A/N: Next chapter! Yay for insomnia! Also: now on Twitter. Random writing updates and funny quotes from the family. Username ChefGeekier.

-WAFD-

The next few days passed in something of a blur for Castiel. He was never entirely sure whether he was awake or just dreaming, and he wasn't sure if he'd spoken properly to Gabriel or Dean since that first day. The medical staff had been keeping him doped up, which was nice in that he didn't have to worry about pain, but slightly worrying given his addictive personality.

When he was lucid for longer periods again, Cas recognised that he was no longer in hospital. He was tucked up in his own bed at home, Gabriel and Dean either side of him while Toffee was curled up at their feet. He waited for a while, just listening to the sound of contented breathing.

After a few minutes he shifted, trying to sit up. His bladder was protesting rather fiercely, though it was difficult to extricate himself without waking his lovers at the best of times. Sure enough, Dean and Gabriel both woke quite quickly.

"Woah there," Dean tried to gently push him back into the bed. "Take it easy. You're bedridden, doctor's orders."

"You want me to wet the bed?" Cas snarked back, making Dean blink.

"Oh. Uh, well, c'mon. I'll help you."

"Thanks," Castiel whispered, not wanting help for this but realising he needed it. Standing upright for more than a few seconds was going to be difficult.

"You gonna be up for talking after?" Gabriel commented. Castiel shrugged and pulled a face.

"I don't know. We can try. And if I pass out, we'll take it as a hint to wait for a few more days."

"Fair enough," Gabriel nodded and scooped up Toffee, ensuring that the pup wouldn't get underfoot.

Soon enough, Cas was situated back in bed, resting his head on Gabriel's shoulder while Dean trailed a hand up and down his arm. It was soothing, just what he needed to get through the conversation he was fairly sure was coming.

"So," Gabriel started for him. "That guy, Yuri. He said that you're a regular client."

"Yeah," Cas murmured. "I've been buying from the same guys since we moved here. Bit before that, actually. I, uh… I never gave up pot. It's not physically addictive, it doesn't have long-term side effects, so once or twice a week I sit outside and light up… when I feel too useless or upset. It calms me down. And whenever I went on a bender, I dealt with them. Even before we moved here – they have a reputation for not killing their clients with impure drugs."

"Okay," Gabriel nodded. "And that bit about you being a good client?"

"I always paid cash up front," Castiel told him. "Never got into debt. Never had to work off payments. I just… I couldn't put you through that. Even when I wanted to forget everything, I couldn't risk anyone coming after either of you."

"That's something, I guess," Dean spoke softly, seemingly afraid of spooking Cas. "Do you… can we talk about why?"

"Why what?" Cas avoided looking at his face. Dean's grip on his arm tightened slightly, and Gabriel tapped Castiel's nose with a finger.

"Why the benders?" Gabriel encouraged him. "Why not just talk to us?"

"Because you won't want to hear it," Castiel whispered, burying his face in Gabriel's neck. "Because as soon as I come clean, you'll leave me, or try to get me locked up, or send me back to Lu… Lucian." He was shaking then, clearly on the verge of a panic attack. Gabriel and Dean shared a wide-eyed look, and quickly moved to pin Castiel between them, so that he could feel Gabriel at his front and Dean at his back.

"We're not going anywhere," Dean assured him. "No matter what."

"Look at what we've already been through together," Gabriel pointed out. "If I could get over Dean forcing me, why wouldn't I be able to get over whatever it is that's bugging you?"

Dean had flinched a little at the reminder of his past actions, but recovered quickly. He just had to take Gabriel's word for it, that he really was okay now.

"I think…" Castiel started, then paused. He tried again after a few seconds. "I think Lucian was behind the shooting. I think he tried to have me killed."

"Cas, why would he do that?" Gabriel shifted a little, confused. Why would Castiel think that Lucian was capable of that?

"Because I know… I know too much about him," Castiel was shaking again, eyes screwed shut so that he didn't have to look at either of the other men. "I know what he used to do, and if I went to the cops, or worse the press, he'd go down. Even if it couldn't be proved anymore."

