Title: Questioning Beliefs

Author: Maqeurious

Game: Dragon Age 2

Characters: F!Hawke/Sebastian (mainly)

Months after the terrible events at Kirkwall, and the destruction of the Chantry and the Circle; Hawke disappeared. Disgusted at herself for killing Anders and on a path of destruction of her own. Her only hope for death lies in the hands of her former companion, Sebastian. But Sebastian is a changed man too. With his faith in the Maker shaken and his life in the Chantry over, he is given the chance he has longed for since losing all he had.

Hawke wants death, and it's up to him to deliver.

And we come together

I hear you tried searching for me. If it is revenge you desire then I invite you to come and seek it, Sebastian. I will be waiting for you at the Horse and Hound Tavern in Chiglas. If it is your wish to see me dead for aiding in the death of the grand cleric, then it's only fair my death is at your hands. I will wait here for as long as it takes.

Hawke.

"So, you're leaving?" Madoc Casca asked as he stacked away the supper dishes. "I've been wondering when this day would come. Are you sure this is what you really want to do?"

Sebastian sat back in his chair and sighed. The letter from Hawke lay flat on the table in front of him, worn and crinkled from his obsessive reading. "She's inviting me Madoc, what should I do if not oblige?"

The old man frowned, "And you say that with such a smile," he said, "why, I wonder?"

Sebastian slowly shook his head, "It's what she wants. You read it for yourself."

"Aye I did son, but is revenge what you really want? What does it ever bring us but more pain?" His hand fell on the princes shoulder and squeezed. "Revenge isn't the answer here."

"You sound like someone I used to know," Sebastian said sadly, remembering the very same words of the grand cleric. "but I can't let this go, not when it's staring me in the face."

"This is not what the Maker..."

"Don't Madoc," Sebastian interrupted him firmly, "what the Maker does or does not have in store for me is not the issue here."

"Your lack of faith is troubling Sebastian," Madoc continued, "but I know you'll do the right thing in the end. You might have left the Makers side, but He has not left yours."

Sebastian groaned, a perfect mix of shame and anger, "Sometimes I wonder old man, why I told you about any of this in the first place."

"I think we both know the answer to that. I believe we came together for this very reason. You needed someone to talk to and I...well..." he paused a moment, tapping his fingers on his chin pondering his answer. "Well, I needed someone to help on the farm."

Sebastian caught Madoc's eye and smiled. "Work that one all out yourself, did you? It's such a compelling argument."

Madoc laughed. His deep set eyes crinkled in the corners. Sebastian tilted his head and took in the image of the old man. Despite what he called him, he couldn't be more then ten years older than himself; but the years of tough manual labor had taken their toll. It also went without saying that since the death of his wife at the Kirkwall circle, being a single father had become his life. Which was a shame, Sebastian often thought, for despite his weathered face he was a rather handsome man. Finding another woman wouldn't be too much of a problem for him, he already had many admirers around the village. Against his better judgment, he just had to ask. "Tell me Madoc, will you ever wed again?"

He seemed to contemplate the question longer then Sebastian thought he would. "Sometimes I wonder if the Maker will bless me with love again. But no one will ever be like Lynn. She was my soulmate and the love of my life."

Sebastian nodded, regretting that he'd never meet the woman. "You believe in such things Madoc, even when the Maker saw fit to take her from you in the first place?"

"Aye I do," he answered without hesitation. "And what of you Sebastian? Do you believe in love?"

"Falling in love is not something I am looking for, my friend. There is no room for such an emotion when I am full to the brim of quite the opposite."

Madoc's eyes softened and he took the seat beside Sebastian, covering the young mans hand with his own. "I don't believe that for a moment Prince," he said cautiously, using the title Sebastian held with slight distaste, "the Maker allows us all the chance to love. You just haven't found it yet. But you will."

