DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.

All bits from the book(s) are in bold.

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Five

'We're not going.'

'Yes we are.'

'Do we have to?'

'Yes.'

'Pleeeeeeeease, Moony!'

'Sirius,' Remus sighed for the fifth time that day, 'we are going to your mother's.'

Sirius had been digging his heels in since nine o'clock that morning, so stubbornly determined to steer clear of his mother that Remus might as well have been pleading with the dining table – except he didn't have one anymore.

'Moony, pleeeease! You know how much I hate my mother!' Sirius whined.

'Of course I do, who doesn't?' Remus said irritably. 'You two have some kind of personal vendetta against each other –'

'You hate her too! I don't see why you're so keen to visit all of a sudden.'

Remus groaned. He'd known this was going to be hard, but he hadn't counted on Sirius's child-like demeanour and stubbornness combined having this effect. Sirius was being unhelpfully obstinate and extremely persuasive. He was almost inclined to let Sirius stay at home (and stay at home himself too, obviously; he definitely wasn't going to Grimmauld Place on his own), but he gritted his teeth and tried to reason with both Sirius and himself.

'Look, this isn't a visit, you know it isn't,' he said resolutely. 'We have to move somewhere bigger, don't you realise? We haven't even thought this through, you've no idea how much a baby needs!'

Sirius pouted and looked down at Harry, whom he was holding on his lap. Sirius had always doted on Harry, but now they were inseparable – one might almost think Sirius had glued himself to his godson.

'He's only tiny, I don't know what you're talking about,' he said stubbornly.

Remus groaned again. 'What about cots and changing tables? And milk, that's all that's been in my fridge for days! Soon Harry's going to start crawling and walking and talking, he'll need a potty and we'd need to put a gate on the stairs… Sirius, there's so much we haven't prepared for!'

'Wow,' said Sirius. 'We haven't thought this through much, have we Moony?'

'Abrrrrrrrrr,' said Harry. Sirius almost leapt up in shock and Remus ran over to make sure he didn't drop Harry.

'I've got it, I've got it,' Sirius said, waving Remus away. He held Harry up to his face and looked at him very seriously. 'What did you just say?'

'Eeeeepkh,' said Harry. He burst into giggles.

'I think I might cry,' said Sirius, grinning broadly.

Remus smiled. 'So… we're going to your mum's?'

Sirius's smile vanished and he stuck his bottom lip out like a petulant toddler. 'Fine,' he muttered. 'We'll go next week. Or the week after. But trust me, after two days you'll be begging to come back to your tiny little abode. Trust me.'

'I'm back,' Sirius called. 'You won't believe this.' He sounded faintly angry.

Remus emerged from the kitchen, where Harry's coos and giggles could be heard. 'What? Is everything okay?'

Sirius walked into the kitchen and Remus followed. Sirius held up a copy of the Daily Prophet with a grim expression. 'Well, firstly, Voldemort's officially gone. Nobody knows where, but… Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to tell you. That slimy toad Lucius Malfoy's got out of being charged with being a Death Eater, that's what,' he said, gritting his teeth and trying not to hit something. Remus's mouth fell open.

'What?'

'I know.' Sirius shook his head. 'That bastard, that lying little –'

'Sirius! Harry's in the kitchen!' Remus protested.

Sirius sighed. 'It's not fair!' he moaned. 'The criminal justice system is bloody messed up!'

'How can they let him get away with it?'

'I suppose dear Lucius paid a nice little sum to the Ministry to keep him safe.'

'But that's illegal in itself! Surely someone –'

'Oh come on Moony, we all know Lucius Malfoy has the Ministry in his pocket! People like him can get away with it.' Sirius's tone was unbearably bitter.

'It's not fair,' Remus echoed. Sirius sank into a chair.

'I want to go after him, Moony. I want to go after that little rat and I want to kill him!'

Remus sighed. 'You're not talking about Malfoy anymore, are you? Look, Sirius, I know. I want to kill him too!'

Sirius looked pleadingly up at his friend. 'Then why can't we?'

