Chapter Twenty-Eight
Time For A Change

Serena was seated at her desk, waiting for the connection to finalize. She had spent the better part of a half hour making sure all lines were secure. To ensure the call being placed wouldn't be traced by anyone. Her left hand rested against her jaw as she stared blankly at the monitor. Serena didn't even know if the call would go through. Or if the intended caller would even answer.

After a minute of waiting and debating whether or not to end the call, the line connected.

"What a pleasant surprise," the older man chuckled. "Do they know you're making this call?"

"Does it matter?" Serena wasn't the least bit amused. The point of the private call wasn't to entertain the older man.

"No, I supposed it doesn't," a grin spread across the man's face. "But I do believe a congratulation is in order."

"Huh?" Serena was confused as to why he would congratulate her.

"When one proposes marriage, a gift is usually presented to the one being asked. A symbol, or a promise of commitment that, one day, the two shall wed." Serena stared at the screen. She had forgotten what hand she had been resting her chin on. The ring had been in full view.

"I…" Serena's words died on her lips as she moved her hand to rest on the desk.

"It would appear you've adjusted well," Doctor J mused. "A Preventer, a member of society, and now, soon to be a wife," Doctor J chuckled as he brought his hand and claw hand into view. "Yes, I would say you've adjusted well." Serena glared at the screen. Wishing she could do something about the smirk he had plastered on his face. "Although, this is not why you called me. I appreciate the invitation to your upcoming nuptials, but I, unfortunately, will be declining the offer to attend."

"Who said that you would be invited in the first place?" Serena challenged. Not like J would leave the comforts of Space to come to Earth.

"I wasn't expecting to be invited." Doctor J's face fell into a stone mask, indicating that any teasing he had left in him had vanished. "You need something," Doctor J said matter-of-factly.

"What do you know about Edwards?"

"Still chasing him, I see," Doctor J lolled his head, moving it side to side. Serena narrowed her eyes. She was putting her pride aside to call and ask J for information.

"I need to know what information you have on him," Serena said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Information about what, my dear?"

"His background. Where he grew up and why he joined the Alliance and from there branched out to OZ before moving on to create ROE."

"I think the answer to your questions is already in front of you," Doctor J smiled as Serena's glare depended. "You're looking in the wrong places. I can give you the information. But that won't solve your problems."

"What do you mean by my problems?"

"The key to unlocking the universe's great secrets lies within you, my dear. If you take a deeper look, you'll find the answers."

"What are you talking about!?" Serena didn't understand what J was saying or what kind of game he was playing with her.

"Have you forgotten all that I've taught you?" Doctor J countered back.

"No," Serena said with irritation in her voice. Her composure started to crack.

"You were the key to success if used correctly." Doctor J's mouth's corners turned slightly as recognition slowly crossed Serena's face. She had been silent for a few moments. "Now, what will you do with that information?"

"I refuse to use that knowledge to my advantage." Serena hardened her eyes.

"But you already have. You've already demonstrated to everyone that you can reconstruct the Gundams."

"That doesn't hold power over-"

"Ah, but that's not all," Doctor J said, cutting Serena off. "You need to look deeper within yourself. There was always a reason you were the most important."

"That's bullshit, and you know it."

"I told you to live your life, to enjoy the beauty this world can hold. But I also reminded you to keep your eyes open to the dangers. Edwards will always be after you. You need to figure out how to take him down when he does come for you."

"That tells me nothing," Serena frowned.

"You're more powerful than you will ever know, my dear," Doctor J said. "As I said, there was always a reason you were the most important one to Edwards."

After Doctor J's words, the screen went black, leaving Serena with only her thoughts and no answers. The whole point of calling him was to get more information. Serena felt that she had hit a brick wall and that the investigation into Edwards would be at even more of a stand-still than it was. She had been willing to give up some of her pride to reach out to Doctor J, in hopes he'd do something to help.

