"Her white blank page and a swelling rage…"

Lily walked into her room after hearing what James had to say about giving up on her.

She still couldn't believe it. James had given up. He had given up his chase. The chase that had been going on for years and years. Lily felt like a new person altogether. No James Potter!

She walked over to her bed and flopped down, a large grin adorning her face.

No James Potter.

No… James.

James.

Lily wasn't sure how she felt about this new life without James.

Suddenly there was a knock on her door, and without waiting for her to give permission, the door swung open, revealing James.

What?

James strode over to Lily like she was his purpose in life. He came all the way to the side of her bed and stood there. Lily had not moved, just followed his form with her eyes until she had to physically look up at him standing right next to her.

"What do you want, James? I thought you had given up."

James' eyes smoldered with… Lily wasn't exactly sure what.

"I lied."

And then he was on top of her, wasting no time in shoving his tongue in her mouth.

Lily should have been angry. After all, it was a dream come true that James was finally going to leave her alone.

But this was not leaving Lily alone.

Lily's hands dove into the unruly raven locks. It was so soft… much softer than she could have ever imagined.

Tugging slightly, Lily brought James' face as close as it could possibly get. Her mouth devoured his lips, taking in as much of him at once as she possibly could.

To hell with James giving up on her. She didn't want him to. This was…

This felt like they were meant for each other.

Lily tugged James' shirt off, and he sat up a bit, still straddling her to make it easier to pull off. He didn't stop there. Getting off of Lily, he took her hands and pulled her up. Lily took his hands and placed them in his lap and then commenced taking her shirt off.

As soon as it was off, James dove onto her again, but instead of kissing her mouth like she wanted him to, he kissed his way down her throat stopping just as he got to her breasts. He lifted his head a little bit, taking in the sight in front of him. Lily desperately wanted him to do something…

James kissed his way back up her throat, placed little kisses along her jawline and paused just above her lips.

"I could never give up on you, Lily Evans."

Lily could feel every word he said being brushed against her lips.

"I'm glad you didn't, James."

And they were kissing again as if their very lives depended upon it.

James' hand reached to Lily's back, Lily lifting herself a little in order to assist him. As James unsnapped her bra, Lily's legs wrapped themselves around James' muscular torso. James smiled wickedly, and Lily returned the expression.

Lily's hand brushed her way down his chest, over his fit abdominals, and to the belt buckle of his jeans. It was easy to undo the belt. Whipping it off to nowhere, Lily's hand then fumbled with the button and zipper. Then, James…

HOLY MERLIN!

Lily shot up in her bed, sweat dripping down her face, and certain parts of her body tingling in the most delicious ways.

What the bloody hell had that been all about?

Lily's room was dark. Her curtains were still open, and she was still dressed in her school uniform minus the robes.

Bringing her hand to her forehead, she took a deep breath to calm her racing heart.

Wow. Bloody spectacular Merlin… that dream… it felt real.

Hand groping for her wand on the bedside table, Lily finally felt the familiar wood under her fingers and grasped it, giving it a swish and pupils retracting severely as sudden light filled her room. Finally, her eyes adjusted and she hopped off her bed and stretched a bit. Checking her watch, she found that it was a little after 10 o'clock at night. The Heads didn't have rounds tonight, and that was all well and good. Lily wasn't sure she was ready to deal with James after what happened earlier in the day and especially after starring with him in her very own R rated romantic dreams.

Lily felt so confused. James had told her that that was it. He was done. Completely finished with her.

Why did she feel so uneasy?

Shouldn't she be… relieved? Happy?

Instead, she felt… empty. Hollow.

Lily didn't like this new feeling.

Then Lily became angry.

Why in the bloody name of Merlin was she feeling like this?

It was only James ruddy Potter! It wasn't as if the world had ended!

But her world had.

No! It hadn't! James was finally going to leave her alone! Something she had wished for for the longest time.

Smile, Lily.

Nothing happened.

Lily unceremoniously plopped right back down on her bed and brought her face to her hands.

She was sad.

She was angry because she was sad.

Why was she sad?

James Potter.

That's why.

Lily stood up and walked over to her dresser.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror.

What she saw was not Lily Evans.

Did James Potter have that much of a hold in her life now that without him, she wasn't Lily Evans?

It couldn't be.

She had hated him for the longest time, and finally when they had come to be friends…

No. That wasn't hate.

Lily loved him.

Lily Evans bloody loved James Potter.

James bloody Potter.

And now it was over and there was no chance.

No chance in hell.

It was over.

And that's why she felt like this.

Lily's rage swelled until it was uncontrollable.

She had wasted all this time thinking she hated him.

She had been lying to herself.

With a quick, strong sweep of her arms, everything that had been on top of her dresser: books, plastic toiletry bottles… flew onto the floor, crashing and spreading everywhere.

And Lily dropped down to her knees and bawled.

Fine. If that's how he wants to play… bring it on, Potter.