"Hey." Rachel turned around to see Dave standing near her in the choir room with his hands deep in his pockets. He was glancing up at her, though his eyes kept focusing on the floor near his feet as if he were too nervous to keep them on her.
She swallowed once, looking him over until finally replying moments later. "Hi," she said. "Do you want me to close the door?" Rachel thought that Dave might put more effort into practicing if he wasn't worried about someone out in the hallway hearing him.
Dave nodded briefly. "Sure." Rachel closed one of the doors to the choir room before walking back over to one of the seats and sitting down. The other door had already been closed long before she had arrived.
He walked over to her, hesitating slightly, before sitting down in the chair next to her. It was funny how different things seemed. A year ago, Rachel would probably have been the one to seem nervous in a situation like this, though she seemed calm now. Dave, on the other hand, kept fidgeting- wondering what he could possibly say to make himself feel any better.
"So, um... I'm sorry you got paired up with me," he finally said.
Rachel looked up from the papers she was going through and shrugged. "It's fine."
She went back to sorting through the material in her hands, and Dave noticed that they had lyrics of different songs that she had chosen and brought with her. He nodded, even though she wasn't looking at him. "Okay," he mumbled.
"I picked out a few songs that I assumed would fit with your voice, so..."
"Oh," Dave replied.
Rachel handed him the small stack of papers for him to look through. "Do you know any of these?"
Dave began going through all of the song titles, occasionally reading some of the lyrics if the title had seemed familiar to him. Unfortunately, he hadn't heard of any of the ones she had picked out. He looked back at her and shook his head, "no."
She grabbed the papers from his hands, crossing her legs in front of her. "It's okay," she said, shrugging again. "We'll be, uh, practicing. Not that we have to do one of these anyways."
Rachel shifted in her seat slightly, clearly showing that she was beginning to become uncomfortable with the situation. She used her left hand to push her hair behind her ear, standing abruptly when noticing Dave looking at her. She then walked over to the piano as if it had been a planned movement.
Dave couldn't help but sigh to himself. He didn't want it to be like this between him and anyone- let alone the girl that he had to sing with for the first time. He decided to bring up the fact that this wasn't how things should be going.
"Rachel," he sighed again. "I'm not going to do anything to you."
She turned around, looking like she had no idea of what he was talking about. "I didn't say anything."
Dave returned a similar look back to her. "You didn't have to."
Rachel rolled her eyes, shaking her head in irritation. Dave could tell she had been holding a lot in towards him, and could automatically feel that he was about to be told off. He braced himself, mentally, for whatever she was about to say.
She crossed her arms, looking defensive instantly. "Look, I know you've been there for Kurt and that you're joining all these new clubs and making changes, and I respect that. I do," she said, holding her right hand up to her chest to show that she was being sincere. "But, you know, if you have a problem with gay people or you did have a problem or whatever..." she paused momentarily.
"All of that," she continued. "It just makes me feel really uncomfortable around you. And I'm sorry for that. But I can't sit here and pretend like I'm okay with this. I'm not gonna lie to you, okay?"
She waited for Dave to nod or acknowledge her last statement, but it never came.
"Let's just do this duet and be done with it," she finished.
It was ridiculous how far apart they were from each other in the large choir room. She stood all the way up near the piano, while he just stared up at her from one of the chairs near the back of the room, slouching.
"Rachel," Dave said, closing his eyes before looking back at her. "I don't have a problem with gay people."
She picked up the papers in front of her and began straightening them together. "Okay, that's fine," she replied. "I'm sorry for bringing it up. It's just, I was raised by my two dads and they're gay and with the way you were treating Kurt last year-"
"Wait," Dave interrupted her. Her two dads... he thought. Dave could tell his mouth was open slightly, and he saw that Rachel had stopped moving while looking confused. "Your two... you have two dads?"
He hadn't known, clearly. It wasn't so much finding out that shocked him, but the fact that he was now hearing about a family that consisted of two dads that had raised a daughter did.
"Yeah..." Rachel replied, hesitating slightly. "They're both gay," she said firmly. Dave had been looking at the floor again, though he could tell that she was possibly waiting for him to look disgusted or some other offensive action.
Dave looked back up at her, and Rachel finally saw how sad he looked. She relaxed a little, looking at him as if she didn't know who he was. She came around to the front of the piano, though didn't walk any closer to him.
"They... they raised you?"
"Yeah," she nodded.
