Title: Questioning Beliefs

Author: Maqeurious

Game: Dragon Age 2

Characters: F!Hawke/Sebastian (mainly)

Months after the terrible events at Kirkwall, and the destruction of the Chantry and the Circle; Hawke disappeared.
Disgusted at herself for killing Anders and on a path of destruction of her own, her only hope for death lies in the hands of her former companion, Sebastian.
But Sebastian is a changed man too. With his faith in the Maker shaken and his life in the Chantry over, he is given the chance he has longed for since losing all he had.
Hawke wants death, and it's up to him to deliver.

Hawke and Sebastian finally meet face to face, with interesting results.

To those that have read my little fic, thanks very much. It makes me so happy knowing someone else is enjoying it as much as me

Reviews muchly appreciated.

Face to Face

Hair the color of rubies and eyes as blue as the Waking Sea was all Hawke saw when the door of the tavern opened and Sebastian crossed the threshold. For a moment she was caught off guard, mesmerized by his appearance. He still looked the same after all these months, apart from the slight tan she could only put down to his days working out in the harsh Thedas sun. Which, if she was being completely honest with herself did him more good that anything. His new golden glow made his features stand out in stark contrast.

Then her body suddenly went rigid, and absentmindedly a hand went to the dagger at her hip. If it was going to get ugly, she might as well give him a good fight. Under the table a wet nose nuzzled against her thigh, trying as only a faithful mabari could to calm her down, least she loose all composure. With a watchful eye she followed Sebastian as he made his way towards her, clearly wary and if she wasn't mistaken; concealing a knife of his own under his belt.

Her eyes flew upwards and for a moment they stared one another down, each daring the other to make the first move. It was minutes before Sebastian tired of the standoff and found his tongue first.

"Marian Hawke, as I live and breath. You're the last person I expected to hear from after all this time. We didn't exactly part ways on the friendliest of terms." He stared at her a moment, his face cast in a steely countenance, "Are you sure this is what you really want?"

Hawkes fingers relaxed on the hilt of her dagger as she considered his words. His stance eased a little and without an invitation he pulled on the chair opposite her and made himself comfortable.

At her feet, Merc fidgeted. She could hear the hounds snuffling and inquisitive snorts as he investigated the new comer, giving Sebastian a jolt in the process.

"Hey boy," he greeted the scraggy dog with a smile and scratched him behind the ear, "it's been a while." Arching her brow, Hawke was dumbfounded when Merc took to the rogue like an old friend; yipping and cavorting at his pandering like a puppy in play. She rolled her eyes. Loyalty? Right... Fed up with the scene, she nudged Merc in the hindquarters with her boot and he came lumbering back to her side; eyes cast down and muttering under his breath. "He looks good," Sebastian said meekly, his eyes glazing over as he watched the mabari curl up beside Hawke and bury his muzzle under his large paws. The comment earned him another eye roll and impatient sigh. Great, Hawke thought sarcastically – this isn't awkward at all.

"Forget the dog Vael, he's not why you're here." The quip in her voice brought Sebastian's gaze back towards her. Separated only by mere feet she had the chance to properly study him, and was surprised by what she saw. He looked... tired. Not from travel, but from something else. Though his eyes still blazed their icy blue, they were also dark and... well, sombre. She knew the look all too well. The look of defeat. She saw it every time she gazed at herself in the mirror. And in return, he seemed to be studying her just as much. Sizing her up. Comparing himself against her, maybe? Hawke didn't care, she knew she looked like crap. But she didn't need it spoken out loud.

Careful with his words, he asked. "How did you find me?"

"I still have some friends," she replied, "and favors owed to me. Finding you was just a matter of time and coin. I thought you'd be happy about that. I heard you tried searching for me yourself, without success."

"Indeed." His fingers tangled around themselves, clearly out of nervousness. "After you disappeared from Kirkwall I went on a... hunt for you. Things didn't work out as well as I'd hoped though." He snorted a laugh, remembering the debacle his time in Cumberland had been. Robbed, beaten and left for dead. Until Madoc, of course. "But I never thought of giving up. I still wanted to find you one day. I still wanted to face you. Things just got waylaid a little." Then his face met hers and his mood darkened. "And here I am, as ordered. Funny how some things never change."

