Sorry about the long wait between updates. I wanted to get this last chapter right. Thank you for your patience. Hope you enjoy!
"Did you hear?" Sam came through the bedroom door with a little bounce in her steps. It had been locked previous but in the middle of the night Rachel had gotten up to use the bathroom and forgot to relock it. She was regretting that now as her roommate burst in, waking her up a little earlier than she would have liked.
"Sam, we're sleeping." Rachel mumbled from somewhere under the covers.
"We're?" Sam paused halfway to the bed. She was about to leap into it and join Rachel like she did sometimes but not if there was a third party.
"Yes, we're" Rachel emphasized and rolled to her back now. She lifted her head a bit and squinted through the bright sunlight toward her roommate. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she was fighting to keep her eyes open.
"Oh" Sam stopped in her tracks and stared at the bed. She bit her lip and decided she didn't care and started to smile again "Anyway, did you guys hear?"
Rachel groaned and dropped her head. Sam was horrible at taking a hint.
"Hear what?" Came a third voice as Santana shifted in the bed. She rolled toward Rachel and slid her arm around her waist.
"Morning Santana" Sam chirped, a grin taking over her features. She was not at all shocked to find it was Santana who was with Rachel that morning. In fact, she was kind of glad.
Santana rose a hand from the mess of blankets in a sort of wave then dropped it heavily to land back around Rachel.
"Anyway, so last night after being hauled away, Julie was checked into the psyche ward at the hospital!"
Rachel lifted her head quickly "What!"
Santana didn't react. Truthfully, she wasn't surprised.
"For what?" Rachel shifted and propped herself up on her elbow now feeling much more awake that she had been moments earlier. She clutched an arm to her chest to keep the blanket in place.
Sam saw this and perked an eyebrow. A smile came to her lips and she let out a joyous little laugh "You guys finally did it, didn't you?"
"Oh my god, Sam" Rachel dropped her head into the pillow again.
Santana laughed and kissed Rachel's back lightly.
"Was it good?" Sam rubbed her hands together as if she was about to receive some juicy details.
"None of your business." Rachel huffed out as she lifted her head to scowl at her friend.
"Incredible" Santana chimed in.
"Unbelievable! Santana, keep your mouth shut" Rachel rolled over and gave her a swat to the arm. This only made Santana chuckle.
"What? I was just being honest." Santana gave a shrug and smiled up to Rachel who was less than amused.
"So did she live up to her reputation?" Sam asked, ignoring the fact that Rachel obviously was trying not to talk about it.
Rachel rolled her eyes and sat up now, still pulling the blanket across herself to keep covered "I am not going to tell you" She huffed, folding her arms.
"I'll give you your robe if you tell me" Sam said, grabbing the garment from the knob of her closet door and swinging it back and forth a bit.
"I am not going to bargain with you for clothing! I have no shame in letting you see me naked."
"Rachel, we've lived together how long? We've worked and changed together in the same dressing room for how long? Do you really think I've never seen you naked?"
"Well you've never seen me fully naked" Rachel argued, folding her arms.
"Oh my god" Santana sat up and shook her head a bit. She got out of bed, didn't care to cover herself, walked over to Sam and snatched the robe "I don't know about her, but I had an incredible time." She gave the girl a wink then turned around and handed the robe to Rachel. "There, now stop arguing like two year olds." Okay, so Santana was just a little bit grumpy in the morning.
Sam stared with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. That is the last thing she had expected to happen.
Rachel tried to chastise Santana for having showed her friend her entire body but all she could do was shake her head as she slipped her robe on.
"Damn, she is smoking" Sam finally mumbled. "San, are your boobs real?"
"No" She mumbled from under a pillow where she had stuffed her head.
Rachel rolled her eyes and got out of bed, tying the robe around her. "Honestly you two! Are we really going to discuss sex and nudity this early in the morning?"
"Well I will" Sam said with a shrug.
"No, I want to sleep." Santana groaned.
Rachel pointed at her friend firmly then motioned to the door "Out."
Sam pouted but Rachel wasn't budging. So she dropped her head and drug her feet with every step like a child being scolded.
Rachel followed and once they were both outside the room, she shut the door tightly. "Now, tell me, why was Julie put in the psyche ward?"
"Santana has a hot body!" Sam whispered with a laugh, following Rachel toward the kitchen.
"Focus" She rolled her eyes, grabbing Sam's ear and pulling it until she had her attention.
"Hey, hey, I need that!" Sam growled as she pulled away, rubbing at the ear that Rachel had nearly torn off.
"So, Julie" Rachel asked again as she dug out the coffee grounds and started up a pot.
"Oh, right. Seems she has some sort of anger disorder. Intermittent explosions or something. She's supposed to be taking medicine for it but apparently she decided not to."
"Why would she do something as irresponsible as that?" Rachel shook her head, folding her arms.
Sam shrugged a bit "Do you really ask why Julie Nickels does anything? She's a nut job. Although now that I know she is really a nut job, that explains so much."
"She isn't a nut job. That's a very serious condition, Sam. It's not to be made fun of or taken lightly."
"Since when do you stick up for the bitch who was slamming you against the wall just yesterday?"
Rachel shrugged a little "She's only human, Sam. And chances are she probably couldn't control it, especially if she wasn't medicated."
