A/N: Thanks for the reviews so far~ I too was waiting for someone to write a story like this, waited too long and decided to write one myself.
After this chap- updates will happen once every week (Sunday) but I'll let you know in an A/N if it changes :)
OK, enough chat. Here's the story :D
Warning: Language, violence, gore...
Itachi drove down the road at an almost impossible speed, casually grabbing his cellphone from the dashboard and flipping it open to his ear as it rang. "Uchiha Itachi."
"Dude. I know who the fuck you are."
Itachi rolled his eyes, holding the phone with his ear to put both hands back on the wheel. The last thing he needed was to crash. "What do you want, Hidan?"
"Kisame's nagging me about how you were supposed to return with the convict half an hour ago and won't shut the fuck up. So what the hell are you doing and why the fuck are you taking so long?"
Itachi sighed. "I'm on my way back now. He put up quite a fight, even handcuffed." He glanced sideways at the blonde slumped unconscious in the passenger seat. "Almost as good as me, definitely better than you."
"Shut up bitch!"
"Is that all you wanted?"
"No. Pick up some goddamn food before Konan tries to cook again."
"Right. Got it."
"See ya the fuck when you get back to headquarters."
"Yeah." Itachi shut his phone and practically threw it back on the dashboard. He hated being on food duty, mostly because he's be the one to suffer if no one liked the choice of food he chose. Picky bastards. Itachi felt a migraine coming on and shifted his car down to a lower gear, eyeing the signs on the road for any nearby restaurant that served a lot, and a lot quickly. Idly he wondered if he should get something for the teen beside him. After all, it wasn't everyday Pein asked them to hold one of their convicts captive unless he wanted something from them. And that something was usually membership into their force.
Itachi mulled over this a little bit longer, glancing at the blonde again. He'd never admit it aloud, but the kick to his abdomen did a lot more damage than he expected. In fact, he believed there was a fairly ugly looking bruise forming already. A wild fighter who'd get killed with one wrong move… too many openings and hardly any defense. But according to his files, he attacks from a distance, so of course he wouldn't focus on hand-to-hand combat. Itachi stored this piece of information in his head to inform his leader of the others of his analysis later.
~X~
The bell rang on the glass doors of Akatsuki Deals, a mother and her small daughter walking in hand-in-hand. The daughter gasped in delight at all the neat-looking trinkets while the mother looked around for an employee.
"Welcome. Can I help you?"
The mother took a step back in surprise as a smiling orange-haired man with multiple piercings greeted her, donned in black slacks and a white polo, a red work apron overtop. His nametag read: Pein.
The daughter tugged, escaping her mother's hold and running off to admire the stained glass works.
The mother helplessly smiled after her child and then looked back to the employee who addressed her. "Hello. I was wondering if you had an old record player by any chance. I heard you have many rare trinkets here and thought it'd be the perfect gift for my husband's birthday."
Pein gave a small nod of his head. "Of course. If you'll follow me…"
The woman smiled as he waved her to a back section of the store.
Hidan snickered from where he was sorting a stack of cassettes and old books. "Pein sure is a ladies' man," he said to the older man next to him.
"Don't let Konan hear you say that," the man replied with a roll of his abnormal green eyes.
"She's not even here Kakuzu," Hidan said with a whiny frown. "Lighten the fuck up."
Both wore the same attire as their leader and manager in the store, although Hidan wore a beaded necklace with the symbol of his religion on and Kakuzu had a black bandana on top his messy hair. His tattoos of stitches from his mouth to cheeks normally either scared or intrigued those who looked at it. The daughter of the shopping mother seemed to think the latter as she wandered over, clutching an expensive-looking vase and pointy at Kakuzu with a stubby hand.
"I like your face," she said with a shy smile.
Kakuzu raised a brow. "Thanks?"
Hidan snorted as she ran off to show her mother the vase. "Well there's a fuckin' first," he said.
"Hidan…"
"What?"
Kakuzu kicked him in the groin. "Shut up," was all he said before going back to sorting his own stack of books.
"You…fucker…" Hidan wheezed from his position on the ground.
"What are you doing on the ground?" a new voice inquired from behind him.
Hidan looked up as Kakuzu turned his head around.
"Konan!" Hidan exclaimed, trying and failing to jump to his feet.
Kakuzu smirked at the silver-haired man's misfortune and then addressed the curious blue-haired woman. "He had a slight accident. Nothing he can't handle."
"Fuck you," Hidan hissed, opting to get up at a slower pace.
Konan lifted a brow, her pierced lip tilting in an amused smile. Just like everyone else who worked at Akatsuki Deals, she wore the custom outfit, except with black tights and a black skirt instead of slacks. "I'm on my way to get Sasori from the library. I would ask if you wanted to come along, but you're obviously busy," she said.
Kakuzu gazed at her in question. "Sasori? Doesn't he have a car?"
"He drove it off a cliff this morning," Konan casually said.
"Geez," Hidan muttered. "Why would Pein even give a fast car like that to Sasori when he knows the fucker can't drive to save his ass?"
"Because I want everyone here to be equals," a dry answer came from in front of the trio.
Hidan's eyes nearly bugged from his head. "P-Pein! When the hell did you get here?"
"Ever since the mother and her child left three minutes ago," Pein replied. He turned to Konan. "Hurry and get Sasori. Itachi's on his way back with dinner."
Konan raised both eyebrows.
Pein sighed. "And the convict. Everyone must be present."