'Sirius, think about your godson! Think about Harry! If you or I or both of us were to go after Wormtail, what would happen to Harry? He'd have to go to his aunt and uncle!'

'Maybe they'd be better parents than us,' Sirius muttered.

'How can you say that?' Remus cried. 'Lily never talked about Petunia in the most complimentary tones, and anyway they wanted you to look after Harry! Don't you think you owe them that much?' He put his arms affectionately around Sirius, who leaned into him without a second thought.

'It's not fair,' he said again. 'I miss them so much.'

'I miss them too.'

There was silence.

'Voldemort's gone, you know. It's official, the Ministry released a statement this morning.'

Remus nodded. 'Dumbledore said something like that too, the night they…' He stopped.

'Why d'you think it happened?' asked Sirius. 'I mean, it was obviously something to do with Harry, or else he wouldn't be here, would he? But I don't get it.'

'I know,' Remus muttered into Sirius's hair. 'How can Harry have stopped the most feared dark wizard of all time if he's only a baby?'

Sirius thought for a moment. 'You don't think…'

'What?'

'Well – you don't think he's got some kind of…'

'What?'

'You know… powers, or something, do you?' The idea seemed absurd, ridiculous even to him, but how else could a child survive something like that? How could anyone?

Remus tried to be kind, tried not to laugh, but the idea was pretty weird. 'No,' he said thoughtfully. ''Cause that kind of thing's genetic, isn't it, and Lily and James never had any… powers, not that we knew of.'

'I suppose you're right,' said Sirius. 'But I just don't get… it's weird,' he finished pensively, shaking his head. 'Remus…'

'Yeah?'

'I can't believe it, still… I can't believe he tried to kill a child. A baby.'

'Me neither. I could never understand people who'd want to hurt a child, it's just wrong,' Remus stated a little shakily.

'It's the funeral tomorrow.'

'Mm hmm.'

'Do you think we should take Harry?'

'We have to,' Remus insisted. 'They're his parents. He needs to be there.'

'Mm.'

Dumbledore had kindly offered to take charge of planning the Lily and James's funeral, but Sirius being Sirius had insisted on taking full charge, even though it had distressed him a lot and almost worn him out completely, so that neither he nor Remus had slept in days – though this was also partly due to the fact that Harry had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and crying loudly.

The funeral would obviously take place in Godric's Hollow, and Lily and James would be buried in the graveyard, as Godric's Hollow was Harry's first home, and he had been born in the house that he had lived in mere days ago. Sirius and Remus had been surprised and pleased to be contacted by so many people who had wanted to attend the funeral. The place would be packed, but the more people there to honour the memory of the Potters the better.

Remus suddenly realised that he was still holding onto Sirius and reluctantly pulled away. Sirius was surprised and also rather disappointed, but quickly covered up his hurt and stood up.

'I'd better go and check on Harry,' he mumbled, not moving. He knew there was something he had to say, but he didn't have a clue whether the response would be positive or negative, and he wasn't sure he could face rejection right now, when he most needed love and support, even if it wasn't the kind of love he was after.

Minutes passed. Both men waited. Silence hung in the air like a heavy curtain, weighing down on them both as they waited.

And waited.

'Well, I should go check on him,' Sirius said awkwardly, and moved off towards the door.

'Sirius –' Remus began, reaching out to his friend as if making to grab him.

'What?' Sirius asked, turning, hardly daring to hope Remus might say what Sirius wanted to hear.

'Did you – You looked like you wanted to say something,' Remus mumbled, studying the floor.

'Oh. Well, no. I didn't,' Sirius replied, almost snappishly. 'Anything you want to say?'

Remus looked a little taken aback. 'I – No,' he lied.

Fine then,' said Sirius. He walked away and moments later Remus heard his footsteps on the stairs.

'To celebrate the lives of Lily and James Potter… So tragically cut short… Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust…'

'…Moony?'

'Nngh…'

'Moony?'

'What?'

