The denouements are approaching! Unfortunately I want them to be perfect so its taking me a bit. For everyone who stuck through with this strangely angsty fic, thanks you're support really means a lot.
A special thanks to my wonderful beta Half A Recess!
This Chapter is really short, but more is coming!
Don't. Own. Squat.
I think that's all. Enjoy!
Anger boiled inside Kuwabara as his eyes caught the blank expression of his younger self standing a dozen feet behind Hiei. In his rage he completely forgot Hiei's presence, as he bellowed across the bower,
"Stay where you are!" In all of his life he had never felt so disgusted and humiliated with another human being. Not just any human being, he reminded himself,
"It's me."
As soon as Kuwabara had broken eye contact with him, Hiei had turned to follow his gaze. He saw no one in Kuwabara's line of vision; Hiei would have waited for Kuwabara to explain, but the unfamiliar tone with which Kuwabara yelled had precipitated his inquiry.
"Kazuma, who are you talking to?" Kuwabara's eyes widened.
It was time. This façade of normalcy was exhausting, and pusillanimous. He could no longer hide his mental degradation; it ran rampant through all facets of his life. Maybe the fact that Hiei was with him now was fate. It made his confession inescapable.
"Hiei-" Kuwabara began, his eyes never leaving his younger self,
"I'll wait," Hiei interrupted. Kuwabara nodded, and began to walk towards his younger self.
"Is it an apparition?" Hiei asked, Kuwabara sighed,
"…Something like that."
As he approached the petulant child that had given him so much difficulty, he clenched his fists and tried to think of a plan of action. Children were supposed to be amenable, right? Maybe he could turn the situation in his favor … if not…
…
"Where's Shizuru?"
…
Kuwabara walked the stretch to his younger self that felt miles long.
…
"Nutso! She killed herself! She's dead! No more Mommy!"
…
"Sit," he commanded. The younger Kuwabara looked as if he was going to open his mouth protest but thought better of it. He lowered himself to the ground respectfully.
…
"And that's what's going to happen to meand that's what's going to happen to you"
…
Kuwabara half sat half collapsed from exhaustion onto the ground. How many days did a person have to go without sleep and to be considered legally insane? Three? Four?
"How about a week?" He shook his head as if trying to empty the thought. He had to be cogent. If this conversation didn't lead to the conclusion he was hoping for…
He felt Hiei sit next to him. It comforted and piqued him at the same time. But perhaps Hiei could draw his own conclusions, which would make letting go much easier… He began before his thoughts could stray again,
"I thought we had some kind of understanding? As long as I acted accordingly you'd let me have control?"
His younger self looked slightly guilty, but remained adamant,
"I started thinking I could do a better job of saving you from your insanity."
"YOU'RE PART OF MY INSANITY!" Kuwabara yelled exasperated, "You're entire ideology is counterproductive!"
The boy shook his head contritely and wouldn't catch Kuwabara's eye.
"There's a reason you've been losing more and more time, something you're not aware of." Kuwabara felt his mouth go dry. It felt as if Hiei and the rest of the world were miles away, living perfectly, quietly, serenely. Completely unaware of the maelstrom that was his psyche.
"…what am I not aware of?"
"Well, … I'm not the only one who's trying to save you anymore." At first Kuwabara didn't understand, but suddenly his eyes widened in comprehension.
"Oh my God, how many?" When his younger self didn't respond immediately, Kuwabara realized with woe, that he was counting.
"There are now 38 of us sharing time,"
"MY time you mean! MY life." The boy continued over Kuwabara's interruption,
"They're each a different age-"
"They're all inherently younger than me, that means they all think like you," he muttered.
"We're each going to have a day," Kuwabara's stomach dropped to the floor. He knew arguing wasn't going to work. Hopelessness washed over him like a cold rain.
"Why am I awake today?"
"Erm… sometimes when someone can't handle the situation, they figure you're the oldest, so you can,"
"So I'm the "Go-To" guy for sex and pain?" The young Kuwabara wouldn't catch his eye, so he continued his train of thought, "And I'm going to be conscious every 38 days… that's it?" His voice started to sound raspy as he tried to accept the new information.
"Well… maybe not every 38 days," Kuwabara put his face in his hands, "… more are being divided everyday…" When Kuwabara looked up again, his younger self was gone. He could hear the blood pounding through his ears.
He wondered faintly what other people were doing on this beautiful day. Some were probably working, counting the minutes to freedom. Some were doing mundane yet placid things like shopping. While he…
Well, he now had twenty-four hours to plan his own death.
"If I even have that amount of time…" When Hiei's hand grasped Kuwabara's shoulder he startled, whirling around to face him with wide eyes. Kuwabara put his face in his hands and inhaled deeply. When he looked up Hiei was watching him with a careful eye, waiting ever so patiently.
He couldn't even try to think of an explanation for Hiei. A lie, the truth, nothing- when he finally was able to make his lips move, it was as if the words chose themselves.
"I lost," He said simply.