"What did he do?" Dean asked softly. He had his suspicions, and was already planning a little road-trip. Lucian was overdue a damn good thrashing in his opinion.

"Used to shout at me, tell me how I was worthless. After you both left, he'd make me… made me do anything he could think of to degrade me. Hit me sometimes. I turned to drugs to try and get away from him, make him leave me alone. Didn't work. He said… said if I tried to get away then he'd kill me. I think he only hasn't tried before because he loves you, Gabriel. Knew that it would hurt you, if I was killed when you were trying to take care of me. And he probably knew how broken I was by then, that I wouldn't be able to talk about it."

"Bastard," Dean growled, and held Castiel closer. "Cas, listen to me. It wasn't your fault, nothing he did was your fault."

"It was," Cas started shivering harder, to the point where Gabriel was starting to get seriously worried. "He had… fuck, Dean he's the one who ordered the hit on your father."

"…What?"

"He knew how I felt about you," Castiel whispered into Gabriel's neck. Dean and Gabriel had both frozen, looking at Cas in horror. "He knew that Gabriel would be leaving for college soon, knew that taking you both away would make me fall apart… make me an easy target. He used his contacts and paid off someone to shoot John during a drug bust… it looked like just a random shooting that could have happened to any officer. But he made sure I knew it was my fault. If I hadn't… if I didn't love you so much, he wouldn't have taken John away."

Dean didn't know what to do, how to react to that. He'd spent the last decade thinking that his father's death had been random, the act of a desperate criminal trying not to get arrested for drug manufacture and distribution.

He looked down at Castiel, who was curled into Gabriel as much as he could be, clearly thinking that Dean was going to reject him for this. Thinking that Dean was going to blame him for it too.

Making a decision, Dean gently pried Cas away and leaned down to kiss him. Cas let out a muffled sound of surprised, which Dean easily devoured, and after a moment started to relax. Dean waited until he was pliant, then pulled back and looked directly into Castiel's eyes.

"I said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again. Lucian's a dick. My dad… his death is on Lucian, and the scum who pulled the trigger. Not you. You hear me? You're not the one to blame, and I'm not going anywhere."

-WAFD-

Dean slammed his fist against the wall, furious. He wanted so much to kill Lucian himself, maybe punch him until he was just a paste on the floor… maybe strangle him… maybe shove money down his throat – he'd paid for one death, why not pay for another?

Ever since he could remember, family had been the most important thing to Dean. While he and Sam might not technically be talking at the moment, he knew that Sam loved him. He just couldn't imagine hurting his Sammy the way Lucian had hurt Cas.

The years of blame and abuse were easily discernible now that Dean knew what to look for. Cas was still so paranoid, thinking that people were out to get him – they'd assumed that it was because of the drugs he'd spent so long taking, but maybe it wasn't. He was always down-playing his own achievements too, always thinking that he didn't deserve praise or even acknowledgement. Dean now knew that it was Lucian's conditioning that had left him always expecting criticism, never praise. Even the past several years of love from Gabriel hadn't been enough to remedy the situation.

So Dean was angry. But he'd be smart about this, he and Gabriel had agreed that they couldn't approach Lucian by themselves. Yuri had confirmed Castiel's fears, it had been Lucian who had paid off the rival gang to kill him. It would have easily been dismissed by police as just another drug-related shooting, especially with Castiel's history.

Since the confirmation, Castiel hadn't left the house. He was too afraid, was certain that Lucian would try again. It broke Dean's heart, seeing Cas always so afraid. Gabriel was furious as well, and Dean knew he felt guilty. Lucian liked Gabriel, so he'd never been the target of the older brother's anger. Hadn't even considered that things could be so bad for Castiel. Now his eyes were open though, and Gabriel was going to find a way to tear Lucian down.

Which led to Dean picking up the phone and dialling someone who might not want to help them, but who would know the legal hoops better than they did.

"Hey Sammy. I need your help."