'Moony, I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about –'

'The funeral. Yeah, me too.' Remus turned his head slightly to look at Sirius, who looked back helplessly. Remus had never seen the man so utterly, so completely devastated. It was intolerable, having to see him like this and knowing he could do almost nothing to help – like standing on the shore watching a person drowning out in the middle of a deep, wide ocean and knowing that the life-ring in your hands was punctured to the point of uselessness. Sirius was clearly looking hopefully for Remus's life-ring, but Remus wasn't sure he even had one, let alone one that was any use at all.

'Remus?'

'Yeah.'

'I'm scared. I'm really scared, Remus.' Sirius really did sound genuinely frightened, not to mention upset (well, upset was rather an understatement), and his tone scared Remus too.

'Of what? Dumbledore's given us the best protection he can, and that's pretty good protection to say the least, and if what everyone's saying is true then Voldemort's gone anyway –'

'No,' Sirius interrupted quietly. 'I'm not scared of what Death Eaters can do to me. I – I just… It just hit me – today – that we're never gonna see Lily and James again. Ever.'

Remus nodded. 'I know.' Next to him, he could feel Sirius shaking with sticky sobs (they both seemed to have forgotten the shared-bed-for-one-night-only rule), and wrapped his arms around the man by his side. Sirius buried his head in the crook between his friend's chin and shoulder, a gesture which made butterflies erupt in Remus's stomach, and he felt ashamed for feeling such a rush of pleasant adrenaline at such a devastating time. But still, he found no comforting words rising to his lips. No words at all, in fact. Though Lily and James had been dead and Sirius and Remus co-parents of their orphaned child for several days now, it had only just dawned on him that he was now going to have to live without two of his best friends for the rest of his life.

A horrible thought struck him as he lay there in the darkness, Sirius still nestled against him. What if Sirius had gone after Wormtail? What if Remus had been unable to stop his friend from going out and seeking revenge on the traitor who had caused Lily and James's murders – and he, Remus, had been left to raise Harry on his own? He felt so selfish for thinking that last thought, but fear struck him as he thought of it. How would he cope on his own? Despite his constant reassurances to Sirius that Harry's waking up and crying in the night wasn't serious or that just because he refused his bottle sometimes it didn't necessarily mean he was on the brink of death, Remus had to admit that – honestly – he didn't have a clue how to look after a child.

Thank god he had Sirius…

He almost drifted into an uneasy sleep with Sirius absently nuzzling his neck – he certainly would have done if Harry hadn't woken up with a thin, reedy wail. Remus didn't know how much sleep he and Sirius got between them these days, but it certainly wasn't a lot – it was a rare occurrence if Harry didn't wake them in the middle of the night, wanting a feed or a change or perhaps just to be in the arms of someone who might possibly come close to a parent, and by now the two men had become used to it, so much that it was almost part of their daily (or nightly) routine.

'I'll get him,' Sirius said quickly. He was out of bed and across the room before Remus could even sit up. 'Shh, it's alright little man,' he whispered to Harry, as he lifted the baby boy out of the cot and rocked him.

'Sirius, you know he's not going to be in immediate danger if I get within twenty feet of him, right?' Remus said irritably. Sirius shot him a Look, with a capital 'L'. It was a look that you didn't want to cross.

'I know,' he said, glaring. 'But he's my godson.'

Remus sighed. Sirius could be a stubborn bugger at times, not that Remus didn't love him (as a friend only of course – feeling anything other than friendship towards him was ridiculous. Simply ridiculous.), but he really was difficult to live with, Remus had had to learn that rather quickly. At least Sirius didn't leave dirty clothes all over the floor (Remus had quickly gone round and gathered up all his dirty clothes and put them in the washing since his best friend had moved in), or leave the cap off the toothpaste or anything like that. He did have a tendency to buy food as if they were preparing for a famine sometime soon, but Remus could overlook that – he could always buy a bigger fridge.

'Remus, he won't stop crying,' Sirius whined five minutes later, turning to his best friend and ineffectually rocking Harry up and down, holding him to his chest with a hopeless expression on his face. Sirius's eyes were half-closed with piteous exhaustion; despite his annoyance at Sirius being so untrusting of him, Remus took pity on him and went over to take Harry. Sirius let him go, but reluctantly, and although he looked like he would have liked to collapse onto the bed and sleep for a week he stayed beside Remus and surveyed him as though ready to catch Harry if he was dropped.

