from skybluescramble:

long time no see :)

sorry for not updating so long ~

the next chapter, perhaps the longest compared with the previous chapters.

first, thank you, Irrevocable Truth, my kind beta-reader! don't know what should i do with my horrible english if it wasn't because of your help.

for my reviewers: Ms IV., chiharu-tanaka, cupid17, prilly55, KiNoMoTo18, krazypig91, tomoyo-amethyst, Seirin, shinigamiotaku, xiLynnx, aLottaFaGiNa, cheng, eileene, Krissy (thanks for your double reviews :D), dkchoco-applex3, SnowCharms, B.A.K11, Arethahiwatari, Eru no Tsubasa, tarepanda (you too, thanks for leaving two reviews! :D), cainat06, YamatoNadeshiko, violintantei-sama, TomoyoOriel, mai, and blue, thank you – thank you – thank you! reading your reviews make me the happiest girl in the world :D

okay. that's hyperbolic.

into the fic! just don't kill me.

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DISCLAIMER:

As usual.

Card Captor Sakura is not mine.

::The Proposal::

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SUMMARY:

I love you, Mama. Somehow Tomoyo could hear it.

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CHAPTER #13: Bitter Cold Farewell

THE AWKWARD atmosphere still lingered between them—or perhaps it was just Tomoyo who felt so. She didn't actually understand neither why her heart thumped like crazy, nor why she responded with such willingness when Eriol kissed her three days ago.

She really needed to think.

She reminisced their old days with Sakura and Syaoran, those card-transforming days. Eriol Hiiragizawa surely was such an actor; Tomoyo couldn`t find anything suspicious in him back then. She instead teased Li Syaoran mercilessly by saying that he was burnt with jealousy because Sakura and Eriol could get along well. Syaoran sensed the great magical power in Eriol, but she didn`t. Well… that should be obvious; she wasn`t a girl blessed with magic, after all. Perhaps the reason she couldn`t grasp the fact that Eriol was the one behind those strange phenomenon in Tomoeda was because he wasn`t a bad guy.

Eriol was trying to help Sakura.

Yeah… that must be it.

But after all the cards had been transformed into Sakura Cards, he left Tomoeda with Mizuki-sensei. Off they went to England, all of Hiiragizawa manor`s residents, and soon followed by Syaoran who had some stuffs to fix in Hong Kong. Everything was back to normal again: only her and Sakura. Alright, she forgot to mention Kero and Tsukishiro Yukito as Touya`s best friend. It lasted for several seasons before Syaoran came back, and this time he made sure not to leave Sakura again. Tomoyo was glad to see them reunite, but she couldn`t ignore the tight feeling which sometimes clenched her chest hard: loneliness.

Her mother had passed away. She had only Sakura as the one whom she could tell everything to. But now, with Syaoran by her side, their quality time together became less and less. Tomoyo then busied herself with loads of part-time jobs, so that she had no time left—and energy, of course—to sink in her pathetic thoughts. Everything was going well… until Sakura won two tickets for awinter cruise.

Tomoyo stopped there.

Everything was still so clear.

In a blink of an eye, her days were full of Eriol`s presence. To add to her annoyance, she had no clue—even for the slightest—how she would go handling this pregnancy if he wasn`t by her side. She had some imaginations about it, and nothing was nice enough to be considered as `good`.

Get a grip, Daidouji. He loves Mizuki-sensei.

Yeah, Tomoyo knew that.

But why did he kiss her?

And why did he say he won't apologize for doing so?

Tomoyo was aware that she wasn't a high school girl who would get freaky or super-excited with snogging or whatever it was that had something to do with physical interaction, but she couldn't help not to wonder about this.

Is he…

"Tomoyo, you are spacing out."

"Huh...?"

"Eat your lunch." Eriol, who sat in a sofa placed near the window, said commandingly. "You need to regain your strength."

Nodding, Tomoyo was about to eat a spoonful of her porridge when suddenly something clicked inside her. "Wait. You just called me 'Tomoyo'..."

"It's better to drop off all the formality," Eriol said. "We're not strangers around each other, either."

