"Sitting here alone with nothing left to say. Staring at the world won't make it go away. I need to show the world that I'm alive. I have to break this silence, to empty out my words." BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE

aaand I'm back with the angst for this chapter as those closest to Kate really begin to struggle. But there's some softness/comfort if you squint.

Josh sat down quietly by Kate's bed, he had taken to just sitting with the silence and hoping that his mum would know he was there. He didn't really know what else to do. He'd tried to talk, but the one-sided conversations just felt so pointless. And even if he did talk, there wasn't much he had to say. All he could do was talk about his day at school, and that, well, school just seemed so mundane. There wasn't anything worth sharing anyway, he went through his lessons in a half daze, physically present but his thoughts were elsewhere.

Still, he had kept the promise he made to Steve and stayed at school for the whole day but as soon as the final bell rang he rushed off to the Hospital, hoping to see a change but fearing the worst. Every time he entered the stark clinical atmosphere of the ICU he felt as if the life was being drained from him. For somewhere where people were meant to get better, it just felt so cold, and that was despite the heating always being on full power.

So he just sat in that uncomfortable chair, scowling at his homework, geography essays, maths worksheets and poetry analysis were the last things on his mind. He was just worn out, exhausted by it all, even coming up to Christmas the teachers weren't letting off, if anything the workload was just piling up and Josh wasn't sure how much longer he could cope.

He just needed his mum to be okay. More than anything.

He still hadn't forgiven his dad. The atmosphere in the house felt strained, cold and distant. Somehow he was holding it together, but only just. He felt as if he was just waiting to fall apart.

The life support machines beeped, whirred and hissed around him as he sat in that chair, that horribly uncomfortable chair. He wasn't sure whether it was that it was physically uncomfortable or it was everything that it symbolised that made it so uncomfortable.

Why wouldn't she wake up?

Why wasn't she getting better?

How much longer could she stay like this?

How much longer could she keep fighting?

Josh had so many questions but so few answers. And it all felt so hard. All he could do was sit and try to talk. But the one-sided conversations never felt right.

Though Josh barely knew his mum's best friend, Steve was the only one who understood what he was going through. Steve understood how it felt in the quiet moments when everything else stops and the fear and worry became overwhelming. Steve knew what it was like to cry so much that you eventually had no tears left. He too was trapped by the uncertainty and the stuckness of it all, the hoping for the best, but fearing the worst and how it all made you feel like you are being torn two.

There wasn't anyone else Josh could talk to who knew what it was really like to see someone you cared for so sick, so weak, possibly dying…

He rummaged in his rucksack and pulled out his biology textbook and notepad. He figured he might as well use this time to try and get on top of the ever-mounting pile of homework.

After working for over an hour the words began to blur and Josh leant back into the chair. He couldn't think straight anymore, his concentration was gone and he was utterly exhausted.

When Steve returned to the hospital he found Josh sleeping in the chair by the bed, school notebook still open on his lap.

He looked at his best friend lying in the hospital bed, surrounded by machines to keep her alive.

"You're going to be okay mate," he whispered quietly. It was a statement directed more to himself than Kate, but it was all he could do, all he could say. He just hoped that Kate could hear him. That she would feel comforted to know there were people there for her, watching out for her.

Josh stirred as he woke and blinked heavily against the bright lights, as he did so the discarded papers on his lap tumbled to the floor.

"Sh… sorry," he mumbled upon seeing Steve, scrambling from the chair to pick up the homework sheets.

Steve offered Josh a comforting smile. "No need to apologise." He bent down and helped Josh to pick up the rest of the sheets.

"I'm getting so behind and the last thing I want is an after-school detention for not doing me homework," Josh sighed.

"Do the school not know what's going on?" Steve asked earnestly, he'd come to really care for Josh in the past few days and wanted to help him however he could.

Josh shook his head. "No, I've not told anyone really. It's kinda hard to talk about it."

"I know it's hard," Steve sighed, "but if you ever do, I'm here for you mate."