'Sirius, I'm not going to drop him,' Remus said through gritted teeth.

'How do you know you're not?' Sirius retorted. 'How would you feel if you said that and then you did drop him and I wasn't here, eh?'

'Bloody hell, what happened to Reckless Sirius?' Remus muttered, inspecting Harry to see what was wrong. Sirius gave him another Look, but didn't respond.

'Maybe he's hungry,' Remus suggested, and Sirius shot off faster than a Snidget to go and get Harry's bottle. Remus shook his head and then looked back at Harry. 'What's wrong with you, eh?' Perhaps some of Sirius's over-protectiveness (bordering on paranoia) was rubbing off on him – he was starting to worry that attending the funeral might have had a detrimental effect on Harry. Of course, funerals obviously weren't supposed to have a positive effect on people, but Harry was only a baby so how could he possibly have known that he was going to his old home to bury his parents? Maybe it was the journey that had done it, he knew they shouldn't have taken Sirius's bike… although Sirius himself had been rather apprehensive about it, and maybe he'd been right…

'Oh, god. I'm turning into Sirius,' he told Harry.

'Are you talking about me, Moony?' Sirius called, coming back up the stairs with a bottle.

'Yup,' Remus replied, making to take the bottle. Predictably, Sirius refused to give it to him and remained determined to do everything Harry-related himself. He offered it to Harry, but the baby turned his head away with a whimper, and rejected the bottle completely, which (unsurprisingly) worried Sirius.

'Why won't he take his bottle? Is he ill? I think he's ill,' Sirius fretted, hurrying uselessly around and inspecting Harry closely for signs of deteriorating health. Remus waved him away like an annoying fly and lifted back Harry's hair to check his temperature. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

A thin, red scar stretched from the top of Harry's forehead to the gap between his eyebrows. It was very clearly defined, and quite large. Remus touched a cautious finger to the scar and, as it didn't seem to give Harry any pain, traced it slowly – diagonally left, then right, then left again in the curious shape of a lightning bolt. He was silent for some time, and Sirius even stopped flapping and came over. 'What's up, Moony? Is he really ill?'

'I dunno. Look at this, Sirius.'

Sirius peered carefully over Remus's shoulder, then looked at his friend after several silent minutes.

'Is that where…?'

'That's what I was thinking.'

'Does it hurt him?'

'I don't think so.' Remus shook his head. 'I traced it with my finger and it didn't seem to cause him any pain.' He put a hand to Harry's head. It was hot.

'Has he got a temperature?' Sirius asked. Remus nodded.

'Yeah, I think he's got a fever.'

Sirius resumed his rushing around and started packing up several of Harry's things into a bag, including most of his clothes as well as some toys and books.

'What are you doing?' Remus asked, exasperated but fighting an urge to laugh at the same time.

'Packing up Harry's stuff, what does it look like?'

'Yeah, but why?'

Sirius gave him his third Look that night. 'We're taking him to the hospital, Remus, honestly,' he huffed.

'The hospital? Sirius, he's got a fever that's all – we'll put him to bed and watch over him and just call the doctor in the morning.' Living in a Muggle-inhabited village since the age of eighteen, Remus had got used to referring to Muggle Healers as 'doctors'.

'The what?'

'Doctor. It's like a Healer, but they're not for emergencies.'

'Well, this is an emergency,' Sirius muttered, zipping up the bag and picking it up. 'A fever could be dangerous.'

'Sirius –'

Sirius stood up and looked him full in the face. The look he gave Remus was curious – it wasn't angry or stubborn, merely rather frightened and pleading. 'Remus, I thought you'd understand. He's all we have left of them. We can't lose the only thing we have left of them. We can't. Please.'

Remus relented. He supposed he would have done the same had he put Harry back in his cot and given the situation a second thought. Besides, he would do almost anything for Sirius anyway.

'Come on, we'll take him to A&E,' he sighed, handing Harry to Sirius (who had requested his godson rather impatiently) and pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans before picking up Harry's bag. Sirius, who was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of tracksuit bottoms already, merely slipped on a pair of shoes before heading out of the door, having wrapped Harry in a large blanket.