"But—"

He leaned backwards as he had his legs crossed, giving a slight image that he had the authority on deciding something. "We're pretending to be a married couple here. It will be suspicious if people hear me address you 'Daidouji', and you call me 'Hiiragizawa' instead of my first name. Don't you think so?"

Well, that was true.

But still... somehow Tomoyo felt that calling him 'Hiiragizawa' created a particular distance between their relationship, and by no reason she was afraid to feel closer to him.

"YOU need to tell Sakura-chan," Nakuru suggested. "Or else, she would be worried."

"She won't be if I keep silent. She won't be worried for something she doesn't know." Eriol said flatly, keeping his eyes to the road. He was driving to the restaurant for some tea after work, picking up Nakuru and Spinel on the way because they insisted to go with him. Well, more likely, Nakuru insisted he had to bring them along.

Nakuru raised a brow. "Well... that's true."

"But she is Miss Tomoyo's best mate." Out from its silence, Spinel interjected.

"Yes, she is!" Nakuru chirped, clapping her hands together. "You must tell her, Eriol. Sakura would be hurt if you didn't let her know. You must tell her... you must tell her..."

"Come on, give me a break..." sighing in exasperation, Eriol watched Nakuru who had started to buzz around like an insect, saying the same words over and over. He knew she wouldn't stop until he did what she wanted him to do.

"You must tell her, you must tell her, you must tell her..."

Spinel flew away and landed on a fluffy pillow in the back seat then curled up, ready for sleeping.

"You must tell her, you must tell her, you must tell her..."

Eriol's grip on the steering wheel tightened. Nakuru's high-pitched voice was starting to annoy him.

"You must tell her, you must—"

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL TELL SAKURA!" he roared in frustration, giving Nakuru an 'I-will-eat-you-up-alive' look but the Moon Guardian didn't seem to care. She grinned cheerfully against her master's death glare. "There! Are you happy now?"

"Definitely!" Nakuru replied. She dug inside her bag before pulling out a cellphone. "You can use my phone. Call her, Eriol!"

"What? Right now?"

"Why noooot?" She pouted.

"I'm driving."

"I can press the number for you," Nakuru insisted. "And I can set it on loudspeaker mode, so you don't need to hold the phone." Merrily she flipped open her cellphone and started to look for Sakura's number in the contact list when it gave out a heavy beeping voice.

Nakuru cried. "NOOOOOO! The battery's went out! Why in a time like this...?"

Spinel chuckled.

"Give me your phone, Eriol!" She stretched out her hands in front of his nose, blocking his sight from the road.

"Hey!" Eriol protested, half-heartedly slipping his free hand into his pocket to reach his cellphone. "Sheeesh ~ is it that necessary for you to make me call Sakura right away? Why are you so persistent?"

"It's because—"

Her sentence was cut by a long, chirpy melody coming from Eriol's cellphone, which wasnow in her hand.

"You pick up," Eriol told Nakuru.

"Hello?" Nakuru greeted politely in a oh-not-so-Nakuru kind of way. "Yes, this is Mr. Hiiragizawa's phone number. No, he can't... he's driving now. If I may know—s"

Eriol listened to the one side of the conversation carefully; Spinel was now sitting upright again, it looked alert.

"Eh? It's from the hospital..." Nakuru whispered, facing away from the phone to talk to Eriol. His heartbeat quickened. He knew he was afraid of something bad happening to Tomoyo or his little baby.

"What happened?" he asked—his voice croaked.

Nakuru answered with a blank look. "The baby... her condition is getting worse. The paramedics are now taking care of her but—but they don't dare to tell Tomoyo without you. She seems a bit strange, that's what they told me."

Yeah, Eriol said inwardly. She's been like that since I kissed her a few days ago.

"What should we do now?" Nakuru face was full of anxiety.

"Isn't that clear?" replied Eriol and the car did a U-turn in the road, receiving some noise from the other cars' horns and people swearing at them. "We're heading there." He stepped on the gas, bringing the car into its full speed.

Along the way, they were wrapped in an uncomfortable silence.

DOCTOR Fukimoto exited the infant room, looking unbelievably worn out. She, anyway, greeted Eriol and Nakuru politely (Spinel pretended to be a plushie doll, hugged in the chest by Nakuru) before explaining.

