He wiped sweat from his brow as he hiked further into the park. The sun was no longer overhead but in the western sky and he saw fewer and fewer people. It would be a few hours before it would set but he continued knowing that even if he wanted to he would be unable to hike back out before night fell. His goal was to make it far enough into the park that the shot would be unheard. A couple more hours would do. It would be far enough.
His thoughts drifted to better days. To days beside his brothers. To moving in formation instead of solitude. A smile crossed his lips as he thought of them beside him. Of Metal's deep laugh while making a sarcastic remark. Of Clay jogging ahead just enough to annoy Jason who Ray would be calming. He imagined Brock beside him with his steady silence and a hint of good trouble. He almost laughed at the thought of Sonny listing all the things that could kill them until he remembered why he was here. Exhaling slowly he hoped they would someday find understanding.
It was a beautiful day. The breeze glided over him and the mountain air filled his lungs as he made his way down the trail. The trees filtered the sun enough to shield his eyes while still providing warmth. It was a good day. He found it ironic in a way that would have made no sense to anyone else. Almost comical. He enjoyed the juxtaposition and knew that would anger them if they knew but they never would know. It was better that way.
He had been in the park for hours and was truly surrounded by forrest now. He thought he should be tired or hungry but was neither. The sun would set in an hour or so and he wanted it to still be light. He stepped off the trail and moved toward a rock outcropping in the distance. It wasn't so beautiful to attract many others but he was drawn to the place like a beacon calling to him. His final place.
It wasn't truly a cliff but in an odd way felt like one. He took the glock from his waistband and slowly sat down cross-legged to watch the sun falling in the evening sky.
He thought of all the pain he had tried to heal and all the pain he had caused. Of the destruction and chaos. His mind flashed with explosions, gunpowder, and blood. Images of loss and devastation. He closed his eyes to the vibrant colors dancing across the sky and briefly wondered how he would be remembered.
He wished he'd written a letter now. A goodbye. But the least he could do was say his goodbyes aloud. To put the words into the universe and hope that somehow they would find his brother's ears and offer the solace he could no longer provide.
"Jace, I'm so sorry I'm one of those contacts now. I'm sure you will blame yourself for this but I need you to know there was nothing you could have done." He glanced to the gun sitting beside him. "Please forgive me and yourself."
"Ray if there is a great beyond and your God forgives me for this then I will be waiting for you brother." His hand drifted to the stock.
"Sonny. Oh Sonny I hope you know how damn proud I am of you stepping up for Clay's boy while I fell down for all of you. Please look out for Brock now." His fingers gingerly wrapped around the weapon and he exhaled slowly.
"Broccoli. Please don't hate me." His voice cracked and for the first time for a split second he questioned if this was right but he shook the thought away. "I am so sorry brother. I wish I could be stronger but I... I... I should have been there. I should have been able to do something. One is a tragedy but two that is failure. I failed them and I can't fail you. Please Brock please understand." His breath caught in his throat as he raised the gun. "I love you all goodbye."
Tears streamed down his face for the first time since he made the decision. His hand shook violently and he was forced to lower his hand as he slowed his breathing. Trent closed his eyes and steadied himself for what came next.
"Please if you can hear me I don't want to die here." The voice was small and broken and startling.
Trent wondered for an instant if he was losing his mind. He considered the task he was faltering at accomplishing and decided he was but also knew he had to make sure. He set the gun down and laid flat on his belly creeping forward toward the edge of the rock face.
Twenty feet below at the base of the rocks he could see the outline of a figure. The sun dipped lower in the sky and shadows laid down for the long night. Trent wished he had climbing equipment. Tucking the gun into the back of his waistband he wished at the very least that he had a rope with a brother holding the line. But in a moment where he sought solitude he suddenly felt too alone.
A/N~~~A special thank you to Irish1969 for reviewing both chapters previously published, it means a lot. Reviews are greatly appreciated as is all feedback. Thank you all for reading.