And now I present to you, the reader, the long-awaited chapter, "The Sorting Hat." Enjoy!
"Alright, who's reading now?" Harry asked after his ears had finished ringing. Ron immediately began jumping up and down in his seat.
"Ohhh! Ohhh! Pick me! Pick me!"
Harry sighed and picked Ron to be the next reader, since no one else was volunteering. "Yes!" Ron cheered as he took the book and began reading.
"Chapter Seven," he read. "The Sorting Hat." He was cut off as Harry's parents cheered, then, when they had finished, began.
The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face and Harry's first thought was that this was not someone to cross.
"Now, these people, on the other hand…" said Lily as she pointed to the Marauders.
"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.
"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."
"Yep, take us on a wild adventure, filled with trolls, dementors, and Tommy-Boy," said Harry, eyes dancing with glee. "God, I love my life."
She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so wide you could have fit the whole of the Dursleys' house in it.
"It might fit their house, but could it have fit them?"
The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones at Gringotts, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors.
They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Harry could hear the drone of a thousand voices from a doorway to the right - the rest of the school must already be here – but Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall.
"Oh…My…God! McGonagall rapes little kids!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. A coughing noise was heard from the portrait of Phineas Nigellus (sp?) on the drawing room wall.
They crowded in, standing rather closer than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.
"Not James," Remus grinned. "He was complaining about a lack of attention the entire time she was talking."
"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts.
"On the other hand, the Weasleys always get real family and house family," Ron grumbled.
You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.
"Or another person's houses' common room, if you can get in," Harry grinned.
"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards.
"But for every outstanding witch or wizard, there is always an evil one, a greedy one, or a corrupt one," Hermione said sagely.
While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose your house points.
"I don't think some people got that memo, though," Lily muttered, looking at the Marauders and Twins.
At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you becomes a credit to whichever house becomes yours.
"Or a pain in the ass, whichever you want."
"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you smarten yourselves up as much as you can while waiting."
Her eyes lingered on Neville's cloak, which was fastened under his left ear, and on Ron's smudged nose. Harry nervously tried to flatten his hair.
"Gee, Harry, I thought you would have learned by now, that never works," James laughed.
"I shall return when we are ready for you,"
"No one is ready enough for them," Ginny said while gesturing at the Marauders and her twin brothers, all of whom grinned proudly.
said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."
"What's quiet mean?" Sirius asked sweetly.
She left the chamber. Harry swallowed.
"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" he asked Ron.
"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."
"…And you believed him, why?" Ginny asked her brother, who shrugged, saying nothing.
Harry's heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school?
"I think James would have been delighted that the entire school was giving all its attention to him," Lily told him. "That's what I would have done, not him."
But he didn't know any magic yet – what on earth would he have to do? He hadn't expected something like this the moment they arrived. He looked around anxiously and saw that everyone else looked terrified, too. No one was talking much except Hermione Granger, who was whispering very fast about all the spells she'd learned and wondering which one she'd need.
"All right, I admit it! I was a know-it-all, happy now?" Hermione snapped and her best friends, both of whom had wide smiles on their faces.
Harry tried hard not to listen to her. He'd never been more nervous, never, not even when he'd had to take a school report home to the Dursleys saying that he'd somehow turned his teacher's wig blue.
James and the Siriuses snickered at him loudly.
He kept his eyes on the door. Any second now, Professor McGonagall would come out and lead him to his doom.
"Dramatic, much?"
Then something happened that made him jump about a foot in the air – several people behind him screamed.
"What the -"
He gasped. So did the people around him. About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to one another and hardly glancing at the first years.
"Any guesses as to what they're talking about?"
They seemed to be arguing. What looked like a fat little monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance -"
"My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not even a ghost – I say, what are you all doing here?"
A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years.
"Took them long enough."
Nobody answered.
"New students!" said the Fat Friar, smiling around at them. "About to be sortedd, I suppose?"
"No, they're about to go on a magical adventure, filled with dragons, giants, the Dark Mark, Lucius Malfoy, a hippogriff, a basilisk, and a magical stone."
The Golden Trio stared at him. "What?"
"Nothing, nothing…"
A few people nodded mutely.