"Oh I wasn't waiting for that," Konan airily said. "I'm just waiting for you to say 'please'."
"Konan," Pein stressed.
"Fine, fine," Konan started to take off her apron. "I'll be back in less than five minutes," she said, throwing her apron onto Hidan's head.
"The fuck!" Hidan exclaimed, trying to rip the cloth off from his face.
Konan smirked and jabbed her hand into the silver-haired man's forehead as she sauntered by. "Later dweeb. Pein, Kakuzu."
"Bitch! Just you wait-"
He was cut off by another kick to the groin. This time by his leader.
Kakuzu shrugged. "You beat me to it Pein."
"Fuckin'…assholes…" Hidan whined from the floor.
"Oh yeah," Kakuzu glanced at his leader. "Do you have any idea where Kisame is?"
Pein heaved his shoulders, beginning to walk to the front desk to clean things up before closing the shop. "Un-plunging the toilet he clogged."
Kakuzu watched him go with a slight sweatdrop. Pein…don't say such things so casually, he thought.
~X~
Pein stepped aside as Konan and Sasori entered the shop doors before flipping the 'Open' sign to one that said 'Closed'. "That was more than five minutes," he told Konan.
Konan shooed him with her hand. "So sue me. There were a lot of red lights."
"All of which you ran," Sasori muttered as he headed for a stairwell in the corner of the shop that led underground. He worked as an assistant library at the City library and so wore their work clothes. Jeans and a purple t-shirt with a rainbow and smiley face at one end. It was either that or a hideous yellow uniform which he was most definitely not putting on his body. And with his short height, everyone thought he was just another high school student looking for some money. It was a good enough cover-up to his real job, so that's just about all he really cared for.
"At least I can drive," Konan retorted a few minutes later as she joined the redhead on his way downstairs.
"Like a psycho."
"Coming from the man who drove his car off a cliff for the fourth time this week."
"Don't judge me," Sasori uttered as they wandered down the dimly lit hallways of their underground base. They passed several closed doors which marked their bedrooms, an open room filled with monitors and beeping machinery, five offices marked with nametags belonging to each partner squad, a medium-sized kitchen, and an obnoxiously large living room complete with a couch and T.V. The two members of the Akatsuki force continued past the living room to another set of stairs which took them further underground where they passed a training sector, shooting range, and both padded and unpadded cells which they placed their caught convicts in until they gave them to higher authorities or disposed of them.
"This place seems bigger and bigger every time I walk through it," Konan mused, glancing around as they headed for yet another staircase. One that was longer than the rest and went to the last level down below in a spiral.
"I know what you mean," Sasori said. "I think that Pein adds in other sections without us knowing and then claims its been there all along when we finally notice."
After several minutes of idle conversation between the two of them, they made it to the final level of their base which consisted of a labrinyth of corridors, offices, and the occasional lab for forensic tests and studies. When they weaved their way through the halls and came to another row of cells and rooms meant for their more dangerous subjects, there was a metal door on the opposite side marked 'Employees Only'. Which really made no sense since those in the Akatsuki force were the only ones who ever came down this far in the base.
Sasori rolled his eyes at the sign and kicked the door open with less grace than Hidan. And that tended to say a lot. "We need to get rid of that sign," he said as those inside the room looked up at him.
"Shorty!" Hidan joyfully cried, pushing back from the circular metal table the other members were seated at as he ran to greet the redhead.
Sasori lifted a leg without looking, going for his usual chair as Hidan crumpled to the ground with a hand to his crotch.
"Damn bastards…" Hidan whimpered. "I'm definitely not going to be able to have kids now."
"As if anyone would want to have your child," Kakuzu muttered, shuffling the deck of cards in his hands. "Sasori- you want in?"
"Depends on what you're playing," Sasori said.
Kakuzu split the deck in half before rapidly shuffling. "Old Maid."
Sasori raised a brow.
Kakuzu defensively raised his hands, still in the middle of shuffling. "Hey it was Kisame's turn to pick."
Sasori turned his dark eyes to the broad man across from him, leaning on the table with his elbows propped on top. "Really Kisame?"
"It's a classic!" Kisame cried out. His dark blue hair was cut short in a full head mohak, gill-shaped tattoos on his cheeks and tanned skin darkened from his constant weatherman duty in different parts of the city and its sunnier outskirts. He wore a red tie haphazardly around his neck, white business shirt and dark pants. He hadn't bothered to change out of his work clothes.
"Whatever." Sasori leaned back. "I'll play until Itachi gets here with our convict and food."
"You know about that?" Hidan asked, taking a seat beside him while Konan sat in between Kisame and Kakuzu.
"Konan filled me in," Sasori said, taking the handful of cards Kakuzu dealt out. Wow. His hand sucked.
"Three pairs!" Kisame gleefully exclaimed, setting them down.
"I don't get why you get so excited about this," Konan murmured as she placed down two pairs of her own.
"Because it's fun," Kisame said, sniggering at Hidan who had no pairs at all.
"Whatever you say," Konan sighed.
Sasori eyed Kakuzu next to him. "Why do you only have one card left?"
"Because I had six pairs," Kakuzu told him matter-of-factly.
"Probably because you fuckin' cheated," Hidan muttered.
"Oh shut up Mr. One-Pair," Kakuzu sneered. "And I'm not just talking about your cards."
Sasori and the others smirked at Hidan who flushed a deep red in anger before demanding that Konan let him pick from her hand first.