Fangtasia Stories: Extreme (ly Ejaculatory) Events

Set during All Together Dead

Pam stepped out of the elevator on her floor and shimmied down to her room, carrying a zipped up dress-bag, humming 'The Girl From Ipanema'. They'd risen at the Pyramid of Gizeh hotel about an hour ago, and Pam had been sent by Eric to scope things out and find out where everyone was. She'd been all disoriented when her eyes had first opened, and when she'd gone to sit up she'd banged her forehead on the coffin lid. As she'd fumbled to release the internal latch mechanism, Eric had opened the box himself, and she looked up and glowered at his smirking face as she rubbed her head.

Eric hated coffins, and perhaps through his influence, so did she. They were unnecessarily morbid, and constrictive. Nowadays it was easy to light-proof a room anyway, but even before the Great Revelation it could be done. You just had to make sure there were no windows in the room where you went to rest, and that it was secure so that you wouldn't be disturbed by humans who would think you were dead, or by enemies, of course.

And digging a hole in the ground? Well, there were some who actually preferred to spend the daylight hours this way, buried under the earth. Weirdos. Pam hadn't had to do that for many, many years, thankfully. It was an emergency option only. Coffins and hidey-holes were for suckers. Eric and Pam both preferred the comfort of proper beds.

Pam was still humming her tune when she reached the door of their room. She was feeling very upbeat, since she'd not been on a trip for ages and was glad to have a change of scenery. She slid the card through the slot and opened the door.

"Da-da-da-dada-da-the girl from-Oh, Er-ic!"

"What?"

Eric was sitting in the only comfy chair in the room, a few feet away from the TV. The Discovery Channel was on, something about the sacking of Rome by the Goths in 546. Way before his time, so he wasn't grumbling too much. He was also completely naked, not even socks.

"Why?" Pam said.

"Why what?" he said, stretching his legs.

She waved her hand between himself and the TV, and then pointed in the general area of his privates.

"This."

"Have you hooked up with a hottie already Pam?" He looked behind her, searching for Pam's latest conquest. "You sly old dog, you. We've only been awake here an hour. Your romancing skills may soon rival mine."

Pam smiled and looked momentarily flattered, before shaking her head, closing the door, and getting back to the point.

"No, I-"

"I can always nip out for five minutes. This program is boring anyway, I thought it might be about the sacking in 1084. That was a good one."

"Look, I haven't... wait a moment. It would take me way more than five minutes."

"Hmm, well, however long you needed."

"You would need to be gone at least an hour, maybe more."

"Well if you haven't brought anyone back here what is the problem then?"

Pam held up a finger.

"One. Why do you watch television naked?" She flipped another finger. "Two. Why are you so obsessed with the Discovery Channel? Three. Why do you only ever do the naked documentary watching when we are away on a trip and sharing a hotel room? I'm fairly certain you never do this at home. You do it simply to annoy me, I'm sure."

Eric mimicked her finger moves.

"One, because I like to be naked. You know this, Pam, this is no big news. Two. Because history is important and interesting and considerably more entertaining than So You Think You're America's Next Top Hairdressing Dancing Idol. On ice. And by the way, this is the History Channel, actually. Three. Because it makes me feel more at home."

"But you don't do this at home!"

"I do sometimes."

"You don't!"

"Well I hardly watch television at home. I have more interesting and useful things to do there. Here, I have to do boring networking with vamps I have no interest in and absolutely nothing in common with. These summits are so fucking dull."

Pam smiled.

"But Sookie is here this time. Perhaps she can keep you entertained."

Eric made a grumbling noise. He rose from the chair and went to the bathroom, and came back wearing a small white bathrobe. It had the 'Pyramid of Gizeh Hotel' logo on the chest. He grabbed the remote and sat on his bed, propping himself up against the headboard. He flipped channels until he found something that looked like 'Oprah' for vamps.

"Better?"

Pam rolled her eyes, hung up her outfit bag, and kicked off her shoes. Then she sat on her bed beside Eric's and stared at the television.

