Chapter 15

July 20th 1999

Supermarket

When she returned from work that evening, Hermione was both surprised and annoyed to find that her stomach grumbled once more, obviously growing used to being filled with food other than crackers and now impatiently demanding more. She tried the water trick, pouring herself a cup of cold water and gulping it down quickly to try and quell the ache of hunger, but it didn't work and left her reluctantly accepting the inevitability of the trip she now needed to take in order to find food. Was she ready to venture from her flat, without company to guide her, and make her way to the supermarket? Honestly, she had no idea but her stomach wasn't going to give her any peace if she didn't and briefly, she wished that she hadn't started eating again at all so that she could avoid this new responsibility of feeding herself, but she knew that it was a good sign. At the very least, it was a small step in the right direction; even if it was incredibly irritating to find herself hungry all the time.

Knowing that she had very little choice in the matter, however, she groaned as she dragged herself into her bedroom and quickly changed into whichever clothes she happened to pick up first. Well, almost. The first thing she picked up was an old, torn and stained shirt that she had owned since she was 12. It had a hole the size of her fist at the bottom where the hem had long since fallen from its stitches and she frowned down at it before throwing it in the bin that sat under her long-unused vanity. The second shirt had been much more appropriate, though it was still mis-shapen from years of wear. Her stomach growled loudly as she buttoned up the same jeans she had worn to her first dinner with Fred, pushing all thoughts of her lack of clothing choices from her mind as she was reminded of the urgency of tonight's mission. She walked back into the living room, slipped her feet back into her raggedy shoes and moved to the front door. Her hand lifted to the handle and she paused, realising she was shaking.

Closing her eyes, Hermione took a deep breath and began to recite the first page of Hogwarts: A History. Her heart was racing in her chest and she briefly considered turning around and letting herself go hungry, but then Fred's smiling face flashed in front of her eyes and she allowed herself to take comfort from it. His company was comfortable, even nice, which allowed her to feel relaxed in his presence. Taking another deep breath, she reasoned with herself that going to the shops in muggle London was far less terrifying than their first meeting in Diagon Alley and at least when surrounded by muggles, she wasn't even remotely likely to be recognised. Her trip to Diagon Alley had meant being surrounded by whispers and hushed discussions about her. Noone in muggle London knew or cared who she was. Giving herself a small internal pep talk, Hermione took one more deep breath and opened her eyes, grabbed the door handle with her still shaking hand and forced herself into the hallway beyond.

Once she was down on the street, she looked around her and revelled in the feel of the sun against her skin. It was something she had not felt since… Well, honestly she couldn't remember the last time she had been outside, except her Diagon Alley venture, but the cobbled street was so thin and cramped with buildings that even when the sun was shining, it rarely managed to find its way down onto the people that shopped there. She allowed herself to soak up the warmth for a second, before turning left and walking in the direction of the nearest shop. She kept her eyes down on the street for the most part as she walked, only looking up when she saw someone approaching and needed to shift her position on the path or when she crossed a road. The entire time, she recited those all too familiar pages and borrowed her strength from the mental image of Fred that would not vacate her thoughts. Resolutely ignoring the anxiety that had lodged itself in her chest, she forced herself along her path until she reached the small Tesco Express that was a few streets away from her house. She stopped outside, looking up at the blue, red and white logo above the door before taking another deep breath as she entered and picked up a basket from next to the door, her hand still shaking as she held it in front of her.

It was only now that Hermione realised that she hadn't even considered what she was going to buy when she got here and kicked herself, coming to a stop in front of the fresh produce that lined the first aisle. She was surrounded by fruits and vegetables, her eyes assaulted by the rainbow of colours before her and she frowned as she fixed her gaze on the tomatoes, trying to figure out what she should buy. People passed her as she trailed her eyes over the array of items in front of her and tried to recollect any recipes she knew by heart, completely aware that she didn't own any recipe books. The first thing that came to mind was, unsurprisingly, toad in the hole and she smirked at the recent memory concerning the meal as she leaned down and picked up a packet of potatoes. She wasn't entirely sure that she owned a peeler or a potato masher, but she would make do with magic until she felt able to take herself on a shopping trip for cooking utensils. She also picked up some chives, which she knew from childhood experience would be a good addition to the mash, before beginning to wander up and down the aisles, picking things up as she went.

She plucked a package of sausages from the chilled section, opting for Cumberland sausages that had always been her favourite, as well as a package of peas that she could eat with the dish. While she was stood next to the fridges, she made the snap decision to buy some yoghurts and also some ham, thinking that maybe she should start taking a sandwich to work with her so that she actually could eat while working at her desk, rather than using it as an excuse in order to avoid going to lunch with Kingsley. She also picked up some butter, before moving to the next aisle. Here, she was surrounded by bakery items like bread and cakes, which only reminded her of something that she had always known; never go food shopping while you're hungry. Her basket was soon laden with an assortment of sweet treats that she hadn't even thought about in months, but seeing them on the shelves in front of her left her mouth watering and she piled them in as she went. She also picked up bread, which was originally all she had wanted to get down this aisle. As she continued around the shop, she picked up more items that tickled her fancy including pasta sauce, mayonnaise, a bar of chocolate that she thought might be bigger than her head and a box of cereal. The cereal prompted her to groan as she realised she needed to backtrack to the fridges in order to get some milk, but she went without issue and was about to continue her shopping when she saw some meatballs on the bottom shelf. She smiled softly and picked them up, stroking her thumb against the package before putting them into her already overfilled basket.

