Another week had gone by, and Kurt found himself driving all the way to Westerville to visit Blaine at Dalton. He had actually done this several times recently, though he knew that Blaine must have known that something was going on. Kurt was distant... quiet... just as he had been to almost everyone as of late. Things weren't the same and, to be completely honest, Kurt didn't want things to go back to the way they were. But he still wasn't sure of what he truly wanted to do...
Both Kurt and Blaine were sitting on one of the couches in Dalton's common room, though awkward silence had been surrounding them for awhile now. This, of course, was nothing new to either of them. While Kurt obviously knew that something was wrong, he wasn't exactly sure of how Blaine felt about it all. He knew that Blaine had noticed his changed behavior, yet he hadn't mentioned anything to Kurt about this. It was as if Blaine didn't know of what to do, where he just decided to not deal with it at all by remaining quiet.
Over the past few weeks, Blaine had realized that his relationship with Kurt wasn't working anymore. He tried ignoring those feelings so many times, yet... he just couldn't anymore. He had been avoiding bringing it up to Kurt because he didn't want to say anything to hurt him. But now, things just seemed to be getting worse. The past few weeks of silence for both of them had been strange and awkward, though he felt as if they had actually helped him to prepare for the moment when he knew that one of them would likely end what they were desperately trying to hold onto.
Blaine took a deep sigh, shrugging slightly. "You want to talk about it?"
Kurt brought his gaze up from the floor to look back at him, as his eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "Talk about what?"
"About what's going on with you," Blaine's eyes narrowed.
Kurt glanced over Blaine's face for a few moments, before he slowly began to shake his head. "There's nothing going on with me..."
Blaine smirked, shrugging once more. "Really?" He adjusted on the couch, raising himself up a little bit so that he could turn his body more towards Kurt. "Kurt, I'm going to be honest with you about something," he nodded. "I've pretty much lost count of how many times we've gotten together recently, where you've just sat there not saying anything."
"I'm sorry," Kurt stated, though he sounded irritated. He closed his eyes for a moment, lowering his head down. "I just..." he looked back up, "there's just a lot going on right now, with-"
"With Nationals and graduation coming up," Blaine interrupted him. "Yeah... I know," he nodded.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry if I'm annoying you because those things are bothering me."
Blaine scoffed lightly, shaking his head. "I didn't say that... please don't put words in my mouth."
Kurt's expression became tenser, as he looked away, crossing his arms over his stomach. "Fine," he mumbled.
"Look," Blaine huffed, "you know that I absolutely love when you come visit me and everything, but... I'm just really confused as to why you would drive all the way here, where it's obvious that you're really upset about something, and yet," he shook his head. "You don't give me any reason as to why..."
Kurt glanced back, shaking his own head in disbelief. "I already told you what was wrong," he stated firmly.
Blaine stared back at Kurt, though the expression on his face was completely blank. He blinked a few times, before he shook his head once again. "I don't believe you."
"Why?" Kurt's eyes widened.
"Because I know how you are," Blaine shrugged. He cleared his throat, glancing down towards his hands for a moment. "Yeah," he nodded, "you get a little nervous before a competition, but it's never been this bad. And as far as graduation," he scoffed, "you've been so excited about going off to New York later this year."
Blaine took another few moments to glance over Kurt's face before he finished his thought. "It just... doesn't make any sense to me."
Kurt rolled his eyes once again, as he was clearly annoyed with what he had just heard. "I don't appreciate this," he replied. "I came here because I wanted to see you- not because I wanted to be accused of being a liar."
Blaine took a deep breath, shaking his head. "Then tell me the truth... what's going on with you?" he shrugged once more.
Kurt just stared back at him. His face was even tenser than before, and he had no idea as to what to say. He loved Blaine, but...
Blaine waited another few moments, before a sad smile came to his face. "You came here because you wanted to see me? The past few times we've been around each other, you've always ended up staring down at the floor... or you look at anything else other than me."
"I'm sorry," Kurt said immediately, turning his body back to face Blaine. "What do you want me to say?"
