A/n: I'm sure most of you thought I forgot about this story entirely. I've been AWOL for what, more than half a year now? I wouldn't blame you if you need to go back to see what the heck's been going on in here... Anyways, while I've been absent from the fanfiction world, my husband and I became parents to a perfect little girl, Amelia. Life has been life. But now that I'm back I hope to update this story at least twice a week, and I have many more planned.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a continuing desire for sleep.

Your feedback, as always is loved and appreciated. Even something as simple as 'continue!' or 'you should fix this...'

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. The writer in Rick had never known absence, because any writer always has access to his creations. But the man in Rick… well, that's a different story altogether. Unable to find sleep in that less-than-comfortable hospital bed, Rick lets the memories of the day wash over him like sun warmed waves.

He still gets jitters every time he remembers the words he shared with Kate, his partner. Girlfriend?

Soul mate.

You're so Cheesy. It didn't really matter, Rick decides, as long as he and Kate can have days like this for centuries to come. He feels childishly cheerful when he thinks of the way they shared ice cream, to the utter dismay of Nurse Lisa, the way they complained good-naturedly about the small, black and white television in his room, and the way she had, almost nervously, kissed him goodbye after he all but forced her to go home and sleep.

Just as Rick's eyes finally start to close, he hears quiet male voice say, "She'll be back."

"What?" he asks blindly, suddenly on high alert again.

"I said, she'll be back," the young doctor repeated. Rick recognizes him as Dr. Chang, who'd checked in on him a few hours after he woke up. The doctor is busy looking around the room and scribbling in a binder "and in the meantime try not to go crazy," he finished with a grin.

"Are you a psychiatrist too?" Rick teases weakly.

"Nope," he replies, "otherwise I'd have better advice than 'don't go crazy'. Good news though, you're recovering great, you'll be out of here before you know it."

"Thanks doc."

Dr. Chang leaves the room, and leaves Rick to his own thoughts. Don't go crazy. It seems simple enough, but not when a certain detective drives the air from your already compromised lungs every time she crosses your mind – which is most of the time. Chagrined, Rick gives in and reaches for the phone. He isn't entirely sure where his cell phone went, but luckily he has Beckett's number committed to permanent memory. He's about to push down the last number when her voice fills his head.

Oh, and you have to call Gina.

Against his will, Rick's conscience makes its presence known. How could he say all he wanted to Kate, while Gina was still waiting for him to call – and most likely to apologize and to explain? How could he do that to either woman, now that he was conscious enough to make a different choice?

He doesn't know Gina's number, so he has to call the operator and be directed to 3 different Gina's before the voice he's known for over 10 years is on the other line.

"Hi Rick, surprised to be hearing from you..."

Her voice isn't angry, but Rick can read its cold, detached quality. "I'm surprised you're not here," Rick counters.

"I'm sure Kate is there enough for both of us."

This time there is anger, and bitterness, and an unbelievable amount of pain. Rick had expected to have to explain, and to somehow delicately convey that he'd fallen in love with his mystery of a partner, but in an instant, he knows from the sound of Gina's voice that he doesn't need to. "I'm sorry," he says hoarsely.

"I don't understand Rick, I thought you were happy. I thought we had something…"

"We did Gina, a long time ago, we did." There's a pleading in his voice, a last ditch attempt to make her understand, "I never saw it coming either, and I didn't know until I just knew." At her long sigh, he thinks Oh God, you jerk.

"The worst part is, I think I knew too. It's always been her… You took a bullet for her; you called out for her…"

"I did what?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"We haven't really talked about much yet." Gina sighs and Rick listens closer.

"You were barely conscious, right after they wheeled you out of the surgery. I squeezed your hand and said I love you, and you sort of muttered her name. Kate."

In his bed, miles away, Rick's mind reels. That's what Gina heard, the reason she isn't hovering by his bedside, the reason Kate was there the whole time instead. While the rational part of his brain knows he dodged a bullet, not having to break up with Gina, the bigger, humanly flawed and emotional part of his brain knows that isn't the way Kate was to find out he loves her. And that definitely isn't the goodbye that Gina deserves.

"I'm so sorry," is the only thing he can think to say. It's some of the most difficult to words to find, and some of the most meaningless. He can't mend her broken heart with that formality. He hears her take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Please let it be okay.

She sighs heavily, "so am I Rick."

