Flake

"Mother-naked, Mrs 'odges, if you'll believe me. I declare I was that ashamed I didden know w'ere to look. And no more 'air on 'is chest that wot I'as meself."

"That's gentry" said Mrs Hodges, referring to the first part of the indictment. "you've only got to look at the pictures of them there sunbathers as they call them on the Ly-doh. Now my Susan's first were a wunnerful 'airy man, just like a kerridge rug if you take my meaning. But," she added cryptically, "it don't foller, for they never 'ad no family, not till 'e died and she married young Tyler over at Piggots"

Busman's Honeymoon, Dorothy L Sayers, regarding Lord Peter Wimsey on the morning after his nuptials.

Jack had a bodily confidence that was not always appreciated by the local population.

Ianto was in the kitchen making toast and coffee, already up and dressed for a comfortable Saturday morning, Jack however tended to potter on a rare morning off. A leisurely shower, shave and meandering through the necessities of grooming his body to face the week to come.

Ianto was relaxing comfortably against the work top, waiting for the toast when he heard the shout. His first impulse was to reach for his gun. His second was to roll his eyes and stroll through to the bedroom, where Jack was standing nude, in front of the picture window, hands on hips to a chorus of wolf whistles, giggles and 'Put some clothes on'. Ianto sighed and pulled the blinds. Jack grinned shamelessly and pulled him in for a snog.

Jack did dress for breakfast, having a congenital dislike of toast crumbs on his skin; he put on his coat when later they walked up to the local coffee shop. Ianto was acutely aware of the twitching of his neighbour's curtains, and the sidelong glances of the mechanics working on the forecourt of the little garage across the way. He made an effort to be as nonchalant as Jack, who seemed to interpret the looks as some sort of applause.

In the coffee shop Jack chose a confection with whipped cream and a flake. Ianto was sure he was doing it on purpose. All he could think of was the music from the flake advert and the way the girl bit into the chocolate stick, catching the crumbs with a finger across the lips. It may have been his imagination but it felt like the whole café held its breath when Jack ate his Flake, and at least half the café groaned when he licked whipped cream and chocolate from his fingers. Though that may have just been him.

Later that day Jack and Gwen had gone to retrieve a Gasperian pea pod. Ianto was on comms, feeding information about the Gasperians (Muddy coloured sentient plants, used UV light to photosynthesise, twenty or so seeds ensconced in mucus within a tough outer shell.) Bit poisonous, well, humans tended to be allergic to the mucus and the itching was not much fun.

Gwen herded an itchy and mostly naked Jack back into the hub about 6pm. She was not amused. Apparently Jack had accidentally burst the pod open and mucus sprayed him from head to foot. He had immediately stripped off his clothes and run to the kiddies paddling pool to wash. Not only that, but he then proceeded to have a splashing war with the toddlers, until park security arrived and forcibly removed him at the behest of a couple of protective mothers (and one father).

Gwen had then been forced to promise she would keep him under control and walked back across the park with him to the SUV, encountering Rhys and her mother in law on the way. (Out to look at the local flower show.) PC Andy had, apparently filmed this bit on his mobile and was refusing to delete it.

The local population of Derena not only appreciated Jack's bodily confidence, they insisted that he was also nude during negotiations regarding trading routes across earth space. Whilst Ianto could find it in himself to appreciate both Jack's body and the Derena's mix of gelatinous torso and airy fins he was not so keen on displaying his own body. Gwen just flat out refused, and a diplomatic incident was only avoided by PC Andy joining in. It would also have been a lot more fun if it had been any other month than February, at midnight in Bute Park. At one point Ianto worried that his bits might never reappear.

Detective Swanson did not appreciate Jack's body at all. Ianto wondered if she protested just a little too much. Until the night he felt the pinch on his bum as she walked nonchalantly past him.

He felt his own bodily confidence grow just a little.

If you want to see some of the Flake adverts, they are on you tube. Just search for Cadbury's Flake advert. Please review! I will be updating Ianto tales soon!