"Thanks," Josh mumbled, looking down at his lap. He didn't want Steve to see the tears that were welling up in his eyes.

Steve's heart ached when he noticed just how forlorn Josh looked.

"How about I grab us both a cup of tea, and we can chat if you want to." he suggested.

Josh looked up at Steve and smiled sadly, "yeah, okay."

The hospital cafe was quiet and only a few of the tables were occupied, some by tired staff and others by visitors speaking in hushed whispers. The atmosphere felt subdued and solemn as Steve navigated his way to where Josh was sitting in the corner, he had his head in his hands and he looked absolutely exhausted.

Steve gently set the two cups down on the small table.

"Here you go," Steve pushed one cup towards Josh. He'd drunk so much tea the past few weeks but it was at least more drinkable than the Coffee he'd had from the vending machine on that first fateful night when Kate had been brought to the hospital.

"It's just… I don't know how to handle this. I just… I wish there were some kind of instructions for dealing with this." Josh sighed quietly.

"I don't think that's how things work," Steve replied gently.

"I just feel kind of stuck," Josh sniffed, tears welling up in his eyes. "It's the not knowing what's gonna happen and the not being able to do anything about it. There's so much uncertainty and I don't know what to do about it. I can't seem to stop crying, I just feel so all over the place."

"I get it," Steve said quietly. "It's a hard situation this, nothing about it really makes sense. I reckon you just keep what you're doing at the moment. Coming to see your mum and talking to her when you can. You're doing the best you can."

"It doesn't feel like enough though!" Josh snapped back, the worry and exhaustion quickly turning to frustration. "I really don't know what to do about this. Just having to sit in that chair while mum just lies there and I hate it!"

"It might not feel like it, but it is enough."

"I just want Mum to be okay," Josh cried.

"I know you do," Steve replied. "I do too and I really hope she is going to be."

He set his empty cup down and looked across at Josh.

"And I'm sure your mum is fighting really hard to get back to you, the Doctors and Nurses are doing all they can for her and all we can do right now is be there for her. I know it doesn't feel like much, but it counts for something right? Just to know that she has people in her corner, people that care, people that want her to get better."

"Mmh," Josh nodded slowly. "I just wish this weren't all so hard."

"I know," Steve sighed. "So do I."

An hour later and after Josh had headed home Steve sat back down in the all too familiar chair by Kate's bed.

"Hi mate," he greeted her quietly, his emotions were still raw after his conversation with Josh.

"They reduced Jo's today, reckon you'd want to know that. She's breathing on her own now which is a really good sign. Hopefully, she'll wake up soon. It might take a day or so but she should wake up. She's fighting to get back to us, well to you I reckon. So there's hope, even when you think there might be none, even when things look so bleak, there's always hope. All Jo has been through and she's still here, still fighting. And she got through it. They reckon she's gonna be okay, the Doctor says. It might take a little bit of time, but she's gonna wake up and she's gonna be alright." Steve smiled wearily, the fact that Jo was at the point of being able to wake up was a near miracle, just not the right miracle. He felt awful for even thinking it but that niggle wouldn't go away.

Steve took hold of Kate's hand, squeezing tightly, "Would be good if you could do the same, y'know, if you could wake up, because Josh needs you and I reckon Jo is gonna need you too. She really cares about you, just as you do about her. After everything that happened, everything she had been through, all she cared about was if you were alright. I don't want Jo to wake up after all that and then I have to tell her bad news."

"Josh and Jo, y'know. Wake up for them. Please mate. Just keep fighting, keep hanging on. You said you heard me the last time, so I hope you can hear me now. Maybe it's selfish of us, but we need you, mate. We're here for you, all of us and we love you so much. So please keep fighting, I know you're strong enough. Don't give up, okay."

Steve smiled sadly at Kate's sleeping form. He wondered what was happening in his best friend's head. Whether she really could hear him and whether she understood what was going on. She was so still and quiet, so unlike the Kate he knew and loved and part of him was scared too, scared that Kate wouldn't wake up or that if she did she wouldn't be the same.