"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" said the Friar. "My old house, you know."
"No, we don't."
"Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony is about to start."
Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall.
"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."
Feeling oddly as though his legs had turned to lead,
"That must be a funny feeling," Severus remarked with a raised eyebrow.
Harry got in line behind a boy with sandy hair, with Ron behind him, and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of doors into the Great Hall. Harry had never even imagined such a strange and splendid place. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laden with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led the first years up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Mainly to avoid all the staring eyes, Harry looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars.
Everyone sighed, remembering each of their individual first times seeing the Great Hall.
He heard Hermione whisper, "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History."
"ARRRRGH!"
It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't simply open on to the heavens.
"Ah, but if it opened to the heavens, then everyone would be rained on," Moony said mischievously.
Harry quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty. Aunt Petunia wouldn't have let it in the house.
"Correction: I wouldn't let it on the same planet, if I could help it."
Maybe they had to get a rabbit out of it, Harry thought wildly, that seemed the sort of thing – noticing that everyone else in the hall was now staring at the hat, he stared at it, too. For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth – and the hat began to sing:
"Please don't sing it, Ron," Hermione pleaded, since Ron couldn't sing to save his life. Ron simply smiled an evil smile and began to sing, completely out of tune.
"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
There's nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can't see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.
You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave of heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;
Or perhaps in Slytherin
You'll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means
To achieve their ends.
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a thinking cap!"
"AGHHHH!" Hermione was screaming from the instant Ron began singing, trying to drown out him but failing, so much that everyone was holding their ears in pain by the end.
The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song.
Hermione glared at Ron.
It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.
"So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Harry. "I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."
"Which reminds me," Ron muttered. He rolled up his sleeves and proceeded to drag Fred out into the hallway, where several violent sounds could be heard. Ron came back into the room with blood splattered all over him. "He's dead," he said to the questioning looks.
Uh oh. By whatever powers I get as author, Fred, come alive again!
Fred walked back into the room and sat down. "Never again," he whispered with his knees drawn against his chest. "I saw angels…" He trailed off, muttering random things to himself.
Harry smiled weakly. Yes, trying on the hat was a lot better than having to do a spell, but he did wish they could have tried it on without everyone watching. The hat seemed to be asking rather a lot; Harry didn't feel brave or quick-witted or any of it at the moment. If only the hat had mentioned a house for people who felt a bit queasy, that would have been the one for him.
"The complete opposite of his father," said Lily, rolling her eyes at James.
Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a large roll of parchment.
"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbot, Hannah!"
A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moment's pause –
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
"Ron!"
"Sorry."
shouted the hat.
The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her.
"When isn't he merry?" Remus asked.
"Bones, Susan!"
"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah.
"Boot, Terry!"
"RAVENCLAW!"
The table second from the left clapped this time; several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them.
"Brocklehurst, Mandy" went to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender"
Ron gulped as Hermione began glaring into space.
became the first new Gryffindor, and the table on the far left exploded with cheers; Harry could see Ron's twin brothers cat-calling.
"Bulstrode, Millicent" then became a Slytherin. Perhaps it was Harry's imagination, after all he'd heard about Slytherin, but he thought they looked like an unpleasant lot.
"Okay, even I've got to admit, we don't exactly look nice," Severus admitted. "But we're nice enough to make up for it."
He was starting to feel definitely sick now. He remembered being picked for teams during gym at his old school. He had always been last to be chosen, not because he was no good, but because no one wanted Dudley to think that they liked him.
Everyone turned and glared at Petunia, who raised her hands in self-defense.
"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
Sometimes, Harry noticed, the hat shouted out the house at once, but at others, it took a little while to decide. "Finnigan, Seamus," the sandy-haired boy next to Harry, sat on the hat for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor.
"Granger, Hermione!"
Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head.
"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat. Ron groaned.
"So it was you!" Hermione scolded Ron. "I knew I heard something!"
A horrible thought struck Harry,
"With a huge hammer, and knocked him out, making the prophecy of a black-haired midget with glasses defeating the Dark Lord null and void!" Everyone glared at Ron.