When she finally reached the queue to pay, she joined the end of it and sighed at the ache the heavy basket caused her to feel in her arms. She absent-mindedly looked around herself as she waited, stepping forward as each person paid for their shopping and left in turn and as she approached the front of the queue, she found herself face to face with the personal care section of the store where something caught her eye. On the bottom shelf, there was a box of sleeping pills that claimed to aid in relaxation and comfortable sleep, something that she knew she was sorely lacking, so she leaned over and picked up the box.

"Excuse me?" a voice from behind her said and she realised that she was next in line, but decided that she wasn't quite ready and gestured for the person who had spoken to go in her place as she stepped out of the queue.

She turned the sleeping pills over in her hand and frowned, wondering whether she should try them. She knew very well that there was a sleeping potion that she could take, but she had avoided Dreamless Sleep on account of its addictive properties. She knew that it would undoubtedly help her, she had always known that, but she was extremely hesitant to rely on a potion in order to get any restful sleep. She had made the decision right in the very beginning of her isolation that she would simply put up with her nightmares and adjust to life with them, but as she held the muggle equivalent in her hand she wondered whether it would help her. She looked at the ingredients and found that there was nothing particularly drastic in them, though she guessed that if there had been she wouldn't have been able to buy it in a supermarket. Making a snap decision, she threw them into her basket and turned to rejoin the queue but then something else caught her eye. There was a hanging display of hairbrushes to the side of the shelves and she briefly considered buying one before shaking her head and opting to get back in line.

When she reached the front again, which took twice as long as the first time and she kicked herself for stepping out of it in the first place, she approached the girl on the tills and heaved her incredibly full basket onto the counter. As the girl scanned her shopping, Hermione put the items into bags, filling them one by one until she had no less than five. She rolled her eyes when she noticed a similar display of hairbrushes that hung on the side of the till. Maybe the universe was trying to tell her something, here.

"Anything else?" the girl asked once she had finished scanning all of the shopping and Hermione almost growled as she snatched a brush from the display and slammed it down on the counter.

Once she returned home, she unpacked everything and stacked it on the counter in her kitchen. She glared at the hairbrush when she came to unpack it, wondering what had possessed her to buy it before she carried it through to her bedroom and threw it down on her bed along with the box of sleeping pills. She walked back into the kitchen and opened every cupboard in the room, trying to decide the best way to organise her newly regenerated stock of food. Eventually, after some trial and error and more than a little frustration when things didn't quite fit the way she wanted them to, she landed on a system. Her bread and cakes were in the cupboard above the fridge, which she thought was logical considering the butter and sandwich fillers were in the fridge itself and it meant she didn't have to criss-cross her kitchen in order to make a sandwich. The cereal went into the cupboard next to the one that held her bowls, which she again thought very logical, while everything else took up its home in the fridge. She finished off an entire packet of cupcakes while she was putting everything else away and, while it definitely quelled her hunger, she knew that it was far from a proper thing to eat for dinner. However, they were very delicious and she reassured herself that she could brush her teeth for a little extra time that night. Having dentists for parents had drummed an innate fear of sugar into her that she was positive would never leave her.

When she had relieved her hunger, she went into her bedroom and sighed at the sight of the hairbrush on the bed. She could swear it was challenging her and, albeit reluctantly and with no small trepidation, she accepted that challenge. She picked it up, pulled open the wardrobe door and dropped to her knees in front of the mirror that hung on the back of it. Looking at her reflection in the mirror as though she was angry at it for being there, she reached up and pulled her hair free of the bun that it always sat in, letting it fall free down her back. Tipping her head to the side, she pulled a chunk of hair over her shoulder and tried to run her fingers through it but found it nearly impossible due to the knots that had accumulated. In truth, she had no idea how to even begin tackling the rats nest that she carried on her head every day. With a deep sigh, she picked up the hairbrush from the floor in front of her and brought it to the ends of her hair, slowly pulling it through and working her way towards her roots as more and more length was freed from tangles.

It took over an hour for her to be able to drag the brush from root to tip freely and it had been an arduous, painful and frustrating process. She had needed to stop three times in order to pull the loose hair from her brush, building a pile of shed hair that rivalled the bar of chocolate she had bought earlier that evening. She had sworn more than once while battling a particularly tangled section and her scalp felt bruised and raw when she had won the battle. Her joy at emerging victorious was short lived though, because when she looked at her reflection she found that her hair was far fluffier than it had possibly ever been; even more so than during her first year at Hogwarts, and that really was an impressive achievement. She pulled her wand from her sleeve and tried to remember the charms she had used before the Yule Ball, but her memory failed her and all she managed to achieve was making the issue worse. She laughed at her own reflection, turning her head from side to side and finding it amusing when her hair seemed to move more like a cloud than, well, hair. After gathering up the large pile of hair that she had lost and putting it into the bin under her vanity, she closed the wardrobe door and moved to sit on the side of her bed.

The amusement was quickly lost as she picked up the box of sleeping pills and turned them over in her hand, wondering if she should really try them. She doubted the herbal ingredients would have much, if any, effect on her nightmares but then again there was a slim chance that maybe they would. She eyed the ingredients again, double checking there was nothing in the pills that might have adverse side effects or cause any kind of reliance and then opened the box with quivering hands. She pulled the blister packet out, eyeing the strangely coloured pills in the small transparent bubbles; they were a sort of muddy green colour, very much looking like the herbs they contained. She had been expecting an average white pill, though the more natural colour somehow made her feel better about taking them. Her efforts and small, inconsequential accomplishments that day left her suddenly feeling very tired and she closed her eyes, pushing two tablets out of the blister pack and into her hand. Taking a deep breath, she quickly threw them into her mouth before swallowing them dry - which took a surprising amount of effort. She flopped back onto her bed and closed her eyes; even if they didn't work, she'd taken them now and that was that.