Well, its 9:30 pm GMT and the world hasn't ended yet, so I decided I might as well post chapter eight today, just to keep everyone entertained during the five months of Hell on Earth. ;)

More strong language (what has got into me? Teenage, I suppose) but in my defence it is because of emotional frustration, anguish, etc. etc. and the Sirius in my head swears a lot anyway. He's not joking, he's Sirius (ha ha). Please review, even if it's only to tell me what you had for lunch today. I'm very interested, honestly.

DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.

All bits from the book(s) are in bold

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Eight

'Mmmm…'

Sirius woke, more content that he'd felt in a long time – more content, maybe, than ever before. He didn't open his eyes though he could detect sunlight through his closed lids, and he could hear birdsong as the minutes passed, and still he kept his eyes shut. He felt like a cliché from a storybook, but he didn't care – he was happy.

A warm body and a soft moan of pleasure from beside him indicated that Remus was still there. He sighed happily and snuggled into his arms, burrowing under the duvet and nestling into Remus's warm embrace.

This was, without a doubt, the best way to wake up, ever.

'Time is it?' Remus enquired sleepily.

'Who cares?' Sirius replied. They both chuckled, both noticing that the way their bodies were pressed together made the vibrations feel really good.

Remus pulled Sirius into another slow, passionate kiss, their tongues twining together. It was just promising to get interesting when a high-pitched wail pierced the morning air.

'Oh, shit,' Sirius mumbled against Remus's lips. He broke away, adding, 'I'll see to him, he's probably hungry,' as he rolled over and pulled on his Puddlemere United boxer shorts from the previous night. Remus helped himself to a grin.

Sirius started towards the door, but suddenly froze, clutching the handle as though for dear life.

'Shit.'

'Padfoot? What's wrong?'

'Oh, fucking hell!' Sirius moaned, sagging against the door. 'Why the fuck did this have to happen?'

'What are you –?'

Remus broke off as Sirius spun around, a wild, demented look in his eyes.

'Fucking hell, Remus, how could I forget?'

'Forget what?' Remus said. 'Sirius, you're not making sense.'

'Today! Today's the twelfth, Moony! How could I forget?' Sirius repeated, throwing himself down onto the bed with his head in his hands.

'The twelfth –? Oh. Shit.'

'Why did it have to be like this?' Sirius cried in despair. 'Why is my life so fucking shit all the time?'

'Sirius –' Remus began, cautiously stretching out a hand to place comfortingly on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius turned at his touch, throwing him a heartbreakingly desperate, pleading look, his eyes glazed with tears of frustration and anguish.

'I can't go back, Moony, I can't! I haven't seen my mother for five fucking years, how can I just go back and pretend everything's fine? Dumbledore's mad, how can I do that?' His voice broke. 'How can I go without you?'

There was a silence. Sirius sat, bent over, on the edge of the bed, pale back exposed, spine visible and shaking with silent sobs. Remus, still half-buried under the blankets, looked on, fruitlessly searching for something, some comforting words, to say, trying not to break down as Sirius had. But how could he not? How could he pretend everything was normal and fine when it was slowly dawning on him that he was not going to see Sirius for a long time, perhaps indefinitely? How could he smile, plaster on that old, tired brave face of his that he had worn so many times before when all he wanted to do was curl up and cry? How could he comfort Sirius when he couldn't even comfort himself? He felt feeble, pathetic, and all the while Harry's thin, wailing cry pressed down on his ears, reminding him that, in taking care of his best friend's son, he was also useless and ineffectual.

'I can't go back.' Sirius's voice was muffled, but not muffled enough to disguise the heart wrenching misery in his tone. Remus wanted desperately to comfort him, but he couldn't find the right thing to say. Wordlessly, he got up and made his way to Harry's room. Suddenly, a hungry infant seemed to much easier to calm than a best friend.

'Don't forget me, will you?'

'As if I would.'

Sirius sighed and looked at the shiny black motorbike that, in the dusky twilight, seemed too big for the tiny house. 'I'd better go, then,' he said reluctantly. Picking up a trunk full of clothes, toys and books belonging to Harry, he checked the baby carrier to make sure it was completely secure, then bewitched all the luggage so that it would follow them on their journey.

''Bye, Harry.' Remus planted a kiss on the top of the sleeping baby's head, lifting up the untidy black hair (so like James's) and taking one last look at the mysterious scar. 'Maybe you should ask Dumbledore about that,' he told Sirius, indicating the scar.

'One of us should,' Sirius agreed. 'I'll do it if you like. It doesn't hurt him, does it?'

'It doesn't seem to; he seemed fine the first time we found it, remember?' Remus said.

'Yeah…' said Sirius. He seemed to be struggling with something.

'Are you okay?' Remus asked, before mentally cursing himself. Of course he wasn't okay; neither of them was, what was he doing asking such a ridiculous question?

'Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,' Sirius replied even more stupidly. There was a pause, then Sirius said, in a rush, 'Please don't leave me, Moony.'

Remus stared at him. 'What… What are you talking about?' His brain seemed to be having trouble processing Sirius's words.

'Please don't go!' Sirius whined. 'Please.'