"Get serious, Ron," Lily scolded. "Okay!" Ron went over to Sirius and tapped him on the shoulder. "Sirius, Lily wants you." Everyone laughed at the look on Lily's face.
as horrible thoughts always do when you're very nervous. What if he wasn't chosen at all?
James opened his mouth, but closed it at a look from Lily.
What if he just sat there with the hat over his eyes for ages and ages, until Professor McGonagall jerked it off his head and said there had obviously been a mistake and he'd better get back on the train?
"I don't think that's EVER happened, Harry, don't you worry your pretty little head," Ginny told her fiancée with a casual smirk.
When Neville Longbottom, the boy who kept losing his toad, was called, he fell over on his way to the stool.
"Didn't Alice do that too?" Moony asked his younger counterpart, who nodded.
The hat took a long time to decide with Neville. When the hat finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR," Neville ran off still wearing it, and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to "MacDougal, Morag."
"And that?" Another nod.
Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once: the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"
"Bet it didn't want to touch him," George muttered to his twin, and they both descended in a fit of silent laughter.
Malfoy went to join his friends Crabbe and Goyle, looking pleased with himself.
There weren't many people left now.
"Moon"…,"Nott"…,"Parkinson"…, then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil"…, then "Perks, Sally-Anne"…, and then, at last –
"The muffin man joined the sandman and beat the evil alien forces to save Spain?" James asked. Lily looked shocked at the fact that James knew who the muffin man and the sandman were.
"Potter, Harry!"
"Oh, him."
As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall.
"Potter, did she say?"
"The Harry Potter?"
"No, he's a normal black-haired midget with glasses, not some celebrity. What are you people, crazy?"
The last thing Harry saw before the hat dropped over his eyes was the hall full of people craning to get a good look at him. Next second he was looking at the black inside of the hat. He waited.
"Hmmm," said a small voice in his ear. "Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind either. There's talent, oh my goodness, yes – and a nice thirst to prove yourself, now that's interesting…. So where shall I put you?"
"Gryffindor," said James, leaving no room for leeway.
Harry gripped the edges of the stool and thought, Not Slytherin, not Slytherin.
"Same mind as his father, I see," Severus sneered good-naturedly. Both took it as a complement and gave him a two-fingered salute.
"Not Slytherin, eh?" said the small voice. "Are you sure?
"Yep. I don't want to go into Slytherin, no offense," Harry added to Severus.
You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on your way to greatness, no doubt about that – no? well if you're sure – better be GRYFFINDOR!"
James and Lily cheered, hugging each other, then each hugging their son, then a three-way group hug, while the others from the past, plus Ginny, since she never saw Harry's Sorting. Once the cheering died down, they continued, eyes still red from crying, as well as 'man-tears' (as the Twins put them) from the guys.
Harry heard the hat shout the last word to the whole hall. He took off the hat and walked shakily toward the Gryffindor table. He was so relieved to have been chosen
"You would have been chosen anyway.
and not put in Slytherin,
"You wouldn't have."
He hardly noticed he was getting the loudest cheer yet. Percy the Prefect got up and shook his hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled, "We got Potter! We got Potter!" Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier.
"Nearly Headless Nick!" Sirius and Padfoot cheered.
The ghost patted his arm, giving Harry the sudden, horrible feeling he'd just plunged it into a bucket of ice water.
He could see the High Table clearly now. At the end nearest him sat Hagrid, who caught his eye and gave him the thumbs up. Harry grinned back. And there, in the center of the High Table, in a large gold chair, sat
"A giant squid?"
"No."
"A manticore?"
"No."
"Ice cream?"
"No."
"An evil-looking git?"
"No."
(About forty minutes later)
"Albus Dumbledore?"
"Finally! Thanks for wasting so much time of our lives, Sirius!" The teenager in question grinned.
Albus Dumbledore. Harry recognized him at once from the card he'd gotten out of the Chocolate Frog on the train. Dumbledore's silver hair was the only thing in the hall that shone as brightly as the ghosts. Harry spotted Professor Quirrell, too, the nervous young man from the Leaky Cauldron. He was looking very peculiar in a large purple turban.
"Beware the turban, Harry…" Ron said in an ominous voice "People with turbans are evil."