"'If you need help, you know how to contact me,' my ass," Serena grumbled as she slumped into her chair more. "What a bunch of fucking helping you were, J. You told me nothing..."

Sighing out loud, Serena closed her eyes. Thinking over what J had said and revisiting information she knew about Edwards. Minutes passed before Serena's eyes snapped open to stare at her still-black computer screen. The pieces of the puzzle started falling into place.

"He wanted me because I was a second chance," Serena buried her head in her hands. "It doesn't help that he was so fucking interested in me. I was perfect to fit the role. I was Heero, but an unrefined version. One that could be developed to be precisely what he wanted. I had no real-life experience. It was easier to take advantage of that…"

Which is why he…

Serena rubbed her hands over her face. She couldn't change the past, and even replaying everything in her mind didn't change the fact they knew this information. But she could do everything in her power to change the future. Edwards was just as sick and twisted as Dekim had been.

No, Edwards is far worse than Dekim had ever been. Serena thought to herself.

Serena sat thinking more, trying to understand Edwards's original plan. Or rather, to understand why Edwards had done what he had done back then. Some of the information Serena knew wouldn't tell the entire story. She needed to dig deeper into her memories for hints over the years. But one question kept circling back around in her mind.

"But if Edwards has everything he needs… what use am I to him?" Serena mused as she started pulling up documents on her computer. She had begun compiling as much information as she could remember about the man. Then her hand froze as a realization hit her.

"He doesn't need me…" Serena sat staring at her screen. "Not for rebuilding the Dolls or even the Gundam, but he needs me for-"

Serena's eyes went wide as everything clicked into place. She quickly compiled everything she needed before sending it all to her printer. After, she put all the pages into a folder. Closing out all of her windows on her computer, Serena left her office in search of the only person she knew would want this information more than anyone else.

Heero had gotten off the phone with someone from his department when the door to his office opened. At first, Heero was annoyed, thinking it was Duo letting himself him. But when he looked at who it was, Heero wondered the urgency as to why Serena wouldn't bother knocking on his door.

"John Anthony Wanderson," Serena said as she dropped a folder onto his desk. "Born April 15, A.C. 160. Deceased on December 24, A.C. 196." Heero looked from the folder to Serena. Her face was a stone mask, but her eyes were blazing with something.

"I'm not sure I understand why you've brought me a folder on a dead person."

"Take a look," Serena said as she sat down.

Heero opened the folder. He saw a standard report of Wanderson, including his enlistment photo. The information was traditional for someone who joined the Alliance back then before being recruited to OZ. Romefeller controlled everything, but the fact this person had moved up in ranks and ended up in the Special Forces wasn't anything groundbreaking. Hard work, dedication, and maybe knowing the right people could move anyone through the ranks.

"What does this guy have to do with anything? He's a dead ex-OZ soldier," Heero said as he looked up from the folder.

"One that ironically died at the Presidential Bunker." Heero lifted his brow at that piece of information.

"Are you blaming me for this person's death?"

"I could," Serena shrugged nonchalantly. "If it were the truth."

"What?"

"Keep reading."

Heero moved on to the next page. It was a document containing the reason for death. He was the one to kill Wanderson. Or so this document claimed. Then he flipped to another page. It was a photo of Wanderson, a much older version than the one on the first page.

"Serena," Heero said as he put the folder down. "I don't understand why you've brought this to me."

"Did you look at the last page?" Heero eyed Serena before turning over the older version of Wanderson. Then his hand froze. "Wanderson never died. He simply changed his name and physical appearance." Heero stared at the photo. He knew this man and what this man was capable of. And what he did.

"Jonathan Edwards is one John Anthony Wanderson."

Heero looked up at Serena. Shocked by the realization that she had done it. She had figured out Edwards's background in depth. His family history was missing, but it was the best starting point they had to date.

"The next page lists all his ties from Alliance to OZ and his role in Romefeller overall. Including his relationship with Dekim Barton."

