Chapter 2

You should review. The lack of reviews makes me sad. Sadness makes me not want to write. Then you are left with nothing. And that's just sad.

"So you mean to tell me that while all of this is going on, you are prepping for unanesthetized surgery on a child, with your exgirlfriend?"

"Basically."

Andrew Perkins was not the man I believed him to be. I had pictured an older man, grey hair, tweed jacket, with some kind of facial hair grown only to make other people believe he had wisdom to which us regular people could not compare. Instead, he was a man only a little older than me. He dressed like a businessman, but kept a relaxed appearance. His beard was not that of a Civil War General, but more like Derek Sheppard when he had gone a day or so without shaving. Callie had gotten her information straight; for a guy, he was very handsome.

I wasn't excited to speak with him at first, as I had imagined that he would want to pick me apart and judge me for feeling, only what I could assume, feelings that the other surgeons didn't have. I'm not like the rest of them. Usually, I think of it as a positive. I understand my patients because I can relate to them emotionally, but in a lot of ways, it makes me seem immature and childish. After we went over the basics though, things just started to pour out of my mouth. I found it easier to speak with him than I had imagined. It was like addressing Mark or Karev, it wasn't abnormal, and at least he had never slept with my girlfriend.

"How did you feel when you were doing this?"

"I was terrified," I revealed, "I didn't want my patient to know anything was wrong, but it was so hard to hide. On top of the stress of not having my Peds scrub nurses, or an OR, or the proper surgical tools, I was in the scariest situation possible with the love of my life, who at that time, wanted absolutely nothing to do with me."

"What happened next?"

I was fine until this part. When the police asked me this question, I had to stop and collect my breath. Telling them the details made my stomach sore, and I wanted to be anywhere but there. I played the scene over and over again in my head. It was my greatest moment of strength, and also, my greatest moment of weakness. It was the scariest experience of my life.

"We, um, we gave her a local anesthetic, so at least she couldn't feel the scalpel. I was so worried about trying to calm her down, and Calliope was so good with her. I thought that, maybe I was wrong. Seeing her with Ruby made me think that maybe having kids with her wouldn't have been so bad after all. I couldn't stop watching her. That's an issue for me. I can't bear to stop watching her, incase she does something amazing and I miss it."

I snapped out of my Calliope induced daydream and regained composure before speaking again,

"I saw her eyes change emotions. She went from absolute love to absolute fear. I turned around, to see what she was looking at, and I saw him. He had a gun, and he kept saying that SWAT had shot him, like he couldn't believe it. I couldn't breathe. Something came over me, an urge I had never felt before. I told him that there were only children on the floor, and I covered Ruby with my body. I was so scared. I had no idea what to do. I knew that if nobody did anything, someone else was going to get shot. That's when she-"

This part was the worse. In my nightmares, it always ends the way I saw it in my head as it was happening. I swore I'd never get to see her smile again, look into her eyes, or tell her that I was wrong and that I loved her. As I was huddled over the scared little girl, I pictured him ending her life. After hers, after she screamed out in pain, I would turn around, just in time to see the bullet meant for me.

"Arizona," he broke me from my thoughts, "have a tissue."

I hadn't noticed that I was crying. My thoughts played out as if I was back in that room, the alternate ending of the horrific day becoming a reality.

"What did Calliope do when Mr. Clark came into the room?"

"She got up. She walked over to him and asked his name, what was wrong. When he said SWAT shot him, she gave him bandages and asked him to go. I thought that… I thought I would never get to speak to her again, and I wanted to die, just so I wouldn't have to live on the earth without her. I felt terrible and helpless. I wondered, as I was shaking and crying, if that was how my brother felt, right before he died."

He writes something down and urges me to continue.

"I told her that I didn't trust that she loved me, and she turns around and puts herself between a gunman and me. She was willing to die protecting me, because she loved me, after I told her she didn't show it. I felt like the biggest bitch in the whole world. Then when he left, and she slammed the door, I couldn't help but cry, more than I had been. I was scared, yes, but how could I let the love of my life risk her life for mine, and not cry. She was for real. I was the mystery. I got that, finally."

"What about the girl?"

"She was so scared, poor thing. She wanted her mommy and I couldn't blame her, I wanted mine too. I was a mess; I didn't know what to do to ease her pain. Calliope was a champ. She told her not to worry because I was the best doctor in the world, and I would take good care of her. At the same time, she was reassuring me, and making sure I was ok to do the procedure. I know I wouldn't have made it without her."

"Wow," he said, "it sounds like Calliope really helped you set some things straight."

"Yes. She's incredible."

"So, is it safe to assume that the two of you have worked things out?"

"For the most part. We don't have everything figured out, but we know that we want to be together. That's a lot better than most, I'd say."

"So would I," he smiles warmly, "Dr. Robbins, our time is nearly up, but we have a few more things to discuss."

"Am I ready for surgery?"

"Well, that's part of it. I'm going to go ahead and clear you for surgery under two conditions. First, you need to come back here for weekly check-ups, that's standard for all of the surgeons. That's only for the time being."

"What's the second?" I can't imagine what else there could be.

"Keep working things out with Calliope. You seem really great together."

"Thanks, Dr. Perkins," I say as I stand to leave. Maybe this whole thing wouldn't be as bad as I thought.