"I find that very hard to believe Madoc, but thank you all the same." Sebastian shifted in his chair, a tad uncomfortable at the direction their conversation had taken. It wasn't a topic he was interested in, and certainly wasn't looking to be.

"So you're really going then? I can't say anything to change your mind?"

Picking up the letter, Sebastian read it again. "I have to Madoc. I appreciate your concern. What I'm worried about though are the two of you. Will you be all right?"

Smiling at his friend, Madoc turned his head towards the door at the end of the room where Rin lay sleeping. "She's going to miss you, you know."

Sebastian winced. He loved the little girl like she was his own and leaving her was going to be harder then he let on. "But is she going to be all right? The both of you?"

The meaning behind his words didn't go unnoticed. "If you mean her magic, then yes. We're going to be fine. Her abilities are only latent for the time being. Besides, it won't be the first time I've had to harbor an apostate. I think the templars have more important things to worry about then hunting down a scared six year old girl."

Sebastian knew the truth of it. With all the troubles between the templars and the circles around Thedas, he wouldn't be surprised if Rin went unnoticed for years.

"If I can't change your mind then I have something you might need." Leaving the kitchen area he entered the room he shared with Rin. Sebastian could hear him rummaging around and the sounds of furniture scraping along the floor before Madoc's exasperated cheer told him he'd found what he was looking for.

"When we stumbled upon you," he said excitedly, closing his daughters bedroom door quietly as not to disturb her more, "you had this strapped to your back."

Sebastian's eyes widened as Madoc handed him a very familiar looking bow. "I thought I'd lost it!" he said in disbelief, relishing the feel and weight of the bow in his hands. "It was my grandfathers."

Madoc smiled at Sebastian's reaction to the item, watching a sparkle in his eye give life to the young boy that he hadn't seen in all his time he'd been there.

"Listen Sebastian, I know I can't say anything to change your mind, but know that you'll always have a place to come to if you do."

"Thank you Madoc," Sebastian said softly, "for everything you have done for me in these past months." He took the old man by the shoulders and pulled him in for a hug, slapping him hardily on the back, "I'll never forget the kindness you've shown me my friend."

"Nonsense son," he replied warmly, "it was the least I could do." He brought Sebastian around to face him, "I'll entrust your soul to the Maker young prince, that he will guide you. Even if you don't want Him to. All I ask is that when you see this woman, before you do anything just take a long deep breath and listen to your heart."

o.O.o

"Think fast, Valeman. I only have one more hand to play and all that coin comes to a cosy new home." Isabella tapped her chest with her cards seductively, watching as the brutish merchant opposite her leered, his bulbous eyes fixed firmly on her plunging cleavage. She couldn't believe how easy it was to dupe the poor sap. A little flash here, a slight dip of the corset there and he was putty in her hands. If he'd focused at all during their game, he would have noticed the cards she had stashed under the table or in the lining of her boot.

The pile of sovereigns on the table were just a farce though, in the grander scheme of things. What she really wanted was information. And since information gathering was her forte, she was exactly where she needed to be. It had taken all of her feminine wiles to get where she was right now though, and that was saying something. The traveling merchant she now played against had proved to be a difficult man to find. And even when she finally did track him down, getting him to agree to a card game came with it's own rather regrettable price. Not that she was going to honor that price of course. She wasn't a whore, regardless of what people thought. Though, she couldn't deny the time she spent extracting information from the local beauties at the brothel; a place that made The Blooming Rose look like a chantry prayer house, was more fun than she cared to admit. "Make your move, merchant. I need new stockings and Winry's apparel shop closes in an hour."

"Hold your tongue woman!" the merchant growled, his knotted beard swaying as he spoke. Tearing his gaze from Isabella's chest he studied his cards. He knew he was done for. Hell, he didn't even know what he was playing. And now the table was full of his coin and he was about to lose it all.

"Your eye is twitching." Isabella teased, noticing the rise of fury in the mans neck and face as he flushed a deep crimson color. Under his beard his jaw clenched so hard, she could swear she heard him grinding his teeth.

