Title: Behind The Jackal Mask

Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Rating: NC-17/M

Pairing: Rachel/OMC

Warnings: Adult Situations Including But Not Limited To Sexual Relations, Violence, Naughty Language, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Underage Drinking, Self Mutilation

Words:

Disclaimer: I don't own Alphas. If I did Gary would have a porn addiction, because I can so see him watching porn in a meeting. The only things I own are stupid nonexistent words I make up and my Original character.

A/N: All information on mental illnesses in this chapter is taken from personal experience and different sites on the internet. If any facts are incorrect or mannerisms are odd please feel free to point it out. I love it when I get yelled at!

On a side note… I have a Pit-bull and I love him to death. 'Dangerous' breeds are not evil… Even if they are portrayed that way. Just so no one thinks I'm puppy bashing.

Really need to get a beta reader. Haha.

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"Just… Let me do the talking. I don't know if he's been taking his medication." Godric glared at Hicks as the other male crowded a little too close. It put him on the edge being in such close quarters. The older man just rolled his eyes stepping back a bit as Godric looked over the chain link fence. "Stay… The last thing I want is you getting torn apart by rabid Pit-bulls. He feeds these things raw meat. You'd be a yummy side dish."

"Just move you're a- Holy shit!" Hicks was vaulting over the fence before Godric could mention the dogs were never chained up. The body laying sprawled out across the ground was bruised and bloody. Flipping the body over he could see the yellow-green bruises. "Godric… He's barely breathing!"

"Hicks! Move!" He'd known this was a bad idea, even after he'd pitched the idea to Dr. Rosen. He'd known he shouldn't intrude on Alexander's personal life even if the bastard killed his only American born family member. Throwing himself past Hick's he tackled the gigantic black dog that was barking and slobbering as it tried to protect its master.

"Leave my damn dog alone!" Alex bolted up right, his hair messy and muddy. Barely able to open his bruised left eye as he gave a weak glare at his smaller cousin. The teen stared at him in shock as the dog was released. Putting his hand to his head Alexander wrinkled his nose. "I feel like someone hit me with a baseball bat… Where am I?"

"Alex… What's the date?" Crouching down next to his cousin he looked at the older male. He got that bitchy expression Alex had a habit of giving him when he wasn't feeling well. Looking over at Hicks who was being licked and slobbered on by the gigantic Pit-bull that seemed intent on mounting the older male. "Um… Can you…"

"Vox… Go find your bone!" Alex rubbed his head, it was throbbing and aching horribly. Putting his head between his knees he took a slow breath to calm the nausea that suddenly took over. Eyes slowly rolling up to look at his cousin. "It's the seventh."

"Alex… It's the fifth… You blacked out." It was hard to watch the sudden look of shock and fear that flickered across his cousins' face. Alex gave a soft sound that drew his attention back. "'Lex?"

"You wouldn't be here unless I did something… 'Ric… What did I do… Don't you fucking lie to me!" Alex sounded like he was ready to have a panic attack, fear gripping him as he looked deep into his cousins' eyes. When Godric looked away his head just hung as he took a shuddering breath. "I hurt you…"

"A little… You caved the police station in… You didn't mean to do it 'Lex… It was Black. You can't control Black… I know you can't… Even if…" Godric gave a choked sound as his cousin just looked at the ground. Tears were rolling down his own cheeks before he could get out another sound. He was sitting in front of the very person that had killed his father, confronting him… And he couldn't hate him.

"So this isn't The Black Dog…" Hicks felt a little lost, their conversation was so vague at this point. He was still brushing dirt off of his pants as he stood up. The front and back yard was almost entirely dirt except for the few splotches of grass around the run down trailer home that was settled in the middle of the fenced in lot. The large Pit-bull came back drooling on a large cow bone, one that would have been purchased from the butcher.

"No… It's him… And it's not… Alexander…" Godric just looked at the ground as he sat down on his rear, the large dog nudging him to throw the dry bone. Looking over at the shell shocked man before him he just nudged Alex's foot with his own.

"I have Dissociative Identity Disorder… I black out… And I just… Godric… Why the hell aren't you yelling or something… I killed people…" The young adult looked as if he was going to cry, so many emotions flickering across his face and through his eyes as he looked at his cousin. Godric just looked at him in an emotionless manner that had his world crashing down… The same baby cousin he'd always protected from monsters and bullies. The same baby cousin he'd grown up with, he'd damaged… He'd taken something so important away from him. "I killed your dad… Don't you hate me?"

