"If we can make it through the storm, become who we were before. Promise me you'll never look back. The worst is far behind us now, we'll make it out of here somehow." - LIFEHOUSE

Back with just a little angst here, mostly Mark being a dick (what's new?) but hopefully some comfort too long with a lil' softness and honest conversations. Also, just as a side note, I've spent so long checking the Nottingham Forest football results (all in the name of fic research) that I now get Google alerts for the games!

Josh came to see Kate the next morning.

"Hi mum," he greeted her quietly, offering up a half smile.

Kate smiled back weakly, it was nice to see Josh again. "Hi."

Though when she looked at her son she knew straight away that something wasn't right. Even in her weakened and occasionally confused state, she could tell instinctively that there was something bothering him.

"S-something happened?" She asked, eyes filled with concern.

Josh shrugged in response. "It's just dad being a bit of a dick."

"Tell m-me," Kate implored, she might be sick and weak but she still wanted to be able to help her son.

"You don't need to worry about it."

"Already am w-worried. C-can help. Or at l-least l-listen." she said, motioning for Josh to come closer.

Josh sighed, sitting down in the chair by Kate's bed. It was clear why his mum made such a good police officer, nothing got past her.

"I'm just so fed up with dad at the moment. We had another massive argument last night. Yesterday were so nice and then he went and ruined it."

Josh paused, trembling slightly, all the pent-up frustration from the previous evening still lingered and it was hard to hold it all in. He didn't want his mum to see him like this, but now she'd noticed he at least owed her some kind of explanation.

"He won't shut up about how I'm spending too much time here and he keeps saying such horrible things about you! And then yesterday, he kept saying how it were selfish of me to make everyone wait till I got back from the hospital to do stuff but I never asked them to, I didn't even want them to wait! Then they all joined in, being horrible and saying it would have been better if you died. I just couldn't listen to it so I ran upstairs."

"It w-wasn't f-fair of him to s-say those t-things." Kate's heart ached, she could understand Josh's frustration and couldn't help but feel hurt that Mark would actively wish her dead.

"No, it wasn't!" Josh grumbled. "I wanted to shout back, tell them all where to stick it but I didn't. I kept as calm as I could and just got out of the situation but apparently, that was the wrong thing to do because then dad was shouting that I'd ruined Christmas for everyone and how Grandma and Grandad had come to see me and I should be spending time with them, but they were both saying such horrible things about you and I really couldn't listen to it."

"S-sorry t-that h-happened, y-you did good staying c-calm." Kate hung her head. She knew things had ended badly with Mark and that most of the fault was on her but she had never wanted Josh to get dragged into their mess. Though she was also proud of Josh for taking himself out of the situation.

"D-didn't want y-you to get p-pulled into m-my m-mess. S-sorry"

"I know that mum," Josh insisted. He thought of the letter he'd written just a few days ago, pouring all that was swirling around his head. "You shouldn't have to apologise, I know now how much you do care about me."

He screwed his eyes shut trying not to cry, there were some things that still felt so raw.

"You being okay and waking up, that was all I needed, all I wanted. I didn't want a big family Christmas with Grandma and Grandad and everyone else, it was all too overwhelming."

"Oh Josh," It was Kate's turn to fight back the tears.

"Then dad is there complaining that I'm bringing down the atmosphere. Should be happy because it's Christmas. And I'm trying but these past few weeks have been hard. He kept going on about how I'm not doing anything, that I'm wasting my time. But I'm coming to see you. That's what matters most to me right now."

Kate smiled at her son with teary eyes. "I l-love you Josh, makes m-my day e-every time I see you, but y-your d-dad is right." Kate paused to take a breath.

"M-maybe n-not right way of s-saying it b-but c-can't put your l-life on h-hold f-for my s-sake."

"I want to though!" Josh shot back, a stray tear rolling down his cheek.

Kate sighed quietly, it hurt to see Josh so upset. "i-important you s-still d-do n-normal things. S-see your m-mates, w-watch f-footie."

"It's just hard to think of normal life right now," Josh sighed, wiping his eyes.

"d-don't w-want you t-to m-miss out."

"But this is important to me, you are important to me," Josh insisted. "I feel guilty enough that I missed out, that I believed dad when he said you didn't care about me."