"You know woman," Valeman said, his focus switching between her and a space behind her, "you wouldn't be cheating me now, would you?" He threw down his last card and sneered.

Out of the corner of her eye Isabella saw movement on both sides. She smirked quietly to herself. Men never ceased to amaze and amuse her.

"If you'd just told me what I wanted to know, we wouldn't be in this situation, and you wouldn't be broke." She laid her own card on top of his and grinned. Just like that, she'd won the game. "But I am willing to negotiate Valeman," her smug tone clearly hitting a nerve. She pawed the coin, gathering it into a nice little bundle before sliding it towards her end of the table, ignoring the fiery anger emanating from her opponent.

Without warning the lumbering merchant jumped to his feet and with speed slammed his fist down on the pile of coins, sending pieces of silver and bits clattering to the floor.

"You're a liar and a cheat!" he yelled, spittle forming in the corners of his mouth, "and I will no more let you have my coin than let you walk out of here still on your whoring feet! BOYS!"

With the snap of his fingers the heavies at her back advanced on her with as much speed as a lumbering pair of giants could. By the time they'd reached her though, Isabella was already on the move. Kicking herself clear of the table and sliding on her stool backwards between the two henchmen, she drew her twin daggers in the process and slashed each in their thigh as she passed by them. A second later Valeman stood solidly before her, brandishing his sword and with one giant swing brought it down towards her, cursing as he watched her effortlessly propel herself off the stool and side step his weapon.

"You wench! Tryna make a fool outta me!" He swung his sword again without regard for his own men that stood in his way. He didn't even seem to notice as he sliced through them, blood and innards splashing on the ground in a pile that made Isabella involuntary retch. His urgency to plunge his blade between her eyes was almost psychotic.

But he was slow, something that she was definitely not, and forcing down the taste of vomit in her mouth, she stepped towards him. Seeing an opening she ducked under another swing and rolled towards him, bringing her foot up and and kicking him square in the groin. He cried out loudly and almost dropped his sword as he cupped himself to ride out the pain. That was all she needed. Spinning on her heels she dragged her dagger down the length of his arm, drawing a torrent of blood as she precisely severed numerous tendons that gave his sword arm strength. He fell to his knees, his heavy sword finally clanging to the floor; in a blubbering mess. Isabella took the chance to kick away his weapon and slid behind him, bringing her dagger up and under his chin.

"So," she said, barely out of breath, "are you willing to talk to me now?" She pressed the cold steel harder against his adams apple.

"Or what? You'll kill me?"

"If need be merchant. You mean no more to me than the men you cut down." She tipped her head towards the dead bodies of his men. "When word gets out this was your doing, no one will want to deal with you again."

To this revelation Valeman groaned, keeping his head as still as possible to save cutting his own throat. "Fine wench," he said with such contempt, "what do you want to know!"

"The amulet Valeman," she spat, finally over this whole facade, "where is it? Who did you sell it to?"

Valeman tried to laugh and Isabella pressed the dagger harder against him, nicking the skin and drawing blood as a warning.

"R..Redcliffe!" he managed to squeeze out, "I sold it to a man who was on his way to Redcliffe!"

"A name!" she demanded, and just for fun pressed her knee into the middle of his back, adding insult to injury.

"T..Tobias! That's all I know! I swear!"

Isabella pondered his answer for a moment before letting him loose. "If I find you're lying about this merchant, I'll be back for you. And it won't be your throat I'll cut." She grabbed his crotch and squeezed, not letting go until she was sure he understood her message. When she was, she threw him forward into a crumpled and bloody mess.

On her way out she stopped briefly to look back at him groaning and huddled in a ball on the floor. She pocketed a few of the free sovereigns for the trouble before heading back to the tavern. Hawke would want to hear about this.

o.O.o

Chiglas was a three day ride by horse from Madoc's farm. The old man insisted Sebastian take his finest chocolate colored mare, a horse Rin affectionately named 'Pudding', a backpack full of supplies and a small pouch of coin before letting him go.