He looked past her towards the wall, thinking over what she had told him. "And it's just been... you three?"
Rachel noticed Dave's eyes getting teary, though she still had no idea as to why. She nodded again, walking over to him a little more. "My mom gave birth to me... but she gave me right to my dads. They took care of me."
She finally ended up next to him, flattening the back of her skirt before sitting down. She looked over and saw that Dave was back to staring at the floor- his mouth still open slightly and still looking like he was trying hard not to cry about something. She shook her head, wondering what had bothered him so much. "What?"
He glanced over at her momentarily, before shifting in his chair uncomfortably. "I just, um," he licked his upper lip. "Hadn't ever really thought about that kind of family before."
Rachel still didn't understand why that would have upset him. Then again, she hadn't given him any time before then to notice much about David. She shrugged slightly, replying back to him quietly. "It's not so strange for a gay couple to have children."
Dave looked back to her, sniffing once. "How long have they been together?"
She didn't quite get why he wanted to know, but she loved her dads so much that talking about them to anyone always made her feel happy.
Rachel pushed her hair behind her ear again, smiling a little. "A long time," she laughed softly. "It's funny, they, um... met in high school. High school sweethearts, I guess you could say."
Dave was still looking at her with a sad expression, so she decided to continue. "They stayed together and worked hard... bought a house... and then I came along."
A single tear finally slid down Dave's cheek. He sniffed once again, brushing it away with his knuckle. He turned his head to the left so that she couldn't see his face.
Rachel was still confused as to what was going on, but she wasn't going to ignore the fact that Dave Karofsky was so upset about something. "Are you okay?" She touched his arm as a sign of comfort.
He looked back over at her, staring at her intently. "I'm so sorry, Rachel," he said, shaking his head. "For everything." Dave let out a shaky breath towards himself, looking straight at the piano. "I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately."
Dave rubbed the tip of his nose before looking back over at her, attempting to smile. "It sounds like you have amazing dads."
Rachel just stared back at him, briefly looking over his face. "Thanks."
He took a deep breath, raising his left hand to rub the back of his neck. "Look, I um... I understand why you thought I was homophobic," he nodded. Dave took a long pause to figure out what he wanted to say.
"I screwed up. A lot." He looked back at her. "But even with everything I've been doing now... all these changes I'm trying to make... I'd never want you to feel sorry for me, okay?"
Rachel just shook her head slightly, a confused expression shown on her face. "I don't understand."
"I'm gay, Rachel."
Her mouth dropped slightly, and she was staring at Dave as if she had misheard him. "But-"
"I know," Dave replied. He took another deep breath, but it was much shakier this time as he could feel himself beginning to let his protective walls down once more. His eyes were closed, and he clasped his hands together as he continued speaking to her.
"I will never forgive myself for what I did to Kurt... just because I was scared?" It was more of a question for himself than for her to hear. He felt a few more tears drop from his eyes, but ignored them to look back at Rachel. "I know it probably doesn't make any sense to you," he shook his head. "I'm still trying to figure it all out for myself."
Rachel copied his movements and shook her head as well. "No... I get it." She looked at one of the doors in the room, assessing everything Dave had just told her. She turned back towards him as he stared at his feet, noticing, for the first time, how much pain Dave had been in for so long. "Has Kurt forgiven you?"
Dave smiled sadly, "yeah," he stated. "He has."
She moved her hand and rested it on top of one of Dave's, looking at him to show that she understood and cared. "Learning to forgive yourself is the last step then."
He didn't quite understand what she had meant by that. "Until what?"
"Until you can feel okay again," she smiled. "I'm sorry... for how I've been treating you. I was wrong."
"No, you weren't," Dave replied. "I messed up, but... I want to do the right thing now."
"You want to be happy."
Dave looked at her for a few brief moments, until he finally started to nod. "Yeah."
He looked away again, clearing his throat, as he sniffed to himself a few more times. He was trying hard to calm himself down. Hearing about Rachel's dads had really affected him more than he thought it would have.
Rachel was just looking at him during all of this. She then glanced down at the floor, appearing sad for some reason. "You really had never thought about it before, had you?" she asked without looking at him.
"Thought about what?" Dave looked back at her.
She paused for a few moments. "Being able to have a family..."
David shook his head lightly. "No."
"But you want one someday," she said, turning her head back towards him.
