Beyond Repair
By: Lesera128
Rated: M
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….
Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.
Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.
The very first time that Skye had ever seen Jax had been at a time in her life when she knew the last thing she needed was another romantic entanglement. She had been quite pleased to be free of love's nasty web; after all, in her entire life, all her relationships had always ended in nothing but pain and miserable discomfort. However, that night Cupid's arrows had flown true, and she was a goner. That stare of his had been what had ultimately done her in… those piercing blue eyes that were so indicative of what Jax was thinking and feeling. All Skye had to do was look at his eyes, and she felt as if she were looking straight into his soul.
That first night, at the GH charity auction, Skye had just been another pretty face in a large crowd to him. She had not merited a second glance on Jax's part. However, Skye being Skye, chose to rapidly change that little detail. She got his attention, and the first time he ever *really* looked at her, Skye could remember thinking that he thought no more of her than that which one gives a petty annoyance once it has been identified and cataloged. But, Skye had persisted. She hadn't given up. She stuck to her guns, determined that one day Jax would look at her as he had never looked at anyone before.
And on this day, of all days, as Skye stood barefoot on the beach in the dusky twilight of the early Australian evening, she had at last succeeded. The look that shone in Jax's eyes was alien to Skye. She had never seen it there before, and didn't know what to make of it. Indeed, a part of her initially thought she was day dreaming or hallucinating or some other inexplicable and wild explanation. After all, there was no way that Jax could be here, of all places and of all times, looking just like nothing had happened between them.
Hesitantly, Skye rose and took a step forward towards him. Her hand came up to Jax's face, slowly…. so slowly, in fact, Skye felt that she was in slow motion as her conscious mind tried to process what was happening to her. Her brain otherwise occupied, her body was on autopilot and acting of its own accord. What she did was a mere reflex, purely instinctual. They were the act of a woman desperately trying to deny herself the one thing she wanted most in the world and yet couldn't bear to give up completely.
Jax felt himself tremble, despite his best efforts to the contrary, as Skye's soft hand came up to his cheek. She slowly stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, and then flipped her hand so that her fingers lightly were playing across his rough skin. He hadn't shaved since early that morning, and the stubble was itchy to Skye's fingers as she traced his jawbone from ear to chin before her hand fell to her side.
Taking a deep breath, it was almost as if Skye suddenly switched from slow motion to normal speed all at once. Stumbling backwards, she shook her head as she breathlessly grappled for the right words.
"I'm not dreaming, am I?"
Jax bit his lips as he slowly shook his head. "No, you're not."
"You're here. You're really here."
"I am," came the simple response.
Skye shook her head again in denial. "But, you can't be. You can't be here. You're... You're supposed to be in Port Charles. Or London. Or Hong Kong, for all I care. But not here. You're not supposed to be here."
Jax was silent as Skye struggled to grasp the reality of what was happening to her.
"This isn't really happening," Skye protested. "I'm daydreaming again. You're just a figment of my overactive and over tired imagination. Jet lag, right? Exhaustion complicated by jet lag is making me hallucinate."
Continuing to stare at her, Jax pondered what to say. He hadn't seen Skye in over a year. And, yet, as soon as he stood within a few feet of her, it was almost as if that entire year had been just a bad dream. It was almost as if no time had passed, and he was merely joining her out on the beach for a twilight walk just before dinner. It was almost as if time had melted away, and the chasm that had separated them for so long simply didn't exist anymore. And it took Jax a minute to realize why.
His own hand came up to the cheek that Skye had touched. It was almost as if he had been burned by her touch. It was overwhelming as Jax realized the thoughts and feelings and reactions that he had thought long ago dead and buried were coming back to life… and back to the forefront of his conscious mind.
Shaking his head, Jax looked at Skye, his eyes staring at her so that it made her go weak in the knees.
"You can't be here. You just can't," Skye repeated.
"Skye," he said softly, at last.
Skye continued in her protestations of denial. She closed her eyes, squinting so tightly that the actions of her eyes mirrored the clinching of her fists. "I don't know why, but you are just an illusion. You aren't real."
"Skye."
"You aren't real."
"Skye," Jax said, this time more forcefully.
"You AREN'T real," Skye said defiantly for a third, and what she thought was final, time.
However, before she could open her eyes, Jax felt a rush of... of something when he closed the space between them in a matter of seconds. Grabbing her roughly by the arm, Jax pulled her towards him. His lips came to hers in a crushing blow. In that single kiss, Skye's eyes bolted open with astonished amazement. For Jax, the kiss had started out as a simple way to get her attention. But when he felt Skye go limp against him, her warm softness falling into his arms- something... something changed. The kiss deepened. It was like an electric exchange between the two. Conveying to her all of his emotions in a single, glittering action- all of what he was feeling for her, all that he had been carrying around locked deep inside him for over a year and a half, came out. All the anger, fear, hatred, passion, lust, desperation, disappointment, happiness, desire, annoyance, frustration, sadness, and even love came tumbling out in that single kiss.
When at last Jax pulled away, Skye felt as if her heart had stopped. Tears begun slightly falling down her cheeks as she stumbled to the ground. Sinking to her knees, sobs began to choke Skye as she fought herself for control.
"Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God... my God, my God... it's you. It's you. It's really you," Skye whispered, as she began to shake violently.
A small part of Jax couldn't help it as he reached down to gather her in his embrace. It was instinct. But his rational mind overruled the action, forcing him to stay in place. He stared at her, standing completely still. Only the soft sea breeze ruffling through his shirt and his hair gave any indication that he was a living, breathing person. Standing over her, Jax merely watched until Skye's sobs eventually subsided into choked dry shudders.
"Skye."
Staring at the ground, Skye's hand came to her throat. She couldn't manage to move her neck up for some reason. It was as if she had gone completely numb and couldn't move anything at all. All she could do was continue to shake as her mind tried to regain control of the situation that the chaotic rip tide of emotion had unleashed upon it.
"Skye, look at me," Jax said as he finally took a step forward.
Several seconds passed, and silence was his only response before a cracked voice replied, "I can't."
Sighing, when she made no move to comply with his request, Jax bent down next to her. Raising a hand to her chin, he gently tilted her head upwards so that she was staring once more into his eyes.
"Skye, look at me. You owe me that much at least."
Fresh tears glistened as she reluctantly didn't break the stare. "What do you want from me?"
Jax was quiet for a moment. There was so much he wanted from this woman. So much... so much that the only thing that would satisfy him completely was HER. However, despite how natural it felt being this close to Skye again, how wonderful it had felt to hold her in his arms and share with her an idea of all he wanted to give her, Jax realized that could never be. And, so he settled for closure as he considered his next words.
"All I want to know is why."
"Why?" Skye said, as she sniffled.
Jax's hands came up to her face and gently brushed away the tears with a flick of the wrist in each direction. He nodded as he said. "Just tell me why."
"Why what?"
"Why... why did you do all of it? Why did you lie to me? Why did you make me think my... our daughter was dead? Why did you throw away the live we were building together with both hands? Why did you sacrifice your happiness... our happiness? Sacrifice our... our love? Please. I have to know. Why did you do it, Skye?"
-TBC-