Hawke remained passive under his glare, "I didn't order you Sebastian. I merely gave you an opportunity. What you chose to do with it was your decision, and yours alone."

"But you knew I'd come though, didn't you?"

She allowed herself a smug grin, "I was counting on it."

And then he asked her something she wasn't ready for. "Why? Is dying that important to you?"

She shifted in her seat slightly baffled. He wasn't supposed to ask why or how. He wasn't supposed to question it. He was supposed to agree and just do it. "Begging for death isn't like you. It wasn't too long ago you fought for quite the opposite."

There was nothing for it. If he was having second thoughts about this, then she'd have to remedy that. "I beg for nothing, I never have. I thought I'd do the right thing by you, for once. It was my fault Sebastian, you made that abundantly clear and I am not denying the fact." She noticed the prince stiffen at the mention of what had happened then. He couldn't hide from her his clenched jaw and fists that were clamped so tightly, his knuckles turned an opaque white. "Anders and I killed Elthina."

When the grand clerics name left her lips, Sebastian broke. With surprising speed he reached out for her, claiming her small neck with his bare hand and squeezed. Hawke never let her gaze falter, staring into his now ferocious eyes. She didn't fight back, but allowed him total control. Through clenched teeth, Sebastian hissed. "You say such a thing like it was the most easiest deed in the world." His grip tightened. She could feel his thumb pressing into the dip of her throat with such a force he'd snap her neck before he managed to strangle the last breath from her. He bent forward a bit more, his face as close to hers as it had ever been and whispered in her ear, "You were wrong to kill her Hawke. And you will pay for that."

Merc was suddenly wide awake and on his feet beside them with his lips pulled back and baring a nasty set of sharp teeth. He was crouched on his haunches and ready to strike at Hawkes command, snarling and frothing at the mouth. Sebastian gave him a sidewards glace then withdrew his hand, casting Hawke aside angrily and sat back in his seat. She coughed and spluttered as the rush of oxygen came flooding back. There would definitely be bruises after that little stunt.

Gathering his composure, Sebastian immediately choked on a new emotion, regret. Across from him Hawke fought to breathe, her face flushed and covered in a light sheen of perspiration. Anger had overcome him and without warning he'd lashed out and almost killed her on the spot. Around her neck he noted the faint beginnings of purplish marks, almost a perfect imprint of his own hand. Suddenly he felt sick to the stomach.

Merc continued to eye him up. Deep, low growls thundering in his chest. Hot stringy saliva dripped from his maw and pooled at his feet as he slowly crept closer, waiting patiently for his command. Sebastian wanted to reach out to her again to see if she was alright, but fearing the hound would attack regardless of orders, he thought better of it.

Raking a shaken hand through his hair, he tripped over a flurry of words. "Hawke! I'm... I'm sorry... I didn't mean... This wasn't how.. I …. wanted.." She brushed off his ramblings with a wave of her hand as she rubbed her throat with the other. Once again, as if nothing had happened, she met him eye to eye; defiance written all over her face.

Before addressing him she flung a command to Merc, ordering him to heel and waited until he was once more curled at her feet. Though he relaxed a little, she noticed he kept his wits about him and eyes fixed firmly on Sebastian, should he be needed again.

"Despite what you might think, saying what I did breaks my heart more then you will ever know. Don't ever presume to know what I'm thinking or feeling like you have an inkling of just who it is I am. I speak only the truth Sebastian, no matter how awful it might be. I told you I take full responsibility for it and I will allow you the vengeance you so desperately want. You shouldn't have let me go. You should have ended it right then and there." Her throat ached all the more after the little speech, her voice barely audible come the end. Sebastian sat there in his chair looking like a reprimanded child as he listened to her rant. This wasn't who he was. THAT wasn't who he was. But then, why did he come here at all if not to do this very thing?

