Another week had passed and Dean was being discharged tomorrow. Would he leave once he was discharged? Did he even live here? Where did he live? Over the past two weeks I had put up with the incredible sexual tension but we had tried to distance ourselves and not become too attached to each other like we have been. I hated the fact that I wasn't able to be with him as much as I wanted to be. I thought about him all the time.
His brother was coming back tonight. I had a really bad feeling that they were going to leave. I came in the hospital around 4-ish so I didn't know how much time Dean and I had left which was tormenting me.
I picked up Dean's discharge form that I was supposed to be filling out. I had started on it early today but it was killing me. I filled out a couple of lines and then put my pen down, sighing. Why was this so impossible?
My pager beeped, and it was a page from another one of my patients that I was looking after in pediatrics. I hurried over to the opposite side of the hospital to see George. Maybe being on the other side of the hospital would be good for me – to get away from Dean. When I got to the room, George just needed an IV change and wanted to ask me some questions about where to go for his Make a Wish foundation trip.
"What about Italy?" George asked me, looking up at me with those sweet, innocent eyes.
"What about Italy?" I asked back.
"Do you think it'd be cool to go there?" he asked, curiously, looking up at me.
"Yeah it would. You could lots of spaghetti and gelato," I replied.
"And pizza?" he asked.
I chuckled, "Yes and that too but this is for people who are dying, kiddo! You are not dying so you won't need this."
"Yeah but if I don't get the organ soon and the surgery doesn't go well than my mom said that I could go to any country that I wanted," George replied. George was a seven year old patient of mine with liver cancer. It was terrible and I hated the fact that kids were sick.
"Yes, but it's an 'if' statement. They're on their way with the organ and besides with me on your watch, there's no way that this surgery is going to go wrong. I won't let it," I reassured. I know I couldn't promise that but I was determined to help this little boy live. He could go to Italy after that.
There was a long silence, "What do you think of France?"
"Do you think we could talk while I replace your IV?" I asked.
"Is it going to hurt?" George asked, nervously.
"Well you might feel a little pinch but it won't if you just look at me and talk to me. Don't take your eyes away okay?" I asked.
"Okay," George said, looking up at me.
"Okay. So what do you think of France, George? Would you want to go? You could go and see the Eiffel tower," I suggested as I got to putting in his IV. I needed to get his mind off of the needle so that he wouldn't freak out.
"That would be so cool. It's so pretty," he smiled.
There. I had successfully gotten the IV in and he hadn't even felt a thing. Well, at least he wasn't showing that he had felt a thing which was also a good thing.
"I agree, George. It is pretty," I replied, in agreement.
"Jennie?" I heard a voice ask. It was Dean.
"Is it done?" George asked, looking at me.
"Yes it is." Dean, right!
"Dean, what're you doing here? Why are you out of-," I started. I turned around to look at him only to be met by the most wonderful surprise.
"Hey," he smiled.
And at that moment I was overcome with joy. I felt like I was soaring and that I could touch the sky. Dean was walking. Dean was on his feet and walking! Physical therapy must've been really good. I had gone to visit him a couple of times but I was trying to distance myself from him so I didn't get too attached. Apparently that hadn't worked at all.
"Dean, oh my God!" I exclaimed, rushing over to him. "This is, this is amazing!"
"I know," he said, smiling.
"Wow, I never realized how tall you really are," I said.
He smiled, "Well, I hope you like your men tall." He winked at me and I giggled, rolling my eyes playfully.
"Oh, Dean, I'm so happy for you," I smiled. Words couldn't express the way that I felt about you. I went over to him, pulling him into my arms and give him a tight hug. I pulled away and smiled at him again but kept my arms wrapped around my neck and me on my tippy toes. And Dean looked so happy right now too. His arms were wrapped securely around my waist and he was grinning from ear to ear. Our eyes met and it was like a little jolt of lightning.
Instead of responding with words, Dean grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me passionately. The both of us were so overcome with joy that I kissed back. Suddenly, I pulled away.
"Dean-," I started, surprised. I pulled away reluctantly.
"No, I'm sorry. You asked me not to and I just, I'm sorry," Dean murmured, scratching the back of his head and looking down at the floor. He looked a little embarrassed and definitely sorry.
"Not it's not-, I mean, yes, but, I'm sorry," I said, unable to explain what I really wanted to say.
"I should go," Dean started.
"Okay," I replied, nodding. I was completely perplexed.
The minute Dean was gone I rushed out to find Bradley. I found him charting in a sleeping patient's room. I hated myself for letting him go but at the same time, the little voice in my head kept telling me that what had been going on and especially what we had just done was stupid.