'But… Sirius, you're the one that's leaving, I don't…' Remus trailed off. He didn't understand. Why was he saying this? Why now? They were just about parted, he was almost letting himself think that he might get through this without breaking down until after Sirius had gone, and now Sirius had chosen to beg him to be the weak one. He might as well have fallen to his knees and grovelled at Remus's feet. Remus doubted it could have made things any worse.

How was he supposed to say no now? How on earth was he meant to point out that they were better of this way, that Harry and Sirius would be safer without him? How could he stand there and parrot everything Dumbledore had said the previous week? How could he do anything but throw caution to the winds and let Sirius stay? After everything that had happened? After the previous night? How was he supposed to be so cruel and heartless as to turn Sirius away now? How could he do the sensible thing when he had only ever wanted to spend every waking moment with the man standing before him – when he was only human?

And yet he had to. Life was such a bitch sometimes.

'I don't care, I don't know what I'm saying, I don't want to go!' Sirius wailed.

'Sirius… Please don't make this any harder for either of us. I don't want you to go, but you have to. I mean, I'm dangerous, Sirius, you know that. I don't want to hurt you. I become a fully-fledged monster once a month and I know you were able to keep me in check at Hogwarts but… you have a kid, Sirius. You can't just drop everything and run off without a care in the world. You're not the focus of your world anymore. Harry is. And he ought to mean more to you than I do.'

Sirius looked at him. There was hurt and frustration in his eyes, but there was also understanding. He knew, though he didn't want to, that he had a responsibility now, a responsibility that was far more important than his own happiness. Though it hurt like hell to give Remus up, at least he knew it was for something so precious and sacred that it far outweighed any other virtue or prize. At least it was for the last remaining trace of Lily and James Potter.

Even so, he'd better have done something really, really bad in a previous life to deserve this.

'Right,' he said after a while. 'Right, well, I'd better be off then.'

And just like that, everything was awkwardly formal. Sirius refused to look Remus in the eye in case he broke down again, and Remus didn't know where to put himself. He didn't trust himself to say anything and he didn't have a clue where to find the words anyway. They certainly weren't anywhere near the tip of his tongue, that was for certain.

Sirius stood by the bike for just a second too long, as though waiting for Remus to change his mind and beg him not to go. When Remus didn't say anything, Sirius climbed astride the bike and turned the key. The engine came to life with a loud roar, and Harry woke up, startled, and began to cry.

'Oh, bugger,' Sirius muttered, annoyed. As if he needed another opportunity to fall to his knees and beg like an idiot. As if he wasn't hurting enough. As if he could stand to stay here any longer knowing that he was only trying futilely to put off their final parting.

Before he could do anything Remus reached across him and scooped Harry out of the baby carrier, cradling him in his arms. 'Shh,' he murmured, rocking Harry gently and holding him close. Sirius scowled and crossed his arms, but fortunately didn't protest, and Remus soon succeeded in rocking Harry back to sleep. He replaced him in the baby carrier, then forced himself to look at Sirius.

'I'm really going to miss you, you know. Like crazy,' he said quietly. 'I wish I'd told you before, I wish we could have had more time together… We could've been a proper couple.' Sirius looked surprised. Oh bloody hell, Remus thought, cursing himself for saying something so foolish. He wasn't expecting me to say that. Bugger. Well done Moony. You've successfully put your foot in it yet again.

'I'll miss you too,' Sirius half-whispered. 'I just thought… I thought you'd want to forget about…'

'About last night?' Remus asked, raising his eyebrows. 'I'm never going to forget that, Sirius, trust me.'

For a second, Sirius almost smiled, but the fleeting action was gone before Remus could be sure it had even happened.

'Well,' he said, 'thanks, I suppose. For – you know – everything.'

Remus nodded silently.

'And – you know I'll always love you, right?'

'And I'll always love you. Just – take care, okay? Of yourself and Harry.'

Sirius nodded and reached out an arm. With the back of his hand he stroked the other man's cheek gently. His fingers caught on an old, faded scar that ran along Remus's jaw line and he hesitated for a moment before withdrawing his hand and putting it back on the bike's handlebar. Remus stepped back, tracing the path Sirius's fingers had made along the side of his face.

Sirius revved the engine and drove forward, and soon the bike was airborne. Remus, watching from the ground, was reminded a little of the night he and Sirius had first taken Harry to live with them, and suddenly felt his eyes sting as hot tears blurred his vision and spilled onto his cheeks. Who was Dumbledore trying to kid? How was he supposed to be able to carry on without Sirius, so shortly after Lily and James had been taken from their lives, now that it was suddenly dawning on him that he'd lost everything that mattered to him?

An owl hooted somewhere in the rapidly darkening evening, signalling the beginning of the night – the start of his transformation. He turned on his heel and strode inside, hastily bolting all the doors and locking the windows, making sure he closed every pair of curtains and cast a silencing charm over the house – it was more than his life's worth to be caught. This was his usual monthly routine, but tonight it seemed strange. It wasn't like he'd transformed in front of Sirius for three years, but he still felt like something was missing.

The owl hooted again as night closed in on the house and the wolf huddled within.