"I can't hate you… You were protecting me…" Godric looked away as he threw the bone across the yard. After a second he heard Alexander start sobbing, unable to bring himself to look at his cousin as he shattered. It was only when the ground started shaking that he nudged the older male again to bring him to himself enough to control the shaking. "I'm going to take you somewhere… Where we can help you… Alex… My dad… He wasn't who you thought he was…"

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"So he's The Black Dog… He's so…" Hicks was staring through the glass of the meeting room door window at Alexander as the young adult sobbed uncontrollably, Dr. Rosen rubbing his back gently as he tried to calm the man down. Looking over at Godric he saw the teen holding himself quietly. "Why does he call you 'Ric?"

"Back when my dad… Back when my dad was sober he used to call me 'Ric. Alex and I grew up together… He started to… I guess you could say one day he finally broke. His dad's new wife would lock him in the closet for days on end, starve him… He's cannon fodder, someone so ruined by other people he can't function normally… Shangri-La takes the broken and the ruined and gives them something to hold on to… The other Alex… Black… He's the part that they want. He's ruthless and won't balk when he needs to do dirty work." Godric rubbed at his arms as he finally looked up at Hicks. The rest of the team had gone home an hour ago; Dr. Rosen had excused them early so that no one would disturb his talk with Alexander. Needless to say that Alexander wasn't taking the knowledge of what he'd done well. "I should hate him… But when I look at him… He's still my cousin; he's still the person that used to look under my bed for the boogie man when I'd stay over."

"Godric… They're going to want him at Binghamton." There was no way Hicks could look the teen in the eye, he knew they'd lock the young man up like a dog and throw away the key. Swallowing softly as the door opened he watched Dr. Rosen step out. "How is he…"

"He has no recollection of the things he's done. The distinction between the personalities is… Rather interesting. He has no knowledge of your fathers' abuse." Dr. Rosen looked at Godric as the teen curled into himself a little more feeling as if he was being crowded. Looking back at the door he frowned as he saw Alexander sobbing again, the young man was troubled to a frightening point. "His memories have been separated into a strange manner. There are large chunks missing from parts of his life that he can't recall, when he tries he gets a terrible headache… Godric… He's goi-"

"Don't… Don't send him there. I don't care if he killed my dad. He's still 'Lex… He's still my cousin. I don't want him locked up like an animal. You heard those people! You don't even know what they're doing at that place any more. They're just going to break him even more…" Godric didn't even bother to wipe at the tears that were pouring, Alexander didn't have anyone except his dogs. He'd watched his cousin, good times and bad. He may not have been a Saint… But, he was family…

"'Ric… Maybe I should go." Alexander opened the door as he looked at his younger cousin. Looking at Dr. Rosen for a moment before he looked at the ground. "That hospital… I'll go…"

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Godric bolted up right, sweat clinging to his chest and neck as he panted. Frantic as he looked around the dimly lit apartment. The soft sound of someone in the kitchen had him letting out a shaking breath as he looked up at the ceiling. "Hicks… It's too early!"

"Actually… It's three in the afternoon. Hicks asked me to come over and make sure you ate." Rachel called from the kitchen as she finally popped out with a plate in hand. Holding out the grilled cheese sandwich she smiled. "He told me about your cousin…"

"Thanks… You mind?" He made a slow circle motion as he settled the plate on the coffee table. After a second she seemed to realize what he wanted. Smiling at the way her eyes widened before she turned slapping her hands over her eyes he waited for a second, watching her before getting up. Keenly aware that he was almost completely naked with his recent object of affection so close, licking his lips as he went through his duffel bag he tried to focus. Eyes trailing over towards Rachel again for a second to long as he realized he could see her panty lines, face suddenly flushed as he coughed hard. It was his turn to stare at her in shock as she looked over her shoulder, barely managing to hold his pants in front of him before she got a good look.

"Oh, God… Sorry… I thought you were done." She squeaked covering her eyes again, cheeks flushed as she heard the soft rustle and zip of the teen putting his pants on. Her ears warming up as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other, she couldn't help the embarrassment she suddenly felt. Rachel felt horrible, she'd just caught a peek of the poor guy nearly naked while he was trying to change. "You dressed?"

"Mostly… You can look if you want." Godric was looking through his bag, trying to find a t-shirt to put on as Rachel turned around. Her cheeks dusted with a soft flush as she looked at him. Looking up at her he just smiled, Rachel was one of the people he trusted most in the world. She never over stepped his boundaries, just as he tried not to cross hers. Bill was on his shit list again after the aggressive back pat he'd the other day; Godric swallowed softly remembering the instant wave of nausea that had hit him after the simplistic touch. "Thanks… For cooking I mean."