And now there were only three people left to be sorted. "Thomas, Dean," a Black boy even taller than Ron,
"Taller than Ron?" Petunia gasped. "It's not possible!"
joined Harry at the Gryffindor table."Turpin, Lisa," became a Ravenclaw and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green by now. Harry crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat had shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"
Harry clapped loudly with the rest as Ron collapsed into the chair next to him.
"Well done, Ron, excellent," said Percy Weasley pompously
"It's not a question of when he's pompous, it's a question of when he ISN'T pompous," said one of the Twins.
across from Harry as "Zabini, Blaise," was made a McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away.
Harry looked down at his empty gold plate. He had only just realized how hungry he was.
"You JUST realized that THEN?" Ron almost screamed.
The pumpkin pasties seemed ages ago.
"Of course they were, they were an hour before then!"
"Almost an hour?" Sirius screamed. "I can't even go for HALF! Speaking of which…" He trailed out as he pulled out a chocolate bar. He blinked, and in that tiny frame of time, it disappeared. Remus and Moony could be seen fighting over it in the next instant. Eventually, Sirius gave up and took it back, and ate it, while the Remuses stared in shock. No one took their chocolate away from them! It was their precious…(author starts muttering about chocolate and pens and broken laptops…)
Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.
"Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
Everyone burst out laughing from this…unusual choice of words.
"Thank you!"
He sat back down everyone clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not.
"Laugh. it makes things easier," James advised his son.
"Is he – a bit mad?" he asked Percy uncertainly.
"Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes.
"See, even Percy thinks so!" the Twins clapped each other on the back as they laughed.
Potatoes, Harry?"
Harry's mouth fell open. The dishes in front of him were piled with food. He had never seen so many things he liked to eat on one table: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, and, for some strange reason, peppermint humbugs.
"We're eating after this," Ron stated. It was not a question.
The Dursleys had never exactly starved Harry, but he'd never been allowed to eat as much as he liked.
Another glare for Petunia.
Dudley had always taken anything that Harry really wanted, even if it made him sick. Harry piled his plate with a bit of everything except the peppermints and began to eat. It was all delicious.
"That does look good," said the ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Harry cut up his steak. "Can't you - ?"
"I haven't eaten for nearly four hundred years," said the ghost. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it. I don't think I've introduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."
"Nearly Headless Nick!" the Siriuses cheered again.
"I know who you are!" said Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you – you're Nearly Headless Nick!"
"…And as always, you display your distinct lack of tact, Ron," said Hermione, chuckling slightly.
"I would prefer you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy -" the ghost began stiffly, but sandy-haired Seamus Finnigan interrupted.
"Nearly headless? How can you be nearly headless?"
Sir Nicholas looked extremely miffed, as if their little chat wasn't going at all the way he wanted.
"It rarely does."
"Like this," he said irritably. He seized his left ear and pulled. His whole head swung off his neck and fell onto his shoulder as if it was on a hinge. Someone had obviously tried to behead him, but not done it properly. Looking pleased at the stunned looks on their faces, Nearly Headless Nick flipped his head back onto his neck, coughed, and said, "So – new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the house championship this year?
"Nope!" said the Marauders gleefully.
Gryffindors have never gone so long without winning.
"What?"
Slytherins have got the cup six years in a row!
"Yes!" Severus cheered.
The Bloody Baron's becoming almost unbearable – he's the Slytherin ghost."
Harry looked over at the Slytherin table and saw a horrible ghost sitting there, with blank staring eyes, a gaunt face, and robes stained with silver blood. He was right next to Malfoy who, Harry was pleased to see, didn't look too pleased with the seating arrangements.
"If a Malfoy's unhappy, then I'm happy," said Ron.
"How did he get covered in blood?" Seamus asked with great interest.
"I've never asked," said Nearly Headless Nick delicately.
"You mean you chickened out."
When everyone had eaten as much as they could, the remains of the food faded from the plates, leaving them sparkling clean as before. A moment later the desserts appeared. Blocks of ice cream in every flavor you think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate
The Remuses had been dosing off slightly, but they both woke up and started looking for chocolate once it was mentioned.
éclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, Jell-O, rice pudding…
Sirius had been salivating, up until he spoke up.
"Harry, we're having dinner after this."
