Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

Whether she slept or not, Skye found herself once more haunted by memories. Memories of what once was; memories of what might have been; memories of what could never be. However, the key difference between when she allowed herself to daydream and the dreams that invaded her restless bouts of sleep were in the control of the dreams. When she daydreamed, Skye usually remained in control, allowing herself to only think about which she wanted to or needed to remember. On the other hand, when she slept, Skye had little choice in the topics her troubled psyche would bring to the surface for her to relive over and over again whether she wanted to or not.

Like so many of the things Skye had tried to block out in her mind since that fateful night on which her daughter had been conceived, she was constantly fighting a battle to not have to remember the most painful of her memories – one memory more than all the others that she didn't want to have to deal with again for the rest of her life, no matter what the cost. And, perhaps it was her inherent desire to repress that one particular memory that made it so insipid in it ruthless penetration of her subconscious psyche as manifested when she slept.

Shifting uncomfortable in the rocking chair in her daughter's nursery, Skye slept a frightfully light sleep where yet once again she remembered that which she was desperate to forget. All the pain, all the anguish, all the infinite hurt came flooding back as the scene played over and over again in her head.

"You broke what I didn't think could be broken, Skye. God, how could you? How could you do this to me? To us? To yourself? My god..."

Skye bent next to the small marble marker, so tiny in the grass that she was afraid that when she stopped tending it on a daily basis, it might be grown over with grass and forever lost. Of course, that wouldn't really happen. The caretakers would see to that. The Quartermaine's were too damn rich and too damn powerful for the express orders of one of their own not to be followed to the letter.

Sighing, Skye pushed herself up again. She couldn't remain in a position like that for very long without suffering extreme discomfort. It was simply too uncomfortable, although no one looking at her would guess as to why. She gazed down at the marble marker again, her eyes going back and forth between the bouquet of baby's breath she had brought as an offering for who knew what reason. Somehow it seemed appropriate as it rested just beside the marker. Skye's eyes lovingly traced the letters with her eyes as a voice called out what she was reading.

"Jayna Jacks. A ab abs amor aeternus eternus."

Skye spun around as she looked for the source of the familiar voice. It almost cut her like a knife when she saw his piercing blue eyes staring through her like ice.

"Latin inscription, isn't it?" he said as he took a step forward and placed the bouquet of white roses he was carrying on the opposite side of the marble gravestone from where Skye had placed the baby's breath. "I'm a bit rusty, but if memory serves it says 'with love-'"

"Everlasting." Skye whispered quietly.

Jax snapped his fingers as it clicked in his mind. "Yes. That's it. 'With love everlasting.' A bit of an odd choice for an inscription, don't you think, Skye?"

Skye sighed. Her stomach was rapidly becoming upset, which she knew wasn't good for her. She nodded at him, "Jax, can we please not do this now?"

"You know, Skye. You're right. I'm sorry. I never would have come here if I had known you were going to be here," Jax said as he clasped his hands behind his back.

Shrugging, Skye said, "I wanted to say good-bye one last time. My plane for Port Charles leaves in a few hours."

"Yes, most criminals do return to the scene of their crimes one last time before embarking on a new spree of terror, don't they?" Jax said coldly.

Skye flinched. She was silent for a moment before she said, "I deserved that."

"That, and more." Jax said quietly. "I just find it odd that you would even bother coming here, Skye."

Skye crossed her arms, carefully shifting her coat to keep it in front of her. "And why wouldn't I, Jax? She was my daughter, too."

"But, if it weren't for you, she would still be alive right now," Jax said quietly as he used every bit of self-control to stop from raising his voice in anger at Skye. "It didn't have to be like this. If you had come to me first, before you made a decision that affected both of us..."

"Oh, stop it, Jax. Just stop it. If you hadn't been so busy screwing Carly to have noticed, maybe I would have come to you," Skye said bitterly, although the bitterness was more directed at herself than Jax.

Jax bit his lip as he stared at the ground. Some of his anger abated slightly as he nodded at last. "You're right. If I hadn't of gotten drunk that night-"

"You wouldn't have been sleeping with my worst enemy?" Skye said.

Jax sighed as he brought his hand through his hair. He at last threw his arms into the air in resignation. "You know what, Skye? I was wrong. I made a mistake. I admit that. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. Yes, I slept with Carly. I was lonely, in pain, and while you weren't there, she was . But, you know what? As bad a betrayal as that is, I wasn't the one who killed our child. And to me, one night of infidelity pales in comparison to a mother that murders her own daughter and then has the audacity to even pretend like she is sorry that her baby is dead."

