Fangtasia Stories: Reality Bites

Set after Dead Reckoning

Although he had successfully disposed of Victor Madden and totally gotten away with it with barely a slap on the wrist, Eric was surprisingly dispirited. Not only had he still been unable to find a way out of the marriage to the Queen of Oklahoma, but he and Sookie weren't even speaking to one another. He was miserable, and Pam was bearing the brunt of it.

She decided to take matters into her own hands.

"Ah, Sookie, my fine friend," Pam said, as she was sitting alone at one of the booths.

Sookie came striding through the bar with purpose. As she drew closer, she pulled some material out of her purse. She stood over Pam, and thrust it at her.

"Here you go."

"Well good evening to you too," Pam said, pretending to be slighted by the abrupt greeting. Sookie put a hand on her hip, her other arm still outstretched.

"You asked me to come all the way out here to return this scarf to you, so here it is. Incidentally, although you asked for 'that lovely scarf you borrowed from me', I never actually borrowed it from you at all. You left it at my house ages ago, and every time you've been round since I reminded you to take it with you, but you kept on saying you'd get it another time."

Sookie's tone was irritated and accusatory, but Pam retained her air of guiltless nonchalance.

"Did I? Well, I am sorry about the inconvenience Sookie, but it really was quite urgent. I simply have no other scarf of this color which will go with my new twin set, so it was very important you returned it to me."

"Sure."

"It is such a nice, rich bronze. And as you can see," Pam brushed her hair back, angled her neck and leaned forward, "I have a nasty blemish which I need to cover up discreetly, right here." She tapped her neck, and Sookie leaned closer. "Look at it."

"There's nothing there."

"There is, look."

"I can't see anything."

"It's practically covering my whole neck area, look more closely."

Sookie stepped back and tried to contain her rage.

"Pam, you don't even get freakin' blemishes. You're a vampire, remember?"

Pam sat straight again, and shrugged.

"It could have been a bit of dirt or something, I suppose. Eric has had me sweeping his chimney. It was a punishment. Shall I tell you about what I did?"

Sookie let out a long sigh.

"I kind of don't have the time right now."

"It's very funny. You'll enjoy it."

"Maybe another time. It's good to see you, but I need to drive back to Bon Temps. Here's your scarf."

She held it out, but Pam didn't take it.

"Will you have a drink with me before you go?"

Sookie let her body go all limp and she groaned.

"Oh Pam, did you bring me all the way out here to get me to talk with Eric? Because I really don't want to."

"No. I wanted my scarf back. But now you're here..."

"Look, I just finished my shift, and I've got important things to do. I'm sure this fashion emergency you had to cover up some soot on your neck was real urgent, but I don't have time to stick around."

"What important things?" Pam said brusquely. "What is more important than me?"

"My world doesn't revolve around you, or any other vamps for that matter. As it happens, I'm having guests tonight, and I really need to get home to start preparing, so if you'll excuse me."

She turned and began her swift exit. As fast as she could turn, Pam was in front of her.

"Tell me, Sookie, is your house guest... Jeopardy?"

Pam cocked an accusatory eyebrow, and she and Sookie stared each other down.

"No."

"Is it... Mr. Cozy Pajamas?"

Sookie tried to side step but Pam countered, blocking her path. Sookie crossed her arms and pouted.

"No. The weather's too warm for cozy pajamas."

"Well then, is it your good friends... dirty book and a pizza?"

"They're called romance novels, actually."

"I know. I wrote one once, it was a best-seller. In fact, you might have read it. It was called Forbidden Fruits. It was about a bored housewife who has a steamy love affair with her local green grocer."

"Oh my gosh," Sookie gasped, open-mouthed in shock. "That is one of my all time favorites! You really wrote Forbidden Fruits? You're I. B. Cummings?"

Pam smiled proudly.

"The very same."

"That scene where they're squeezing the oranges and she starts to cry but pretends she just got juice in her eye. The romance just takes my breath away, every time. Oh, and the sexy scene with the-"

"Celery," Pam said knowingly, nodding her head.

"Celery." Sookie shook her head in disbelief. "Wow, I love that book. It's amazing."

"Thanks, cupcake."

Sookie smiled, and let out a sigh.

"I suppose I haven't seen you in a while. I could stay for a quick drink. But just you and me, okay?"

