"I'm awake, I'm alive, now I know what I believe inside. Now it's my time, I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life." - SKILLET

Josh goes to see Kate, will this be the visit that changes everything?

The next morning Josh sat watching his mum carefully. He watched for any sign that she was waking up and that she was aware of what was going on around her.

The first thing he noticed was that the imposing breathing tube had been replaced with an oxygen mask. Even just a simple change and she looked so much more like his mum. The ICU bay was quieter now too, without the mechanical hums and whirs of the ventilator, it made a refreshing change. Josh felt like he could breathe again, it was such a relief. It suddenly felt so much easier to look at his mum, to talk to her, to see her as his mum and not just a patient in intensive care.

He knew she still had a long way to go before she could be considered 'better' if that was even a possibility, but he was at least thankful for the small steps. Considering how bad things had been, the small steps seemed huge.

"Hi mum," Josh spoke quietly, "it's Tuesday 22nd December today. Sorry I didn't come yesterday. I went out with me mates. I haven't hung out outside of school in ages, I guess I just weren't in the mood. We went round the Christmas markets together an' it were nice, I enjoyed myself. I guess I did need some time away from it all."

Josh paused for a moment as he thought back to the previous day.

"We all got hot chocolates and Bratwurst. Dave got a 'Riesen'," he stumbled awkwardly over the pronunciation of the German word. "Like, it were proper giant. He was so impressed only he then went and dropped it after like just one bite. The way he just looked down and just said, me Bratwurst…" Josh had to fight to suppress a laugh. He wished he had a recording that he could play his mum, he knew she would have found the account really funny. "In that moment, I almost felt normal. I think I laughed for the first time since all this."

Josh smiled slightly to himself.

"Oh, and I got you a couple of decorations, I checked with the Doctor and she said I can put them on the table."

Josh carefully lifted the two ornaments from his rucksack, explaining each one as he placed it on the table.

"There's a small wooden tree with stars carved into it and a Santa on skis with his arms out like he's gonna fall, thought you might find that one funny."

He looked back up at Kate and that was when he saw it. His mum's eyes gave the faintest flutter. At first, he thought it was just his exhausted brain playing cruel tricks on him, but then he saw it again. He watched as his mum's eyes fluttered and opened ever so slightly. She blinked a few times before opening her eyes fully.

"Mum?" Josh called out tentatively.

"Mum, it's Josh!" he called out again as he stood up and tried to position himself so his mum could see him.

She was waking up!

Josh look again at his mum to find that her eyes were half open though her gaze was panicked and confused as she tried to look around the room.

She was waking up!

"Mum, can you hear me?" Josh called out again, his heart filled with both hope and fear.

"Mum?"

Kate could sense that there were people around her and the air was filled with strange smells and noises. She opened her eyes slowly and tried to look around. Everything was so bright and the light hurt her eyes, she couldn't see properly. It was all so blurry and she couldn't make the images come into focus.

There was someone talking to her but she couldn't work out what they were saying.

She blinked hard and tried to make her eyes focus. Everything felt so fuzzy. She wanted to cry out, shout for everything and everyone to stop but she couldn't. Nothing was working as it was supposed to. She was scared, she felt trapped, and she couldn't control what was happening. She felt completely helpless.

Panic began to flare in her chest. Danger, danger! Warning signs flashed through her mind. She needed to get somewhere safe. She couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible had happened. She couldn't move, there were wires and tubes tying her down.

There were more voices now. But they were all overlapping and she couldn't make out any of the words.

A face appeared in front of her that looked so familiar.

"Mum!"

She couldn't focus.

"Mum, can you hear me!"

Everything hurt.

Josh.

Josh was here. Her son.

She wanted to call out to him but she couldn't.

There was something over her face.

It was hard and stiff and uncomfortable, pushing cool air into her lungs.

She didn't like it.

She couldn't make her voice work.

She was really scared.

Another face appeared. Blonde hair and kind eyes.

Calling out her name.

"Kate?"

She thrashed out with her arms, trying to defend herself.

She was scared and didn't understand what was happening.

The blonde was shining a light in her eyes. It hurt.

"Kate?" She called out again.

Kate blinked hard again and her eyes focused a little more. She was staring up at the ceiling, white tiles and bright lights.

"Hi Kate, it's Bernie."

Bernie… the name sounded familiar.

So did the face. Blonde hair and kind eyes.

Slowly she began to remember.

Bernie.

The ex-military Doctor.

"Kate, you're in ICU. I know you are scared and confused right now but please don't worry."

Kate tried to speak, but she found she couldn't. All she managed was a garbled cough. Her voice wouldn't work.

"You're safe Kate," the Doctor reassured her gently. "Don't try to speak right now. Your throat will still be sore from the ventilator. Blink once if you can understand me."

Kate thought hard for a moment, trying to process everything that she was hearing. Her head felt so heavy and she was so tired, but she blinked once.

"That's good Kate, just try to relax," Bernie soothed.

Bernie turned to Josh. "Come and stand over here. Make sure your mum can see you. Just talk to her. Can you try and help her stay calm?"

Josh gave Bernie a fearful look but he swallowed his uncertainty and took a step closer to the bed.

"Stand here," Bernie gestured, beckoning Josh to come and stand next to her.

Josh took a few tentative steps closer.

"Mum?" He asked nervously.

She looked so scared.

"Mum, it's Josh."

Kate's eyes widened slightly in recognition and beneath the oxygen mask, she managed a slight smile.

"Keep talking to her," Bernie suggested.

"Hi mum," Josh suddenly felt very awkward. "I don't know if you remember but I were telling you about going to the Christmas Markets with me mates yesterday. Dan dropped his Bratwurst and made us all laugh."

Kate reached out weakly, finding Josh's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Josh's eyes filled with tears.

"It's so good you're awake." A wave of relief crashed over him and the tears rolled down his cheeks.

He'd lost count of the number of times he'd cried recently, but he didn't care. This time they were happy tears. Cautiously happy, but happy all the same.

His mum gave his hand another gentle squeeze.

"I love you mum, I love you so much."

Kate smiled weakly back at Josh.

Seeing his mum smile only made him cry harder.

"Just keep fighting, yeah. Keep getting better."

"You're doing really well Kate," Bernie added in. "It's good to see you awake. Rest if you need to and I'll be back to check on you soon."

Steve was just packing his shopping away when his phone rang. It was Josh. Kate, he thought and his heart began to race.

"Hiya mate," he answered quietly.

"Hi," Josh answered back. His voice was wobbly and he sounded as if he had been crying.

For a moment Steve's heart sank. Despite knowing Kate's condition was improving that nagging fear never went away.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah it is," Josh cried down the phone. "It's better than okay, it's good, Mum has just woken up."

Steve breathed an audible sigh of relief. He had to support himself on the kitchen counter so he would stay standing.

"Hey, that's great, that's really great."

Steve was already climbing into the car as he ended the call. There was only one thing on his mind, he had to go see Kate.