barely touched your lunch. Is your scar hurting?" Hermione asked, concerned, as Harry rubbed unconsciously at his scar.

Harry just grimaced.

"Maybe you should see Madam Pomfrey?" the girl suggested.

"And what? Do you think she can help me with that?" Harry asked, pointing at his scar. "I doubt that. No, I think it's a kind of warning. I'm concerned about the safety of the stone."

"Why don't we pay Fluffy a visit? Just to hear if everything is alright?" Ron asked.

"No. Professor Snape would catch us. He is patrolling that corridor," Harry said.

"What Snape? Have you seen him today? He wasn't at the breakfast and he is not at lunch either. Maybe he has a free day," Ron told his friend.

Surprised, Harry looked up at the teachers' table. Ron was right; Snape was missing, as was Dumbledore. "Dumbledore is missing too?" Harry said, worried.

"Guess it's time for your invisibility cloak!" Ron said with a mischievous grin.

Harry chewed at his lower lip. He had promised Snape not to go near Fluffy again. But Snape wasn't here and he would be invisible and it would really soothe his nerves to know that Fluffy was alright.

"Okay!" Harry agreed.

-oxo-

Everything was all right at the forbidden corridor. Fluffy was snoring happily. So they left again and removed the invisibility cloak as soon as they were back.

"Well, there was nothing unusual," Ron commented.

"Yes. It seems so," Harry answered while he cast a still concerned look back over his shoulder.

"Hagrid won't tell anybody about how to get past Fluffy, and besides, you told us there are more things than Fluffy guarding the stone, didn't you?" Hermione recalled.

"Yes," he said flatly. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he had a very bad feeling that he had missed something. But what?

Thinking hard, Harry followed Ron and Hermione outside the castle, heading to the big tree by the lake. But he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"What's the matter?" Ron asked, surprised.

"The dragon," Harry whispered.

"What about the dragon?" Hermione wanted to know.

Harry's head started spinning in excitement. Why hadn't he realized it before? Hagrid's biggest wish was a dragon and then suddenly he won a dragon's egg in a card game?

"Come with me!" Harry said and turned to head to Hagrid's hut. Harry was half-running and his friends had trouble keeping up.

"Harry. Wait. Where are we going?" Hermione panted, but Harry didn't slow down.

-oxo-

Hagrid was working outside of his hut as he saw the three students heading in his direction.

"Heya!" Hagrid greeted the trio, "How were the exams?"

"All right," Harry answered, changing the subject immediately. "Hagrid, do you remember anything about the man who gave you the dragon's egg?"

"He didn't just give it to me. I won it," Hagrid said, still proud of this fact. But then all of a sudden Hagrid sniffled. "I miss him. I miss Norbert."

"Yes, well… we all do," Harry agreed but then changed back to his original subject. "So… do you remember what the man looked like?"

Hagrid shook his head. "No. He wore a hooded cloak."

"Maybe his voice was familiar?" Harry went on.

"No. Not at all."

Harry sighed, frustrated. But then he asked again. "Did this man ask about something?"

"Yes, he asked about Hogwarts and wanted to know what I'm doing there."

"Did he ask about Fluffy?"

"Of course. Everybody is interested in Fluffy. You see, he wanted to know if I can handle a dragon, so I told him about Fluffy."

Ron und Hermione looked at each other as they finally understood what Harry was trying to find out.

Not seeing the meaningful looks, Hagrid continued, "I told him the most important thing to know about an animal is how to calm them down. Fluffy for example: just play a little music and he sleeps like a baby…"

Hermione gasped and now Hagrid realized to whom he was talking. "Oh, erm… well… look… Wait! Where are you going?"

But Harry, Ron and Hermione were already on their way back to the castle.

-xox-

"I have to talk to Snape!" Harry panted.

"Snape? Why Snape? Isn't he the one stealing it? ... Oh, you mean, when he is in his office, then he is not stealing the stone already. But what if he is?" Ron asked.

Harry rolled his eyes angrily but kept silent. Now wasn't the time to explain things to his friend. Harry hurried to Snape's office and knocked urgently.