"How did you manage to find all of this?" Heero asked. Serena's eyes tightened but gave no response. "When did this memory resurface?" Heero prompted after a moment.

"When I was looking over the information I had till now," Serena said. "But what's more important is I now know why Edwards sought me out after reuniting with J."

"What do you mean by reuniting? I thought J didn't know who Edwards was."

"He didn't. Not right away, at least," Serena shook her head. "But how would one know about a scientist like J if they hadn't met or seen the person before?"

"Word of mouth?" Heero shrugged. "Kind of like Howard."

"Edwards met you. Thus he knew who J was."

Heero sat up straighter. He couldn't recall ever meeting "Wanderson" or even someone who looked remotely familiar with what Edwards used to look like before the plastic surgery.

"Edwards took one look at me the day he came to J's lab and knew I was his ticket to overthrowing the ESUN. I was an undefined version of you. I could be molded to be everything Dekim wanted you to be. And more."

Heero let Serena's words sink in. He knew everything she said was the truth, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow knowing what Edwards did to her. Those memories of those first meetings were blurry or absent from his memories of Serena. Some of what Serena said wasn't new information, but the reasoning behind Edwards's actions was coming to light.

"Edwards always wanted more, but he had to wait for his time. There were too many powers at play. OZ had Krushrinada, who had lived, and probably would've seen his ideals play out. The Alliance… had people. But they were too weak to go against OZ. Then you have Romefeller, who controlled everything. They played a big game, but Dekim was their downfall. Edwards knew this and just waited. Once you and the others left for Earth the second time and joined the war, I think Edwards was hoping you'd survive. When you did, you became his target."

"Until he found you."

"Until he found me," Serena nodded. "Why go after you when I was perfect for what he wanted? I wasn't tainted by war or my own ideals. I knew nothing outside of J's lab."

Heero sat back in his chair, running a hand down his face. If Edwards's motivation behind wanting Serena had changed. Maybe Edwards was seeking J out because he knew that J had once created a clone.

"Do you think Edwards looked for J because of the first clone?" Heero asked after a moment.

"It's a possibility. If Edwards knew about the first one," Serena said. "If he couldn't have you, a clone would do."

"And it just so happens J had one." Heero cringed at the thought. But it didn't change much for their current situation. "This is helpful information on building our case against him, but it doesn't tell us where he is."

"Unfortunately," Serena frowned. "But if Duo can keep track of those arms dealers, it might give us some insight into where Edwards is hiding."

"But why go through the trouble of faking his death and then getting surgery to change his appearance?"

"That part I'm not sure about," Serena said. "But the rest of the information matches with what I know."

"Does Une know about this?"

"No," Serena shook her head. "I came straight here after I put the pieces together."

Heero opened his mouth to say something when a knock came on his door. Eyeing Serena, Heero closed the folder containing Edwards's information before telling the person they could enter. The person Heero had been on the phone with entered his office. Dropping off the report Heero had requested. Looking at Serena after the person had left, Heero wasn't sure if there was more to say about what Serena had remembered. While it helped their case, it didn't change much. But part of Heero wondered if there was more Serena wasn't telling him. For whatever reason, there were still secrets Serena would likely take to the grave. Despite the knowledge, he had about her. There were still things Heero didn't know about her. It didn't help that he was leaving at the end of the week. Heero still needed to go over some more things with Serena before leaving his department in her hands. He hoped that this new memory and information Serena had put together wouldn't distract her from her duties. But more importantly, Heero hoped she could handle the emotions that stemmed from the memory.

Serena sat staring out the window in Heero's office. After speaking with him earlier, she relocated there for the remainder of the day. Serena didn't know why or what made her feel the need to. Part of her didn't want to be alone, holed up in her office. Part of her couldn't handle Trowa over her shoulder, asking questions she knew she couldn't answer. Whatever the real reason was, she had been slowly compiling a report to send to Une.