"I want to stay friends."

"We'll see, I don't know."

He can hear the weariness in her voice and can almost see her rubbing her forehead. He nods. A second later, Rick hears the phone click and he knows she's gone. With a strange sense of finality, he snaps his own phone shut, the effort of the conversation tiring his worn body out. Suddenly exhausted, his eyes close and he's deep asleep in seconds.

When he wakes up a few hours later, he finds Alexis and Kate fast asleep on the cot next to him. His eyes are open only long enough to take in the wonderful sight before he drifts off once again, a smile on his face.

Kate's hands shake as she walks into the precinct. This has never happened before. She belongs here. But as the elevator carries her up to the floor where her boys and Captain Montgomery are waiting, she can't help but feel a hint of trepidation. It's been nearly two weeks since Rick was shot and she hasn't been to work at all. Montgomery had ordered her to take at least two weeks off, no questions asked, and she'd happily complied for the first time, more than thrilled to take care of Rick instead.

He's doing much better lately, Kate thinks, cheering up instantly. The doctor told them earlier this morning it would only be another week or so before they could take him home.

"Momma's back." Esposito grins at Ryan as Kate walked silently into the bullpen.

Also wearing a wide smile, Ryan greets her, "Beckett…!"

"Hey guys," she laughs, hugging them both, "It's good to be back."

"How's that favorite writer we know?" Ryan asks, handing Kate a coffee.

"You mean the only writer we know?" Esposito corrects at his scowling partner.

Kate smiles at their banter. It was nice to see things hadn't changed much. "Impatient, whiney, petulant…" she trails off with exasperation.

"So in short-" Ryan begins.

"- still a little kid trapped in a man's body. Now with one extra, harmless scar he's gonna brag about every chance he gets," Esposito finishes.

Kate grins and teases them both, "I love it when my kids get along." They both scowl.

"Speaking of getting along..." Esposito wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at Kate, "I hear you've been spending a lot of time with the Castles'"

"And what about that Javier." She uses the name only Lanie calls him, and she knows she's got him.

Face growing red, and not wanting to get a full blown interrogation about his and Lanie's last date, he murmurs, "nothing."

"Whooo." Ryan raises his hand in a high five to Kate, "good to have you back Beckett."

"What's this I hear? Beckett is back and she doesn't even come and see me?" Kate turns around to see her captain striding towards them from his office, smiling warmly.

Giving him a one armed hug, Kate says, "Morning, sir."

He gives her a piercing look, "How are you?"

"I'm—" Kate bites her lip and breathes in deeply. How had she been really? Scared for Rick, worried about Alexis, nervous to come back, "—fine," she decides with a slight nod.

The boys look at her like they don't believe her and the Captain says, "Mhmm," then points into his office. Reluctantly, Kate follows.

The door closes behind her quietly and she sits down without being asked. "Look, sir. I know there's a lot up in the air right now, with Rick still in the hospital. And me…" Memories of that day come floating unbidden to the forefront of her mind. Pointing the gun and shooting when she shouldn't have. "… well I don't know if Internal Investigations are being—"

"Kate, relax," Montgomery appeases, "In the light of your partner's injury, no criminal charges will be pressed against you for any shots that may or may not have been fired."

Kate nodded somberly, "Thank you."

"That said," he drops the 'Captain' veneer, "what were you thinking?"

"I don't know," she whispers back, "I-I saw Rick fall and he was bleeding everywhere and I just… lost it. Roy, I'm scared. I have never, ever, done something so out of protocol before."

Kate stares at her hands while Roy fixes her with a concerned look. "You care about him."

"But, if it were Ryan, or Esposito…" She trails off, a bit confused, "If I were to go – crazy – like that if something happened to them then…"

"You are worried about your abilities as a cop." At her tremulous nod, he continues, "you should stop. You care about Richard Castle in a way that's different from the boys and me, and don't tell me the two of you are still running in circles ignoring it."

She shakes her head. "Rick and I… I dunno…"

"Kate, just get some rest. Not many people can say they saw the one they love get shot."

"I have been," she pressed, "I've been resting for two weeks. I know I'm ready to be back… but Rick."

Roy waves his hand, "as far as the department is concerned, he is your partner. He got shot. He's free to come back when he's recovered. But… whether he wants to, whether you feel comfortable having him continue to shadow you…"

"Right, right," she says distractedly. "Well, um, I have to go see Alexis and… Rick is probably gonna be released from the hospital by the end of the week."