Pam smiled and they both took a seat. Pam snapped her fingers, and one of the human waitresses came over and took their order.

"Didn't you write any others?"

"No. They say that everyone has a book in them, and that was mine."

"Well, it was a great one. So how're things with you? I mean, are you okay?"

"Yes."

"It's just that, with everything that happened..."

"Our victory was magnificent, Sookie," Pam said, lowering her voice, smiling brightly. "Felipe practically thanked us, in not so many words. We covered our tracks well, but he knew what really happened. We had a small fine to pay for infighting in the area, but the king's verdict was quite clear. Eric was provoked in his own territory, and completely guiltless."

"Oh. That's just great."

"It is. I thought you might have contacted us to find out."

"Well, I've been kinda-"

"Why will you not talk to Eric?" Pam interjected. "He is miserable. I can't cope with it anymore."

Sookie groaned and threw her head back.

"I knew you just wanted to get me here to interrogate me and convince me to talk to him."

"Well you're behaving like a couple of spoiled children, and I hate it. I had to pull out my special emergency scarf plan, just to get you here."

Sookie narrowed her eyes.

"That potted plant you left at my house, and those hoop earrings, as well, are they another-"

Pam waved a hand, stopping her mid-flow.

"Look, the point is, you two need to talk. This has gone on quite long enough. It is very stressful for me, you know. Look." She pulled up her sleeves and held out her bare forearms. "I'm coming up in big welts."

Sookie leaned in.

"Pam, there's nothing there. You gotta stop thinking you've got rashes and stuff. You don't even get welts."

"They are there, just beneath the surface. I can feel them readying themselves for eruption. You two are making me welty!"

"Pam-"

"Like a big welty old pig! All the beautiful silk scarves in the world won't cover this awful stress-related welt outbreak. Well, on your heads it will be. I will be covered in them from head to foot, and I will probably have to go into exile or something while we all get over the shame and embarrassment."

"You're being absurd."

"I'm being absurd? You could just pop your head in, say hello," Pam said, leaning forward. "Be the better person. You know how stubborn he is. Go punch him in the face, if you want. Just so long as you do something."

Sookie rolled her eyes.

"Punching him wouldn't solve anything."

"What is there to solve? Tell me, I will solve it for you. There might not even be a need for it to come to blows."

Sookie let out a long, heavy sigh, and sipped on the gin and tonic that had been placed in front of her.

"I'm not really comfortable with the person I've become, Pam. Eric called me a hypocrite, and he was right to call me on it. I hatch some elaborate plan to..." she looked around, and lowered her voice. "Well, you know. And then when it boils down to the dirty reality of it I turn away like it's something I'm too worthy to be a part of."

"It was quite a carnage. But yes, you do need to take responsibility for your part in it."

"Well, I do. I'd just prefer to be living in a world where I didn't have to."

Pam shrugged.

"Unfortunately for you, that world doesn't exist. Nobody expects you to be bathing in the blood of your slain enemies, Sookie. Your humanity and compassion is part of what makes you so endearing, whether I understand it or not. Yes, people died and there was a lot of blood and death occurred here that evening. I am still finding bits of Victor and his chums here and there, though we have had the place cleaned from top to bottom twice. But ultimately it was for our benefit and survival and we did what was necessary. You are no stranger to this."

"I wish I was."

Sookie's eyes suddenly opened wide, and she sat up and touched the pocket of her shorts. Pam looked at her quizzically.

"Are you alright? What's in the pocket?"

"Oh. Nothing."

"Do you have some of those vibrating panties? I had some of those once. I do love modern technology."

"No," Sookie said defensively, shifting in her seat. "Just... wind."

Pam screwed up her face momentarily before getting back to the matter at hand.

"Look, you are who you are, Sookie. You cannot run away from that. Danger follows you around like a bad smell, and sometimes people are going to get staked or shot or whatever. The important thing is that it's not you, or me, or Eric who dies, and that you always come out on top. You like being on top." She gave a cheeky wink.

"It's not funny, Pam."

"You should never feel guilty or think any less of yourself for defeating those who would harm you and those you love."

"I'm tired of it."

Pam looked at her human friend almost sympathetically.