"Your daughter can't breathe normally. Her temperature is rising and her heart beats faster than normal. We need to tell your wife about this, but it is no good to give her such an information with no one close to her side."

"Please Doc, save my child."

"We'll try our best, Sir."

"Just do anything. I'll give everything to save her."

"I understand. Now, shall we go...?"

Eriol nodded. "Yes."

They marched to Tomoyo's ward. Eriol carefully pushed the door open, and they found Tomoyo sitting on her bed reading a thick book, her pillow placed behind her back for support and her long hair simply tucked behind her ear. She quickly shut her book after realizing their arrival. And when her eyes caught Doctor Fukimoto's figure, somehow she became anxious. "Hiira—Eriol! What's wrong?"

He gave her no answer.

"Eriol?"

"Mrs. Hiiragizawa, I have something to tell you," said Doctor Fukimoto firmly. "It's your daughter."

Just as Eriol had predicted, Tomoyo's eyes grew wide instantly and he had to fling his arm around her shoulders to prevent the raven haired woman from jumping off of the bed. She didn't even care when she was called 'Mrs. Hiiragizawa'. Her mind was now completely fixated with their baby. "Doctor, what's wrong? She'll be okay, right?"

"Honestly, we found that her condition is getting worse. But we're trying our best to help her get through this."

Tomoyo trembled.

"Do anything, Doc! Please... I'll give everything, so please... just save her! Whatever it takes..."

Doctor Fukimoto nodded. "We'll give our best at it. We're going to have an operation for her."

"Is it that bad?" Eriol was shocked.

"She was born premature, Sir. That makes a big difference. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Wait!" lunging forward, Tomoyo caught her wrist. "Can we wait somewhere...? I don't feel like being here."

"But your condition, Madam..."

"I'm fine!" Tomoyo almost screamed. "I'm fine, Doctor. I'm really healthy!"

Doctor Fukimoto and Eriol exchanged glances. Then Eriol spoke, "I'll take care of her, Doc. I promise."

Finally, they let Tomoyo on her wheelchair wait with Eriol in front of the operation room. Nakuru and Spinel were also there. The feline creature chose to fly out of the corridor from the open window and sat calmly on a small branch of the nearest tree. It couldn't stand pretending to be a plushie doll anymore. "Staying still makes my body so stiff," Spinel gave its argument. Nakuru, on the other hand, sat sloppily on the sofa, sleeping soundly.

"Tomoyo, you need to rest." Eriol murmured as his large, strong hand stroked her hair softly.

"No."

"It's been hours..."

"No."

"You should pay attention to your health as well—"

"NO!" Brushing away his hand, she turned her head to his direction, so Eriol could see beads of tears pooling in her eyes. "You know what, Hiiragizawa?" she screeched, pointing her finger towards the operation room with so much emotion. "In there, my daughter is fighting to survive! She is so small, brittle, yet she must have those medical equipment made from steel—or whatever—getting through her body, and those needles pierced in her skin... how the hell can I rest?"

"Tomoyo..."

"You won't understand!" she continued. "A human like you won't understand even if it takes a life!"

It pierced Eriol's heart. Hard.

Losing his rationality, he pushed himself forward, grabbing Tomoyo's body and pulling her into a tight embrace (her wheelchair creaked noisily because of that).

"Yes, you're right." Eriol said into her left ear like a whisper. "Maybe I don't have any idea about what you feel, Tomoyo."

No reply. She was just too surprised with this sudden embrace.

"But she's my child, too..." his voice cracked. "If you're heartbroken because of this... you must know that you're not alone."

"Why...?" She asked in a weak tone. "Why don't you just flick your finger and make her perfectly healthy?"

Dang.

He gulped. "I-I-I... I can't."

"You're lying."

"I can't do that, Tomoyo. I—"

"Fck you, Hiiragizawa! There's no way that you cannot do that!" she snapped, her tired eyes glaring with anger and desperation.

He didn't dare to look at her eyes. "I can't. I, as a magician, have rules to obey and consequences we must suffer later... if I'm unable to follow the rules."

"I hate you, Hiiragizawa!" She landed weak punches on his chest with both of her fists, tears trailing down her porcelain face.

"It's okay."

"I really, really hate you..."

"I understand."