Blaine brought his left hand up, rubbing at his chin. He stood up from the couch, taking a few steps before he turned back around to look at Kurt. "What are we doing?" he shook his head.
"Um," Kurt glanced around in confusion. "I think we're attempting to have a conversation," he replied sarcastically.
Blaine continued shaking his head, though his expression grew more serious. "You know that's not what I meant."
Kurt crossed his legs, scoffing in annoyance. "Okay... maybe coming here was a bad idea."
"Kurt," Blaine stated, as he stared right at him. There were a few moments of silence before he shrugged briefly. "I can't keep doing this with you..."
Kurt hadn't been expecting to hear those words coming out of Blaine's mouth, but he honestly couldn't blame him. It wasn't working anymore, and he couldn't lie to himself about that any longer.
Blaine raised his right hand up, rubbing the back of his neck, as he looked down towards the floor. "You don't talk to me... you don't tell me anything," he closed his eyes, raising his head back up, where he opened them once again. "I feel like I have no idea of what's even going on with you anymore."
Kurt closed his own eyes, rubbing his forehead. Things were so messed up and he hated the fact that he had been putting Blaine through all of this... as well as himself. "I'm just..." he shook his head, "I don't even know."
"Yes, you do," Blaine nodded.
Kurt glanced back over his face a few times, still unsure as to what he could possibly say. He didn't know what it felt like to have someone break up with him, but he was pretty sure that he would know soon.
Blaine glanced down towards the carpet again, swallowing hard, before gazing back at Kurt. "Do you love me?"
Kurt's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, just like before. "Why do you even have to ask me that?" He did love Blaine; there was no doubt about that.
There were another few moments of silence before Blaine walked back over to the couch and sat down, turning his body so that he was facing Kurt once again. "Are you in love with me?"
Kurt knew exactly what he was asking... but it was so hard for him to be able to open his mouth in order to reply. "Blaine, I don't-" he began.
"Loving someone," Blaine interrupted, "and being in love with them... are two different things."
Kurt just continued to stare back, still not being able to answer Blaine's question. All he could do was nod slightly.
Blaine took a deep breath, as he attempted to smile, though it just seemed sad. "Kurt... I love you. You know that," he nodded. "You're my best friend... and you're always going to be my best friend, but... I think that's exactly what's wrong with us."
Kurt glanced down towards his hands, where he clasped them together. He was too scared to look at Blaine. He knew that everything he had said was right... Kurt was just too afraid to say that he agreed with him.
"There's been something wrong with us for awhile now," Blaine nodded again. "I know that you know that."
Kurt looked back at him, though he knew that his eyes had begun to get misty. Even though he knew that this was the right thing for them to do, it still hurt. He opened his mouth slightly to try and say something, though nothing came out once again. All he was able to do was nod briefly, like before.
Blaine had been waiting for Kurt to say something, but when he knew that nothing was coming, he continued. "Can you honestly look at me right now and tell me that it still feels like I'm your boyfriend?"
Kurt glanced over his face a few times, knowing that his voice would be strained, yet that he needed to say something. "I don't know... I..." he gazed back down towards his hands once more. He knew that it wasn't a good enough answer, as he slowly started shaking his head. "No..."
Blaine smiled sadly, though he began to nod. "I feel like we've both been pretending that everything's been fine for a little while now... when we both knew that it wasn't," he shrugged. "And I'm not saying this to try to hurt you or to blame you," he paused. "I don't think it was either of our faults," he shook his head. "I mean... I know that you're upset right now, but... you know that I'm not wrong."
"So..." Kurt swallowed hard, sniffing once. "What? Is this supposed to be it?"
Blaine sighed softly, turning his body a bit more on the couch to face Kurt. "I have a question for you... and I just want you to be honest with me, okay?"
Kurt felt like he couldn't reply again, so he just began to nod.
"Do you, um... do you remember a little while back when I was over at your house, and... Dave stopped by because he had just came out to his dad?" Blaine asked.
Kurt nodded once again.