While she had handed Heero a folder containing most of the information, Serena had a copy on her laptop that was strictly for Preventers and one that was for only herself. Preventers file contained a timeline of events. To the best of her knowledge, what took place once she and J had officially moved to be with Edwards. She had filled in some things about when she first met Edwards, but most of the notes lacked details about personal subject matters. As far as "on the record" went, Serena would only give Preventers what they needed. While Edwards would be criminally charged with more than just war crimes and conspiracy to commit war crimes, some charges against him would never be filed by Preventers. And Serena was fine with those never seeing come to light.

Why state in her report that something was off about meeting someone when you couldn't change the past?

Why include the details of all the terrible things that had been done to her? The way Ewards looked at her the first time they met. The gleam in his eye told her to run and to run far away. The way he spoke to her. The way Edwards would come to the lab, only to be left alone with her. While those times were short-lived, Serena knew Edwards was bad news the moment she met him.

Serena didn't see the point in informing Une or anyone else about her past. Heero knew, and that was one person too many. But that was also another thing she couldn't change. She only needed to keep her personal file hidden from everyone. It was a risk having the file on Preventers system, but Serena knew she could at least trust Heero to keep it hidden from the world.

"What's on your mind?"

Serena turned her head to look at Heero. He had his hands folded, chin barely resting against his knuckles, with a stern but worried expression looming over his face.

"Nothing."

"You're a horrible liar sometimes." Serena sighed. She wondered if she had made some sort of face that told Heero everything he needed to know before he even asked.

"Just thinking back over things."

"I understand how important it is for you to create a better profile for Edwards. But you shouldn't be stressing over it," Heero frowned.

"I just want to make sure we have everything. Or we won't be able to take Edwards down."

Serena stared at Heero. He had fallen silent, and part of her wished she knew what he was thinking. Her mind had already been all over the place before Heero had spoken. The only thing Serena knew was that Heero had been watching her for some time before he said anything.

"Do you remember what Odin said to me?" Heero asked after a moment.

"The only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions," Serena sighed again. "Yes, between your memories and how many times you've told me, I think it's drilled into my brain."

"Odin told me that for a reason."

"And Odin is the biggest bullshit ever."

"Why do you have such a grudge against him?" Heero sighed. It wasn't the first, nor would it be the last time they would ever have a conversation about Odin. It wasn't that Serena had a grudge against the man. She only wished he hadn't done certain things to Heero.

"Because he lied to you and then abandoned you."

"He also saved me."

"He didn't tell you the truth." Serena pointedly before turning to look out the window. "I don't dispute his philosophy behind those words. But I've wondered, had you known the truth back then, would you have lived a better life? One without the heartache and sorrow."

"If I had known, J would've still found me. I still would've gone through all the same things, but maybe my attitude towards things would've been different."

"Do you think you've ended up here?" Serena asked as she looked at him. "Would've still fought in the wars?"

"Yes," Heero nodded. "But I believe I would've been a different person. I may not like everything, but I'm grateful for what Odin did for me."

"An eight-year-old that knows how to fire a rocket," Serena snorted. "Yeah, that was brilliant. By the way, you missed the first time-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Heero sternly said, cutting her off. "Had that missile hit that building, who knows how many people I would've killed?"

"Wasn't that the point?"

"Yeah, but that pilot stopped it."

Heero's office fell silent. Serena knew Heero was thinking over that period in his life. Replaying that day again in his mind.

"Do you still live with regrets?" Serena asked after a moment.

"Yeah… but you know that."

"I'm talking about right now. At this moment."

"Some things you may never let go of," Heero said as he stood. "But we continue to move forward and reflect on those past actions to improve ourselves and create a better future."

"Hm."

"What about you?" Heero asked. Serena was taken aback for a moment. She wasn't expecting Heero to turn the question back onto herself.

"Let me ask you this," Serena said as she stood. "Sacrifice a million lives for the sake of one life? Or sacrifice one's life for the sake of a million?" Heero stared at her before he dropped his head slightly. Indicating to her that Heero understood what she was referring to. "In some situations, you will have regrets. But sometimes, you don't have a choice."