Sam made a weird face at Rachel. It was a mix of half shock and half disbelief. It was moments like these that she was remind just what a huge heart Rachel really had.
Rachel rolled her eyes as she poured two cups of coffee and mixed in a little cream "Did you hear how long she is going to be in there?"
"Long enough" Sam said with a shrug "Apparently she needs to complete a certain amount of counseling hours and take a class about managing herself and her medication before they will let her live unsupervised again."
"So is she done with the show?" Rachel looked a little more worried about that then Sam thought she would be.
Sam nodded a little, picking at a napkin on the island in the kitchen "For now. Holly is taking over."
Rachel nodded slowly as she lifted her cup and took a sip of the coffee. Her eyes were glazed over as she slipped into deep thought. Her brows knitted together and there was no mistaking the fact that Rachel was processing it all.
"I thought you'd be happy?" Sam finally broke the silence a moment later.
"I can't be happy, persay, when she is obviously sick and needs help. I am glad she will be getting help and I am glad Holly is getting her chance to shine but I can't jump for joy as to why."
Sam just shrugged and moved to the coffee pot "I still say she is getting what she deserves."
Rachel shook her head, picking up the other cup of coffee she had poured "She is sick. No one deserves that." She moved now around the counter and back toward her bedroom. She opened the door and made her way back to the bed, setting the second coffee on the table on Santana's side of the bed before she sat on the edge of her side, sipping her drink.
Santana sat up when she smelled the coffee. She smiled when she saw it sitting there for her and immediately reached for it as she settled against the headboard of the bed. She looked over and saw Rachel sitting there, back to her, and perked an eyebrow slightly "You alright?"
Rachel shook her head quickly. She had been deep in thought and Santana's voice snapped her out of it. "Yeah, fine. It just sucks about Julie."
Santana shrugged as she took a sip "I told her more than once when we were dating that she needed help. I didn't know how bad it was."
"So you didn't know?" Rachel looked over her shoulder, an eyebrow arched in question.
"No, of course not. I mean, she snapped at me a few times randomly but I never knew."
Rachel nodded and took another sip of her drink before setting it on the bedside table and standing up, heading for her closet "Well I am going to send her a get well basket. I want her to know I harbor no hard feelings toward her and wish her the best in her recovery."
Santana shook her head, yawning a bit as she sipped her coffee again "You do that. I'm going to stay right here."
"You mean you aren't even going to wish her well with me?" Rachel was looping a bra around her back, her eyes on Santana in the bed.
Santana rolled her eyes and nodded "Of course. I'll sign the card."
Rachel smiled and gave a nod of approval "Fantastic. I will be back soon with an arrangement of flowers and a card for you to sign before I send it to the hospital."
Santana nodded and waved her away before laying back in bed.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
"Knock knock" Santana said softly as she peeked her head in through the doorway.
Julie lay in bed, her head turned so she could see out the window. When she heard a familiar voice, she turned and her eyes fell upon Santana. "Come in" She said softly before her head turned to look out the window once more.
Santana stepped into the room, a basket of flowers in hand "Rachel wanted to send you a get well basket so I thought I would come deliver it myself."
"I don't want it, it will probably explode" Julie mumbled, her eyes still on the window.
"I checked it, twice, for bombs" Santana said with a laugh, setting it down near Julie's bed before she pulled up the chair and sat at her bedside. She sighed at the sight of Julie in the bed. Her hands were restrained to her sides with leather straps and some chains to make sure she couldn't lash out.
"Rachel is actually really worried about you. She heard what happened and she immediately thought about getting you flowers."
"Well isn't that lovely" Julie hissed, her eyes still focused on the window.
"What is your problem?" Santana snarled.
"My problem is that I am here because of her. She drove me over the edge!"
"No, the fact that you weren't taking your medicine drove you over the edge, Jules." Santana reached out and slid a couple fingers into Julie's hand the best she could so she could hold them "Why weren't you taking your medicine?"
Julie shrugged, finally turning her head to look at Santana "Because I thought I was fine. I didn't feel like I needed them anymore."
"Well that's how they work, Jules. You take them to feel normal, to function normally. You don't stop when they are working."
"I know" Julie sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "I don't know, Santana, I felt on top of the world. I was a super star, everyone loved me, I had everything I dreamed of. I felt like it was a lie because I had to take pills to feel normal."
"It's not a lie, it's who you are." Santana let her fingers squeeze Julie's hand lightly "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything to cause yourself to get this disorder, alright?"
"I know" Julie rolled her eyes and let out a huff "It's been in my family for generations, I know that. I just thought I could beat it, you know?" She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh.
"No one can fault you for your genetics, Jules" Santana whispered, shaking her head. "You know, had you taken your pills regularly no one would have ever known. And now…it's all over."
"It is?" Julie looked worried, maybe a little sick. That was the last thing she wanted.
"Well I heard from Sam, Rachel's roommate. It's at least all over the theater and I am sure there are people there that don't like you enough to spread it to the media."
"Like your little friend Rachel" Julie growled.
"My girlfriend" Santana corrected "And no, actually, she stopped her roommate Sam from telling anyone else this morning. She is really sympathetic to what you are going through, maybe you should give her a break."
"Why because she stole everything I had?"
