Today After
I sigh as the day goes by. Nothing really here. Nothing that I can wait for or expect from any one. I sigh again letting all the stress of my day just flow out. There was nothing really to talk about. After that night we could barely look in each other eyes. We couldn't say a word to each other. We both were so scared that one of use would break the silence. She did not have to say it to me, and she didn't. We both understood what it meant. And nothing more.
"Hey" I hear someone say to me. The voice sounding slow and hurt, as if it was in pain. I turn around to see her standing looking up at me. She fiddles with her fingers as if trying to find the right words to say to me. Carefully planning her words in sentences.
"So how have you been?" she asks.
"Better. And you?" I look at her. Feeling more exhausted as I look at her. She bites her lips and say.
"I am good. Doing ok but not great. I wanted to talk to you. I know I have a lot of things to explain, and you deserve an explanation for my disappearing act." She smiles and softly chuckles a bit. I just stare at her. Not really wanting anything from her. Especially when I am trying to forget her. Especially when I complete drained out of emotions.
"Ashley, it's ok. Really. I don't want to hear anything right now." I tell her. My voice sounding raspy and unused. You could her emotionless in my voice.
"Spencer are you ok? I mean why don't you want any explanation of what I did to you?" She asked in surprise.
"Ashley come one. Please save us both the bullshit. What… what exactly are you going to say huh? That you can't deal with drama and death and all that other bullshit good. Is it because you never learn to deal with it because of you environment you grew up in? Or are you going to tell me that you thought I needed sometime alone with my family to deal? Ashley it is fine really. Ok? Because there is nothing in the world that you can say to me for me to really fucking give a shit anymore." I look at her. Tears fill her eyes and all I do is take a breath in and sigh it out. I turn on my heel and start to walk home. I don't look back at her. I don't look back at feeling that she once filled me with. I don't look back. I am not planning to.