"You're the worst..."

"I'm so sorry..."

She didn't really understand if it was his words, his way of speaking, his warmth, or she was just washed along the current situation, but Tomoyo leapt into tears by the next second. She held onto him until God knows how long, until she was drowned to sleep.

"HOW`S...?"

"She's alright."

"Are you... sure? Hiiragizawa?"

"Yeah."

Silence. Then...

"I can trust you, right?"

"I believe somehow it will be alright. That's what you can trust."

Another critical phase. Tomoyo listened to the explanation given by Doctor Fukimoto with an empty stare on her face. She was tired. She was worried about her baby beyond heaven and hell. She was crumbling to the core.

"You said the operation succeeded," she said wearily, even if it had nothing in common with whatever Doctor Fukimoto was trying to tell her—and Eriol.

The Sorcerer gasped while Doctor Fukimoto went rigid. "Tomoyo..."

She turned her face to look at him, "It was just a few hours ago when you woke me up and said, 'All is well, Tomoyo. She's okay' and now this is the brand new crap I must hear? That my baby's condition is dropping again?" Her voice raised an octave. "Don't be kidding!"

"Tomoyo, your voice's too loud..." Eriol shushed her as he pat her small back gently.

"Mrs. Hiiragizawa, we need you to calm down. We assume that your pretty little daughter reacted to the—"

"Doctor, excuse me." Tomoyo interjected, "Do you have any children?"

"Tomoyo!"

"No," said Doctor Fukimoto in a formal tone. "I don't have any."

"Oh," Tomoyo didn't look surprised. "I see."

Tomoyo hated waiting. For her, she had already waited too much in her lifetime. When she was still in elementary school she waited, thinking that her love for Sakura was that kind of love. After realizing that it was just in a platonic way, she started to think that perhaps she was attracted to her own cousin—Kinomoto Touya. Again Tomoyo waited, but then she came to understand Touya's feeling towards his best mate, Tsukishiro Yukito. Felt unable to find theparticular type of love that she longed for, Tomoyo waited... how would she become if she didn't go after it any longer and just waited? Years passed, and fate brought her into a reunion with a powerful magician that used to be her classmate in Tomoeda Elementary.

Then here she was.

In a hospital, worrying over an innocent child. Her own child.

She didn't say anything when Doctor Fukimoto went back inside. But Tomoyo felt she was going to lose consiousness at any moment when Doctor Fukimoto was out again, this time her expression was unreadable.

"We're really sorry," was all she said.

Dashing towards the room, Tomoyo ignored the calling from Eriol. She couldn't think straight. All her thoughts and mind were focused on her baby and it was natural, as she was now a mother. The paramedics that were still there seemed surprised, but they did nothing to stop her. They let Tomoyo approach the small bed.

She sighed in relief knowing that the cardiograph beside the bed was still working. The little chest of her daughter's was moving up and down smoothly—the sign of her constant breathing.

"Hey Honey... can you hear mom's voice?" Tomoyo whispered in her small ear, trying so hard not to cry seeing so much more hoses from supporting devices were connected to that body. "You'll be fine.. I know... I knew it."

"Tomoyo..." said Eriol in a painful tone.

She didn't need a further explanation. He knew. He knew that it was not going to be fine.

Days passed so slowly. Every day Tomoyo spent her time visiting the ICU to see her baby, sitting down beside her bed for hours until the nurse begged her to go back to her ward for some sleep. Doctor Fukimoto told her that now it depended on the baby. Paramedics already gave everything they could to help, but in the end it always went back to the patient.

Gritting her teeth in grief, she smoothed those little fingers before taking her leave. But for the next moment she froze in front of the door, standing face to face with the tall figure of Hiiragizawa Eriol.

"I just asked the doctor." He said.

"What?"

"They allowed you to be incharged."

"I know."

"They asked you?"

"Yes."

"And..."

"I refused," Tomoyo answered firmly. "I want to be as close as possible to her," she glanced to the ICU.

He sighed. "I can give you a lift every morning, Tomoyo. Don't worry—"

"Thanks," she smiled. "But I prefer being here."

Silence. Eriol's stare pierced through her soul as he looked into Tomoyo's amethyst eyes so deep. As if he wanted to test her. Finally...