"P-please d-don't f-feel g-guilty," Kate almost cried. Josh feeling guilty, especially for her sake was the last thing she wanted.

"Sorry," Josh responded quietly. "Everything is so far from normal, that I just can't continue like nothing has happened."

"i-important you k-keep d-doing n-normal things. I'm t-trying r-really h-hard t-to g-get b-better, b-but it's g-going take t-time," Kate wheezed, beginning to feel short of breath and a little dizzy.

"I know that too," Josh insisted.

Kate tried to respond, or at least offer some comfort to Josh but she had to pause for a moment, taking several deep breaths to try and steady herself.

It was a moment that didn't go unnoticed by Josh.

"Are you okay?" He asked, jumping up, suddenly very concerned. "Do you need me to get someone?"

Kate shook her head. She too noticed the moment of panic that flashed across her son's face as she tried to steady her breathing. She hated being so weak, but what she hated more was how it affected those around her. Josh shouldn't have to worry as much as he was. Especially not about her, it was all the wrong way round.

"M-mh fine," she eventually stuttered. "Talking l-lot's s-still hard. G-get tired quickly."

"Okay…" Josh still looked uncertain

Kate tried a different tactic, giving Josh something to focus on, a task of sorts, and then a way of coming to see her after. She hoped it would be enough of a distraction to help him and give him the chance of doing something he enjoyed without feeling too pressured. "W-why don't y-you to the game, t-then come b-back and t-tell me a-about it."

"Suppose I can do that," Josh agreed somewhat reluctantly.

In the hours afterward, the conversation with her son weighed heavily on Kate's mind. Watching Josh get panicked so quickly earlier had scared her, and affected her more than she wanted to let on. She hated feeling so weak and was determined to do something about it. She had promised Josh that she was trying hard to get better, and that was exactly what she had to do. Get better, get out of hospital so that they could spend more time together and actually do things.

The first step she decided was to be able to get out of bed, the most she'd managed since waking up a few days ago was sitting up and that didn't feel like enough. Surely she could manage more than that.

Slowly she shifted into a more upright position, untangling her legs from the covers so she could swing them over the side of the bed. Even such a simple movement took extreme effort, she had to use her arms to balance so she didn't topple backward and her movements remained slow and uncoordinated

Kate realised just how much strength she'd lost, she felt as if her body wasn't her own, she knew what she wanted to do but getting her brain and limbs to cooperate enough to manage that was a different matter. She could feel her breathing becoming increasingly shaky and beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

She was so focused on trying to get up that she didn't notice Steve coming into the bay.

"Kate! What are you doing?" He asked, rushing over, immediately concerned.

"G-getting u-up," Kate huffed, her breathing heavy and laboured. This was harder than she had expected. She could feel her breathing becoming increasingly shaking and her vision blurred as she was hit by a wave of dizziness. The monitors she was attached to also flashed in alarm.

"I don't think you're quite ready for that yet," Steve tried to counter but he was met by a stubbornness so typical of his best friend, in that Kate completely ignored him.

Kate gritted her teeth, grunting with effort before trying to swing her legs around in a weak and uncoordinated motion. Suddenly she toppled forwards and if Steve hadn't been there to catch her she would have crashed to the floor.

"I've got you," Steve reassured her but it didn't help.

Lying uncomfortably on her side. Too exhausted to move she screwed her eyes shut and let out a frustrated sob.

"Can't do anything," she cried quietly.

"Mate, just listen a sec, okay," Steve knelt down so he was on eye level with Kate.

"It's okay to be weak and struggling right now, in fact, it's to be expected. I know you don't like to think about it but you nearly died, more than once. Three, or maybe more times. I try not to count cause that thought still scares me."

Steve rubbed his eyes, he too could feel tears forming. He looked directly at Kate

"I try not to think about it, but there was a point when we thought we were going to lose you and I don't know what I would've done if that had happened."

Kate looked at Steve with tear-filled eyes.

"I…" she wasn't sure how she was supposed to reply. She hadn't really thought about how her being in Hospital could have affected others. About how the time she'd spent unconscious and unaware of what was happening around her would have impacted Josh and Steve.

"I'm s-sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry mate," Steve replied.