"First of all, no one stole anything from you. You lost your own role by letting yourself slack on your meds. You lost me because, let's face it, we weren't good together anymore."
Julie sighed and closed her eyes. "We used to be" she whispered.
Santana nodded, giving her hand a little squeeze "We used to be. But you and I both know it wasn't meant to be. You never made me feel anything. You were just a trophy to me."
"And you were just another way to make people jealous or get attention." Julie admitted, opening her eyes to look at Santana.
Santana gave a nod, shrugging a bit as she lifted her hand to push some of Julie's golden locks out of her face. "We are better off as friends" She whispered softly.
Julie nodded a bit "We always have been."
Santana laughed softly at that "Every time we tried to cross that dating line we both went a little nuts. We should have learned from the first time we tried."
Julie shrugged a bit "You were just a built in. I didn't have to try and date. Dating is scary!"
"Not for me" Santana shrugged.
"Please, what you do is not dating. What you do is fucking."
Santana nodded slowly, she couldn't disagree.
"I never thought I'd see the day you spent more than a day or two of attention on a girl, Santana."
Santana gave a little shrug "I like her."
"Obviously. You tackled me to save her."
"I'd have done that for anyone. I also would have knocked your teeth out for anyone but Rachel. She's not so big on violence."
"So I should thank her for still having my winning smile?"
Santana gave a soft laugh "Oh yeah, definitely. Maybe when you get out of here and back on your feet and you land your next role you can send her a thank you card."
"Who knows if that will ever happen" Julie mumbled, her eyes shifting out the window again.
"I do, Jules."
"You're just saying that."
"Do I ever just say something?" Santana folded her arms now.
Julie shrugged and looked back at the girl "I guess not. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Santana stood now, leaning over her bed and kissing her forehead softly "I've got a meeting and you should rest so I'm going to go. But take care of yourself, alright? If you need me, call."
Julie nodded, offering up the first smile since she had been put in the hospital bed. "Thanks Santana."
"No problem" Santana gave a shrug and put her hands in her pockets, heading for the door.
Julie sighed softly and called out to her before she left "San?"
Santana stopped and turned around, her eyebrow arched.
Julie licked her lips, taking a deep breath "Did you ever love me?"
Santana frowned, lifting a hand and pushing it through her hair. "Not as more than a friend."
Julie nodded, her face showing she had expected that answer. She gave another forced smile "Take care of her."
Santana nodded a bit, giving her friend a smile "I promise."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
"Where have you been, I've been calling you all day" Rachel started going on as soon as she walked into Santana's apartment.
"Nice to see you too" Santana said with a laugh as she closed her door and followed Rachel toward her livingroom.
"You disappeared so quickly after I brought the basket back to the house. I know you wanted to make sure to get it to a delivery service before the end of the day, but then where did you go? I tried to call you before the play to see if you needed a seat."
"Calm down" Santana said, motioning for her to sit on her couch.
"I'm calm" Rachel huffed as she dropped onto the cushion of the couch. "You just seemed so quiet this morning and then I didn't hear from you all day. I was worried."
"About what?" Santana asked as she sat on her coffee table, lifting Rachel's foot and untying her shoe.
"Well" Rachel shrugged a bit, looking down at her foot so she didn't have to look Santana in the eyes when she made her confession "That, I don't know, I did something wrong last night or you didn't like it or…" she bit her lip and looked up to her now "That you got what you wanted and left?"
Santana shook her head a little, setting one of Rachel's shoes on the ground before working on the next one "I have what I want. I have you." She said with a soft smile.
Rachel blushed. It was moments like that where Rachel felt stupid for ever doubting her.
"I took the flowers to Jules myself" Santana finally admitted as she slipped the second shoe off Rachel's foot.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rachel asked softly.
"I wanted to go alone and I knew if I said something you would want to go with me." Santana moved now to sit beside Rachel on the couch, her arm sliding around her waist and bringing her into lean against her. "Julie and have known each other a while."
"At least a year" Rachel said as she brought her head to rest on Santana's shoulder "I know your history."
"No, longer" Santana smoothed her hand over Rachel's hair then down her back "Like, since high school."
"What?" Rachel sat up, her jaw dropping a bit "You've known her that long!"
Santana nodded her head a little bit "She actually used to be really shy. We both were. We were paired one day in Biology, found out we both had a lot in common, and from there we kind of just took over the world, so to speak."
"Wow" Rachel shook her head in disbelief and laid her head back against Santana's shoulder "So did you know she was sick?"
"Not for sure" Santana said softly "I do remember one summer between senior year and her heading to New York to be a famous Broadway star she disappeared on me. I thought she had just moved away early, see we were going to move together, but then she came back about a week before we had planned to move and she seemed…different."
"How so?"
"Calmer. I mean, she used to be shy and she kind of got back to that. But she was also really focused. She always had been, but this was like scary focus. I don't know. I guess now that I look back on it now that must have been when she started medicating herself." Santana gave a shrug "But she never told me. We grew apart when we moved to the city. She was focused on acting and singing, I was focused on school. After I got my degree and started up my business I started, you know, making a name for myself. I got around, I made friends in high places, you know the story."
Rachel just nodded. She knew the story alright.
"Well, I ran into Jules one night at a party. I had no idea she had made it big. See, I knew her as Julienne Samson. I guess she thought her name wasn't Broadway enough so she changed it."
