"If you hear me out there, I've been looking for you day and night. Shine a light in the dark, let me see where you are, 'cause I'm not gonna leave you behind. SHINEDOWN"

Wow! I can't quite believe I'm at 40 Chapters for this fic! This is the most I have ever written and there is still more to come and maybe, just maybe, the end of the angst (well, some of it at least) in sight. Anyways for now enjoy a chapter of Jo and Steve finally having a proper talk and Steve receiving an update on Kate's condition...

Jo stayed sitting with Kate and though the tears continued to fall, just being in Kate's presence helped her to feel calm and safe. She stayed silent for a while, caught in her thoughts.

All of a sudden noise from behind her made her jump.

"Hi mate," Steve stepped quietly into Kate's bay.

"Oh," he startled for a moment upon seeing Jo.

Jo turned towards Steve. "H… h-hi…"

The panic flared in her chest again, logically she knew Steve wasn't a threat, she might even consider him a friend but it was logical thought that she was struggling with right now. Everything was so jumbled and confused. She held Kate's hand that bit tighter, trying to find her strength.

In his surprise of seeing Jo with Kate, it took him a moment for Steve to notice Jo's stifled sobs.

"Jo?" Steve asked gently. "Is everything okay?"

"Mmh, I… o… o…. K… k-kay," Jo sniffed quietly, wiping her eyes.

"You sure?" Steve… "Look I know you might not want to, but if you do, if you want to talk, I'm here, okay."

Jo looked up at Steve with tear-filled eyes and nodded slightly, "th… th-thanks."

"J… J-just w…w-want K… K-Kate t… t-to b-be o… k… k-kay," she stammered.

"I know," Steve sighed. "I know you do."

The voice that haunted her nightmares echoed in her ears.

It's all your fault, Joanne. You couldn't save her…

"A… a-all m… m-my f… f-fault," Jo cried quietly. "I… t… t-tried t… t-to h… h-help."

Steve knelt down next to Jo, trying to catch her gaze., "I know you did Jo. You called the ambulance and you tried to stop the bleeding. I know you did all you could for Kate. It's not your fault Jo. It might be hard for you to believe, but trust me, none of this is your fault."

Jo sighed quietly, Steve's words were honest and heartfelt but she just couldn't believe them. How could it not be her fault?

"Y'know," Steve mused quietly, "if it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have protected you, and Kate too. She asked for my help and I weren't there. I promised you that everything would be okay and then you got hurt."

Jo shook her head, "n… n-not y… y-your f… f-fault."

"Well then," Steve responded. "If it ain't my fault, it's not yours either."

Jo just shrugged as if she was acknowledging what Steve was saying but couldn't bring herself to believe it.

"Jo, it's not your fault," Steve repeated. He could see how much Jo was struggling and he really felt for her. Though against all odds she had woken up and on the surface she was recovering well, he feared she was still battling inner demons, with the hardest fight still to come.

Someone had to care, and after everything that had happened, Steve did feel responsible. It was clear that Jo needed someone in her corner, and well, why couldn't it be him?

"mmm," Jo responded wistfully.

"Maybe, we shouldn't be trying to find someone at fault. I don't think that's gonna help anyone."

"Y… y-yeah, I g… g- g-guess…"

"You really care for Kate, I can see that. She cares for you too, really.

The best thing you can do for Kate right now is to get better, and concentrate on recovering. You have got a chance now, to live the life you really deserve. Just think, after everything you're still here, that's gotta mean something. So you keep fighting, y'hear me."

"J… j- j-us… t-t d-doesn't f… f-feel r… r-right," Jo muttered. "W… w-with… ou… ou-t K… K-Kate."

"I miss her too," Steve sighed. And he did, he really did. He missed his best friend more than he had words for.

"You hear that mate?" Steve turned to Kate. "You got people that miss you. People that care about you, people that need you to wake up."

The machines continued to hiss and whir and Kate remained still and silent.

"P… p-please w… w-wake u-up," Jo added quietly.

The pair fell silent as exhaustion began to catch up with Jo. The emotional turmoil of the last couple of hours weighed heavy on her soul. She swayed slightly and her head lolled forward. She was tired and groggy, the emotional conversation seemed to have taken it out of her. She closed her eyes and was quickly dragged into the grips of sleep. Her and Kate's hands were still locked together.

Steve paused for a moment and really looked at Jo. It was only then that he noticed how frail she still looked, as if she might break from the slightest touch. Even with her stuttered speech and obvious difficulties Jo could still put on a strong face. It came from years of practice, years of having to seem cool and collected when inside you're falling apart. Always wearing a mask, walls built up high so no one saw the broken soul hidden beneath. But Steve had seen that broken soul. He'd watched Jo shatter as her life had been systematically torn apart. He'd heard the rawness of Jo's anguish and the depths of her despair. He had seen how she had clung to life, against all odds. Only a few days ago she had been lying in the same position as Kate, dependent on machines to stay alive. That stays with a person, and he had a feeling Jo had a long recovery ahead of her.

He left Jo to sleep for a moment and gently took hold of Kate's other hand.

"We really need you mate. Please wake up," he whispered quietly, trying not to cry. Everything really did feel so unfair and he didn't know what to do to make it right. He wasn't sure there was anything he could do other than be there. Be there for Jo and hope. Hope, with every fibre of his being that Kate would make it through.

