Chapter 3

Hey everyone! The reviews from chapter 2 certainly made me smile! I've been sort of busy with exams lately, but now that I'm past midterm, I should have some more time to write. MORE REVIEWS! Reviews tell me that the story is being read and is therefore worth writing. Plus, they make me super excited…SUPER.

xxx

Callie's POV

Once Arizona left for her appointment with Dr. Perkins, I began to get ready for my own. I understood where she was coming from in her hesitations. She doesn't like people to see beneath her dimpled smile and shining blue eyes. She'd like the world to think that she was perfectly fine no matter what; shootings and chaos be damned. She likes her secrets, her closed off emotions that she'll never let out.

Sometimes, usually while she's asleep, I'll watch her. I love to watch her breathe peacefully and not have to pretend to be anything but what she is. I love those nights, because they mean she's really happy. She could be anywhere in the world, doing anything she could dream of, but she's perfectly happy just lying next to me. I think that she can tell I'm watching her, but I don't mind. A part of me wants her to know, just in case she ever doubts what I feel for her again. Nobody could spend hours upon hours staring at someone that was anything less than the one.

I'm not talking about proposing or anything like that. we'll have the rest of our lives to worry about marriage. I'm talking about just being. I know that I could spend the rest of my life with her, even just watching her sleep, and I would be completely satisfied with my life. Sure, maybe I'd miss surgery and breaking bones. It's pretty badass. I realized through this whole ordeal, I'd give it all up just to be with her. There's nothing that makes an awesome surgery more awesome than coming home to her.

Some nights are less fortunate than the peaceful ones though. I was used to the nightmares about the tiny coffins. She never said anything about them, but I could always hear her talking as she thrashed around and cried in her sleep. I used to be afraid of those nights. I learned that if I hold her, just right, she stops shaking and crying. I hated to see her in so much agony, until I realized that I got to see more of who she really was each time. The tiny coffins would never touch perky, bubbly Dr. Robbins, but they would devour insecure, guilty Arizona.

She would let it hit her every time she lost a patient. The only time she had ever let me see her cry had been on her birthday, after losing Wallace. I got to see the scared and upset part of her than no one gets to see, and it made me feel more for her, if only because I knew it meant she wanted me to know her on a deeper level. When she told me she was in love with me, I had never been so happy in my life. Finally, I didn't have to give myself away. I wasn't throwing myself out and hoping for her to catch me. I was getting another part of her, the part that I wanted in all of my past relationships. I knew then that everything before had been nothing short of a joke. I certainly didn't know that the joke was on me.

I hated letting her go, because I knew how much those special moments had made me feel. I hated the idea of living without her. I didn't know how to live before I met her. I wanted a baby. I needed a baby. That was my story. When I thought about it all of those nights alone in my bed, I realized the significance. I was the girl in high school who was going to trap her boyfriend with a baby. I didn't need the baby; I didn't even really want the baby. I just wanted someone who would never let me go.

George had been my first attempt at pettiness. I knew that we had rushed things and it was wrong for us to be together. I thought that a baby could make it okay. I'm still grateful that we couldn't conceive. I think it was fate. I wasn't meant to be with him, so I wasn't supposed to be tied to him. When our marriage dissolved, I was broken apart. I thought that Erica could fix me. When that didn't work out, I turned to Mark, who turned out to be a much better friend than lover. I realized, through his rocky relationship with Lexie, that you can't rely on others to fix you. You have to fix yourself. I made an attempt, and I felt defeated. Rome wasn't built in one day. I absolutely never expected to become a new person that night at Joe's.

I love me. It's arrogant and narcissistic, but really, it' not. It took a lot to learn how. She helps me every day, even though she doesn't know. It was her love that changed me and I know she's made me a better person. She is still making me a better person. It's not that she's changing me, but she makes me want to change myself. That's how I realized that the baby thing wasn't as important as I had made it all out to be. That moment that I saw Gary Clarke standing in the doorway with a gun, it was all very clear. I didn't want a baby, I wanted Arizona's baby. I didn't want to live a life without her in it. She made me a hero. She always makes me feel like a hero.

Getting back together was the best thing we've done. It didn't matter who was wrong or right or selfish or selfless. It didn't matter if I would really forgo the idea of having a big family or if she would decide to take back her offer of 10 kids. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was kissing the most important person in the world, and she was kissing me back. That moment was the very first moment in my life where I felt whole.

Since then, she's gotten better at telling me how she feels. She's even started telling me things about her brother. His favorite color growing up was Robin's Egg Blue, because it had their name in it. Information like that, as insignificant as it seems to others, is huge. I love when she lets me in because nobody else gets to know what I know. I'm special enough to know all of her secrets and she knows that I love each and every one of them.