Before he could answer however, a large bottle of liquor slammed down on the table between them, followed by three barely clean mugs. "Quite a show Sebastian, I never knew you had it in you." Isabella was suddenly there, plopping herself down in the seat beside him and uncorking the top of the the bottle. He was surprised to see her after all this time, but then quickly thought otherwise. After everything Hawke had done and sacrificed for the rivainian beauty, he'd be surprised if she wasn't at Hawke's side.

"What? No 'hello'? No 'Hey Isabella, how's life treating you?' Have your manners left you along side your sanity?"

"Let it be Isabella," Hawke chided, "and don't interfere. Sebastian and I have unfinished business." To which Isabella laughed and poured the brew into the mugs; handing them one each.

"But I have such good news Hawke. Your death wish will have to wait."

Hawkes focus shifted from Sebastian and she shot the girl a curious look, her brow arched high, "What do you mean?"

Isabella tipped the mug - of what smelled distinctly like whiskey – up and consumed it's contents in one gulp, slamming it back down on the table and pouring another. "We have to leave," she said licking her lips, "we're going to Redcliffe."

"What? Why?"

"You know why Hawke," she said, downing the second mug and flashing her a smile, "I finally found a solid lead and that's where it's pointed us." And as a side note, she threw in, "If you're not going to touch your bloody drinks then give them back!"

Hawke allowed hers to be taken, but to her surprise Sebastian didn't. Instead, he took the mug and and emptied it in one swallow. The smile on Isabella's face couldn't have been wider.

"Well, well.. this IS a surprise! I see the rumor is true then. You walk with the Maker no more? Alas, poor Sebastian is just another one of us... normal folk!" She refilled his drink, clinked mugs and downed her third bout, not noticing Sebastian had a slight look of disgust on his face and pushed the drink away.

"I might be fighting with my faith at the moment, but that doesn't mean I'm racing head long into Sin to make up for all I've apparently missed. I still have some morals."

His last statement made Isabella roar with laughter. "Oh yes. I'm so sure. Morals, prince? And was I not just witnessing said morals a few minutes ago when you so righteously tried to throttle the life from Hawke?"

The barb stung, and Sebastian looked away abashed. "I didn't mean to do that," was all he could say in defense.

"Uh huh, well, regardless – your little rivalry will have to wait as I said. We're going to Redcliffe. Now."

"What?" The shock in Hawkes voice surprised them both and in unison they turned towards her with questioning looks. "We can't just up and leave! I think this is more important. I'm not having this same argument with you!"

"Oh BULLSHIT!" Isabella snapped, her tone now hard and demanding, "I busted my ass tracking Valeman down Hawke, in more ways then one, so you could find it and have your 'oh-so-glorious' death! A little gratitude wouldn't go astray! For months I've tried talking you out of this all together but I know how damned stubborn you are! This compromise was the best I could do to forestall it. After everything you've done for me, would it be too fucking much to allow me to do this one goddamned thing for you in return before you up and die on me!"

Her outburst, like all the others; struck a cord of sympathy in Hawke and shame descended on her like a ton of bricks. She hated to admit it, but Isabella had put herself in a difficult position – on purpose. Yes, Hawke was ungrateful, selfish and self destructive. It was Isabella who held her together. After all these months, she'd not only come to rely on it; but expect it. Every time Hawke would fall to the demons in her head, Isabella would be there to hold her hand. Every time she'd given herself over to the end, Isabella would be there to pull her back – and give her a right good kicking in the rump while she did so.

Between Isabella's rampant fit and Hawkes now quiet contemplation, Sebastian sat awfully confused. Not sure who he should direct the question at, he let it hang between them all. "What's in Redcliffe? What did you find?"

"That's not your concern." Hawke finally answered, feeling tired all of a sudden. She turned to Isabella, who was staring at the bottom of her empty mug; still fuming. "Look Sebastian," she said, resigning herself to the rivainian, "my offer still stands. I'll face you one on one, in armed battle but... I have to go to Redcliffe first. There's something I have to take care of before our debt is settled. I know I'm not in any position to ask, but I need this one favor. Can you wait?"

And then when things couldn't get any more shocking, Isabella lifted her gaze from the table and placed her hand on his arm, "Please Sebastian, you have to let me do this."

