Do You See Me?

I look at myself in the mirror. There isn't much to see. I do see a girl who is still pretending that she isn't broken. That she doesn't care.

"Well, you look like shit." I know that voice. I don't want to turn around. I don't have time for this. I don't have the strength to face another judging word.

"I just saw your lesbo lover with my ex. I guess there back together. I guess it was just a matter of time before she straightens up and left you."

"Shut up Madison." That was all I could muster.

"Well, I mean come one everyone will know now, that you are the new school dyke. Well the only dyke around." I with every ounce I had left, I turned to face her and slap the shit she was talking out of her mouth. Then suddenly I feel pain on my left cheek I feel blood oozing out of my mouth, and it has never felt this good.

"Duarte! Carlin! What is the matter with you two? Both of you go straight to the principal's office." Gym teacher screams at us while being escorted out by the campus cop.

"Great what I really needed. Thanks Carlin" She says, with a usual I don't care Madison look.

"Yeah well, you started this." I tell her. My heart rising from every emotion going through my body.

"Yeah whatever." She shrugs it off.

I shake my head towards her and look at hear with discus and curiosity. I ask her "Why do you care? Why? Why does it bother you? Is your life that pitifully boring that you have to worry about other people?"

"Get real, Carlin. And it is not that I hate you Ok? It is just that I feel for you. NOT – IN – THAT – WAY. I just feel bad for you. You lost your brother and know Ashley. I guess I know where you are at. Well at this moment emotionally anyways."

I sigh out loud. My face in disbelief of what I just heard coming from Madison's mouth. I was at a loss for words. I did not know what to say.

"Any ways I really can't deal with this right now. I'll see you later Carlin." She gets up and walks out.

I found myself heading to the bar again. I was like a force was pulling me towards this place. I didn't want to go home. After today and being suspended on the first week of school was too much of a shame to face mom and dad. I feel my heart beat increase with every step I take. I know I am getting closer, and I am getting more anxious.

"Shit you? No way. I never thought you would be one of those types." I know that voice. I turn around because I can't really believe it. And yes it is her.

"What are you doing here Madison? You were stocking me or something?" I say in disbelief.

"No I work at Grays' again. But I see you headed to that bar. Am I right?" She asks me, knowing the answer.

"Yeah I was. So what?" I tell her. Really interested on how much she knew about the bar. Had she been there herself.

"Ha…. I can't believe it. Working at Grays you get to learn and hear a lot about other queer establishments around here. The owner is really all for helping out the Gay Community around LA." She tells me, as if to explain why she knew what was going on in the bar.

"Wow. For being all against Gays you sure listen and learn about them don't you." I tease her.

"DON'T think too much into it Carlin. It's not like you can satisfy me anyways." I raise my eyebrows in disbelief of her words.

"Anyways, get in." she points at her car.

"No thanks. I have places to be."

"No, you don't. Not that place anyways. I'll take you home. Come on."

"I said no Madison. Besides I don't plan to go home. At least not tonight." I start to walk away from her and I feel her pull my arm towards her.

"No, you really don't. Now I am not leaving you in this place in the middle of the night. If you don't want to go home that's fine. But I am not leaving you here. You can stay with me tonight. My parents won't be home for about a week or so. You can stay tonight and then I suggest you go home." I nod my head. I get in a little angry that my hunger for sex has not been satisfied, but all the more interested about what Madison is planning.

To my disappointment she wasn't planning anything really. She was just lending out a hand. Her place is a small but modern apartment.

"If you thirsty the kitchen is over there, my bedroom is as you can see this one and the bathroom is over there." She points. "Any ways make you self at home. I am about to take a shower and no you can't come with." She turns and leaves.

I smile at her. She still is putting up a front. "So, Nice place I manage to say." She comes out of the bathroom with nothing but a peach colored towel and her hair pulled up in a very sloppy bun.

"Yeah, well, thanks. I know it is small. But this is all we could afford anyways. You can put your shoes and jacket over there. I'll be out in a minute." She heads out again, my heart is racing looking at her with just that towel on, reminded me of my hunger. I start to wonder around her room. Smiling at all the photos except one. My heart leap, for satisfaction but also crumbled in sorrow at seeing her face again.

It was Ashley there was no doubt about it her smile her wonderful brown eyes, Madison was hugging her from behind. In their eyes was a certain glint that I could only recognize in my photos with Ashley and that was love. I let out a really loud sigh. This I knew it feeling was rising up at me.

"Yeah, we were friends." Her voice sounding shattered and alone.

"Well, I guess I already knew that. You two look really happy." I say.

"Yeah, she was my best friend. Anyways let's talk about something else ok?"

"Why did you invite me here? At your place? Why do you care?"

"I keep hearing that from everyone these days, and guess it is my fault. Why do I care?" she looks at me. As if wanting me to know without her telling me.

"I care Spencer. I care because I have been there. Because I know what it is like to lose someone you love. I know what you are going through and when I was going through it I had no one. Just like you. And I know you can't go home, and it is not because you don't want to. It's because your heart won't let you." Her eyes seem so sincere.

"You know they say that a person is more likely to tell the absolute truth to a total stranger than someone who is really close to them." I tell her. She nods and looks away. I slowly move towards her and chuckle a little bit. I know what she wants me to know but won't say. I look at her and place my fingers on her chin to make her look up. And then I ask her "Madison is that the absolute truth you would tell a total stranger?"

I really need this chapter to be in the story I know it is completely random but it just flows with the