As she stands up, Roy says, "Get him settle in at home, then we'll see about getting you back to work. The boys have just been catching up on paper work for the past week."

At this Kate smiles, "glad to see the crooks of New York have stayed out of trouble for me."

A half hour later, she sits down in the corner booth of Remy's, one that she and Rick had come to frequent in the past few months. The waitress smiles at her and doesn't both to come over. She knows their order by heart by now. Looking up, she sees the teenager swinging the front door open.

"Kate, hi," Alexis smiles warmly, sitting across from the detective and unwinding the scarf from her neck.

"Hey Alexis, how's school."

The teen takes a sip of the milkshake Kate slid across the table to her, "Not bad. Except, I haven't been really keeping up with homework. It's hard when I wanna go see dad every day. And he sleeps a lot so sometimes I just watch him…. And anyways it's late when I get home and I just wanna go to sleep."

Kate nods understandingly, putting a hand over Alexis's, "We'll bring him home by the end of week."

"Really?"

"Well, as long as he stops annoying the nurses and promises not to pull the IV out every chance he gets."

Alexis chuckles, "Well, it makes it harder for him to write…"

"Oh, is that what he's been doing when no one's there to entertain him?" Kate rolls her eyes, wondering what new adventure Jameson Rook was facing. She has an idea it has to do with Nikki and bed rest.

Alexis nods. "He's lucky to have us."

Kate ignores the blush that rises in her cheeks at the innocent comment. Rick has her? Of course he does. He always had her.

"Listen Alexis, I know these past two weeks were really tough on you. And we, me and Martha, have been so occupied with keeping your father comfortable that no one's really asked you how you've been so… how've you been?"

The teen sighs deeply, "I'll be better once dad's home. The loft is really empty without him. And to be honest, the doctors keep saying he'll be fine, but I'll believe once I see him out of that hospital bed and that gown, you know?"

"I know… and soon, Alexis. I promise." Kate sighs, "and I'm sorry."

Her voice suddenly strong, Alexis replies, "Kate, we've been through this before."

"I know but—"

"—don't."

The slightly relieved detective smiles, "okay."

"Like Gram said. You make him happy, and you're family."

"Thanks." Kate mumbles, her cheeks reddening once again. "Hey, I have an idea. If you're getting too lonely in that big old apartment of yours I could come over."

"Oh, Kate… I can't ask you to."

"It's no problem." Kate smiles, "We can go see your dad together for the afternoon. Then we'll head back to the loft, I'll make you something to eat and we can watch a movie. Or you can catch up with your homework. Whatever you want."

The teen smiles nervously too, "Really?"

"For sure," Kate replies, "So?"

"I'd like that."

Kate nods earnestly, and then remembers what she had specifically wanted to see Alexis for, her smile fading a bit. "There's one more thing we need to talk about. Captain Montgomery has left it up to me and your father, to decide whether he'll be continuing to shadow me."

"Are you gonna let him?" Alexis asks.

"Depends on you." Kate says, "If you're scared. If you don't want him to anymore, then I'll go and tell him that the Captain said it's not happening. And that'll be that. It doesn't mean I won't see you anymore."

Kate waits, watching the teen swallow her words, then continues, "but if you think you're okay with it, then me and Rick will talk about it and decide."

Alexis falters, "I-I don't know. What do you think?"

"Well, he's not my dad, so I can't really say." Kate says quietly, biting her lip.

"But you love him."

A very honest look passes between the detective and the teenager. "I do, very much."

"If he keeps shadowing you again, what are the chances he could get hurt again?"

Kate sighs; this was the million dollar question. "Things would change, that's for sure. For starters, he wouldn't be allowed on chases and any situation that's likely to become a shootout. He'll be wearing a vest whenever I say, which might be all the time, and he'll probably stay in the precinct more and have a more consulting role, rather than pseudo-cop."

Alexis nods, pondering. "Following you is his life, Kate. I don't want to take that away from him so… whatever you guys decide."

Tears prick Kate's eyes at the trust Alexis has placed in her. About the most important thing in her life. Her father's life. She simply nods.

"What, are you gonna cry, detective?" Alexis tilts her head, grinning.

Kate laughs tearfully as well, reaching across the table the share a hug with Alexis, "don't tell your dad."