As he expected, saying his goodbyes to the sweet little girl was heart wrenching. Her big brown eyes welled at the news and for the entire morning he readied himself, Rin refused to let him out of her sight. It wasn't until he took the child on his knee and - by her command - promised to return one day, did she let up. But as soon as he attempted to mount the horse, she broke down and cried openly for very first time; throwing herself against his legs and refusing to let him go.

"Little Rin," he cooed, picking up the sobbing child and wrapping his arms around her, "you have to be strong." His voice wavered as he spoke, the words thick and hard to say. Having Rins tiny frame in his arms with her legs wrapped around his torso tightly, made the lump in Sebastian's throat burn. He'd managed to keep his emotions at bay all morning, until now. "Be a good girl for your father, you hear." Giving her a kiss on her brow, he pried her tiny hands from his neck and lowered her back on the ground; watching with a heavy heart as she ran to Madoc and buried her face in his lap, sobbing loudly.

But all of that was behind him now. He had to look forward. Focus on the task at hand.

By late afternoon on the third day he'd reached the outskirts of Chiglas. The last time he'd passed through the settlement was four years ago on his annual visit to the Nevarra City chantry. Nestled in the valley between two large mountain ranges, Chiglas was almost split down the middle by the Vanora River, one of the larger tributaries that forked off the Minanter. It also served as a port of sorts for small fishing boats and the drag netters who used the bay for their livelihood. The sight of the sprawling farmlands and garden patches dotting the countryside that bordered the village was a much welcome sight and in many ways reminded Sebastian of one of his many trips into Ferelden. As much as he had enjoyed the trek and wonderful scenery the Free Marches had to offer, as soon as he saw the first signs of civilization, all he could think of now was a proper bed and long awaited hot bath. Leading his mare down the mountain path, the heart of the village finally came into view and squeezing with his legs slightly he set Pudding into a canter.

As tired as he was, he wanted to reach the tavern quickly and face Hawke. With any luck there would be a spare room for rent and bath to occupy as a side note. He'd been to the Horse and Hound many times in his younger days before devoting himself to the chantry, so finding the building wasn't going to be a problem. But the closer he got, the more Madoc's words haunted him.

Just what was he going to do when he saw Hawke anyway? Pull his bow and end it right then and there? Ask her for reasons as to why she did what she did? Or an explanation as to where she disappeared to after the fight with the possessed Knight Commander, Meredith? Or the one question that plagued him the most; why did she allow Anders to kill Elthina?

His heart sank at the memory of the chantry and what had happened that day. The feelings of loss and betrayal. He trusted Hawke. He trusted Anders! And they'd both let him down. At least the mage was dead, that brought him some comfort. At least, that's what he allowed himself to believe anyway.

When the Horse and Hound came into view Sebastian halted the mare and dismounted, tying her up on the railing outside. He gave her a quick scratch on the neck before ascending the steps and heaving open the door. The strong smell of beer and smokey sting of tobacco hung heavily in the bar, hitting Sebastian in the face on it's way out the door in search of fresh air. The tavern hadn't changed at all since his last visit. There were a few people scattered about, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere and smooth dulcet tones of the lute that came drifting down from a table on the second story. He scanned the faces, not recognizing any of them, until his attention was caught by a hooded figure in the deepest recess of the tavern who sported an amazing set of green eyes. They locked gazes for what seemed like minutes.

Several thoughts went through Sebastian's head. A volley of questions, emotions and a stirring that he couldn't quite understand. But out of everything he was thinking, one thought pushed forcefully to the front, blocking out everything else and caused him quite a concern.

It was Hawke. There was no doubt. He was finally standing within reach of her. So why wasn't he feeling the hatred and lust for blood he thought... and hoped... he would?