'What's A&E by the way?' Sirius called when they were halfway down the stairs.

'Accident and Emergency. That's what they call Muggle hospitals sometimes,' Remus explained, adding, 'We go to the Accident department,' before Sirius could insist that they go to the Emergency section.

Wendy Adams was not having a good week. She'd been stood up on a date only the previous night, and on Tuesday the hairdresser had misunderstood her request for a 'trim' and cut her beautiful, light blond, almost-but-not-quite-waist-length hair into a shoulder-length bob. She'd felt rather obliged to wear a hat ever since, but seeing as the hospital waiting was pretty warm, from all the body heat and (ugh) male sweat, she'd taken it off and was recording the exit time of an elderly couple when she was approached.

'Name?' she said, not looking up from her desk.

'Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Harry Potter,' Remus replied with a cordial smile that she missed.

The woman still did not look up, but it appeared to Remus that she was restraining a laugh with some difficulty. She cleared her throat.

'Right then,' she said, biting her lip to keep from spluttering with laughter. There was only one person in the trio with a decent name. What was it with parents? If her parents had called her 'Remus' she'd have legally disowned them as soon as she was able. 'What's the problem?'

'He's got a fever, we think it might be serious,' said the darker-haired man, stepping forward rather authoritatively. 'He' was probably the baby that the man was clutching like a life-line. Wendy regarded him with interest. He was rather good looking… No, forget good looking – he was gorgeous. His face was haughtily handsome, framed gracefully by his coal-black hair which curled softly, falling into his eyes with a sort of indescribably laid-back elegance. His eyes were deep brown and shaped like perfect almonds, with long sweeping lashes, wasted on any boy to be sure, and thin, elegant eyebrows that were arched in an almost cynical manner. They accompanied a sarcastic smile that said quite clearly, Yes I'm gorgeous and I know and I know you know it, but can we please concentrate on the task in hand?

She returned the cynical smile (though, regrettably, it was nowhere near the standard of his own) and looked the other man up and down. He was… less handsome, but still, she thought, she wouldn't kick him out of bed. He was taller than his… friend, slender and willowy. His soft, light brown hair fell into his face with a kind of embarrassed grace and swept across his forehead to his left. His eyes matched his hair almost exactly, and something about them made them look like the man they belonged to had lived a hundred years of troubles. His pale face was nervous, disconcerted; it was graceful, almost feminine. All in all, not bad for eye candy. He cleared his throat nervously.

'Right, yes, sorry,' she smiled brightly at them both. What a shame they were together – she had probably never seen a more gorgeous man than the dark-haired one, but having said that the other wasn't bad either. What a shame.

Wendy nodded at the baby. 'He's got a fever, you say?'

'Yeah,' said Sirius, looking at her rather suspiciously. Unless he was very much mistaken, the woman had just eyed up Remus. Trying to control the rising jealousy and anger in his body, he gave her another of those perfect, sardonic smiles – a Black family speciality. If he'd learned nothing else from his mother (apart from the fact that thinking purebloods were the wizard equivalent of royalty clearly made you go crazy), he'd learned how exactly to perfect those smiles. 'He's restless too and he won't feed.'

'Well if you just go to the children's ward the receptionist there will take your name and you can wait for a doctor,' Wendy replied, not trying in the least to be civil.

Remus smiled nervously. 'Thanks,' he said.

She flashed him a winning smile (the dark-haired man suddenly had a coughing fit) and said, 'No problem. Oh, but I have to take his name first.' She nodded at the baby.

'Oh, he's Harry. Harry Potter.' Sometimes Remus felt glad he lived in a village the majority of which was resided in by Muggles. This was one of those times. He couldn't imagine what the reaction to this simple sentence would be at St. Mungo's – there'd probably be a photo shoot or something, with Harry on the front page of the Daily Prophet when what he really needed was a Healer. In fact, Remus was rather surprised the Prophet hadn't called round already. Perhaps Dumbledore's protection included putting protective spells on the house so it couldn't be seen. Maybe he'd just warned them to stay away (although, with Rita Skeeter as their 'top reporter', Remus highly doubted that even Dumbledore could deter the Prophet from such an extremely important news story).