Rachel giggled softly "I always thought her name was just too perfect to be real."
"Totally is" Santana said with a smile "Anyway, so we re-connected and thought maybe we would try dating since we never had a real shot before."
"And it didn't work?"
"Not at all. We were much better as friends. She is just too much for me, I don't know. I guess since we've known each other for so long we knew how to push buttons and we knew how to pick fights." Santana glanced down at Rachel and gave a smile "I knew she wanted to have a wife and have babies. Believe it or not, Julie is not the baby carrying type. She wanted her partner to do it."
Rachel laughed softly against Santana's shoulder "She wanted you to carry babies?"
"Well not me specifically, but yes. So when she started bitching about why we weren't settling down and shit, that's when we broke it off."
"I heard you cheated on her" Rachel perked an eyebrow and looked up to Santana for confirmation.
Santana gave a shake of her head "Jules told everyone I did so she could keep her good name and I could, well, keep my reputation. Jules is the only girl I never cheated on."
Rachel cleared her throat a few more times than necessary and her eyebrow arched higher.
"And you" Santana said with a laugh "I couldn't cheat on her, it felt wrong. Like, this was one of my oldest friends and I was going to do that to her?" She gave her head a shake "No, I knew her too long and cared about her too much to do that. Any other girl I've been with, well you know, I don't really care about them that much. But Jules, no."
"I think that is sweet" Rachel said softly "I've always known you had a heart."
Santana smiled a bit, giving her head a little nod "It's in there somewhere."
"It's right here" Rachel said, sliding her hand against her chest to place it over Santana's heart "You've never hesitated to show it to me."
"You've made me feel the way I've never felt before." Santana whispered the words, her eyes looking right into Rachel's, looking so intently she was almost sure she could see right into her heart.
Rachel shivered at the intensity coming from Santana. She had heard the words come from her a few times and even felt it the night before while they were in bed together, but the look she had in her eyes right now was even deeper than anything else. Rachel bit her lip, nodding her head a little bit. "I know."
"Good" Santana nodded, kissing the top of her head.
Rachel smiled and settled herself back against Santana. She was quiet a moment, relishing in the way it felt. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she whispered "What did you and Jules talk about when you went to see her today?"
"About her and why she let this happen." Santana said with a nod "Um, how I was really sorry and that I was there for her if need be. I talked about you a little."
"Me?" Rachel smiled.
"Jules was convinced you were telling the media. I told her you weren't, that you were actually stopping people and you were sympathetic and sent your best wishes."
Rachel nodded her head "Thanks."
"What are you thanking me for, it's the truth."
"I know but…" Rachel shrugged "I don't know. I guess it's nice to have someone defend me."
"Only because she said bad about you first. It's not like I rubbed it in her face that you were being nice." Santana laughed a little at that.
"True, but still" Rachel shrugged and lifted her head kissing at Santana's cheek. "Anything else?"
"Not really, it was a short visit. I had to get to a meeting. She did ask me if I ever loved her, though."
"Did you?" Rachel asked with a bit of a tremble in her words.
Santana shook her head "Not as anything more than a friend."
Rachel nodded a bit. She didn't want to admit it, but she was glad to hear that.
"She also told me to take care of you." Santana said with a nod.
"Me?" Rachel looked a bit more than shocked at that.
Santana nodded, shrugging her shoulders a bit "She knows I really care about you and in the end all she wants is to see me happy."
"That's sweet" Rachel said with a soft smile "Julie has a heart."
"She does. A big one. It just needs a little fixing right now."
Rachel nodded slightly "I hope she gets everything sorted out."
"She will." Santana whispered "I have no doubt about it." She reached down now and pulled Rachel's chin up, placing a few kisses to her lips before she sighed and nudged her nose with her own "You ready for bed?"
Rachel nodded, yawning slightly "Definitely."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
"Julie can I come in?" Rachel said softly, a basket in her hands as she peeked her head into the doorway of her hospital room. It was a week later and Rachel decided that maybe the girl could use a friendly face.
Julie turned her head and saw who it was. There was hesitation but finally she nodded.
Rachel nodded as well and stepped into the room "I brought you some muffins. I wasn't sure what kind you liked so I brought a variety." She set the basket down on the table that was near Julie's bed and folded her hands together in front of herself where she stood. "So, um, how are you feeling?"
Julie shrugged a bit, her eyes locked with the window again. It was her only real encouragement to get out of that room and back to taking over the world.
Rachel chewed her lip a bit. Should she have come here? She had forgiven the girl for everything she had done to her. It wasn't her fault. And when it all came down to it, they were teammates. They had both helped work hard and push the play to become the success it was. It was only right she come to check in on her.
"What do you want, Rachel?" Julie finally mumbled, turning her head slowly to look at the girl.
"I, uh, I came to see if you were alright, Julie. It's weird doing the play night after night without you in it. I mean, Holly is a great understudy but let's face it she is no you."
Julie rolled her eyes, shrugging a bit.
Rachel sighed and pulled up a chair, sitting it in now as her hand wrapped around one of the bars on the side of the bed "I know you probably hate me but I want to let you know I never meant you any harm. We had our differences but I would never wish this on anyone."
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Julie snapped. Her voice was hoarse; it was obvious she hadn't had a drink in a while.