"It will not always be this way. And you don't have to like it. The day you don't go 'ew' when you get vampire residue in your cleavage is the day I hang up my filmy black dress. Come on, Sookie, you have more heart and strength than this. You do not want to spend the rest of your life in Merlotte's, fake-smiling your way through your days, pretending to be normal and boring. That is not where you belong."

"No? So where do I belong?"

Pam smiled and stood from her chair. "He's in the store room," she said, before walking off.

V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V

Eric was busy pretending to do an inventory, clipboard in hand, when Sookie walked in. In actual fact, he'd been leaning against one of the shelving units, drawing what looked like a sort of abstract picture of Thalia slapping a monkey in the face with her own severed arm, while listening to the conversation out in the bar.

He made himself look busy.

"Twenty six, twenty seven, hm-mm."

"Hey."

"Twenty eight. All there... Hello Sookie."

He scribbled a note on his sheet.

"I just came to drop something off for Pam. Thought I'd better say hi."

Eric pretended to write something else down, but actually just scribbled some nonsense.

"Bar's busy again," Sookie said. "That's good."

"Yes. Is everything okay in Bon Temps? Is Merlotte's busier?"

"Yeah, it's picking up a bit. And you know that recurring 'Were problem' I had?" Eric nodded at her. "It's not a problem anymore."

"Oh good. Finally."

"I know, right?"

They both laughed uncomfortably, and then stood there in silence. Sookie shuffled from foot to foot, and Eric tapped his pen against the clipboard.

"Well," Sookie said eventually, turning to leave. "I gotta go."

"Sookie."

"Hmm?" She quickly turned back around to face him.

"I..."

He looked down at his drawing of Thalia beating a monkey and tried to formulate the words.

"Are you still angry with me?" they both blurted simultaneously.

"No," they answered as one.

Sookie stepped forward.

"Pam thinks she's getting welts."

"I know."

"You didn't call."

"I wanted to. I missed you."

Sookie's lip quivered slightly, and she looked down at her feet.

"Are we still married?" she said carefully. "Are we... do you have to divorce me or something?"

Eric put his clipboard and pen aside.

"Sookie-" He reached forward with his hand, but she pulled back before he could touch her.

"Tell me straight," she said, curling her hands into fists. Eric wondered if she had in fact decided to punch him, after all. "I need to know what's going on."

"We are still married," he said, his voice strong and clear. "I will find a way."

Sookie looked away dejected, almost defeated.

"No you won't," she said quietly. "If you were going to, I'm pretty sure it would've happened by now. It's alright, I understand why you've got to do it. You don't have a choice. This might even be good for you, right? Politically?"

He took her by the shoulders.

"I don't care about that. You do not understand how dangerous it would be for you if you were no longer my wife. I wouldn't be able to protect you."

"I'll be fine."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. I cannot take that risk. I will not risk losing you." He loosened his grip on her and cupped her cheek, stroking with his thumb. "I love you too much to let this happen to us. We figured out a way to overcome Victor. We rid ourselves of my maker. We have fought witches and vampires and Fae and Weres. We are always victorious." His nostrils flared and his face became hard as stone. He bared his fangs. "This is nothing for us."

Sookie looked at him for a long moment, and seemed to find some determination. Finally, she stood straighter and prouder, and gave a sharp nod.

"You're right. I won't give up fighting. I can take on another bitch, anytime. Especially a bitch who thinks she can come and steal my husband."

Eric took her into his arms and kissed her face all over. Then he lifted her up high and twirled around and around with her until she laughed, and begged to be let down.

"I'm sorry I bit you so hard," he said, as they held one another.

"Your arm was partially severed, and you needed the blood."

"I was angry at you. But yes, my arm was indeed partially severed."

"You were being a jerk," Sookie mumbled against his neck. "But I kind of know why."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes, if you forgive me." She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "I'm going to try to stop being such a pussy about everything. I know what I am, and what you are, and I love you. I accept that we do what we have to do to survive, no matter how bloody or violent that might be. It's not often pleasant, and it's not very Christian, but so long as I'm not involved in killing innocent people, and I don't lose myself and what I believe in, then I think I can learn to make my peace with it."

Eric had never loved her more than he did in that moment. They kissed, there in the store room, among the bar towels and boxes of napkins and crates of TrueBlood. The room smelled like stale beer and mops, but Eric didn't care. He felt whole again. He also felt a sort of warm pulsing sensation emanating from Sookie's shorts.