"Alright. Do as you please. I'll handle the rest.""

"Thanks for understanding." Tomoyo smiled again, but this time it was much nicer. It made Eriol's memory of the days when they were still in Tomoeda Elementary flash in his mind. How nostalgic...

"Mr. Hiiragizawa?"

They turned around only to find Doctor Fukimoto who held a folder to her chest with a very weary face.

"Yes?"

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here. We must have a talk." She said, but nevertheless Tomoyo could feel that it would not be a 'talk' at any rate. Their curiosity grew stronger as Doctor Fukimoto walked inside the ICU before swallowing nervously.

"Personally, as a human being, I don't really like telling you this," she started. "But as a doctor... I must."

"What happened, Doc?" asked Eriol.

"About your daughter, Sir."

Tomoyo fell silent.

"I think it's better to let her go..."

At last, those words. And to Tomoyo's surprise, she didn't even go mad by hearing what Doctor Fukimoto said. As though she was prepared for it. Yet her hands crept slowly, reaching for the hem of Eriol's shirt. He then put an arm around her and squeezed her shoulders in a comforting way.

"Right now your daughter is just clinging to her life on these supporting devices..." she glanced towards the bed, "Perhaps I say too much, but... I'm afraid we're just forcing her into it. Maybe she actually wants to rest..."

No one dared to say anything.

"Please consider this decision, Mr. and Mrs. Hiiragizawa, because—"

"Doctor," out of the blue, Tomoyo cut her sentence.

"Yes, Mrs. Hiiragizawa?"

"May I hug her?"

Eriol was dumbfounded, just like Doctor Fukimoto. This request was just way too unpredictable. The sad feeling in her voice was so real, so genuine. Yet she sounded so calm, so sincere. His eyes felt hot, he could tell his tears had started pooling. He knew (and surely Doctor Fukimoto did as well) that since the baby was born, Tomoyo hadn't had a chance to touch her properly, to give her a mother's hug.

"Yes... Ma'am. Of course."

Eriol watched in a painful silence as Tomoyo stepped forward, helping Doctor Fukimoto open the glass box and remove all the hoses which were connected to the small body of their daughter. Then Tomoyo used a clean blanket to wrap her baby and pulled her into a warm embrace.

"Hey, Sweetie... can you hear Mama?" she kissed her forehead lovingly even though tears slid down her cheeks. She caressed her daughter's skin and cried hard. "Sorry... for not being able to protect you... Sorry..."

Eriol could not take it any longer. He too, gave some steps closer then snaked his arm around Tomoyo's back.

"Look, I haven't even given you a name, Honey... Let's think about it, okay?"

"How about 'Mika'? We can use the Kanji 'Mi' which means 'beautiful' and 'Ka' for 'flower'." Eriol fought his own tears so hard when he finally decided to speak.

"Beautiful flower?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

He blurted out before knowing what he was going to say, "Because she's just as enchanting as you."

Tomoyo was stunned for awhile, then returned her attention to the child in her arms. "So... 'Mika', ne?" Her lips called that name very carefully, as though it were made of glass, or she just wanted to treasure the moment asbest she could.

Thump.

Yes, vaguely Eriol caught that silent sound of a heartbeat.

Thump.

"Eriol," Tomoyo whispered, at last calling the Sorcerer by his first name. "Mika... she, she gripped my finger..."

It was the perfect expression he saw in recent days. Her smile was so full of happiness, as he noticed that Tomoyo's index finger was trapped behind those small fingers of their daughter. Eriol didn't say anything. He couldn't utter a word, knowing that the beating sound that somehow reached his ears was going to fade away. Weaken and disappear.

Thump.

He pulled Tomoyo and Mika into a tighter embrace. Every breath he took felt so heavy and filled with despair. Eriol bit his bottom lip as he fought the urge to cry that was now becoming more unbearable.

"Mika... we love you, Sweetie..." He heard Tomoyo's murmur.

We, that was what she said.

And the grip on her finger loosened slowly. More tears fell down her cheeks as Tomoyo kissed that small forehead with every love she had.

I love you, Mama. You too, Papa.

Somehow, even Tomoyo, who had no magic power at all, could hear it.

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to be continued.