"I'm a nice person, believe it or not." Rachel said with a shrug as she reached for the empty plastic cup on the table and stood. She moved across the room to the bathroom, filling the cup with water before sitting back near the bed. She offered it to Julie, holding the straw so it wouldn't move if she tried to take a drink from it.
"You don't have to be nice to me anymore, Rachel. I'm through." Julie stared at the drink and when her tongue passed over her lips and she realized she was dry to the bone she lifted her head and took a sip.
"You're not through. If anything you overcoming a battle with something as horrible as this, being able to maintain it and live a normal life, well that writes it's own inspirational story. Screw Broadway, Disney will be knocking down your door." Rachel smiled a bit.
Julie laughed, shaking her head "You're delusional."
"I mean it, Julie. People thrive off stuff like that. Have you seen Remember the Titans or the Blindside? That movie won Sandra Bullock an Oscar."
"Yeah, well, she's not a lunatic either."
"You're not a lunatic, Julie. You have a condition and you need help controlling it. You and millions of other people in the world. It's not your fault but how you rise above it and persevere is all under your control. You can choose give up you become just another statistic. Or you could choose to rise above…" Rachel shrugged, giving the girl a little smile "Then you could win an Oscar and be a hero to a wider range of people than you might ever imagine."
"You really think people will care?" Julie perked an eyebrow at the thought of it all.
Rachel nodded quickly "How many stories have you heard about celebrities in rehab or fighting off illnesses? People are hooked on things like that. It reminds them that celebrities are normal people too. It makes you tangible, it makes you more likable."
Julie thought about it for a moment then gave a shrug "I still have a long way to go."
"I never said it was going to be easy. But the girl I know, the girl I've seen help build a Tony nominated play from the ground up? She would never give up this easily. You are meant for bigger and better things. Don't let this stop you."
Julie was quiet for a long time as she thought it all over. She had to admit it sounded really good and it would be amazing to be in the spotlight again. She was kind of a fame monster. Any and all reason to get the attention and she was all for it. She glanced over at Rachel and smiled a bit "I'll be sure to thank you during my Oscar speech. Maybe."
Rachel let out a laugh, shaking her head a bit "That's the Julie Nickels I know. Or should I say Julienne Samson?"
Julie gasped "She told you!"
Rachel smirked, nodding her head proudly "So you better be nice to me or I will spill." It was an empty threat. Rachel would never really do that.
"Oh, touché. No wonder Santana is crazy about you." Julie sat up a bit and looked at the basket "Is there a poppy seed in there?"
Rachel nodded excitedly, unwrapping the top and handing her over the muffin. "You really think Santana is crazy about me?"
"Think? I know, Rachel. I've never seen her act the way she does with you." Julie unwrapped the bottom of the muffin and broke off a few soft pieces.
Rachel smiled softly, thinking about what she had said. If Santana's oldest friend could say that with such confidence it must be true. It wasn't Santana saying it just to say it to impress her. It must really be true.
"You like her, don't you?" Julie asked, having seen the dreamy look on Rachel's face.
Rachel nodded her head, shrugging a bit "Am I an idiot to fall for the most unattainable girl in the world?"
"Yes. But it's not without reason. Santana is wonderful if you really get to know her heart."
"She really is" Rachel whispered.
Julie smiled a bit, offering Rachel a piece of her muffin "You're lucky. I wish I could get someone that amazing to love me."
"You will one day" Rachel whispered, taking the piece before pausing. She tilted her head to the side a bit "Wait, did you say love me?"
Julie nodded, shrugging as she popped some muffin into her mouth.
"No, she doesn't. She hasn't said anything about it. Besides, we've barely started sleeping together, I doubt someone who loves sex that much could fall in love after just once."
"It's because you made her wait" Julie said softly. "Once in high school, we were talking about our dream girl and Santana said she would know she found her when she didn't put out just because she was hot."
Rachel's smile inched across her face but she quickly shook it away "You're just saying that."
"I have no reason just to say it, Rachel. I gain nothing from it." Julie shrugged and ate some more.
Rachel bit her lip, holding off another smile. This couldn't be true, could it? Maybe Julie's medicine was making her a bit loopy and she was talking crazy talk. That had to be it. Santana didn't love her. Sure, she cared about her, but she wasn't the type to fall in love. She was way too guarded.
Julie set down half of her muffin and wiggled in her bed a bit to get comfortable again "Rachel, I appreciate your visit but my medicine is really wearing me out so I think I'm going to nap."
"Oh, of course! By all means." Rachel stood up from the chair and gave the girl a smile "I hope you feel better soon and get back on your feet. I'm rooting for you."
Julie nodded, giving Rachel the first real smile she had ever seen from the girl "Thank you."
Rachel nodded and started for the door, turning back to look at her again. She had already closed her eyes and for a moment she looked peaceful. She had no doubt that Julie would rebound and be back at what she loved, doing it better than ever.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Santana pushed the door to the dressing room open and stepped inside. She had run into Sam in the hallway so she had known the girl was not in there naked. "Hey" Santana smiled when she saw Rachel just finishing up with changing her clothes. "Spectacular as always."
"Hi" Rachel smiled softly, going right over to Santana and standing on her tip toes as she wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her down for a deep kiss. Her tongue parted Santana's lips immediately and she held the kiss for a few long moments before finally pulling back.
