Beyond Repair
By: Lesera128
Rated: M
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….
Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.
Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.
"How can someone that little make so big a mess?" Skye asked as she took the dish rag and wrung it out under the water tap. A.J. stood behind her, sponging off the high chair while Carly held the baby.
A.J. laughed with a shrug, "She's still getting used to eating solid foods. For some reason, she likes playing with them more than eating them most nights."
Sydney yawned as Carly nodded to A.J, "She's getting tired again. I think I am going to give her a bath and then put her down for bed."
"All right. Give me a few minutes to finish cleaning up here, and I'll be right up." A.J. said.
Carly moved forward and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "Don't be long."
She smiled, and then turned to leave the room. However, she stopped as she turned around to look at her sister-in-law. "I'm sorry, Skye. That was rude of me. It's just that I'm not used to sharing baby duty with anyone but A.J. Do you want to-?"
She was cut of as Skye beamed a radiant smile at her. "No, Carly. It's okay. Really. Go ahead. I think-" She stared at her child in Carly's arms. Part of her was fighting the instinct to move forward and grab the child out of Carly's arm while the other half was yelling at her to get a grip. She shook her head at last and continued her sentence. "-I think I've done enough today. There's no rush. We've got all the time in the world."
Carly nodded with a somewhat forced smile, relieved that at least this one ritual with the baby would not be interrupted. She turned and left the kitchen.
A few moments of silence passed before A.J. at last spoke. "Don't take it personally, Skye. She's just scared."
"I know," Skye admitted. "So am I."
"She's just afraid that she is going to loose another child," A.J. said.
Skye bit her lip. "A.J., I don't know what's going to happen in the future. After... after Jax, I stopped thinking past tomorrow. I just can't get through the day if I think more than twenty-four hours ahead of the current point in time. But, after all Carly had done for me, I would never take Sydney from her. Or you."
A.J. nodded sympathetically as he dropped the sponge and moved forward to grasp Skye in a hug. "I know that. I know."
Skye let A.J. embrace her for a moment and then pulled back. She turned to point out the window at the beach. "You know, I think I'm going to go for a walk. That was one thing that Jax and I used to do together, before, well, you know. It's something that I've missed about not living here anymore."
A.J. merely smiled. "I understand. Go ahead and go. We'll be upstairs if you need us when you get back."
And so, Skye reached down and unbuttoned her sandals. Leaving them by the kitchen door, she followed the stone path through the gardens, away from the house, and down to the beach. Twilight was quietly fading as the evening tide begun to come in. The crashing of the waves rang in Skye's ears. As she took her first step off the stone path, she marveled at the difference in textures. The soft, cool, rounded smoothness of the large stones embedded in the walk were a sharp contrast to the sticky bits of cold sand that clung to Skye's fit. Pushing forward, Skye began to make her way to a spot on the beach a few feet away from where the stone path ended.
At last, Skye collapsed into the sand with a thud. It was strange sitting here, not having Jax with her. This had been one of their favorite times of the day, a time when there was nothing but the two of them in the pristine glory of nature.
How many times had he brought her here, just to sit at first? How many times would they just stare at the setting sun and listen to the roar of the waves? And as time passed, so too had the ritual changed slightly. Instead of sitting a part during the sun sets, Skye eventually moved to sit next to him, and then to lean against his chest while he held her in his strong embrace. And not so long after that first barrier had been removed, silence had given way to speech. They added talking to their routine. Getting to know each other all over again, they talked about the small things at first- the weather… how life in Australia was different from the States… ELQ….More time passed, and then a drastic change was made in regards to their ritual. Instead of small talk, talk of serious matters was added. The emotional hold Skye had put on her feelings since Jax had brought her to Australia to recuperate following her bone marrow transplant to Michael began to loosen a little bit each day. Skye allowed herself to feel again, and with emotions came both heated discussions and arguments.
