Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers. This is my reaction to what happened on Thurs 9th and Friday 10th (Children of Earth Days 4 and 5). If you haven't watched it and don't wish to be spoilered, don't read.
Also, it is quite raw. But that is how I felt after the series. So, excuse the lack of polished finishes.
Comments, reviews here or at my Livejournal would be welcome.
Reunions
I'm not sure what I was expecting, but materializing in the middle of a barely space-worthy ship was definitely not in the list. Even Jack does have better taste than this; but I guess the man is not thinking straight now. Not that I am either. I always forget how it hurts. Turning around, boots clattering on the floor in a reassuring way, I start moving around, looking for him.
"I came as soon as I could." The words seem to get stuck in my throat when I finally find him in one of the small living quarters, sitting on the floor, back against the wall, greatcoat wrapped around him like a safety blanket, gun in his hands. If it weren't for the lack of blood and gore around him, I'd say he's been killing himself to escape it all. He probably has, just not here. The Goddesses know I've been there, done that. Or at least wanted to do that.
When he looks up, the pain in his eyes catches me off balance. I've seen Jack down, devastated, angry, hurt; I've seen him become an angel of vengeance when those dear to him were taken away. But I've never before seen him broken like this. Tentatively, I crouch down in front of him, and run a hand through his hair. Tears stream down his face again, leaving more wet trails on his cheeks.
"I..." I don't know what to say. And that doesn't happen often.
"He's gone..." It's barely a whisper, the voice of a man who has lost it all and doesn't have any option but carrying on. He's been here before, he must have been, in those long years of his. So have I. But something is different this time. "You've got to help me!" Strong hands fist on my jacket, so lovingly mended not that long ago. "Your Vortex Manipulator works! You can go back, get him out in time!" He moves closer to me, half sitting half standing, a desperate look in his eyes. "He doesn't even have to be there! We can fix this, John!" I shake my head; he knows as well as I do that certain events cannot be changed, much as I would want to. "Please." It breaks my heart to see him like this. But it would be suicide to even try.
"There's nothing I can do." Anger flares in him, and I'm nearly grateful for it, because anger makes Jack do things, however dark and regrettable, but anything is better than a beaten Jack. Anything. The gun clatters as it hits the floor. "You know it as well as I do, Jack. Once a Time Agent, always a Time Agent. At least in some ways." He is kneeling when he pushes me away, hands hitting hard on my chest. I hit the ground with a loud noise that probably should worry me but doesn't; pain is a welcome relief after the numbness that fell on me when I got Jack's call. "Everything that happened is a fixed point, Jack, you can see that as well as I do." He looms closer and pushes me to the ground again, hands curling into fists.
"I don't care!" He's straddling me now, holding on to my jacket again. "I need him back!" It's only when tears fall on my face I realize he's still crying. I wish there was something I could say, but I bloody well know there isn't. I bring my hands up to his neck, steadying him, making him look at me.
"If you feel like picking up a fight with me just to feel better, come on, let's fight." Gently, I push him down towards me; he goes with it, lying beside me, head pillowed on my chest.
"I never meant..." I swallow my own tears. Jack clings to me like a lost child, and I wish we could bend the rules just a little, only this once. But not even I am that reckless. Timelines and universes are fragile things.
"I know." I run my fingers through his hair, trying to provide comfort that nothing, nobody can give him now. He's lost too much in too short a period of time, and not even someone like him, who must have loved and lost more than I can even imagine, could come out of that unscratched. "He knew as well." Of course Ianto knew. He always knew everything, before anybody told him. Perceptive beyond belief, that young man.
"Stay?" So desperate. He nearly pulls away when I place a kiss on his head.
"Of course." How could I not? We've both lost someone we loved. We're good at this, clinging to each other. It got us through Hell before. We'll survive this as well.