"What was that for?" Santana asked as her tongue licked up the taste of Rachel from her lips.
"I missed you today" Rachel said with a little shrug of her shoulders. "Are you ready to get out of here?"
Santana laughed, nodding a bit "With a kiss like that waiting for me how can I say no?"
"I was hoping you'd say that." Rachel smirked, grabbing her bag then Santana's hand, pulling her out into the hallway and toward the exit. "Can we stay at your place tonight?"
"Sure" Santana said with a nod "Do we need to go by and get some things for you?"
"Got it" Rachel lifted her bag and gave a sheepish little smile "I anticipated you saying yes."
"What do you have going on in that head of yours?" Santana questioned with a suspicious look as they stepped outside and headed to her car.
"Nothing! I was simply hoping to have a night alone with you and since each other time I have asked to stay at your place you have obliged I took my chances and packed a bag!" Rachel laughed a little, shaking her head "I know that because we have recently taken our relationship to the next level you automatically think that being alone together is a chance to lead to sex. I also know that you are aware I am not comfortable having sex when I know Samantha is home so you are likely to say yes any time I would like to stay over."
"Are you using my slutty ways against me!" Santana fake gasped and opened the door for Rachel to slide into the car.
Rachel shrugged "If the shoe fits" She poked Santana in the tummy before sliding in and making room for Santana to do the same.
"If I didn't think you knowing me was so hot I could quite possibly be offended" Santana said as she plopped down into the car and closed the door.
"No you wouldn't. I've called you much worse and you were only amused."
"So true" Santana sighed, sliding an arm around Rachel and pulling her close as the car pulled away from the curb. "So since you mentioned it, are we going to have sex tonight?"
Rachel giggled softly, resting her hand on Santana's thigh "I am so glad you haven't stopped trying to get in my pants every five seconds now that we are sleeping together. I would have missed all the naughty innuendos and jokes you used to make all the time."
"You didn't answer my question." Santana mumbled with a smirk.
"I haven't decided" Rachel said with her nose in the air as if she were too proper for this conversation.
Truth was, she had decided. She wanted Santana and she wanted her bad. If Julie had been right in saying that Santana did in fact love Rachel, well then Rachel couldn't even imagine keeping her hands to herself. Not that she could anyway, she was addicted to Santana. But if there was even a chance that Santana was in love with her, well, she couldn't wait to feel that radiating between them in the heat of the moment.
"Oh, well when you decide you let me know" Santana said with a laugh. She thought it was cute that Rachel had obviously planned on it and yet was still playing hard to get.
Rachel settled against Santana, her head on her collarbone, an arm around her waist as the car started down the streets. She couldn't keep the smile off her face. The thought that Santana might actually love her was echoing through her head.
Santana enjoyed the silence in the car, her fingers played absently with Rachel's hair as her eyes focused out the window and she watched the buildings go by. It was a nice night, she had a good girl on her arm, things were great. She was the happiest she had ever been.
They stayed like that for several minutes, sitting in each other's company without saying a word. It was nice. It was always nice to be able to relax at the end of the night with the person you cared about.
Rachel turned her head after a long time, placing a kiss against Santana's neck. One kiss wasn't enough and soon she was trailing little bites and pecks all the way to her ear and all the way down to her collarbone.
Santana closed her eyes and smiled, letting out a soft sigh. She wouldn't speak and ruin it but she was sure Rachel had made up her mind.
A hand slid along Santana's thigh and soon it was pushed up under the material of the skirt she had been wearing that night. Lips continued the assault against her neck and Rachel let out a soft moan.
Santana looked down now, watching Rachel's arm disappear under her skirt. She turned her head and placed a kiss to her cheek, whispering to hear ear "What are you doing?"
"I've decided" Rachel murmured against Santana's neck as her fingers pushed forward and pressed into the center of the panties Santana had on. She bit lightly against the skin just above her collarbone and let her fingers slide up and down, teasing her a bit with each new pass.
Santana's eyes closed and her legs spread open a little bit. She was not going to argue with Rachel. The girl was driven and she knew what she wanted.
Rachel's fingers continued their skilled teasing along the material that pressed tightly into Santana's core. With each new pass she felt more warmth, she felt the material growing soaked each time her fingertips pressed more firmly against it.
Santana let out a soft moan, her hand trembling as it slid down Rachel's back. Her other hand gripped the handle on the door and her legs spread apart further.
Rachel shifted now so she could reach Santana's ear. She let her tongue run along the ridge of it as her fingers dipped under the material now and gently grazed along Santana's folds. She let out a soft moan against Santana's ear, biting it lightly before smiling and letting out a soft whisper "Tell me you love me."
Santana's eyes came open and she turned her head. She looked at Rachel for a moment in shock. She shifted so she could pull back enough to see all of Rachel's face "What?"
Rachel bit her lip, her hand pausing and her shoulders lifting in a shrug "It slipped out, I didn't mean it."
"Yes you did" Santana whispered. Her heart was thundering in her chest. She had heard women say that to her throughout her entire life, in the heat of the moment, and she had always laughed in their faces because she had only known them an hour or so and would never see them again. But right now? For the first time in her life she was tongue tied and had no way to play this off.