Nothing happened.

Harry pressed his ear against the door and tried to make out any sound coming from inside, but there was none. Everything was perfectly silent.

Frustrated, Harry turned to his friends. Hermione looked pale and Ron unsure.

"What about Dumbledore?" Hermione asked finally.

Harry nodded and sprinted back to the entrance hall to take the route to Dumbledore's office, with Ron and Hermione at his heels. Their footsteps echoed through the empty corridors, as everybody else was outside enjoying the sun.

Everybody, that is, except Professor McGonagall. She was about to round a corner as the three kids bumped into her and she nearly lost her balance. With a stern glare, she opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, Hermione explained: "We're sorry, Professor, but it's an emergency. We need to talk to Professor Dumbledore."

Professor McGonagall told them that the headmaster wasn't available at this moment, and demanded to know what kind of emergency there was. So the trio told her about the stone and their worries. The Gryffindor head of house wasn't very happy that the kids knew about the Philosopher's Stone, but she reassured them that the stone was perfectly safe.

-xox-

"What are we going to do?" Hermione asked worried, as they reentered the common room of their tower.

Harry sighed unhappily. How was it possible that neither Professor Dumbledore nor Professor Snape was available? Where were they? Where was Snape?

Harry felt betrayed. Snape made him promise to come to him whenever he got worried about the stone and then Snape just vanished when Harry needed him most? Harry was hurt, and he fought back the tears that were already burning in his eyes.

Maybe Hermione was right? What if Snape were really just pretending to be there for Harry? Maybe all these orders to stay away were not for Harry's safety but to keep the way clear of curious little teenagers?

Harry didn't really want to believe that. He had started to trust Professor Snape. Snape had done so much for him, could he really just have been pretending? But where was he now?

Suddenly pictures of Professor Snape threatening Professor Quirrell shot into the boy's head. Harry remembered how frightening Snape looked as he cornered Quirrell in the Forbidden Forest. And Snape never had explained to Harry why he was so mean; he just asked Harry to trust him.

Snape had done everything to make Harry believe that it was Professor Quirrell who was after the stone. Harry believed him, because his scar tingled in Quirrell's classes. But he couldn't remember Professor Quirrell being mean or unfriendly to anyone.

And on top of it all Professor Quirrell wasn't absent. He was at breakfast and at lunch. What did that mean? Harry wished desperately to talk with Snape. It annoyed him to no end that Snape wasn't there right now.

Unconsciously he fingered the emerald Professor Snape gave him. He closed his fist around it and tried to fight back his doubt. He tried to convince himself that Snape never could have been just pretending to be interested in Harry's well being. Why else would he give Harry such a present?

But the doubt was like a virus spreading rapidly through Harry's system. What if the stone wasn't a present from his mum? What if it was a kind of tracking device, to make sure Harry wasn't where he didn't belong?

Agonized, Harry squeezed his eyes shut. He shouldn't have trusted Snape that much. Then it wouldn't hurt so much.

"Harry?!" Hermione called.

Dizzy, Harry blinked sometimes to focus back on his friends. Somehow he had totally forgotten about them. "What?"

"Well, Ron and I wondered if we should look for the stone on our own."

Harry bit his underlip. He had promised not to do that. Should he really disobey even when Snape was betraying him? "I don't know!" he answered in despair.

Snape, where are you? He called out in his mind. He missed the calming and reassuring voice of his professor, who always knew what to do. How come he isn't here when I need him most?

"Let's wait till dinner. Maybe Professor Snape or Professor Dumbledore will be back."

"What if they're not? Will we go then?" Ron asked.

Harry bit hard on his lip but nodded.

-oxo-

Harry's deepest hope to see Snape at dinner was shattered as the two missing professors were still absent. To make things worse, Professor Quirrell was now missing, too.

"Damn!" Harry swore angrily, realizing that whoever was behind the search for the stone, Snape or Quirrell, would be stealing it right now.

Ron, Hermione and Harry looked at each other and knew what they had to do.