Several, uneventful, but self-hatred-filled months later, I got a letter from Dumbledore. He asked me to come to Hogsmead to provide further protection to the school.
I wasn't sad to leave the underground and the company of the other werewolves…
But I was wary… I knew you'd been assigned to Hogsmead as well. I didn't want to run into you. I didn't know what to say if I did. Also I thought seeing you would make me feel even worse, no matter what state you were in.
If you were still depressed I'd feel horrible about myself, knowing it was my fault.
If you were reasonably happy, what I hoped for your sake, I would feel horrible, knowing it was because you've gotten over me and didn't want me anymore.
I couldn't bear that thought.
So I avoided you.
Then, of course, came that night in June.
Dumbledore was about to leave the school again and all available Order members were recruited to the school…
We both know what happened that night. How we were ambushed by the Death Eaters. Spells flying everywhere, the ceiling collapsing… I could hardly concentrate on my own duels; I was worried about you…
Then the fighting stopped and Minerva ordered everyone involved to the Hospital-Wing. That's when we saw Bill lying in that bed, his face ripped and slashed so much, you wouldn't have recognised him if it wasn't for his Weasley-hair.
And I realized yet again, that I was too dangerous for you. I shuddered at the thought of seeing you there; horrified by the thought it could've been my claws ripping your face, my teeth sinking into your body…
Of course Ron and Ginny turned to me with their questions, but I couldn't answer them, I didn't know…
I, like Ron had the hope that Dumbledore could fix Bill. I had that hope, for his sake, until Ginny announced the news. Dumbledore was dead.
Every tiny piece of hope that I had had, concerning Bill, concerning the war, concerning you, was destroyed by those three words from Ginny. I lost it. I couldn't imagine how we'd ever get out of it. I lost hope; I lost confidence in our case.
I hated writing about Bill or Dumbledore being dead... but we all have to go through this...
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