A few minutes later, Steve left Jo in the care of Jay, who reassured him that they would get her safely back to her own bay and into bed.

He turned back to Kate and gave his best friend's hand a gentle squeeze.

"You just keep fighting, alright. I know, or at least I hope you're in there somewhere."

His vision blurred for a moment and he groaned quietly, exhaustion was also catching up with him. He reached a point where he couldn't even remember the last time he'd had a decent night's sleep.

"I gotta go now, or I'll end up falling asleep here again and don't know how much more me back can take. But I promise I'll come and see you soon, mate."

Steve stood up, stretching out his aching muscles as he did so. He winced slightly as the persistent twinge in his back turned into a shooting sharp pain.

He had been so overwhelmed by his worry and fear for Kate and with everything that happened with Jo, he'd scarcely had the headspace to acknowledge the pain in his back. The painkillers dulled the worst of the pain but Steve knew it was getting worse and it had not been helped by exhaustion and the frequent falling asleep in uncomfortable positions that had become the norm for him. It was just another thing he felt unable to deal with, another crack in the surface of a shell so close to breaking.

"Steve," Bernie called out to him just as he was leaving the ward, pulling him from his thoughts.

"I'm glad I caught you, I wanted to give you an update about Kate."

Steve's heart sank and he grabbed onto the wall next to him to steady himself. His last conversation with Bernie still weighed heavily on his mind.

There might have to be a time when you need to make a really difficult decision.

Please no…

It might be worth considering what Kate would want…

Steve felt like the walls were closing in on him. Kate wanted to live. She wanted to keep fighting, she wanted to get better for Jo and Josh. She wanted them not to give up on her, even if there was only the smallest chance. Didn't she? Or had he become so fixated on his need for Kate to get better, to get his best friend back that he'd stopped thinking about Kate? She couldn't stay like this forever. It was no life and certainly not a life Kate would want.

Steve's head was spinning and he couldn't take it any longer. He had to get out of his thoughts. He took a deep breath and looked towards Bernie, "Is everything okay?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah, yes it is," Bernie reassured him with a warm smile. "Do you have time for a quick chat?"

Steve nodded, trying not to show how shaky he was feeling. After everything that had happened, he was still scared to hope.

Bernie guided Steve into her office and gestured for him to take a seat.

Steve glanced around nervously, his feeling of uneasiness growing.

His thoughts were still racing.

He didn't know what was happening.

What if it was bad news?

What if he had to make the one decision he never wanted to make?

How could he tell Josh?

What about Jo?

How could he tell Jo when what she needed most right now was Kate...

"Here," Bernie handed Steve a mug of tea. "Milk, two sugars, You look like you could do with a bit of a boost."

Steve took hold of the mug, a comforting warmth creeping into his bones. He didn't realise how much he needed one.

"Cheers." He nodded his thanks to the Doctor.

"Thanks for taking the time to chat," she smiled. "As next of kin I wanted to give you a bit of an update about Kate's condition."

"Okay," Steve set the tea down and clenched his hands into fists trying to stop them from shaking. The last update had him running from the office in a state of panic…

Noticing Steve's increasing anxiety, Bernie smiled back at him. "There's no need to worry, it's good news."

"Umm… okay…." That only made Steve feel more worried, he reached out and clutched the mug tightly, purely for something to cling on to.

"So as you know, Kate has been in a medically induced coma since contracting sepsis last week. That means we've been giving her medication to keep her asleep so her body has a better chance of fighting the infection and is also able to rest and heal."

Steve nodded slightly. It still hurt being reminded of how sick Kate was.

"And the good news is that Kate's been holding her own for the past couple of days. The most recent tests have shown that her infection markers are going down, she's finally responding to the antibiotics and her body is fighting the infection and that's a really big positive. In the last day or so she's started to resist the ventilation."

Bernie paused for a moment as she noticed the look of fear that spread across Steve's face. "That might sound worrying, but it's a good sign, it means she's trying to breathe for herself. So the next step is that we're going to try reducing her sedation and see how she reacts to that."

"What does that mean?"

"It means," Bernie smiled again. "It means that hopefully, she may wake up soon. It could take another day or two as the drugs work their way out of her system but we are hopeful that once that happens she should start coming around."

"That's, that's good," Steve sighed as relief washed over him.

"Yes, yes it is," Bernie reassured him.

"So…" Steve still didn't want to ask the question. His mind was spinning and all of a sudden he was struck by a horrifying thought. Kate might not wake up the same. She had been, and still was, so sick that she could have lifelong complications. He pushed the thought away and took a deep breath to try and steady his nerves.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"We're cautiously hopeful," Bernie concluded. "We'll know more when she wakes up, but Kate has shown she's clearly a fighter, and I'm sure she'll keep fighting, whatever comes next."

"Thanks, that's… that's good." Steve stumbled over his words slightly, still trying to take it all in. "I think…."

"It is, I promise it is," Bernie reassured him with a wide smile.

Leaving the office, Steve felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. As he left the hospital, the December night was frosty and clear. Between the city lights a small spattering of stars spread across the sky. For the first time in a long time, Steve finally felt like things were going to be okay.