His jaw almost hit the table at the intensity in her eyes and sincerity in her voice. It only made him more curious as to what this was all about. He slowly nodded his head, relenting. "If it means that much to you then, OK. I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer I suppose."

A smile crept across her face, and in true Isabella fashion she took the bottle of whiskey in her hand, saluted a stunned Sebastian and took a long hard pull of the acrid liquid. "To REDCLIFFE!" she exclaimed, smacking her lips against the bitter taste.

Hawke could do naught but shake her head and smile inwardly. Isabella had a knack for making her feel two feet tall, and now she'd managed to swindle Sebastian into feeling the same. Sometimes she wondered if it wasn't all just a well executed ploy to get her way. It was annoying. It worked every time.

"We'll go in the morning," Hawke said as she stifled a yawn before turning to the prince, "if you want you can take my room upstairs. I'm not using it and I'm sure you're tired. It's paid up until the end of the month, so you can use it while we're away. We should only be a few weeks at least."

Sebastian looked at her bewildered, "You're kidding right? I'm not staying here while you two go gallivanting across the Marches without me. I'm coming."

Hawkes eyes flew wide open, "What? I don't bloody well think so!" came her indignant reply, her voice raising a few octaves in the process, "this has nothing to do with you!"

Her reaction made him grin. Until their battle he was quite content to be a thorn in her side if nothing else.

"Oh come on," Isabella chimed, "let him come. We could use the extra pair of hands if things get... complicated."

Hawke remained stoic, "NO! I don't want him there."

"Too bad," Sebastian said, almost too enthusiastic, "I'm coming and that's that. Either I travel with you or behind you. Or, you can just stay here and we can be done this?"

Hawke had to bite her tongue. The icy glare she received from Isabella cut straight through her. How many more times today was she to be made the fool? "Fine, whatever!" she said, her tone scathing.

Rather pleased with himself, Sebastian made a move to leave, stopping only to demand the keys and directions to the room Hawke occupied before heading outside to tend to his horse. Waiting until he was out of earshot, Hawke turned to her friend and pouted. "This is a mistake. He shouldn't come with us. He won't understand... why.. I want this."

"He doesn't have to. I'm doing this for you, not him. You made me a promise that I could, don't take that away from me. It's the only thing I can do for you now."

Hawkes expression softened, utterly defeated. Frustrated, all she could do was sigh. "I just hope you know what you're doing Isabella."

"Don't I always?" she replied, a cheeky smirk on her face.

Hawke shook her head. That didn't make her feel anymore sure about this at all.

o.O.o

The room Hawke had rented was at the back of the building on the second floor, far from the noise of the tavern. And it was big. She'd neglected to tell him that it was more a suite then a small box with walls like he was used to. Not that it was grand in design. It wasn't steeped in rich tapestries, gilded furniture or fancy embellishments. It was simple. Clean. Well, apart from the various vermin traps that were dotted around the place. More importantly though, it housed the two most crucial things he needed right now. A big bed with soft fluffy blankets, and in a separate part of the room hidden behind a screen, a tub filled to the brim with steaming hot water. Opposite the tub was a large open fire place, still roaring with life, that was used to boil the pots of water it took to fill it. He wondered if the room came complete with a personal maid.

Unable to wait any longer he began stripping out of his clothes, and one foot at a time immersed himself until the water came up to his chin. Instantly his body relaxed not realizing until now just how achy and tired his bones felt. He let himself sink further under the water until it covered it head, relishing in the heat and silence a moment, before poking his head back up and leaning against the rim. Taking a deep breath his mind began to drift. His thoughts went back to the small village of Cadfer. He wondered what Madoc and Rin were doing right now. He missed them both, especially Little Rin. It seemed he would be taking longer to get back to her then he first thought. He made a mental note to pick up a special gift for her to soften the blow she was bound to give him.

Things had definitely taken a sudden turn. One moment he was hell bent on facing down Hawke, the next he was about to help her track down something in Ferelden. How had it come to this?

Hawke.