"I've seen this one, change it over."

Eric threw the remote in the direction of her head, and she caught it in her hand without even looking. She turned her head slowly and gave him a sly smirk.

"Did you see that? Skills."

"What did you find out?" Eric asked, not reacting.

"Most of our party seem to be on this floor or the one below. Sookie is on the human floor, of course, I think it's fifteenth. The queen is further up on the fourth. Bill is downstairs in the main convention room setting up. Someone thought it would be amusing to dress me up like an extra from 'I Dream of Jeannie', it might have been Bill's idea, and when I find out he's going to pay. I have to wear the stupid outfit to help out down there, with him." She did a double-eyeroll-tut-and-groan combo, and flipped through the channels with increased aggravation. "I'm not going to rise to it, and will just pretend that I love dressing up like a Arabian concubine. That's about it. Oh, The Girl From Ipanema seems to be on loop here and might get annoying."

"Hmm." Eric settled back further into his pillows and put his arms behind his head, getting comfy. "Good work Pam. Go back, was that Columbo?"

"I hate Columbo. Can't we watch Friends?"

"No."

Pam huffed and switched back. They sat there in silence for a while, watching Peter Falk do his work.

"Eric?"

"Hmm."

"About the other night."

Eric didn't respond, and Pam thought carefully about what she would say.

"I went to visit Sookie because I wanted her to know that we weren't aware of the queen's plot that involved Bill. She should not be thinking less of you, just because you were the one who forced the truth out of that weakling."

"You should not have gone without consulting me first."

Pam lowered her head.

"I know. I shouldn't have, but I felt she deserved to know."

There was a long pause, and when she finally sensed him moving she looked over at him. He was sitting up cross-legged and was looking over a laminated menu.

"Do you want room service? The menu is quite extensive. They have cocktails, and pictures of the donors."

"She cares for you, still," Pam said quietly. "You care for her too, but she doesn't realize."

"This one here looks like that man out of X-Files you used to like."

"You just need to show her. Tell her. I think you would both be happier if you got it out of your systems."

Eric shook his head almost indiscernibly, and dropped the menu on the bed.

"You know what I never really liked about Columbo?" he asked.

"What?"

"You always know who did it, right from the beginning, and Columbo works it out right away. It's always the same, and where's the fun? Peter Falk, in his trench coat, pretending to be an idiot to trap them into messing up their elaborately staged murder plot. That's why I prefer Poirot. You never know where you are with Poirot, what will happen next. I like the mystery, and the tension. It's much more exciting."

Pam nodded in agreement.

"Poirot gets boring too, though. CSI Vegas, now that is something to watch. I'll bet it's on here somewhere." She began flipping through the channels. "It's always on."

Eric swung his legs off the bed and stood up.

"I'm getting ready."

He went to the bathroom, then closed and re-opened the door, peeping his head round.

"Did you see any Weretigers about?"

"Ugh. Yes, actually I did. He was setting up his stall downstairs. He'd just finished lining up all his props and photo albums on his little table, and I pretended to trip up and fell into it, and pulled his table cloth off." Pam grinned. "He got so angry. He was all red in the face and sweating."

"Good work." Eric smiled and closed the door.

"They're going to spend some time together after the summit, apparently."

Eric slowly reopened the door.

"What?"

"When I saw Sookie at Merlotte's the other night, she said that they were going to be spending a month together. What you can do for a whole month in the company of a boring, idiot Weretiger with the sexual magnetism of a cornflake I don't know, but that's what she says."

"Well, that will be nice for them," Eric growled, and began to close the door again.

"Didn't he do that pit fighting?"

Eric sighed, and propped himself up against the frame of the door.

"Yes. He was quite the fighter. Do you remember when Long Shadow became a gambling addict and lost all that money when he bet against Quinn?"

"Oh yes! Didn't he bet on that Were polar bear, Gary?"

"Gary had good odds, and he was on form. It was a good bet."

"Do you think Sookie knows about all that?"

"I have no idea."

"Well don't you think you should mention it?"

"Not really, no. Don't you mention it either."