I've definitely been more flexible too. I know she won't destroy my heart because she shows me how valuable she thinks it is. I can let my guard down and be myself and it's awesome. I think I'm happier now. I think I say things like "super" and "awesome" almost as much as "hardcore" and "badass". I can't believe I'm going to admit, but she's even got me listening to Taylor Swift. Yes, me, badass, hardcore, breaks bones professionally, Callie Torres. I pretend that it's torture to my ears, but I secretly love it, just because it always makes me think of my Arizona. The more I know her, the more I love her, even the parts that include listening to teenage pop/country.

I knew this much, undoubtedly. How was I supposed to explain it to a stranger, a stranger who had complete control over the future of my career? I knew I had to try, if not for myself, for her.

xxx

I get to my appointment early and wait for them to call my name. when they do, I get up and head into the office, still not sure what to expect.

"Dr. Torres, very nice to meet you," Dr. Perkins says with a smile.

"Likewise," I say, shaking his extended hand, "Please call me Callie."

"Ok, Callie it is. You can call me Andrew. Alright, Callie, let's talk," he says.

"Ok. Anything particular in mind?"

"Let's talk about you. "

"Alright," I say before I begin my nervous rant, "I'm Calliope, but nobody is allowed to call me that except for my parents, grandparents, my aunts and uncles I guess, possibly a few cousins, I don't-"

"Callie?" he interrupts.

"Hmm?"

"Are you nervous? Do you need some water?"

"No, no, I'm fine, I just don't do this often. I don't talk about my life to strangers. That's not me, at all. That's definitely more Arizona."

"Arizona?" he asks. His ears perked up at her name, meaning his playing dumb was only for my sake. Even if I didn't know she had been in his office only hours before, I knew he would know her anyway. She's famous in this hospital.

"Yeah, Dr. Robbins, that is."

"Are you good friends with Dr. Robbins, Arizona?" I know he wants me to talk about my feelings, but his prompting on this subject of which he is probably already informed is sort of freaking me out.

"Andrew, I think for honesty's sake, we should just get down to business. I know that you know that Arizona and I are a couple and you probably know that she woke up in my bed this morning. She wakes up there almost every morning. And I know that you know that she and I were trapped on the floor together during the shooting. I know this. You know this. This news is not new news, it is old news."

"Callie, slow down," he says, "I don't mean to pry. You're right, I do know you and Arizona are involved. It was one of the first things the nurses told me when I arrived here. They love their gossip. As for the rest, I know half of the story from the shooting. I don't know your half. Can you fill me in?"

I talk, rant, for most of the rest of the time. I talk about our relationship and our breakup and the baby thing and how we've made up and spend the last few months getting back on track.

"So, what do you think of where you are now?" he asks.

"I think that for the first time in a long time, if ever, I'm complete. There's nothing I want because I have everything I could have ever asked for."

"Have you completely given up on the baby issue?"

"Honestly?" I ask.

"I expect nothing less." He responds with a grin.

"I still think about us having a family someday. I still want that for us. Right now, I'm ok with just her. I know now that I want to spend my life right alongside her. If I can have that, it'll just be the icing on the cake. Actually, we are so awesome already, it'd be like the sprinkles. They're nice but not necessary."

Andrew laughs at my analogy and says, "Good for you. You seem to have a lot of things figured out."

"What about you?" I ask.

"Pardon?"

"Am I ready to go fix limbs or do you think I need some extra time to sit and do nothing?"

He laughs again and says, "I'll tell you what. You seem ready for surgery. I'll give you this to give to Chief Webber, and you'll be all set. You still have to come see me once a week, but that's the Chief's condition for all cleared surgeons, so don't worry about that. And, I think there's one other thing."

"One other thing?"

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think your relationship with Arizona is good for you. It's good for the both of you. I want you to keep working on it. I know what you're saying is meant with the best intentions, but all is easier said than done. For next week, I want you to make a list of five things you see in your future. Be as honest as possible."

"Then I'm good to go?"

"Then you're good to go."

"Easy," I say smiling. I get up to leave and he speaks again.

"Just wait Callie, we're just getting started," he says with a grin.

I'm not sure what he means by that, but right now I don't think that I care. Almost a month without a scalpel or a saw or a drill has made me crave surgery. I was cleared in one session. Today has been better than I expected and it's not even noon yet. Suck that Mark Sloan. Speaking of whom, I think I should go find him and tell him to send any bone injury he gets to me. I really can't wait to get back into an awesome surgery. That'd make today super. Yeah, that just freaked me out a little bit too. I told you I've changed.

xxx

Ok, tried to give you a long one since I haven't been on in a while. Hope you liked it. If you did, review! If you didn't, review! Happy Hump Day!