"It's j-just…" Kate sighed. "I g-guess I'm n-not used to having p-people w-worry about me."

"Well tough," Steve smiled. "Cause you've got people that worry about you. And we worry because we care."

"S-still trying to w-work every t-thing out in m-my head." Kate wheezed quietly. Her thoughts were still foggy at times.

"That's okay," Steve implored. "It's okay to need time."

Kate closed her eyes for a few seconds, thinking of her resolve to be more honest.

"O-ne t-thing is c-clear."

Steve smiled. He had a feeling he knew what Kate was going to say.

"A-bout J-Jo."

Kate paused for a beat, what she was going to say might changer everything.

"I l-love her, r-really love h-her."

"I know."

"I've n-never f-felt this b-before, t-terrifies me b-but also f-feels r-right."

"You go for it mate. I just want you to be happy. I want you both to be happy. You deserve it, both of you. I've already told Jo the same. And I'm here for you, both of you.

"You've g-gone all s-soppy mate." Kate grinned at Steve.

Steve laughed slightly. "Y'know what? I don't care. There are worse things to be than soppy. And if I'm being soppy it's only because I care."

"T-thanks," Kate replied quietly. "I c-care t-too."

"I know you do mate, I know you do." Steve offered Kate a comforting smile. "Just try and rest for now, okay."

Josh was still wearing his Forest hat and scarf when he returned to the hospital. Cheeks flushed from the cold he had evidently come straight from the football. He launched straight into an account of the match, being as dramatic as he could even with the result ending in a 0-0 draw with Birmingham.

"G-glad you e-enjoyed yourself," Kate smiled through a slight wheezing laugh. Josh made quite the commentator.

"Yeah," Josh mused quietly. "I guess I kinda missed the crowds and the atmosphere that comes with home games."

"C-can't beat i-it," Kate agreed. "We'll get t-to s-see o-one together s-soon."

"Promise?" Josh asked, still feeling uncertain. He didn't mention it, but he'd been worrying the entire time he was out at the football with Dan.

"Promise," Kate confirmed. She took a deep breath. Time to start being more honest.

"C-can I t-tell you s-something?" she asked, nervously fiddling with one end of the covers. She knew it would be better to have this conversation sooner rather than later. She didn't want any more secrets, but she also didn't want to ruin things with Josh. Telling Steve was one thing, he had already pretty much worked it out, but telling Josh… It was such a big thing and she didn't want to make a difficult situation even more complicated.

"Course," Josh replied.

Kate took another deep breath. Why did this have to be so hard?

"A-about Jo."

Josh smiled, a wave of relief washing over him. He already had an inkling of what his mum was going to say. For a moment he'd been worried she had bad news, she was still so weak and he didn't know if he would be able to cope if anything else happened to her.

"Go on," Josh implored, watching his mum carefully.

"I…" Kate paused, admitting her feelings out loud still fell hard, and she was still struggling to make sense of everything and this was the one thing she didn't want to come out all jumbled. "J-Jo… I think, n-no, I know… I love her."

Josh breathed a sigh of relief and then smiled.

"I l-love Jo," Kate clarified. "I h-hope you d-don't m-mind."

"Why would I mind?" Josh asked. "You're still my mum, nothing is gonna change that and all I want is for you to be happy."

Kate gave Josh a tearful smile.

"T-thanks, m-means a lot, r-really."

"You were never happy with dad," Josh added quietly.

"I…" Kate stumbled. She hadn't realised just how much Josh had noticed, even before she had gone and messed it all up.

"If Jo can make you happy then go for it," Josh gave his mum a gentle nudge. "You're not getting any younger you know," he added with a sneaky smile.

"Oi!" Kate laughed weakly back. "m-may b-be in h-hospital but c-can s-still ground y-you!"

"Have you told her?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," Kate replied quietly. "She was u-unconscious b-but…"

"Maybe you need to talk properly," Josh suggested.

"I k-know," Kate sighed. "it's h-hard."

"Just tell her. I don't really know Jo but from the way she were looking at you yesterday I reckon she feels the same."

"When d-did my b-baby b-boy get s-so g-grown up," Kate cried quietly

"Just happened, I guess," Josh shrugged. "I love you mum, no matter what."