Yes, I do realize it's been a while. My excuse: being 6 months pregnant with a very temperamental baby. Enough said.
Thank you so much for all your feedback, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and remember: reviews are golden!
Rick wakes first the next morning. This time the lights aren't as bad, in fact they'd almost be pleasant if he could get another shot of whatever they'd given him yesterday. He feels tired, expectedly so, but he suspects that a large part of the fatigue is from kissing Kate like he did, rather than resting.
At the thought, a wide grin appears on his face. Kate, who he'd kissed last night. Kate, who is fast asleep, tucked into his side. Waves of peace wash over him, and Rick can't help thinking that this was how it was supposed to be. He is meant to wake up with Kate Beckett next to him for the rest of his life.
He and Kate might not be perfect; in fact, when Rick thinks of all those times they've argued about who should get coffee, who gets to drive, and whose theory is better, he knows they are far from perfect.
But there's somethin' about her... Rick decides, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and forgetting the dull pain in his chest. Maybe imperfection was just what they needed. Maybe what they had together had surpassed fast friends, partners and plucky sidekick years ago. Maybe it'd just taken them that long to realize that he and she had become a them.
The next breath in is accompanied with an unexpected sting in his chest, reminding Rick of his need for more painkillers… and of Gina. He groans. Why can't there be an end to the complicated? It seems like every time things are falling into place; when Kate is about to tell him something, or is lying in his arms, something comes in between them. A smooth ride, well, Richard Castle had never known such a thing.
And yet, in the brilliant light of day, what he had to do was glaringly obvious. He and Kate had waited too long, and he and Gina… they function on a day to day basis, but they aren't extraordinary. They are not Richard and Kate.
He realizes that it's never easy, and for him and Gina, never a clean break. She will always be his publisher, the woman he once loved, his daughter's friend… They can't be together, not as long as he has a chance with Kate, with the scary extraordinary, he knows that, but Rick hopes they will stay cordial. Either way, to keep holding Kate like he is, and to repeat the kiss that he desperately wants to, he needs to talk to Gina.
"Mornin' Sunshine!" A cheery, southern accented voice fills the room and interrupts Rick's thoughts. He looks to find a stout, motherly looking nurse start to fuss over his IV. She smiles warmly, "How're you feelin', darlin'."
"As well as could be expected," Rick replies, speaking quietly to keep from waking Kate. "How am I supposed to feel?"
She finishes changing the IV drip, "'bout the same as if you'd been mowed down by a car," she informed him, ever the bright, chirpy voice.
"How very comforting. Nurse…"
"Call me Lisa, hon." She surveys him kindly, "and really, you look better than you should."
Rick smiles just as he feels Kate start to stir. He tries to surreptitiously hush the nurse, but Kate's eyes are already starting to open. She moans quietly, her grip on his arm tightening.
"Well, good mornin' to you too Mrs. Castle, how're you?" Lisa chirps.
Castle chuckles. He can scarcely imagine the shock to the system this situation must be for Kate. Overnight, she'd gone from elusive, guarded, badass detective, to Mrs. Castle. He looks down just soon enough to catch her scandalized expression.
"I'm…." The words 'Detective Beckett NYPD' are about to come out of her mouth, but Kate realizes that as she is - tucked up beside Rick, her arm around his, yawning and barely awake - the words that usually put the fear of God into people would mean next to nothing. "I'm good," she finishes sheepishly.
The nurse smiles widely, "you kids get some rest now…" She pats Rick's leg affectionately, gives Kate a small wink, and leaves the room.
Silence overcomes them for a second. Then, out of nowhere, Kate chuckles softly. Rick glances down at her, surprised, and catches her stifling another laugh with her fist. "What just happened there?" She manages to gasp between giggles.
"I think she thinks we're married." The full hilarity of the situation hits Rick too and before either of them realizes, they're consumed with gales of laughter.
Kate wipes an amused tear from her face helplessly. 'I can't… believe it…"
"We'd drive each other crazy," Rick adds.
The next laugh is less funny, because a shot of pain is working its way up his chest. He falls silent, and hopes Kate doesn't notice. She does. Of course she does.
"What's wrong?"
He shakes his head, breathing heavily. His labored breaths fill the room and reverberate in Kate's head. "Rick…?"
"I'm fine." He gives her a smile as though it would prove it. When she continues to look worried, he looks for a way to distract her, "You know, you only call me Rick when you're worried?"
"Then you shouldn't make me worry about you, Castle."
"Hey," he says, employing a childish defensive she knows he's only half faking. "All I did was save your life; you did all the worrying on your own."
The innocent comment hits Kate in the wrong place. When once she would've outright denied it, now, what consumes her is an overwhelming guilt. She senses Rick ruffle worriedly next to her.
"Sorry Kate," he whispers, "Don't feel bad, I'm happy to be your knight in shining armor. Really."
After a moment she nods. "Castle…" (He registers the renewed use of his surname) "… we really need to talk."
He studies her quizzically, trying hard to suppress the desire to lean over and kiss her like he did last night. Almost immediately, Kate knows what he's trying to do and leans away so that he can't quite reach her.
He acquiesces with a huffy sigh, "'Bout what?" He jokes, "How you jumped me, or how you proceeded to stay the night."
"Seriously."
All jokes aside now, he nods, "Okay."