'Right. And you're his dads?' Wendy said, clearly bored.

She had to restrain another laugh as the two men looked at her, and then each other, in horror.

'Oh, no, no, no –'

'We're not together, no –'

'I'm Harry's godfather.'

Wendy pressed her lips together. The two men were practically falling over each other in their haste to assure her that they were not, in fact, together. On the upside, their haste meant that they were probably both straight, which put her in with a chance if she flirted enough. Perhaps not the really good looking one, he was too haughty and proud… But the other seemed nice enough. She gave him another smile, and pointed in the direction of the children's ward.

'She was totally checking you out,' Sirius said, watching Remus closely as they left the hospital.

'Really?' Remus asked, pleasantly surprised.

Sirius's lip curled. 'Yeah,' he confirmed. 'Didn't think much of her though.'

'No?' Remus replied, fighting an urge to laugh. Sirius seemed rather put out all of a sudden.

'No,' the other confirmed. 'Thought she was a bit stuck up.'

Remus had to laugh then. 'She didn't do anything wrong! Are you a bit ruffled? Did you think she didn't check you out first?'

Sirius pouted. 'Kept smiling at you,though,' he muttered moodily.

'I might just ask her out then,' Remus joked. His friend's eyes narrowed.

'You're not bloody bringing her round.'

'So what did the nurse at the Children's Ward say? A cold bath and just check on him every few hours, is that right?' he said quickly, trying and failing to change the subject.

'You'd better not ask her out,' Sirius warned.

'Are you jealous, Padfoot? Feeling rejected?'

'Words fail me,' Sirius said, shaking his head. 'You get more like me every day.'

Remus's jaw dropped in mock-offence. 'How dare you! I am hurt!'

Sirius laughed and leaned against Remus, who shoved him off.

'Come on, Padfoot, get inside,' he giggled, unlocking the front door and shoving Sirius in through it. 'We need to get Harry to bed.'

'Right, right,' Sirius said, nodding. He took Harry upstairs, but Harry suddenly decided to start wailing again and wouldn't stop. Sirius became rather stressed again, but Remus calmed him after Harry had been given a cool bath (where everybody got rather wet) and had finally been rocked to sleep. After two hours, exhausted and drained, both men collapsed onto Remus's bed.

'Remus…'

'Mm?'

'I – I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about…'

'I know, Sirius,' Remus whispered. 'I know, I can't stop thinking about them either.'

'I need to go after Wormtail, Remus. Please. I have to.'

Remus groaned and closed his eyes. 'Sirius, how many times?'

Sirius gritted his teeth. 'What about Lily and James, Moony?'

'What about Dumbledore?' Remus hissed. 'How could you betray his trust like that when you know he's giving us the best protection he can? He's got us under the bloody Fidelius Charm, Padfoot!'

'So what?' Sirius argued. 'You'd think Dumbledore would understand –'

'And Harry? What about him?'

'What about Harry?'

Remus sighed. 'Sirius, he needs you. And you need him! Don't you argue, you know you do – he's the only thing you've got! Please, Sirius, how many times? How many times do I have to keep reminding you? You have responsibilities now! You have to live up to them!'

There was a long silence.

'Sorry, Moony,' Sirius murmured. 'I just… It just makes me so angry to think – to think that he's got away with it.'

'He won't get away with it,' Remus said. 'The Order is out looking for him Sirius. We'll be okay.'

He wrapped his arms around Sirius's shoulders, a gesture that was oddly comforting to the other. Sirius nestled down into Remus's arms and, without another word, fell asleep.

Argh, crap ending – I'm suffering from writer's block… I'll get better, I promise. :)

LOL, I love that phrase: 'Wouldn't kick him out of bed!' It's one of my brother's favourites, and I'm not going to explain it as I don't want to corrupt your precious little minds (haha, how innocent can you be if you read M-rated fics?) I think it's kinda self-explanatory anyway…