Serena lay in bed thinking over the day in her head. Part of her felt guilty for playing the card she had against Heero. It wasn't like they hadn't been in the potion before. Save your own life, or sacrifice it for the greater good. The only difference between their experiences was that Serena had been willing to sacrifice millions to gain her freedom. But that wasn't her. At least Serena hoped it wasn't her true feelings.

Closing her eyes, Serena tried to let go of the day. But her mind and body wouldn't shake the feeling that she was a failure. Serena knew that she had been working hard, not just in her career but in her personal life. At least, Serena thought she was doing well adjusting to everything. Doctor J had even commented on the fact. Heero constantly reminded her of how far she had come, but he also reminded her that she was holding herself back. It was why he likely mentioned Odin to her.

Why was she so scared to move forward?

Why was she wasting time?

Why was she not living the life she had now to the fullest?

Opening her eyes, Serena sat up in bed. She realized that no matter what, she needed to start living the life she wanted. Just like Heero had told her to do… and even Doctor J. Serena looked to her right, where Trowa lay peacefully. The rise and fall of his chest was a reminder that this was real. He was real.

Heero was right. She needed to stop questioning everything and just live. Tomorrow wasn't a guarantee. How many more days, weeks, or years did she have? Serena knew she needed to make the most of her time because one day, Edwards would come for her. He needed her, and he needed her alive. Or until Edwards got what he needed from her. There was no promise that she would live after that.

Lying down, Serena closed her eyes again. She needed to rest, and Serena knew she couldn't spend the night thinking about everything. But if there was one thing Serena could do for herself at that moment, it was to make a promise to herself. She would start making changes moving forward. Not just for herself but for everyone she cared about. She would begin living herself the way she had always dreamed about. Because she already was. Serena needed to take that leap of faith and trust the people around her, including herself.

Smiling to herself, Serena drifted off to sleep. New plans had already started forming in her mind. Some would be life-changing, but Serena knew it would be worth it in the end.

A/N

Happy Chapter 28!

I know I've been gone a little while. I do apologize for that. My schedule in my personal life has changed and sadly, that has affected the amount of time I can spend writing and editing. But don't fear, I WILL not give up on this story. My new chapters may be spaced out more as I adjust to a new routine.

With that out of the way, I wanted to address a few things with you, my lovely readers. I know this chapter has some rehashed information, but there is always a reason for my madness. As far as the missing "new" information that Serena is not sharing... well that plays into the story. Haha. If I gave you all the true reasons Edwards needs her... well then the rest of this story and all the amazing chapters I have written for that will go to waste! But I guess I can give you a hint... Doctor J mentions that Serena is capable, or more than just building really cool robots. Maybe you'll start putting some more pieces together in the following year (story time-line wise) when something happens and Serena outs herself in a way. Oh no, I've said too much!

Anyways, this is a pivoting point for Serena, and we'll see in the coming chapters what changes she's made. I can tell you in the next chapter, Heero and Relena move into their new house, lol. But this is the chapter that I think will be completely changed. I've moved some stuff around for this chapter to set it up, but I honestly really want to get to the Christmas chapter and then... well moving into the new year, time-line wise, in the story. Stuff is about to get really interesting. Plus we need action and all those other feels! Don't you agree?

Enough rambling for today! I will be back with Chapter 29, title unknown, whenever I have the time. Please be patient and know that I will still be uploading. Double-check and make sure you're getting email notifications for this story! Until then, I hope you all have a great rest of your day!
-MM

Courage! My dear friend! Thank you for the wonderful review! I appreciate you more than you know! To answer your question, this chapter and the next chapter were the ones I was thinking about changing. They were kind of together and just a hot mess. I think we can skip over some things and those pieces of information can be filled in at a later date. Also, I'm okay! Just busy busy busy! Time has not been on my side, but today I made it a point to finish editing and posting! I hope you're doing well and I can't wait to hear from you!