The day that Carly had arrived was their first big argument. And just as Skye feared it would, their argument had given way to something else. Just as she had fought against feeling anything emotionally, she had resisted her physical desire for Jax. But, on that one night when they had conceived their daughter, both Skye and Jax had little their reservations go and given in to their feelings.
Skye felt her eyes become wet with tears as she thought back on the memory. Her hands went to her throat as she choked back a sob.
"Damn you, Jasper Jacks. Damn you-" she muttered into the wind, swearing to herself that she could almost still feel the warmth of his touch on her body, despite the fact that it had happened so long ago.
"My God, you are too deluded for your own good. What have you ever wanted that you have not found some way to get?" Jax said.
Skye was silent for a moment. She bit her lip, and finally breathed a single word, "You."
"Me?" Jax asked in surprise.
"Yes, you." Skye said softly.
Looking down into her eyes, he nodded at her, "I'm right here."
"Only because you can't be with her." Skye shot back at him again.
The anger again flared as Jax squeezed her shoulders hard. "I already told you that wasn't true. I am where I want to be."
"Then prove it," Skye challenged him.
"How?"
She succeeded in pulling away from Jax and taking a step back. Reaching up to the clasp that held her wet hair piled on her head, Skye pulled it out. Her auburn tresses fell about her in wild disarray. She then pulled at the ties that held the wrap clasped about her body. It fell to the floor in a sensuous slide. Jax felt his mouth grow dry as he stared at Skye. She never broke eye contact with him as she said, "Take me to bed."
Skye felt her heart skip a beat when Jax kissed her for the first time in months, running his hands all over her body. Starved for the knowing touch of her lover, as the two fell onto her bed in a tangle of arms and legs, Skye felt something within her break. The last barrier she had placed between she and Jax following her nephew's death gave way. There was little between them as Jax pushed his hand inside her blouse. She shivered as her eyes closed in pleasure. She couldn't help herself as she moaned slightly, calling out his name, "Jax-"
The words seemed to trail off in her lover's ears. Jax brought his hands to Skye's face, holding it in place as he looked down into her eyes.
"Skye, are you sure?"
"Jax, it's now or never," she replied simply. She knew that if she weren't able to get over her fear of intimacy with Jax now, she never would.
So starved for her was he, Jax did something uncharacteristic, and didn't stop to analyze Skye's response. He was too eager to touch her, love her, show her how much she meant to him that if a physical expression of those emotions was all she was willing to grant him, so be it.
Thus, as time passed and the couple made love as if almost for the first time, Skye couldn't be sure what she was feeling. Jax made love to her three times that night. To what end, Skye couldn't be sure. They spoke little, instead focused completely on the physicality of the act. By the time morning had come, the clearness of day had brought Skye back to reality. Her insecurities over losing Jax to Carly were once again under control, as were her general fears and concerns over anything. But what had been done was done, and the evidence of it lay scattered about Skye's bedroom. Clothing was strewn about, as were pillows and her comforter. They had not confined their activities merely to Skye's bed, although that was now where Jax was sleeping. Sprawled out over the mattress, Skye stared at the ceiling from where she lay nestled in his arms.
Skye was unsure how things stood between she and Jax. One obstacle had been overcome, but in the clear sanity of day, what new obstacles had they created?
"Sydney," Skye sighed to herself as she came back out of her memories and stared across the blackness of the water.
"So, now the question is, was our daughter created out of lust or something else, Jax? Love? Did you love me that night?" Skye asked herself as she wiped away the last of her tears.
Standing up, she shook of the sand from her sun dress. Trudging her way back up to the main house, she was amazed to find it all dark and quiet. She glanced at her watch and realized she had spent three hours on the beach. Shaking her head, Skye headed to her room. However, she never made it to her destination as she was drawn elsewhere.
When Carly entered Sydney's nursery the following morning she wasn't all that surprised to see Skye asleep in the rocking chair, having dragged it next to the baby's crib.
-TBC-