"It's not a problem… The kitchen's really organized… And I was worried about you. You've had a rough week." Rachel was tucking her hair behind her ears as Godric picked up a black tank top, the teen moving closer to her as he stood up. "Godric?"

He didn't exactly tower over her… He did have a good two or three inches though, he realized as he licked his lips nervously eyes flickering over hers as he stood in front of her holding his shirt loose in his hands. He couldn't exactly formulate what he wanted to say, his throat had stopped working as his mind flickered back to the way her skirt was clinging to her rear. Godric's brain finally clicked as he jerked back hard, nearly tripping over his own feet.

"Godr-" Rachel clenched her eyes shut as the bathroom door shut loudly. She could hear him retching violently. Rubbing the back of her neck she looked down at his bag, all of the clothes were neatly folded and tucked in tight. It looked a little fuller than it had last time. Picking up the blanket on the couch her nose wrinkled at the strong scent of sweat as the shower turned on in the bathroom, humming to herself she wadded up the blanket.

…

All he could taste was mint toothpaste as he pulled his clothes on, slipping his fresh shirt on as he ran his fingers through his messy dirty blond hair. He needed to cut it soon; Godric frowned as some of the strands hung down over his forehead. He usually kept it short enough to spike without much trouble. As he opened the bathroom door he blinked, the soft scent of cleaner drifting through the apartment. "You cleaned?"

"Well… I did use some of your food. Least I could do… You alright?" Rachel looked up from her seat on the couch, she had her bare feet tucked under her rear as she watched the news. The teen was rubbing the back of his neck nervously, twitching in an awkward manner.

"Yeah… Just… Never mind… Dr. Rosen already send Alex to Binghamton?" Godric was almost whispering as he sat on the other end of the couch, picking up his now cold and almost soggy sandwich. Taking a large bite he looked over at Rachel, she just smiled at him gesturing for him to keep eating.

"He's not going to Binghamton. Dr. Rosen felt that it would be too stressful for both of you if you were so far separated… So Alexander is going to be monitored in a local mental hospital, possibly put on medication… But you can see him. Dr. Rosen said you weren't upset… Why?" Smoothing her skirt with her hands she missed the way Godric was staring openly as her fingertips brushed her hips as she smoothed the fabric. Looking over at the television she smiled. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to…"

"Alex… We grew up together. He took care of me… He doesn't remember it… But when I was six and my dad came home really drunk when Alex was staying the night. Alex hid in the closet with me, put me under a pile of coats and he stood up to my dad when he got found. The whole apartment building was shaking until a trophy fell on dad's head… Alex grabbed my hand and we walked all the way across the city, I was barefoot and my feet were bleeding by the time we got to his mother's house…" Godric smoothed his fingers through his hair after setting his plate down, he couldn't bring himself to eat any more. He felt like crying, Alexander didn't deserve for anyone to hate him… But he couldn't be forgiven for the things he'd done. "She was asleep and he put me up on the toilet and bandaged my feet… It was horrible; there was gauze and medical tape everywhere. But… He carried me to his bedroom and he let me sleep with him, he kept telling me that everything was going to be okay… His mother died a week later…"

"He started living with his father and his new wife… She never let me see Alex. After that when I did see him… He'd only be the Alex I knew sometimes… Sometimes he'd just be so angry, he'd hate everyone…" Curling into himself Godric flopped over as he stared blankly at the television. "When he doesn't take his medication… He starts acting like he wants to destroy everything… He hates everyone so much when he's like that. 'Lex used to be the person that made the whole world good and perfect…"

"You have a lot of good memories of him…" Rachel fiddled with her fingers for a moment, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear she just smiled at Godric before looking at the news. Picking up the remote she turned it up as an animal shelter presented a 'Pet of the Week'. "He meant a lot to you… Means a lot to you…"

"I can see your bra." Godric slapped his hand over his mouth as he realized what he'd said. It was true though. He could see the lacey outline of her bra through her shirt; she'd taken off her jacket and laid it across one of dining room chairs during the time he'd been in the shower. Pulling his knees up he hid his face against the fabric of his jeans.

Looking down at her shirt she could only blink realizing he was right, even she could see the lace of her bra through her too thin button up shirt. Looking over at Godric she could see the tips of his ears were red as he hid his face. "We should… We should get to the office."

"Yeah…" Godric said quietly, teenage hormones had him torn between wanting to flip Rachel's skirt to find out if the bra matched and wanting to just hide until he started rotting. Of all of the stupid things he could have said.