Kate takes a deep breath and brushes some hair from her face. She realizes that she's too comfortable, lying by his side. She'll never be able to tell him everything she needs to this way. Decision made, Kate gets up and sits on the end of his bed instead, swinging her legs up where her body used to be. Rick pouts.
"Listen Castle," she says, trying not to inject too much hope into her voice. "I don't know if everything is clear for you and your post-surgery kid head but, you kissed me yesterday." A moment's pause. "I mean, you really kissed me."
"Yes, detective, I do recall." He grins, "Is that going to be a problem?"
"Oh my God," she groans. "See, this is why this would never work out! You can't take anything seriously." Kate punctuates her every word with a sharp stab at the air, "Every time I try to – God forbid – have a mature conversation with you –"
Rick suppresses a smile as Kate starts to rant, "Okay okay," he sooths, "Which mature conversation would you like to have? The one where I convince you Josh is a big shot jerk, or the one where you tell me Gina's no good. Oh, we could skip that, and jump to the part where I ask you to go to dinner with me, and when I sweep you off your feet across the threshold…"
"Castle."
"I'll have any conversation you want, Kate. Anything that you need to say, that we both already know." He smiles that lopsided smile, "we can skip to any chapter in the book you want, so long as you don't write me out."
Kate just barely catches what he's suggesting – that wherever they go, whatever chapter, in his terms, he wants to be there. She has no reason to believe that he's speaking of anything more than friends and partners, only that she already trusts him more than anyone. Maybe that's what bolsters her into saying what she says next.
"How about…" Kate leans forward enough to lean her elbows on her knees. "… We skip to the part where you tell me you love me."
Her voice trails off the near the end of the statement, but Rick is more than happy to comply. "I love you." He states simply. "I love how strong you are. I love the way you twirl your hair in your fingers and chew on your lip when you think. I love your laugh. I love your dedication to the job. I love how much you care with your whole heart. I love everything single thing about you—"
"—that isn't possible." She interrupts, feeling tears well up at his words.
"You're right." He confirms, reaching out to take hold of her hand.
Rick waits for her to look up, and then he waits for her to blink the tears out of her eyes, because he doesn't want things to be blurred when they look back on this moment 20, 30, 40 years from now. He doesn't want her to remember this instant, the one where he finally finally told her everything, through a veil of tears. It should – and would – be crystal clear.
When her eyes are dry again, or as much as they could be under the circumstances, Rick continues, "You're right. I hate how stubborn you can be, especially when it comes to me. And I hate how you won't let me take care of you. And I hate that I can't erase the bad stuff that happened to you… but those things made you Kate. And I love Kate, so somehow I love all those things too."
"You're not making sense," She manages to choke out.
Rick shakes his head, and Kate thinks she can see the beginnings of tears forming in the corners of his eyes too, "We don't make sense." He tells her, "we're the strangest couple you could possibly imagine, but somehow we make it work. And we make it pretty damn amazing."
"You're seriously considering this right?" Kate says slowly, "This isn't my sleep deprived, guilt ridden brain making things up to make me feel better?"
He nods earnestly, and then he says a line he'd saved for the end of the Heat series, but that seems fitting now. "If you wanna jump, jump with me. 'Cause I know there's no one else I'd rather fall with."
The next words they say together, "And if you're scared, don't be. I can't promise there isn't an end to the story, but I can promise that I'll get there first, and I'll be waiting." Rick and Kate's hushed voices ring out in perfect unison.
"How did you…?" Rick stares at her in confusion.
It's too late to pretend she isn't overwhelmed, so Kate sneaks a hand up the side of his face. Her heart has taken over and decided not to do things halfway. "We wrote that together. In your loft. For the end of the Nikki books. Remember?"
The memory comes rushing back, the image of them, camped out on the floor, a guitar and a some note paper spread around, bouncing around lines and lyrics, sharing Chinese food. That they both realize, was home. They'd found it a long time ago. It'd just taken this long to recognize it for what it was.
"Well, it's true." Rick says, "What do you say?"
Kate smiles and returns to his side, knowing the hard part is over. "About the jumping?" She considers him, "do you have a parachute?"
He gives her a petulant pout, "that's no fun." To which she rolls her eyes.
"I say okay."
"Really?"
"Really."
Kate inhales and leans her head back onto Rick's shoulder, wondering where this turn of events will take them, feeling some nervous jitters.
"What about Josh?"
"A lot has happened since you were in surgery."
He takes that to mean what he's been hoping – and though he's reluctant to admit it, scheming – for for the last few months. Something deeply like triumph erupts in his heart. Rick doesn't press for details, he really doesn't need to know. All that matters is that Kate is his.
"Oh, and you have to call Gina." Kate reminds him.
Rick groans, "Do I need to be apologetic? Or do I need to be worrying for my life?"
"Probably something closer to the second one."
"What did I do?"
She raises an eyebrow at him, "you'll find out soon enough."
"Heeyyy." He protests, "That's not nice."
Kate grins, "consider it payback for that little stunt with the heart rate monitor you pulled yesterday."
A second of silence passes before them, and then Rick speaks again, "I think you're forgetting something Beckett."
"What?" She studies the peculiar expression on his face, realizing much too quickly what he means, "Oh, do I have to?"
"Absolutely." Rick asserts, "And say it like you mean it."
"I love you."
Awwwwwwwwww. Rest assured, the story isn't over. Please leave me a little review, it only takes a second and really makes me happy. :)