"And not that this was the first time that this had crossed my mind, but," Blaine glanced down towards his hands, before looking back up. "I just knew that there was something going on between you two."
Kurt blinked a few times, unsure of how to respond. He honestly hadn't known that Blaine had noticed or thought of anything about him and Dave. "Blaine-"
"No, I'm not saying that I think you did anything with him," Blaine interrupted, attempting to reassure Kurt. "That's not what I mean."
Kurt's expression relaxed as he waited for Blaine to continue.
"Kurt... I saw the way he looked at you," Blaine shook his head briefly. "I know how much you've done for him because you actually care about him. See... when you first started helping him out, you were always telling me what was going on and how he was doing and... you know," he shrugged. "I really appreciated it because you knew that I was hesitant with everything from the beginning... and yet, you'd still tell me even though you knew that I trusted you."
Kurt shifted on the couch uncomfortably, once he realized where Blaine was going with this.
Blaine glanced over Kurt's face a few times. "But lately... I can't even remember the last time that you've mentioned him," he shrugged once more, taking a few moments before speaking again. "Is that what's been bothering you?" he asked sympathetically. "Is it because of Dave?"
Kurt turned his head away from Blaine, unable to look right back at him. He had known that this was the question that Blaine was eventually going to be getting at, but now that he had finally asked it, he wasn't sure of how to answer. He didn't even know if he wanted to answer. He just didn't want to hurt Blaine anymore than he already had.
"Kurt," Blaine finally said after another few moments of silence. "Please just tell me."
Kurt eventually looked back over, where his mouth opened slightly, as he tried to just say something. He knew that he owed it to Blaine to tell him the truth. Slowly, he began to nod. "Yes," he whispered.
Blaine nodded back briefly. "Do you have feelings for him?"
Kurt brought his left hand up to his forehead, partially covering his eyes. He could feel a few tears falling, though he couldn't do anything to stop them. He was numb. And hurt. And scared. And... "It wasn't supposed to be like this..." he finally stated, though his voice was still strained. "It just wasn't."
"It wasn't supposed to be like what?" Blaine asked.
Kurt sniffed again, looking back over, where he began to shake his head. "I never wanted to hurt you..."
"I know," Blaine smiled softly. "Kurt," he began to shake his own head, "with or without Dave... I think we both would've ended up getting hurt anyways," he nodded.
Kurt glanced back down at his hands, though he quickly brought one up to rub a few of the tears away that had fallen onto one of his cheeks. He huffed in amusement, sniffing again. "You're right... I know," he nodded, looking back at Blaine. "You're right."
Blaine reached his right hand over, placing it on top of one of Kurt's. "It's okay... we're going to be okay," he nodded again.
Kurt smiled, nodding back. It hurt knowing that they were ending their relationship, but he also knew that it was the right thing to do. Just knowing that it wasn't going to end badly and that Blaine was even still willing to talk to him made Kurt feel a little bit better about everything.
"I don't know what to do," Kurt huffed again, shaking his head. "I just... I'm a mess," he laughed lightly, through a few more tears.
"So... what happened?" Blaine eventually asked, out of curiosity. "I mean... did he do something to hurt you or what?"
"Oh, no," Kurt shook his head, sniffing once more. "Nothing like that. He just... he also knew what was going on between us and... we just haven't been talking," he glanced down towards the floor momentarily, clasping his hands together. "But... I don't even know why we're talking about this," he looked back over at Blaine, wide-eyed. "I'm sure it's not making you feel any better."
Blaine smirked softly, nodding. "Well, I admit that I'm definitely hurting a little bit right now, but... I'll be alright," he shrugged.
"Still though," Kurt continued. "It's just... I'm not even ready for me to think about any of this."
Blaine continued smiling softly, clearing his throat. "It kind of seems like you already have to me," he crossed his arms.
Kurt looked back over towards him, as his eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "Why do you say that?"
"You're my best friend," Blaine replied, as his smile grew. "I just know these things," he shrugged.
Kurt laughed lightly once again, shaking his head. "Whatever."
"So..." Blaine eventually continued, "why haven't you two been talking then?"