"But it's the middle of the day!"
"Details."
As Harry helped himself to a treacle tart, the talk turned to their families. "I'm half-and-half," said Seamus. "Me dad's a Muggle. Mom didn't tell him she was a witch 'til after they married. Bit of a nasty shock for him."
There was much laughter.
The others laughed.
"Stupid copiers!" Sirius snarled. "When I get my hands on you…"He was pacified by a sharp look from James, who gestured subtly at the girl sitting next to him.
"I'll throw them a party!" he announced, trying to cover up.
"What about you, Neville?" asked Ron.
"Well, my gran brought me up and she's a witch," said Neville, "but the family thought I was all-Muggle for ages. My Great Uncle Algae kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me – he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned – but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algae came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidently let go. But I bounced – all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy. And you should have seen their faces when I got in here – they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see. Great Uncle Algae was so pleased he bought me my toad."
Gasps resounded through the room as Ron finished reading Neville's grim tale. They all looked at each other in mutual agreement before continuing. 'Neville's family must die!'
On Harry's other side, Percy Weasley and Hermione were talking about lessons ("I do hope they start right away, there's so much to learn. I'm particularly interested in Transfiguration, you know, turning something into something else, of course, it's supposed to be very difficult -"; "You'll be starting small, just matches into needles and that sort of thing -").
"Nervous much, Hermione?" Ginny asked with a small chuckle, while Hermione blushed.
Harry, who was starting to feel warm and sleepy, looked up at the High Table again. Hagrid was drinking deeply from his goblet. Professor McGonagall was talking to Professor Dumbledore. Professor Quirrell, in his absurd turban, was talking to a teacher with greasy black hair, a hooked nose, and sallow skin.
"No…No! I refuse to admit it!" James jumped up and pointed at Severus. "You can't teach my son!"
Severus merely raised an eyebrow. "I haven't even become a teacher yet. Don't get ahead of yourself, Potter."
It happened very suddenly. The hook-nosed teacher looked past Quirrell's turban straight into Harry's eyes – and a sharp, hot pain shot across the scar on Harry's forehead.
"Snape!" James was really mad now. "We're taking this outside!" Grimly, the two teenagers, both taking out their wands and going into the hall, slamming the door behind them. Petunia peeked out from between her fingers. "Is it safe now?"
"Ouch!" Harry clapped a hand to his head.
"What is it?" asked Percy.
"N-nothing."
"Harry, you really need to tell someone in times like that," Lily chided gently.
The pain had gone as quickly as it had come. Harder to shake off was the feeling Harry had gotten from the teacher's look – a feeling that he didn't like Harry at all.
"Typical of Sev," Lily snorted. "He always hated James." They all jumped when they heard a loud explosion from the duelists, but continued warily.
"Who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?" he asked Percy.
"Oh, you know Quirrell already, do you? No wonder he's looking so nervous, that's Professor Snape. He teaches Potions, but he doesn't want to – everyone knows he's after Quirrell's job. Knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts, Snape."
"Again, he was always like that."
Harry watched Snape for a while, but Snape didn't look at him again.
At last, the desserts too disappeared, and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent. "Ahem – just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered.
"What are we, plants?" Moony asked before taking a good look at the others. They all had the faintest tinge of green around them.
I have a few start-of-term notices to give you.
"First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."
"Us and them," the Marauders and Twins said while pointing at the other group.
Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins.
"Ha!"
"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.
"No one listens to that rule anyway."
"Quidditch trials will be held in the second week in the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.
"And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to anyone who does not want to die a very painful death."
"So, emos can go there?" Petunia asked. Harry shrugged. "He never actually said you couldn't go there if you wanted to die, so I guess."
Harry laughed, but he was one of the few who did.
"He's not serious?" he muttered to Percy.
"Nope, I am!"
"Sirius, shut up!"
"Must be," said Percy, frowning at Dumbledore. "It's odd, because he usually gives us a reason why we're not allowed to go somewhere – the forest's full of dangerous beasts, everyone knows that.
"It's also got cute little bunny rabbits, cute little squirrels, and a handsome doggie," Sirius informed Lily.
I do think he might have told us prefects, at least."