It was true. Maybe Dave hadn't allowed himself to think about it because he thought that it would hurt him too much. He had been dealing with so many problems of accepting himself, apologizing and making it up to Kurt, trying to make so many changes in his life that were for the best... thoughts about his future all came rushing to him when Rachel had begun talking about her dads and how they had raised her.
He wanted a family someday. Just like hers was. Talking to her during these few minutes together had made him realize that it was possible.
Dave let out another shaky breath as he tried to compose himself enough to speak. "Being able to come home from work everyday... and kiss the person I fell in love with... being able to hold my daughter-"
"Or your son," Rachel said, smiling at him as a few tears fell from her eyes.
He looked back at her, and seeing her cry just made him do the same. "Yeah," Dave nodded. "I'd like to have a family like that someday."
Rachel was rubbing her thumb over Dave's knuckles on his right hand. "You can have that."
Dave smiled at her, taking a deep breath before standing and walking over towards the piano. He hadn't meant for this whole conversation to happen, but he was glad that it did. He sniffed a few more times, wiping his face, before turning around to look back at Rachel. "I'm sorry," he said, laughing a bit. "I've been crying a lot lately too."
She laughed, "yeah, and you're making me cry over here with you."
"I'm sorry," he smiled.
Rachel nodded, wiping her face before clearing her throat. "It's fine... I'm guessing a few other people know then?"
Dave rubbed the back of his neck again. "Yeah... Kurt, his stepmom and his dad, Quinn and Santana."
"Not your parents?" she asked almost instantly.
He shook his head, looking back down at the floor. "No."
Rachel nodded briefly before standing from the chair and walking over to him. She waited until he looked back up at her before speaking. "Thank you for telling me," she said. "I'm gonna hug you now, okay?" she smiled.
Dave smiled back as Rachel wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He immediately hugged back- again, telling himself that opening up to people made things so much better instead of worse. He was happy... and that was something that he knew he deserved.
She pulled back and smiled up at him.
"I hope you're not feeling sorry for me," he said.
Rachel laughed again, "I wouldn't dream of it." She walked around him to grab the papers she had brought with her. He turned around and rested his elbows on top of the piano. "So, um," Rachel began. "About this song we're supposed to sing together..."
Dave nodded, "yeah?"
She smiled once more. "How about if you just sing it instead?"
"But... I thought Mr. Schue said it had to be a duet."
"I know," Rachel nodded. "I just think that it's your time to shine."
She had left Dave speechless at that moment, and all he could do was smile back. This was what life was supposed to be about- not being afraid, not lying to anyone, not feeling as if he were all alone- but about being happy, surrounding himself with people that actually cared about him and that were able to look passed the mistakes that he had once made.
"Do you have any ideas for a song?" she asked.
Dave thought for a few moments before looking back at her, nodding. "Do you... think you could help me practice?"
Rachel smiled brightly, nodding back. "Of course."
*MUSIC STARTS*
youtube (dot) com (slash) watch?v=H-QkXH5FCZM
Listen to the song as you follow along with the lyrics, if you want.
Shot of Rachel and Dave smiling at each other changes to Brad's hands playing the piano. Shot moves out to see all of him sitting at the piano. Shot pans over so we then see an orchestra on the auditorium stage (this is Glee; it's happened before).
Shot changes to the members of New Directions sitting down watching. Dave walks up towards a microphone in the middle of the stage. He's wearing a suit (think Max's pictures from The Advocate - yes!).
We see the members of ND's faces/reactions during the song. Kurt included, looking sad, etc etc etc.
A golden haze
Another morning feels like yesterday
End of May
And now you're gone and there's still bills to pay
And you know it doesn't help to make believe
You're sitting next to me
It doesn't help
To make believe that you are right behind me
Saying it's okay
Longer days
More time to sit and watch the pendulum sway
In quiet rage
I'm staring at this empty notebook page
Times like these you feel like you are done with feeling
You feel you want to stop the pain from healing
Because you feel like you're the only one
Who's ever felt this way
Some days in a daze
There's brighter days
Funny how the feeling never stays
But I know I'll have to come to terms when I'm awake
Thinking about you is the icing on the cake
Makes me realize the fact you're gone for good
For goodness sake
Golden haze
Another morning feels like yesterday
End of May
A year is gone and I still feel this way
When we meet again I'll ask you how you're doing
And you'll say fine and ask me how I'm doing
And then I'll lie and I'll say ordinary
It's just an ordinary day
It's just an ordinary day
It's just an ordinary day
*EPISODE ENDS*