"No. I'm sorry, it just slipped out." Rachel's hand pulled from under Santana's skirt and she turned quickly to sit on her own side of the back seat. She bit her lip and turned her face to look out the window. She had such a big mouth why did she have to go and ruin this?
"Rachel, where did that come from?" Santana asked with a heavy breath. She was trying not to freak out right now.
"Nowhere" Rachel whimpered out, fighting tears. How could she be so stupid!
"Hey, don't cry" Santana scooted across the seat and set her hand on her shoulder. "Don't be upset."
"How can I not!" Rachel looked over at her and as soon as she saw her face she felt a tear slide down her cheek. "I just blurted that out and totally freaked you out. I bet you can't wait to get out of his car and never talk to me again! How could I be such an idiot. Of course you don't love me."
"Wait, come on, what do you mean of course? Like it is completely out of this world that I ever could?"
"Yes!" Rachel huffed, pushing Santana's hand off her shoulder "You're Santana Lopez, player extraordinaire. You don't fall in love. It's what you do, it's how you live your life."
"Hey. That's not fair. I've been nothing but dedicated to you since the day we met. I've given up every other woman for you. I've only wanted you and I have made that very clear. How does that say to you that I could never love? I have a fucking heart, Rachel. I just don't hand it out to everyone!"
"Are you saying I do!" Rachel snapped.
"No! Fuck you, stop playing the victim right now. You are jumping down my throat and I haven't done anything!" Santana scooted back across the seat and folded her arms.
She was right. Rachel was jumping on the defensive to protect herself. She bit her lip and took a deep breath, shaking her head a little bit. They rode in silence all the way to Santana's apartment. They didn't say a word as they got out and they were silence the entire elevator up to her door. Once Santana unlocked the door, Rachel stormed in and right to the bathroom.
Santana shook her head, kicked off her shoes, and pulled off her shirt. She tossed it in the laundry room before grabbing a tshirt off the top where she laid the clean stuff. She pulled it on then wiggled out of her skirt, finding some shorts to change into. Once she was comfortable she went to the fridge, grabbed a beer, then went to her living room and turned on her t.v. She kicked up her feet and started surfing through channels. If Rachel was going to ignore her, she could play the same game.
Rachel came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. She was changed into her pajamas as well. She dropped her bag near the stairs to take up to the room later then slowly made her way to the couch. She folded her arms over herself, her hand rubbing at one of her forearms as she slowly slipped onto the couch and looked at Santana. She bit her lip and whispered very softly "I'm sorry."
Santana set down her beer and looked over to Rachel "That was uncool. You were trying to force me into something that you know I am sensitive about."
"I know, I know" Rachel closed her eyes, shaking her head a bit "I am so sorry. I don't know I thought maybe…" She shrugged and opened her eyes "You opened up to me about Julie, you waited for me to be ready for sex, I just thought maybe you felt differently about me than the other girls."
"I do, Rachel" Santana whispered firmly, her hand lying against her knee gently "If I didn't I wouldn't be here. But you can't force me to say something or feel something that I'm not ready to no matter how much it might make sense."
Rachel gave a quick nod "I know. I don't even know what I was thinking. That was stupid. If you did, you know, feel that and decide to tell me I would totally want to be surprised and not demanding you tell me. Where is the romance in that?"
"That too" Santana said with a soft laugh, lifting her arm now and motioning for Rachel to come lay against her.
Rachel slipped up against her side and slid her arms around Santana's waist. She was so glad they could talk about this and it hadn't ruined their relationship. She was so stupid for having believed Julie. Of course she would say something to make Rachel mess this up. So typical.
Santana kissed the top of her head lightly as her fingers threaded through her hair "You alright?"
Rachel nodded, closing her eyes and nuzzling her face into Santana's neck. "I am. Thank you."
"For what?" Santana asked with a smile.
"For calming down me, for talking me through it, for not breaking up with me." Rachel shrugged, lifting her head now and kissing under her chin before catching her gaze. "Just thank you."
"Don't thank me, it's my job." Santana whispered, touching a soft kiss to Rachel's forehead "Besides, I wouldn't break up with you over that."
"Why not?" Rachel shook her head, shrugging a bit. That was a pretty legitimate excuse. Rachel might break up with someone for being psychotic like that.
"Because…" Santana whispered, her eyes soft on Rachel's as her fingers smoothed her bangs behind her ears then lightly grazed her cheek "you were right. I do love you."
"Wh-" Rachel was speechless. Her jaw dropped and she stared at Santana as if she had a third head. She couldn't believe it.
Santana smiled, giving her a little nod and a shrug of her shoulders. "You were right, Rachel. I love you. I am in love with you."
"But" Rachel motioned with her hand toward the door "You were so…mad!"
"I wasn't mad, persay" Santana said with a shrug "It caught me off guard."
"Why did you get so defensive?"
"Well, for one, you got defensive too." Santana gave her a smile "And two, you totally stole my moment."
Rachel let out a laugh of disbelief "So you made me feel like an idiot?"
"Not on purpose! Besides, I never said that I didn't love you. Just because I didn't say it then and there you assumed as much."
Rachel opened her mouth to answer but realized she was right. Santana had never denied it.
"I wasn't sure you were ready to hear it" Santana said with a shrug "When I told you, I wanted it to be a good moment. I didn't want you to freak out on me. That is why I was waiting."