"But..."

"Look," Eric said firmly, pointing his finger at Pam. "Sookie had a pretty bad reaction to the revelations I forced Bill to confess. I can't keep doing this, being the bearer of unpleasant news about her lovers. It looks desperate and weak, neither of which I am. It's not my responsibility, and it hurts her, as well. She'll find out anyway, if he doesn't mention it himself."

"But the more attached she gets, the more it-"

"Just leave it, Pam," Eric interrupted. "His past is common knowledge. If he does not tell her, she will probably find out while we are here in Rhodes." He gave a shrug. "She might not even care. It wasn't like he had much of a choice. Hardly the same as the Bill revelation."

Pam opened her mouth to put up an argument, but Eric just closed the door with a finality. She sighed, found CSI Vegas, and got herself comfy.

V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V

A little later on, Pam had gone downstairs, and Eric was just preparing to go for a wander. The queen would probably want to see him, and he wanted to complain about the fluffiness of his towels. As he gave himself one last check in the mirror, there was a knock on the door. He went to open it.

A young, dark-haired vampire stood before him. Eric was fully aware of who he was, but simply looked at him with some disdain.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Northman?"

"Yes."

"I am Christian Baruch, manager of the hotel."

Baruch waited for some acknowledgment, but Eric didn't given him one.

"Yes," he repeated, with increased agitation.

"We have a situation with a ceremony we are due to hold, and I've been given your name as someone who may be able to help. You are a licensed priest, I understand."

What the...? He'd done that for a joke a few months back. You could ordain a dog, these days.

"What is the situation?"

"May I come in?"

"No."

"Ah. Well, Mississippi and Indiana are to be betrothed this evening, but we are short a priest. The one we booked couldn't make it. Apparently he accidentally sliced an arm off someone during a ceremony the other night and he's still being held while a full investigation takes place."

Eric sighed and closed his eyes. Great. He wasn't going to get out of this one.

"Do you have all the items required?"

"We have staff from E(E)E here," he said, doing the bracket moves with his fingers. "Mr. Quinn has all the ceremonial paraphernalia you need."

"Cloak, chalice, knife? All the correct paperwork?"

"Yes, yes, all of it."

Eric groaned.

"Fine."

"If you would come downstairs to the Ritual Room as soon as possible. I'm sure everyone will be very grateful. I myself am incredibly, most humbly-"

Eric closed the door in his face.

"Great," he said to himself. "Just fabulous. Stupid fucking priest's license."

He changed into some sharper clothes, and headed downstairs.

V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V

Eric located Pam at their booth to let her know what was happening, before making his way to the Ritual Room. He knew it was the ritual room because there was a big sign outside that said 'Ritual Room'.

He looked around and headed for the stage, where there appeared to be a table set up with paper and quill pens. Mr. Cataliades was standing there talking with a female vampire. He saw Eric and waved.

"Ah! Eric. Thank you for stepping in at the last moment. I hope this isn't too much of an inconvenience for you."

"It's fine. It doesn't take very long."

"Everything you need is here. Do you remember the ritual, and the lines?"

"Of course. For a hundred years, they may not marry any other, form an alliance with any other, blah blah, blah blah-blah, conjugal visit once a year blah."

"Good. Good," Mr. Cataliades smiled. "Quinn is bringing all the required items. He will be here in a moment."

Wonderful. This evening was just getting better and better.

"In fact, here he is now."

Eric turned to see Quinn walking towards him, carrying a cardboard box. He was in full genie mode. And this was supposed to be his competition for Sookie's affections? It almost made him laugh out loud. Quinn stopped and held the box out to Eric.

"Everything you need's right here."

Eric looked inside. There was a black cloak, a chalice, and a velvet box that most likely contained the ceremonial knife. He didn't bother to take the box off Quinn, and turned to Mr. Cataliades.

"Is the wedding fancy dress?"

"I'm sorry?"

He gestured with his thumb in Quinn's direction.

"Is it Disney themed or something? Or, maybe 80's themed?" He looked Quinn up and down. "I don't know, are you supposed to be a genie or MC Hammer?"