"What are you doing?" I asked, confused, once I found Bradley.
"Charting," he replied, simply. He looked up from his charts and saw that I looked very flustered. He shot me a funny look.
"Yeah, I get that but why are you in this room?" I asked.
"Oh, it's nice and quiet in here. No distractions," he replied.
"Ah, well I need to talk right now. It's urgent," I said.
"Jen, what's up?" he asked.
"Not here," I replied.
He nodded and followed me. I brought him into an on call room and shut the door, locking it.
"Jen, what's going on?" Bradley asked.
I was beginning to pace and it looked like I was panicking. In reality, I was. I could barely organize my thoughts together and I was trying to find a way to say this rationally. Of fuck rationality what I had done was nowhere near rational or appropriate. There was no other way to say this.
"I kissed my patient," I finally admitted.
"WHAT?" Bradley exclaimed.
"Shhh!" I shushed.
"Correction: I'm falling for my patient," I said. Saying out loud felt so good.
"What?" Bradley exclaimed, quietly.
"I'm falling for him, Bradley. And not in the lust way that usually would happen but I'm falling for him as in, the big embarrassing way where all I think about is him and all I want to do is be with him. I kissed him. Well technically he kissed me but that's beside the point. He was walking, Bradley. He was walking! And he walked to my patient's room and found me and I saw him and I was so happy and we just... we kissed!" I exclaimed, starting to freak out.
"Jennie, woah, slow down," Bradley said, holding me in place.
"What?" I exclaimed.
"Take a deep breath," Bradley ordered. I nodded, anxiously and took a deep breath. "You kissed him?"
"Yeah," I said, sighing.
"Jennie, you know how risky this is," Bradley started.
"I know but he's being discharged tomorrow. But look, it's not just about sex because well, we haven't had it yet. We couldn't possibly have it. But I really like him. Sometimes, he's all I think about and we've gotten to know each other," I said.
"Oh my God, you're in love with him," Bradley pointed out.
"I am not!" I denied.
"Well even if you're not… you've got it bad, Jen," Bradley said.
I sighed, "I know."
"So what're you going to do?" Bradley asked.
"I honestly don't know," I replied.
For the next couple of hours or so, I was in another surgery. It was good to just clear my head and not have to think about anything like Dean or the fact that we had kissed today. I could just enjoy my work and cut people open. Okay, that sounded terrible. When surgery was over, I went back to Dean's room. I knew that I'd have to face this now or later and I voted for now. I was a doctor. I was logical and rationally so how come Dean made me lose all of that? The minute I saw Dean all of the irrationality came back, just as expected. He was sitting up in bed and he looked anxious.
"Jennie-," he started, seeing me.
Instead of letting him finish or listening to what he had to say, I went over to his hospital bed, held his hands in my face and kissed him passionately. The kiss was rough, passionate, and hungry. I had been wanting this all day and I needed to figure out if this was going to be worth it. Dean slowed down the kiss until finally, I pulled away. My heart was racing.
"I'm falling for you, Dean and I shouldn't be," I blurted out.
The look on his face showed the he was in shock, "You are?"
"Yeah," I nodded.
Dean held my hands in his, "I thought you'd never tell me." He kissed my hand. "I'm falling for you too and I don't care what your boss or Alex or whoever thinks about us."
I smiled at him and leaned in kissing him again. The kiss started to heat up. Dean pulled me in closer to him, his hand traveling to the small of my back. Suddenly, the door swung open and Dean and I sprang apart. Shit, I was done for. It was probably Dr. Stevens and he was going to kill me for this!
"Jesus, Sammy!" Dean exclaimed. Dean's brother was back. And then reality hit me. Dean was leaving tomorrow.
"I'm sorry was I… interrupting something?" Sam asked, looking incredibly uncomfortable.
"Uh, yeah kind of," Dean started. "Could you give us a moment?"
"Sure," Sam replied, awkwardly, before slipping out of the room.
I got up and started pacing again.
"Jennie, where are you going?" Dean asked.
"How could I be so stupid? You're leaving tomorrow, Dean! I come back, and I kiss you, and I tell you how I feel and... am I even going to see you again?" I asked.
"Yes, of course. I mean... look, I have to go away for a little bit, maybe even just a week or a couple of days but I can come back," Dean offered up.
"Do you even live here? I don't even know what you do for a living," I started, beginning to freak out.
"Jennie, I should tell you-," he started.
"You should tell me what?" I asked, turning to look at him.
"You may want to sit down for this," Dean warned, cautiously.