She'd certainly changed in the last few months. This once fierce warrior who had destroyed the Flint Company cartel and helped him face the woman responsible for his own families betrayal, was now nothing more then a shadow of her formal self. She even looked different. Before, she was like a blazing sun; bright and powerful. Back then, her beauty didn't go unnoticed to his eyes. He'd always thought as such, much to his chagrin. Not that he would dare act on any thoughts he might have had, he remembered spending more then one time in confession because of such things. But now, although her beauty was still there, it was buried deep beneath a facade of stone and lack of any true emotion. She looked... dead.

Again, he wondered about Redcliffe and why she was so adamant he not no what it was they were looking for. Was it dangerous? Illegal? And why did Isabella seem so desperate to go? What was it that Hawke promised her? So many questions. He would find out eventually he supposed, but he was never one for surprises.

His thoughts wondered again, darting in and out of possible answers, dreams and realities until the relaxation became too much and he drifted off into a pleasant sleep.

By the time he awoke the bath water had become tepid, and fearing he would catch a chill he stood and reached for the towel hanging by the fire. He was barely covered when from behind the screen he heard a low whistle and laughter. "Oh my, you don't see that everyday!"

With a start, Sebastian lost his footing and slipped; almost hitting his head against the fireplace mantle. Anger flashed in his chest as he wrapped the towel around his waist and yelled, "Isabella! What do you think you're doing in here?"

A flurry of laughter erupted. Isabella held out her arm, brandishing the bottle of whiskey from earlier. "One drink prince, that's all I ask."

"Woman, now is not the time! How did you even get in here?" He was sure he'd locked the door when he entered.

"Come on Sebastian, don't be shy. I promise I didn't see anything" then added with a quip, "well, nothing I haven't seen before anyway."

Heat spread through Sebastian's face, he was never going to live this down. "Get out Isabella, you're clearly drunk and I won't have you here in such a state."

His words only brought more torrid laughter, but counted himself lucky she stayed on the opposite side of the screen while he quickly started to dress.

"Seriously Sebastian, one drink."

"I said, no!" he groaned, wrestling with his pants, "go back to your room, Hawke will be wondering where you are."

Her laughter subsided immediately, and for a moment he thought she really did leave.

"She's still downstairs," she said quietly, "she's probably asleep at the table again. Silly girl."

The change in her demeanor piqued his interest, "What do you mean? She's not sharing with you?"

"No, she's pretty much planted to that seat down there. I wouldn't be surprised if she's started to sprout roots." She laughed, a short dry snort that made Sebastian frown.

"What is going on here Isabella? I get the distinct feeling that you're not telling me something. What's in Redcliffe? Why is it so important to you? And her?"

She was quiet for a long while before answering, "She'll kill me if I tell you Sebastian. She doesn't think you'll understand. I don't blame her of course, you're not the most sensitive when it comes to this particular subject."

He didn't know whether to be insulted by the remark, or not. "Well tell me and we'll see."

"I can't do that, not yet." She sounded so sad, so wounded; that Sebastian thought she was going to cry. "The reason I came here was to say thank you for holding off so we can take care of this. It means a lot to me, and to Hawke. She won't admit it, but it does. I know it can't be easy for you to be around her right now after everything that happened. But I suppose you'll have your wish come true in the end, right?"

He didn't know what to say. Pulling his shirt on over his head, he stepped out from behind the screen and found Isabella now leaning against the front door. She looked terrible. Tired. Drunk.

"Why are you here Isabella? Really."

Her brown eyes never left the floor as she spoke, "Have you ever killed someone you loved with all your heart because you thought it was the right thing to do? Only to have everyone who demanded it of you, turn on you in the end?"

Sebastian remained silent, what could he say? This was about Hawke obviously. Since when did this rambunctious pirate ever take anything like this so seriously? And he thought Hawke had changed.

Lifting her gaze she met his eyes, "I really wish you would reconsider this duel, Sebastian. Hawke has already paid dearly for what she did and continues to do so to this very day. Don't sit in judgment of her when she sits in judgment of herself more harshly then even you could. She's punished herself every day since then, and will continue to do so until you end it for her. There is no honor in killing someone who is already dead in so many ways."

She left him then, standing in a daze to digest what she'd said. For the second time today he felt like he'd been reprimanded, and that made him feel sick to his stomach all over again.