Skye flinched again. Her stomach was flipping over back and forth. She had to concentrate on maintaining even breathes lest she faint and all of the pain she had caused both Jax and herself would come to naught. Jax mistook her silence for who knew what, as he glanced down at the tombstone again.

"Jayna. Jayna Jacks. My little girl. Tell me, Skye. Why?"

Skye mistook the question and shrugged as she answered. "From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was carrying a girl. I wanted to name her Jayna... I don't know why. Maybe because it reminds me of your name. I just knew that's what her name should be."

Jax shook his head, "No. That's not what I meant-"

"Then what?" Skye asked in confusion.

"I… it doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that-"

Jax's voice broke for the first time in his conversation with Skye, betraying slightly the amount of emotion he was feeling. "You know, Skye. I loved you. I never told you, and I realize that may have been yet another one of my many mistakes. Maybe none of this would never have happened if I was more open with you about how I was feeling. I thought my actions would be enough to show you how much I loved you, and so saying the words wasn't as important. I'm sorry for that mistake. I should have known, after all your past experiences in life, you needed the verbal affirmation. So, just for the record, here and now, I ant you to know that I loved you."

"You love me?" Skye whispered. Yes, it was something that she had already known, always known, but hearing the words from his lips made it seem all the more real, all the more palpable."

"Yes, I *loved* you. And somehow you were able to destroy that. In killing my child, you were able to do the one thing I didn't think anybody could do."

He was silent for a moment more, turning from her. His eyes watering, he spoke with his back to her, "You broke what I didn't think could be broken, Skye. God, how could you? How could you do this to me? To us? To yourself? My God..."

Skye realized as he spoke that she was biting her lip still, the pressure being so much that she was drawing blood. Shaking her head, Skye realized that she had to leave or all would be for not. Turning, she ran away, past Jax and out the cemetery gate.

She never looked back. And while Jax thought she was heading to the airport to go back to Port Charles, the plane she boarded was actually one with a domestic final destination, not international.

When Carly entered the nursery and saw Skye sleeping, she was hesitant to wake her. But, Carly rationalized that spending any more time in the rocking chair than necessary, let alone sleeping in it, had to be quite uncomfortable to say the least. Moving slowly to Skye, Carly reached forward and gently shook her hand.

"Skye?" Carly whispered.

So light a sleep was Skye in that she immediately jerked awake, a single word rolling off her tongue in betrayal of what Skye had been dreaming about before the conscious mind could stop it. "Jax?"

Carly sighed as she bent next to her sister-in-law. "No, Skye. Wake-up, sweetie. He's not here."

Skye looked down at Carly. "Carly? Where- what happened?"

"I'm not sure. But I think you fell asleep in the rocking chair last night."

"What time is it?" Skye asked groggily, wincing as she moved her stiff joints.

Carly glanced at her watch. "I don't know. About 9am, I guess."

Skye forced a weak smile. "I think my body is still on Port Charles time. I don't seem to know up from down this morning."

"You okay?"

Skye nodded slowly. "I think so. I remember I came in off the beach last night pretty late. And I was going to go to bed, but for some reason I wanted to check on the baby."

Carly smiled. "Understandable."

Skye shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Carly asked.

Skye smiled weakly, "So many things."

Grabbing her hand, Carly pulled Skye up out of the chair. "Come on. You can be sorry later. Right now I am going to get Sydney changed and ready for a day of errands. I need to run to the post office and bank. Why don't you come with us? It will do you good to get out of the house."

Skye's eyes flicked back and forth between Carly and the crib, but at last, she shook her head. "No, not today, Carly. But thanks. Today I just want to relax. Maybe go for a swim. But, you two go ahead and have a good time, okay?"

"You sure?" Carly asked hesitantly.

Skye nodded.

"All right then," Carly said as she moved forward and reached for the now awake Sydney who was starting to fuss at the voices invading her private habitat.

A couple of hours later, Carly was pushing the baby's carriage down the busy Australian capital's sidewalks. Making her way towards the post office, Carly was talking to the baby absentmindedly. "All right, Sydney, my love. Not too much longer now. I just need to FedEx these contracts to Port Charles and then we can go home. Daddy's gonna kill us if we are late."

Entering the post office, Carly pushed the carriage into line. She was distracted as she checked to make sure the postage label was in place. However, cries from Sydney drew her attention back into the present. Somewhat startled, she dropped one of the envelopes to the ground.

"Oh, damn it-" Carly muttered to herself.

Sensing the baby was fussing for a reason, Carly bent over the carriage to see what was bothering the baby. However, as she turned forward to look at the baby, what greeted her eyes was the last thing on earth she had ever expected to see.

A familiar pair of blue eyes stared back at Carly as her dropped envelope hung in midair from a proffered hand.

"Carly?"

"My God-"

-TBC-