Before he could investigate further, Pam wandered in, her heels clicking loudly against the tile.

"Oh look, you're in love again," she groaned, rolling her eyes. "I can already feel my unsightly welts already receding. Did you tell Sookie about the party tomorrow night?"

Eric groaned.

"Pam, will you stop doing this?"

"What party?" Sookie said.

"Oh, the Queen of Oklahoma is visiting," Pam said, smiling. "We are having a little get together, to welcome her to Louisiana. I for one intend on giving her a very warm welcome, and I'm sure you'd want to be here to do the same, Sookie."

"I hardly think that's..." Eric began, before raising his hand to his chin, rubbing thoughtfully. "Hmm."

"What?"

"We really should be preparing for the royal visit," he said, smirking. "We do need to make the evening extra special."

"Oh, well, alright then," Sookie said, backing away from him. "I'll just-"

"No," he said, taking her hand. "You are the master party planner, my lover. What say we all convene a meeting in my office? I think together we could come up with some wonderful ideas for a very special visit, to make sure the queen really enjoys her time in Shreveport."

Pam nodded approvingly.

"What an excellent idea."

V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V

Forbidden Fruits

Chapter 22

Delia took another large, firm orange from the bowl and squeezed the fruit gently in her hand. The flesh gave way just enough. She hoped this one would yield plenty of juice.

She placed it on the bread board and sliced.

"Delia."

She turned swiftly, her heart hammering with the shock.

"Michael."

"I'm... I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were juicing in here."

"Oh, no, it's... it's fine."

She turned around again, closed her eyes and tried to gather her courage, her chest heaving with her quickened breaths. She picked up one of the halves of the orange and placed it in the electric juicer. She held her breath as she pressed the button, and the familiar whirring noise of the machine seemed even louder than usual.

A small trickle of orange juice made it's way down the spout and into the cup below.

Damn these oranges. She'd juiced 12 already and still only produced half a cup.

"Are you using the Homosassa variety, darling?" Michael asked. "You should try the Valencia, they're so much juicier."

Delia beat her fist against the counter top.

"Damn it, Michael. Damn you and your extensive knowledge of citrus fruits. If only you knew me half as well as you do your damn oranges."

She brushed a lock of hair away from her face with the back of her hand, and smiled ruefully to herself. She knew this was the end, they couldn't go on this way. The lies, the deceit, the fruit and vegetable-based arguments. Just like those Homosassa oranges were unwilling to give up their juice for her, so Michael was unwilling to give up his wife.

"Let me help," Michael said, suddenly standing beside her. "We can do this together."

"It's too late," Delia said, squeezing some discarded peel in her hand. "I tried, Michael, God knows I tried. There's just no more juice to be had from this damned fruit."

"Here." Michael opened one of the counter drawers and extracted a hand-held juicer. "Let's have one more try, with this."

He took one of the halves of fruit in his large, manly hand, those hands that had the ability to bring her so much pleasure. Even now she couldn't help but picture those hands cupping and squeezing her breasts, juicing them like one of his damn juicy Valencias. He held the orange over the cup, and pressed the utensil into the soft flesh. The liquid flowed as if from a faucet, streams and streams of delicious juice ran through his fingers.

"You see, my darling?" Michael said. "There is still so much juice to be extracted. You were about to discard all this sweet, delicious fruit, just throw it away. But the juicing has only just begun."

Yes, yes, my love. There is indeed so much juice still to be had. And I was about to give up on this wonderful fruit.

Delia felt a single tear trickle down her cheek, and she brushed it away.

"Are you... my darling, are you weeping?"

"No," Delia said, trying to contain her emotions. "It was when you pressed that juicing utensil into the orange, I got some zest in my eye."

She dabbed at it again, before turning to face him. She took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, downed the cup of juice in one, and jumped him.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that short extract from 'Forbidden Fruits' by Pamela Ravenscroft, AKA I. B. Cummings, and that it brought a little tear to your eye.

This is the penultimate Fangtasia Story. Yes, we are nearly there, my lovelies.

Thanks for reading and for your lovely reviews. I actually passed the 1000 mark last chapter which was totally unbelievable! I busted out a running man move and a kind of MC Hammer style crab-shuffling dance in celebration. My pyjama bottoms nearly fell down. Seriously. Nobody was around to witness it, but trust me, it was really, really good.