"So why did you tell me now?" Rachel asked softly.
"Because I knew you were ready and I knew you weren't expecting it."
"No shit" Rachel said softly, shaking her head as she lifted her arms and slid them around Santana's neck tightly. She pressed a kiss to her mouth, giggling against the kiss.
Santana smiled, nipping at her lower lip. She had never felt this amazing in her life.
"I love you too, Santana" Rachel whispered as she pulled back and looked into her dark brown eyes. "I am completely head over heels for you."
"Good" Santana whispered, kissing her again quickly "Because I'd hate to have the first person I loved reject me."
Rachel shook her head quickly, her smile growing "Never. I am right there with you."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
One year later
It was a brisk night as the two girls walked hand in hand along the pier having just left Harbor Lights, one of Santana's favorite restaurants in New York. A light wind whipped around them but the both of them had on pea coat jackets to fight the chill.
"Can you believe I've never eaten there?" Rachel asked with a shake of her head in disbelief. Her stomach was full and the view was absolutely outstanding "How did you let me go this long without knowing about this place?"
Santana shrugged, giving her hand a soft squeeze "I have no idea but I guess now you are officially a New York socialite. That is where they all dine. How does that feel?"
"Oh, fancy. I feel like I should hire a butler now just to insult." Rachel teased, giving Santana a little nudge.
"Hey. I've never yelled at my help staff. Well, once, but the girl shrunk my favorite jeans."
Rachel rolled her eyes, shaking her head a bit. She pulled her hand out of Santana's and slid her arm around her waist, leaning into the girl as they walked "The bridges look beautiful" Rachel whispered.
Santana nodded her head as they stopped near the railing that over looked the water. She rubbed Rachel's back lightly as the two of them stared up at the twinkling lights. The soft drone of cars and horns were heard in the distance but it was soothing.
The two of them stood there for a long time. Neither one of them were in a hurry to move. They had been so busy the past year. Rachel's fame had sky rocketed with the play winning a Tony. She decided to leave a few months later because she was offered the main part in the revival of Evita. She had spent the next few months preparing for that then hit a whirlwind of fame when it was a success. Santana's business had invested in a few smaller companies and they had suddenly hit big. She had taken several business trips to help them renovate their entire business both physically and financially. They had made it work through the absences and the last couple months things had settled again.
"This is nice" Rachel said with a sigh, breaking a silence of ten minutes or more.
Santana gave a nod, looking down at Rachel with a smile "We haven't had many quiet moments lately, have we?"
"No" Rachel laughed, shaking her head "But we made it through and I wouldn't change it for a thing."
"Me either." Santana whispered softly. She pushed her hand into her pocket and pulled out a small blue box, moving it across her body and holding it in the palm of her hand for Rachel to see.
"What's this?" Rachel straightened up from how she leaned into Santana.
"Open it" Santana said with a smile.
Rachel looked at Santana with a curious look before lifting her hand nervously to take the box.
Santana grinned and turned now to face Rachel a little more fully.
Rachel pulled the top of the box up and let out a sigh, laughing as her hand went to her chest "Oh my god, I thought it was a ring." She giggled, pulling out a tiny golden unicorn pendant. The horn was diamond encrusted it was about the size of a quarter.
"Definitely not a ring" Santana said with a laugh, watching Rachel look at the gift "Do you like it?"
"It's beautiful" Rachel nodded, lifting her eyes now to her girlfriend "What's it for?"
"Just because" Santana shrugged "Because I love you." She reached out and took the gold star necklace Rachel wore off her neck "I figured you were already a star so now maybe you wanted to be my unicorn and you could wear that instead."
Rachel smiled softly as she reached behind herself and hooked the necklace together. She looked down at the shimmering little unicorn against her chest "It's beautiful. Thank you." She lifted onto her toes, leaning up to touch a kiss against Santana's lips "I love you."
"I love you too, Rachel." Santana whispered, returning the kiss before moving back a bit "Okay, don't be mad."
"What?" Rachel's heart leaped into her throat. Was this a gift to cushion the blow? What did Santana do? "Why would I be mad?" She asked as calmly as she could, trying not to get worked up.
"Well a second ago you looked so relieved it wasn't a ring that I'm not sure how you're going to react." Santana stepped back now, pulling another box from her pocket before dropping to a knee. She popped it open, a smirk on her lips as she held it up to show that this one did indeed hold a ring.
"Santana" Rachel shook her head, starting to tear up.
"Rachel" Santana smiled, taking her hand and giving it a tight squeeze "From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. You tested me and challenged me and made me grow more than any person I have ever met. You showed me not the person I was, but who I could be. I gave you my entire heart and now I want to know if you will keep it forever. Rachel Berry, will you join me in doing the craziest thing I've ever done in my life and marry me?"
Rachel sniffled, tears unable to be stopped now. She put a hand over her heart and nodded, giving Santana's hand a squeeze "Yes, of course."
Santana smiled, getting back to her feet and wrapping an arm around her tightly. She held her close, laughing as Rachel sobbed against her "You're not supposed to cry!"
"Oh shut up, you just surprised the shit out of me, give me a moment."
Santana laughed, kissing the top of her head "You said yes, I guess you can have a moment."