"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore.
"Ah, the evil school song, one that will give you nightmares for the rest of your life."
Harry noticed that the other teachers' smiles had become rather fixed.
"They agree with me."
Dumbledore gave his wand a little flick, as if he was trying to get a fly off the end, and a long gold ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself, snakelike, into words.
"Everyone pick their favorite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!"
And the school bellowed:
"Ron, no!" Hermione screamed, but it was too late.
"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full or air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot."
"RON!" The person in question simply snickered before continuing.
Everyone finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march.
"I wonder if it's the same tune James and I always use?" Sirius thought out loud.
Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of the ones that clapped the loudest.
"Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond what we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"
The Gryffindor first years followed Percy through the chattering crowds. Out of the Great Hall, and up the marble staircase. Harry's legs were like lead again, but only because he was so tired and full of food. He was too sleepy even to be surprised that the people in the portraits along the corridors whispered and pointed as he passed, or that twice Percy led them through doorways hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries.
"Hogwarts sure sounds confusing," Petunia remarked.
"You get used to it," Remus assured her.
They climbed more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet, and Harry was just wondering how far they had to go when they came to a sudden halt.
"Why?"
"Shut up for a moment, Sirius, and you might find out!"
A bundle of walking sticks was floating in midair ahead of them, and as Percy took a step towards them they started throwing themselves at him.
"Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A poltergeist." He raised his voice, "Peeves – show yourself."
A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered.
"Didn't we teach him that?" Padfoot asked Moony. "I think so," came the answer.
"Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"
There was a pop, and a man with wicked, dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks.
"Oooooooh!" he said with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!"
He swooped suddenly at them. They all ducked.
"Go away, Peeves, or the Bloody Baron will hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy.
Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. They heard him zooming away, rattling the coats of armor as he passed.
"And that," Remus explained to a wide-eyed petunia, "was a typical encounter with Peeves."
"You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."
"And that's only because he's scared of Peeves."
At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.
"So THAT'S where the Gryffindor common room is!" said a very bedraggled Severus as he reentered the room. "I always wondered where it was!"
Everyone stared, wide-eyed. "What?"
James reentered and put his arm around Severus' shoulders, as if they were the best of friends.
"We found a mutual bonding," explained James. "We both adore Muggle comic books characters!"
Everyone shrugged and went back to reading, while Sirius filled James in on what he had missed.
"Password?" she said.
"Caput Dracomis," said Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a large hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it – Neville needed a leg up – and found themselves in the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round room full of squishy armchairs.
"I love our common room," sighed Ginny wistfully.
Percy directed the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase – they were obviously in one of the towers – they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red, velvet curtains. Their trunks had already been brought up. Too tired to talk much, they pulled on their pajamas and fell into bed.
"Great food, isn't it?" Ron muttered to Harry through the hangings. "Get off, Scabbers! He's chewing my sheets."
"Ha ha." Padfoot said calmly. Ron muttered something about "Evil people pretending to be rats" before continuing.
Harry was going to ask Ron if he'd had any of the treacle tart, but he fell asleep at once.
Perhaps Harry had eaten a bit too much, because he had a very strange dream.
"Aren't all of your dreams strange, Harry?" Hermione asked. She dodged the good-natured swing he took at her.
He was wearing Professor Quirrell's turban, which kept talking to him, telling him he must transfer to Slytherin at once, because it was his destiny. Harry told the turban he didn't want to be in Slytherin; it got heavier and heavier; he tried to pull it off but it tightened painfully – and there was Malfoy, laughing at him as he dtruggled with it – then Malfoy turned into the hook-nosed teacher, Snape, whose laughter became high and cold – there was a burst of green light and Harry woke sweating and shaking.
"So you've always had weird dreams, then," Ginny teased lightly.
He rolled over and fell asleep again, and when he woke the next day, he didn't remember the dream at all.
A/N: This chapter was a bit hard to write, since I kept wanting to eat throughout the entire Feast part. Anyway, tell me what you think; should I put up each book as an individual story, or keep them all in one story? It might sound stupid, but I've been thinking about this for a while, and I can't decide. But anyway, vote in the poll on my profile! It will stay there until I get to the end of Book 1. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!