"We just," Kurt took a deep breath, pausing for a few moments. "We just decided that maybe it'd be better if we tried to avoid being alone together," he nodded. "He said he didn't want to ruin anything for me, but... we pretty much haven't said anything to each other since."
Blaine's own eyebrows furrowed together. "That was his idea?"
"Yeah," Kurt nodded briefly.
Blaine glanced over towards the wall, thinking about what he'd just heard. "Wow." His eyebrows shot up momentarily, as he looked back towards Kurt. "He cares about you more than I thought," he huffed in amusement, shaking his head.
Kurt looked over at him sympathetically, still feeling completely awful about the entire situation. Though, he knew Blaine was right... Dave really did care about him.
"Look," Blaine smiled again. "I may be upset right now, but..." he nodded, "I still want you to be happy."
Kurt smiled back, though his expression then grew serious, as he let his head fall back against the top of the couch. "What am I doing?" he asked himself, glancing around the room. "I mean... what am I doing?" He stood up from the couch, as he began pacing back and forth. "How would I even be able to date him?" He turned back around towards Blaine, who was just staring up at him with an eyebrow raised.
"One," Kurt hit both of his index fingers together, "he's not even out to everyone. Two," he then hit his right index finger against two fingers on his left hand, "we have a horrible history together. Three," he did the same action against three fingers, "my dad would freak out... Finn would freak out... everybody would freak out." Kurt realized that he had raised his voice, though he couldn't stop himself. "Oh my god, what is wrong with me?" he whined.
Blaine was still just staring up at him with one of his eyebrows raised.
"See, I'm doing it again," Kurt stopped abruptly, shaking his head towards Blaine. "These are things that you definitely don't need to hear right now," he stated, plopping back down on the couch.
Blaine laughed lightly, shaking his own head. "Okay... so as I've learned from the past, I don't always give the best advice, but... I think you need to calm down, first of all," he smiled.
Kurt smiled too, rolling his eyes, as he thought about the outburst that he had just had. Technically, he was rolling his eyes at the entire situation with Blaine. It was strange, and yet... comforting, at the same time.
"You're not being forced to make a decision about anything right now," Blaine continued. "And nobody's going to make you," he shook his head once more. "Honestly, I think that you need to take some time for yourself and figure out what you want. I mean, I understand everything that you just said about David, but..." he trailed off.
Kurt noticed Blaine's expression change, from the soft smile to a blank face, with his mouth open slightly. "What?" he finally asked.
"Okay, yeah," Blaine eventually continued. "I do feel a little weird talking to you about dating someone, so..." he laughed awkwardly.
Kurt huffed in amusement. He then took a deep breath, as his expression grew more serious. Things were still so messed up, and he wasn't sure of what he was going to do.
"I'm just scared," Kurt looked back towards Blaine. "With everything that's happened... and everything that would still need to happen," he shook his head. "I just... I don't know."
Blaine's expression also grew more serious, where he began to nod briefly. "Kurt, I'm not saying that you'll end up giving Dave a chance or that you won't give him one, but... you'll figure it out," he nodded again. "I know you will," he smiled softly.
Kurt smiled back, looking away towards the floor, as he began to laugh again. "This is seriously the most bizarre conversation that I have ever had with anyone."
Blaine laughed as well, shrugging slightly. "Yeah, well... hopefully we'll still be able to have a whole lot more of them in the future."
Kurt glanced back, smiling again. "I'd like that," he stated. "Do you think that, uh... we could at least attempt to not become bitter exes towards each other?" he raised one of his eyebrows. "You know... especially when we do start dating other people..."
Blaine grinned, laughing lightly. "Yeah, definitely," he nodded.
Kurt immediately scooted closer, putting his arms around Blaine to give him a hug.
Blaine hugged back, taking a deep breath.
"Thank you..." Kurt said softly, pulling away from the hug. "For everything," he nodded.
Blaine nodded back. He knew that no matter what happened, he'd always be friends with Kurt. And he'd always be grateful that they had met each other. "Right back at you," he smiled.