Mr. Cataliades smiled, as did the female vamp, who incidentally was giving Eric some serious eye-fucking.

"You know this is my official ceremonial attire, Eric. I wear it at nearly every vampire event I oversee."

"Ah yes, so you do. It's very fetching. The gathering is a little unflattering though. Where do you even buy pants like that?"

"I had them specially made, actually."

"And the baby oil, that's part of the official ceremonial attire as well, is it?"

Quinn thrust the box at Eric's chest, and Eric took it and smiled.

"You're jealous," Quinn said. "You're making fun of my outfit because I'm dating Sookie, and you're not."

Eric smiled at the Weretiger, and made sure to show plenty of fang.

"No, I'm making fun of your outfit because it's ridiculous. You smell and look like a big man-baby."

"Well," Quinn fumbled for a comeback. "Well, you are a big baby. Waah, waah." He rubbed at his eyes. "Sookie loves Quinn not me. Waah."

"Come now, gentlemen," Mr. Cataliades said, waving a hand. "Let's not have all this. There is a ceremony to prepare, and we have very little time. Eric, if you are ready?"

Eric gave Quinn a long, loaded stare, before smiling again and turning. He went to the side of the stage and prepared himself. He took the items from the box, and opened the velvet box to check the knife. Hmm. Nice. I'm keeping that, baldy.

V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V

Eric swiped his card and flung open the door. Pam was sitting up on her bed, wearing her bathrobe, painting her toenails. She stopped what she was doing and looked at him, standing there in the doorway.

"You've got jizz on your pants," she said, before carrying on with her toes.

Eric looked down at himself. He tossed off the cloak and went into the bathroom. He placed the ceremonial knife on the counter, quickly undressed and got in the shower. As he stood beneath the warm spray, he tried to clear his head, and assess what had just happened. He'd sensed something was wrong with Sookie, and tracked her to a service corridor. She'd been there with Andre, and he was about to force a blood exchange. Thinking on his feet, he'd suggested an alternative, and Andre had, quite surprisingly, put up little resistance.

Eric closed his eyes as he remembered biting as gently as he could into Sookie's flesh. Her blood was everything he remembered it to be, the most delicious he had ever tasted, other than full fairy blood, obviously. The taste was simply Sookie; sweet, pure, strong, full-bodied, incredibly tasty, sexually arousing, and a little bit special. Truly beautiful.

And the feel of her mouth against his skin, taking his blood. Fuck, it felt good. The suckling motion at his chest, the teasing nuzzle of her nose against his nipple. It had hardly been the perfect circumstance for such an intimate moment, but it had still been incredibly arousing. Eric was getting hard again just thinking of it.

He could already feel the strengthening of their connection. They were fully blood bonded. Eric had rarely done such a thing in his long life. He would be able to sense Sookie's emotions and presence much more strongly than before, and she his. It was likely that the bond would manifest itself in other ways, too.

He should probably be more concerned at this turn of events, but he couldn't deny, that if he was being honest with himself, he had wanted this all along, and was happy to be bonded to her. It felt right.

"Eric!" Pam knocked at the door.

"What?"

"You'll be needing those formal pants again, should I get them dry-cleaned?"

"I'll buy some more."

"Oh don't be stupid, I'm coming in."

Pam opened the door and Eric could see her form through the frosted glass.

"Are you alright?" she asked. "What have you been up to? Did you get over-excited doing the priest thing?"

"Yes. I love doing ceremonies so much that it makes me come."

"Seriously."

"Nothing. You know me, I orgasm at the drop of a hat."

"Something has happened. I know. I can tell. Was it Sookie? Does she have a thing for priests? Did it turn her on?"

Eric sighed and shut off the water. He opened the glass door and Pam handed him a towel.

"There was a situation. Andre was going to force Sookie to exchange blood with him. I caught them in time and offered an alternative solution."

Pam gasped and brought her hand to her mouth.

"You bonded."

Eric wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Well fuck a zombie!"